I was so happy I wanted the moment to last for ever. She seemed thrilled to see me. She was giving me a hug, kissing me twice! She really did love me the way I loved her!

But then she dodged round me. ‘Hey, Sammy!’ she said, in exactly the same tone of voice, and he got a hug too, and a kiss – two kisses. ‘I’m so glad you came! Were you knocking long? We left the door open for people.’

Behind us, two older boys – certainly not schoolboys – came in, but Sally greeted them both with the hug, the double kiss, the dazzling smile. She was like one of the animatronic polar bears at the shopping centre, going through the same little routine again and again.

‘Go party!’ she said, gesturing to Sam and me. ‘With you in a minute!’

I walked uncertainly towards the open door on the left.

‘No, that’s the boring old adult party! We’re all down in the den,’ Sally called.

Sam and I opened the door to the basement, and another blare of music rose up and deafened us. We went down together. There were couples in dark corners in the corridor, a rowdy cluster of boys in the kitchen cracking open some beers, and a dense throng in the big cinema room. The deep sofas were pushed back against the walls: on one, more couples curled up together, while on the other two, girls sitting with drinks made animated conversation. I knew three of them: Marnie, Georgia and Scarlett.

I hadn’t realized they’d be here too. I’d thought Sam and I would be the only other young people. I realized now how stupid that assumption was. Sally was very popular and revelled in having heaps of friends. Of course she’d have her own big party. I couldn’t see anyone else from our class – but Gary Masters was here with some of his mates. He was chatting up a girl I’d never seen before, who was gazing at him adoringly. I felt a pang for Zara.

Most of the boys were at least four or five years older – and then I worked out why. A tall good-looking guy was larking around acting as DJ, a familiar trilby hat on his wild fair curls.

‘He must be Sally’s brother,’ I shouted into Sam’s ear.

‘Do you know anyone else?’ he shouted back.

‘Only those girls on the sofa – they’re in my class,’ I said. ‘The ones you met at Whitelands.’

‘Let’s go and talk to them then,’ said Sam.

‘No!’

‘We can’t just stand here like dummies. Unless you want to dance …’

‘Definitely not,’ I said. Sam wasn’t any better at dancing than me – he did too much leaping about.

‘Well, you sit with your friends while I go and find us both a drink,’ he said, steering me towards them, though I tried to resist. He smiled at Marnie and Georgia and Scarlett.

‘Hi, girls. I’m Sammy, Frankie’s friend,’ he said.

They’d been staring at me sullenly, but they couldn’t help smiling back at him.

‘I’m getting us a drink. Can I fetch you girls a top-up?’

They quickly drained their tall glasses and held them out.

‘Could we have more punch, please?’ asked Scarlett.

‘Coming right up,’ said Sam. ‘I’ll get you one too, OK, Frankie?’

Zara had told me never, ever to drink the punch at any party. It might look like a pretty liquid fruit salad, it might even taste like lemonade, but usually someone would have spiked it. Even one glass could be lethal. Marnie and Georgia and Scarlett still looked stone-cold sober, but it seemed a serious risk all the same. I’d been planning to stick to a soft drink, a Coke or a juice, but I didn’t want to seem pathetic in front of them, so I just nodded at Sam.

‘Budge up a bit,’ I said to Marnie, and squashed in beside her.

‘What are you doing here then?’ she asked.

‘What do you think? Sally invited me,’ I said.

‘Do you think you’re friends with her then?’ Marnie asked spitefully, fingering her red bracelet.

‘Yes, I do actually,’ I said. ‘We’ve spent lots of time together during the holidays. It’s been great.’

I wanted to hurt her – but I suddenly felt bad when her whole face crumpled and her eyes filled with tears.

‘You cow,’ she said, and heaved herself up off the sofa. She blundered her way through the crowd to get out of the room.

‘Oh God,’ I said. ‘I didn’t mean to upset her, not like that. Do you think I should go after her?’

‘Haven’t you hurt her enough?’ snapped Scarlett.

But Georgia was surprisingly sympathetic. ‘She was in a bit of a state already,’ she said. ‘I think it’s better to let her go off by herself for a bit. So, you’re with your boyfriend?’

‘Sort of,’ I said.

