It was unofficial Wick tradition for all the seniors to make their way to Ocean Beach and huddle by a bonfire on the first long weekend of the year. Everyone drove to the beach in their hoodies, with their warmest blankets, to reminisce on the last four years they had spent together.
“I really don’t see why I should go. I’ve only been going to Wick for a few months. I’m not really emotionally involved,” Jisu said to Hiba as she fastened her seat belt.
She hadn’t planned to go, but Hiba had pulled up to the Murrays’ driveway and didn’t stop honking until Jisu came outside.
“But you’re still a senior at Wick. And it’s not like you haven’t made friends. Everyone’s going to be there.”
Hiba knew that there wouldn’t be much for Jisu to reminisce about, but ever since the rejection from Yale, a dark cloud lingered over Jisu’s head and refused to go away. She needed to get out of the house and get her mind off college.
The girls pulled up to Ocean Beach just as the sun was setting. The beach stretched on uninterrupted for miles. The wide expanse was so overwhelming, it felt like a tiny gust of wind would be enough to send someone hurtling several feet across the sand.
There was already a fire going and groups of people huddled around. The night sky quickly took over as Hiba and Jisu walked over from the parking lot to the sand.
“Jisu, you made it!” Jamie said as she flung her arms around her.
“We thought you weren’t coming!” Tiffany joined in on the hug also.
“Hiba made me.” Jisu shrugged. “I probably shouldn’t even be here? I’m just going to be like an observer from the outside.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jamie said. “Some people were already asking if you were coming.”
Jisu wanted to ask Jamie who specifically. She wondered if maybe Austin had asked about her. But she searched the crowd and didn’t see him. It wasn’t surprising. Austin either ran events like these or thought he was too good to be at them. If he wasn’t making a show of tackling one of his buddies into the sand or handing out cans of cheap beer that somebody’s older sibling got for them, he was probably off somewhere else, doing his own thing.
Jisu wandered toward the water. People were passing around old yearbooks and fawning over what they’d looked like years ago. The sight of the Pacific Ocean made Jisu emotional, the way it always did. She couldn’t not think of Seoul when she stared out into the sea. Jisu took her flats off and dipped her feet in the water as the waves crashed and inched toward her. The cold sent a shock up her spine. Jisu walked back to the group with her shoes in her hand.
“Did anyone bring extra blankets?” Tiffany asked. “We’re running out of space.”
“Oh, I brought one but I forgot it in my car,” Hiba said. She was sitting right next to the bonfire and busy making s’mores with some of the others.
“I’ll go and grab it,” Jisu volunteered. Hiba tossed her the keys.
It was pitch-black by the time Jisu made the short walk over to the parking lot. There were no streetlights, just the full moon in the cloudless sky lighting the way. Jisu unlocked Hiba’s door and searched the back seat for the blanket. It was so dark, it felt more effective for her to search with her hands.
She didn’t know what made her look up. But when she did, she saw them through the back window. First she recognized his car. It was parked, and Austin was in the driver’s seat. He was talking to whoever was in the passenger seat. Jisu couldn’t make out her face from the angle she was crouched at. But she instantly recognized the situation for what it was. She knew it because, only a few weeks before, she had been that girl in the passenger seat, having a heart-to-heart with Austin.
Even in the dim light, Jisu could see and practically recite whatever line he was using on this girl. I like you. I really like you. Who was she anyway? Jisu leaned closer to the back-seat window and peered out of Hiba’s car. She was no longer concerned with finding the blanket. She arched her head sideways to get a better look at the girl, but it was too dark to tell.
Who is she?
He put his hands on the girl’s face and slid them down her neck. And then he went in for the kill. Jisu looked away and curled her knees to her chest. It was like a surreal out-of-body experience to watch someone else fall into the very trap you’d once fallen for.
It felt like someone had just gutted her. Heat rose to her face. She had to get out. She grabbed the wool blanket beneath her feet and jumped out of the car. She slammed the car door hard.
A little too hard.
From the corner of her eye, she saw the two of them turn. Jisu immediately regretted letting her anger get to her. She looked up and locked eyes with Austin. Kaylee was sitting next to him in the passenger seat.
Kaylee. Of all people.
Apparently, Jisu’s approach to play it cool with Austin had driven him straight to the clingiest person he could find. It was a mistake. It was all a mistake. Jisu had never wanted to come to Ocean Beach in the first place. She’d never wanted to get tangled in Austin’s web. She’d never even wanted to go to Wick. She’d never wanted to leave Seoul.
Jisu ran from the parking lot and onto the beach as quickly as she could. She just wanted to go home. She could hear Austin behind her and tried to walk in the sand as fast as she could, but he caught up with her.
“Whoa, hey. Slow down!” He reached out to her.
Jisu recoiled at his touch. She swiftly turned to face him.
“I thought you said Kaylee was clingy and annoying.”
“Why does that matter? You’re the one dating every Korean dude in town.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your blind dates. With the sons of power lawyers and execs or whatever. I heard Tiffany talk about them.”
Was this why Austin was hot one second and cold the next? Did he think she was making power moves on him? It hadn’t even crossed her mind to disclose the seons to him. They were just another chore assigned by her parents and all the guys ended up being her friends or people she never spoke to again.
“The seons? That’s different. Those aren’t really dates like—it’s not the same as—”
“It’s not any different and you know it,” Austin said with brazen confidence.
He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t right either. Austin couldn’t make Jisu feel like they were both playing games when he was the only person acting with that intent. Austin was affectionate, sure. He held her hand and told her he missed her, and every time he did, it made her insides do flips and jumping jacks. But he had kept her around as an option and quickly moved on when another interested party appeared. Jisu had wanted Austin and only Austin. She shook underneath her sweater. Her grip on the blanket grew tighter and she clenched her jaw as she glared at Austin. She clutched at her chest defensively—it felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her lungs. Like she had just sprinted several miles to reach this realization.
“You’re mad at me,” Austin said, his tone a touch softer now. But Jisu wasn’t having it.
“I’m not mad at you,” she said. “I’m mad at myself for wasting my time with you.”
Jisu stormed toward the bonfire. She kicked her feet in the sand with each step.
“Yay, Jisu’s here with the blanket—”
“Hiba, we have to leave,” Jisu said sternly. “Now. Please.”
Hiba seemed to read the panic and anger on Jisu’s face and got up immediately, without questioning. Austin was still standing by the beach entrance.
“C’mon, Jisu,” he said with that cocky look on his face. Like he thought he could smooth things over. But Jisu stared icily ahead as they walked past him. Hiba glanced at them both. The tension was impossible to ignore. She probably had a million questions for Jisu, but now was not the time. Hiba charged forward and led Jisu away.
Jisu thought of Mandy’s magazines and all the stupid rules. “Signs Your Situationship is Turning into a Relationship.”
You’re always trying something new together.
You laugh a lot. He walks you home.
He texts you often.
He introduces you to his family.
All those stupid quizzes, rules and margins. It was all so unnecessarily complicated, and it didn’t have to be so complex. If two people found that they liked each other, why couldn’t they simply be together? Who dictated these inane rules, and who decided to go along with them?
“So, want me to drop you off at home?” Hiba asked.
“Yeah. Please,” Jisu whispered.
She pulled her hoodie over her head and stared out the window, thinking about the girls who’d come before her and the girls who would come after both her and Kaylee. There were some things that you shouldn’t take on and then discard on a whim. At least with the seons, she knew what was on the table. Nobody was hiding a secret hand. If anything, the entire business of seons was a little too candid. But it was better than dealing with this. What was the point of involving real emotions? It only made a mess. An ugly, unbearable mess.