Why did I still
Believe in God
When I felt so
Godforsaken?
Maybe
It had been
All those hours
By Leybl’s side
As he prepared
For his
Bar mitzvah.
Mushke,
Just a little girl then,
Four years younger than I,
Played with her dolls
While I sat,
Like an uncooked
Matzoh ball,
Absorbing his learning,
Swelling,
With knowledge
And understanding.
I’d never asked
If I could study also.
Learning
Was for boys.
I was a good girl.
We worshipped
Education,
Schools,
Books,
Newspapers,
Debates,
Rather than
Torah
And Talmud.
Still,
Every Friday night
Papa said Kiddush
To bless the wine
And Mama lit candles.
With family—
Aunts, uncles,
Cousins.
The whole
Mishpocheh,
Family from near and far.
I’d learned
Watching Leybl,
How to pray.
How to ask Adonai for
Forgiveness,
Peace,
Understanding,
Help.
But Adonai had not
Answered my prayers
For a long,
Long,
Long
Time.