‘He’s only our age, isn’t he?’ said Scarlett. ‘Still a bit immature, like the boys in our class.’

‘I think he looks incredible all the same,’ said Georgia. ‘I love the way he does his hair.’

‘Well, he tried to chop a bit off and it was a disaster so he had to go and have it cut properly,’ I explained.

‘Isn’t it about time you had your hair cut?’ said Scarlett, smoothing her own sharp asymmetric bob. ‘You look like a little kid with it hanging down your back. All you need is an Alice band.’

‘I think Frankie’s got lovely hair. And I think that jacket’s fantastic too, by the way. It really suits you,’ said Georgia.

‘Jesus, stop smarming all over her. You’ll be kissing her next!’ said Scarlett.

Georgia blushed. I felt so sorry for her. And angry too. She’d only been trying to be kind.

‘Why do you have to be so mean all the time, Scarlett?’ I said. The words came out my mouth before I could stop them.

‘Oh, diddums, have I hurt your feelings?’ she said in a stupid voice.

‘No, you haven’t hurt mine. You’ve hurt Georgia’s. Does it feel good to put people down all the time?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, it feels great, if they’re stupid.’ Scarlett got a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket and lit one ostentatiously. She inhaled deeply and then choked, which spoiled the effect.

Georgia and I exchanged glances and smirked. I nudged up towards her, away from Scarlett. I didn’t want my beautiful jacket to smell of cigarette smoke, and she was waving her arm about theatrically. It would be awful if she burned it.

‘Oh, cosying up together now, like a pair of lezzies,’ said Scarlett. ‘Yuck!’

Georgia blushed again. This was ludicrous. I didn’t remotely fancy Georgia, and I was pretty sure she felt the same way about me. If Scarlett was so abusive about a non-existent situation, what would she be like when she found out about Sally and me?

‘Do grow up, Scarlett,’ I said, but to my fury I’d started trembling.

It was a great relief when Sam came back with a tray of drinks. I took a long glug of my punch, in spite of Zara’s warning. It tasted OK – sweet but with a musty sort of undertone. Was that the alcohol? I didn’t really care.

‘I thought there were three of you,’ Sam said affably to Scarlett.

‘Oh, Marnie’s pushed off somewhere else,’ she said, suddenly all sweet smiles.

‘And where’s Sally?’

Scarlett shrugged. ‘Who knows?’ She offered Sam a cigarette.

‘Thanks,’ he said.

I’d never seen him smoke before, but he did it gracefully. He sat on the arm of the sofa, chatting to us. We couldn’t hear half of what he was saying because the music was so loud, but Scarlett and Georgia acted like Little Noddys.

Then the DJ shifted to long-ago hits, playing that old Pharrell Williams song, ‘Happy’. Sam and I used to bounce around to it when we were little kids, yelling out the words.

‘Come on, Frankie, it’s our song,’ said Sam, stubbing out his cigarette, though it was only a quarter smoked.

I took another gulp of punch. ‘OK,’ I said, though I knew Scarlett would criticize my dancing. I decided I didn’t care. I quite liked Georgia now, I disliked Marnie, although I felt sorry for her too, but I absolutely hated Scarlett.

Sam and I started jogging and jumping the way we used to, but it didn’t matter: there were lots of people playing the fool now, dancing wildly, even sideways like ancient Egyptians. I saw some of the girls glancing at Sam. It was so great to be with him. I really did feel happy, though I couldn’t help peering around for Sally.

Then the music changed to a slow number.

‘Shall we sit down?’ I suggested.

‘No, let’s keep dancing,’ said Sam, and he put his arms round me.

I stiffened up a little, but slowly shifted from foot to foot, still dancing with him. Then he put his cheek against mine. I didn’t like that much, but it would have been so awkward if I’d pulled away from him. Everyone else was dancing cheek to cheek. It didn’t really mean anything, did it?

Then he turned his head and kissed me, just lightly, barely touching my lips, but my own head jerked backwards of its own accord.

‘What?’ said Sam. ‘Oh God, I suppose I taste of tobacco.’

‘Yes, you do,’ I said, glad of the excuse.

‘I hate cigarettes. I only took one to look cool,’ he said. ‘That Scarlett girl fancies herself, doesn’t she? The other one’s OK though. But they’re not a patch on Sally, are they?’

‘No, they’re not,’ I agreed.

Where was she? And then I spotted her, right at the other end of the room, in the middle of a ring of her brother’s friends, her head back, laughing at some joke.

‘Let’s dance over there, it’s too crowded here,’ I said, steering Sam towards her.

I kept my back to Sally, trying not to look too obvious. Sam didn’t notice her until we were practically in front of her.

‘There she is!’ he said suddenly. ‘Hey, Sally!’

There was a little pause, and then I heard her say ‘Hey’ back.

Sam gave me a dig. ‘Give Sally a wave!’

I turned and gave the feeblest wave, but she just nodded vaguely in my direction.

‘I don’t think she can see you,’ said Sam. ‘Let’s go over.’

‘No! She’s with all her friends,’ I said.

‘We’re her friends. We don’t want her to think we’re ignoring her.’

This seemed such a crazily upside-down idea that I shook my head. But when we drew near to her, she smiled at us both.

‘Hey, you two. Having fun? These guys are all at uni with my brother Nick,’ said Sally. She reeled off five names, all of which I instantly forgot. ‘And these are my friends Sammy and Frankie.’

They were talking about some dance they’d all been to – one of them had been so crazily drunk he’d put a traffic cone on his head and then got it stuck fast. I wasn’t listening properly, so I jumped when one of the guys turned to me and said, ‘So, are you really a Frances?’

‘No, I’m Francesca. But nobody calls me that except my grandmother,’ I said.

‘Fancy a dance then, Frankie?’

I was amazed. I didn’t fancy a dance with him at all. He was very red in the face and sweaty looking, with a crooked smile. I didn’t feel I could just shake my head and say no thanks – that would sound so insulting, and it wasn’t his fault he looked so unappealing. I glanced at Sam instead.

‘Well, sorry, I’m with Sam,’ I mumbled.

‘That’s OK, Sammy can dance with me,’ said Sally.

So there I was, slow-dancing with the guy whose name I’d forgotten, his cheek stuck uncomfortably against mine, while Sally and Sam danced away out of my sight. Oh God, Zara had been right all along. Sally wasn’t really interested in me at all. She was just after Sam.

I burned with the humiliation, getting almost as hot as my dancing partner. The hand I was having to hold was unpleasantly damp. His other hand was in the small of my back. I prayed he wasn’t leaving a mark on my new jacket.

‘So are you and Sam an item?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ I said firmly.

It didn’t seem to deter him. He kept trying to clasp me nearer. I prayed for the track to come to an end, but there was no pause, and he kept a firm hold, still shuffling around.

We came close to Sam and Sally. They weren’t dancing cheek to cheek, but they looked as if they were enjoying each other’s company. Sam seemed to be telling her some joke. She waited expectantly, and then burst out laughing.

She was always laughing, laughing, laughing while she broke people’s hearts. Marnie had crept back into the room and was resolutely drinking a pint glass of punch. She was looking mournfully at Sally too. I hated feeling that we were both in Sally’s sad little fan club.

When the track changed again, Sweaty Guy still seemed determined to hang onto me.

‘I think I’d like to sit down now,’ I said desperately.

‘OK! Good plan!’ he said, holding my hand tightly. He nodded at a chair in the corner. ‘Let’s go over there.’

He thought I meant sit down with him – and I knew what that would involve.

‘No! I mean I don’t feel very well. I – I have to go to the bathroom,’ I said.

‘Too much to drink already?’

I let him think that, and dodged between the swaying couples towards the door. There were many more couples in the corridor and kitchen, and someone was in the loo. I waited outside. I could hear giggles behind the door. I really did need to use it now, and knocked. More giggling, but the door stayed locked.

I went up the stairs to the hallway, and then up more stairs to a big bathroom, which was mercifully empty. When I’d used the loo, I washed my hands and then splashed my face carefully with cold water. I looked weird in the mirror, very flushed, and my eyes were glassy.

Was I really drunk? I didn’t think so. I could walk in a straight line, and when I spoke out loud – ‘Sally, Sally, Sally’ – my voice wasn’t slurred. I felt foolish gabbling her name, and pulled a face at myself in the mirror. I wondered if Sally and Sam were still dancing together. Maybe they’d go and sit in that armchair in the corner. And I’d have to wait for hours until twelve struck, dodging Sweaty Guy until I could get home.

Why on earth had I come? I could be home enjoying Coral’s company, the five of us together. It wasn’t the New Year yet, but I could still make a resolution.

I resolve to stop being such a fool about Sally. I am NOT going to turn into a Marnie. I don’t think I even love her any more, not now I see she was just playing a game with me. She’s just a spoiled brat, desperate for attention. And now she’s trying to get Sammy to fall for her, just as Zara predicted. Well, what do I care? I don’t need either of them. I’m fine by myself. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.

The girl in the mirror didn’t look fine. She seemed to be crying.

I pressed my hot face against the cold tiles, wondering if I should simply leave now. I didn’t have any money on me so I couldn’t get a bus. I’d have to walk, but it wasn’t that far. I could do it in less than an hour. It was dark outside and there were raucous people milling about, but no one would take any notice of me. I wasn’t a fool, I’d stick to the main streets, not cut down any alleyways. When I was home safe, I’d text Sam’s mum and tell her she didn’t need to pick me up. I could text Sam too, though he might be having such a good time with Sally he’d probably not even notice I was gone.

I came out of the bathroom and went along the corridor, past Sally’s room. The door was open and I heard someone inside. Was it Sally herself? I peered round the door. The light was off but the hall light showed a couple in there, embracing. I saw bright blonde hair, and for a moment I thought it was Sally, but then I saw that her face was hard and overly made up, her body sharply thin in her clinging dress. She was old enough to be Sally’s mother. Maybe she was her mother. But from the closeness of their embrace, I was pretty sure the man wasn’t Sally’s father.

‘Have you got lost, sweetie?’ she said, quite unabashed. ‘The children’s party’s in the basement.’

She spoke precisely, not slurring her words, but I think she was drunk. So was the man with her.

‘This is our private party,’ he said, and they both laughed.

I went out and shut the door on them, feeling disgusted. Somehow it was so much worse seeing them making out than the young people down in the den. And in Sally’s room of all places!

I went hurtling down the stairs – and saw Sam in the hall.

‘There you are!’ he said. ‘I was looking all over for you! What are you doing up here?’

‘I needed to find a bathroom,’ I said awkwardly.

‘Oh, right! What a relief. I was beginning to think you’d cleared off!’

‘Well, I was thinking about it, actually,’ I mumbled. ‘It’s so noisy down in that den – and so hot. I’d give anything for a breath of fresh air.’

‘OK, we’ll sit on the doorstep and clear our heads a bit, eh?’ Sam suggested.

‘No, you go back to the party, Sam. Sally will be wondering where you’ve got to.’

‘No she won’t! She’s surrounded by heaps of people. She’s a real party girl, isn’t she?’

‘Yes, she is,’ I said, sighing.

‘What’s up, Frankie?’

‘Nothing! Nothing at all.’ I opened the door and sat down on the step. The cold air was like a bucket of water over me.

‘Wow! It suddenly hits you, doesn’t it?’ said Sam, sitting down beside me. ‘It’s like we’re little kids again! I was telling Sally how you and I go way back. I think she was dead envious actually. I asked if she was close to her brother, but she said he didn’t bother to hang out with her much. I feel quite sorry for her.’

‘You really like her, don’t you?’ I asked.

‘Well, yes,’ said Sam.

‘It’s OK with me, you know,’ I said, making a huge effort. ‘I mean, if you and Sally want to hang out together. Be boyfriend and girlfriend.’ The words were like broken glass in my mouth.

‘What?’ said Sam. ‘It’s not like that. I like her, but mostly because she’s your friend. You’re the only one for me, you know that.’ He put his arm round me.

‘Oh, Sam.’ I wished wished wished I felt the same way. It would all be so simple then. I felt so fond of him I actually turned my head and gave him a kiss – but it was a quick friendly one, not the sort he wanted.

He didn’t persist this time. He just held me close and I laid my head on his shoulder. We didn’t say anything for a while. Then he gave me a little squeeze.

‘Come on, you’re shivering. Let’s go inside and get warm,’ he said.

He pulled me up and I followed him inside.

‘Sammy, I’m sorry,’ I muttered.

‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘But I’m going to be the first person you kiss at midnight, all right?’

‘It’s a deal,’ I agreed.

We went back to the party, and somehow it wasn’t so bad after that. We had another dance together, and then there were a lot of raucous old rock songs that were fun to bounce around to, and practically everyone in the room joined in, wild synchronized dancing in a huge group.

Sally bounced the most, whirling about, making her way around the room. She stopped in front of Sam and me for a bit, and we danced, grinning at each other, and then she spiralled off to another group, and another and another. She danced with Marnie and Georgia and Scarlett. She made Marnie bounce too, and then took hold of her and whipped her round and round, both of them stumbling a little and laughing. Marnie was happy again.

I had to turn away, but when I looked back, Sally was right at the end of the room dancing with her brother’s mates.

‘She’s a right little whirling dervish, isn’t she?’ said Sam. ‘I’m getting out of breath just watching her. And thirsty. Shall I get us another drink?’

‘Yes, but not that punch though, it’s a bit sickly,’ I said. ‘Can I have something ordinary, like a Coke?’

‘I’ll have one too,’ he said.

It was such a relief not to have to pretend to be cool. There was heaps of food laid out in the kitchen, and I realized I was quite hungry, in spite of tucking into Coral’s chicken chow mein. I experimented with all the dips and crispy things, ate a slice of vegetable tart with my fingers, and then cut myself an enormous piece of cheesecake. I was worried about spilling it on my jacket, but didn’t want to take it off in case I lost it. Sam tucked a tea towel under my chin, shaking his head at me.

He ate a lot too, and then, fortified, we went back to the cinema room. They were playing clips of old movies in a series of categories: dance routines; murders; chases; and then, inevitably, sex scenes. There were raucous commentaries on the action. The one that drew the most comments and whistles was a scene with two girls.

I watched, my heart beating fast. It was an art movie, not just crude porn, and the girls were gentle and loving – but the boys’ cat-calling spoiled it, made it horrible. It was a relief when the music started up again.

Scarlett and Georgia were dancing right in front of us, and Scarlett had the nerve to take hold of Sam and pull him up to dance with them. He protested, but eventually gave up to be polite. I was amazed to see Scarlett dancing so suggestively. Georgia looked uncomfortable, just doing a little jig here and a little jig there, and eventually drifted away to sit with Marnie, who was clutching yet another pint of punch.

Sam beckoned for me to come and dance, but I’d have sooner cut off my legs than dance with Scarlett. I looked around the room for Sally but she seemed to have disappeared again. Gary Masters saw me staring and gave a little wave of acknowledgement. I was startled and gave a stiff wave back, the kind royalty give from the back of a car.

Gary ambled over to me, holding a bottle of some trendy beer. He was wearing a tight navy polo shirt that showed off his six-pack, and cream jeans, even tighter. He looked a total poser, but I could see that some girls might find him attractive. He ran his hand casually through his dark hair. I wondered if he practised the gesture in a mirror.

‘Hi there. I know you from somewhere, don’t I?’ he said, sitting down beside me.

‘From school,’ I said.

‘Ah, you’re one of Sally’s friends,’ he said.

‘And Zara’s sister.’

He looked blank.

‘You got off with her at another party.’

‘Did I? Does she have dark hair like you?’

‘No, she’s fair. And very pretty,’ I said.

‘So are you,’ he said, raising his bottle to me.

It was such a cheesy gesture! Clearly he didn’t even remember his encounter with Zara, when it had meant all the world to her. What did she see in him? What did Sally, for that matter?

‘Don’t look so sad,’ he said, reaching out to tilt my chin.

‘I feel sad,’ I snapped.

Then he leaned towards me and kissed me full on the lips. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his bottle of beer tilting and pushed him away violently.

‘Hey! What was that about? It was only a little kiss!’ he protested.

‘You nearly spilled your beer all over my jacket.’

‘Oh dear, now that would have been a catastrophe,’ he said sarcastically.

‘Yes, it would! God, you don’t half fancy yourself. You probably think girls would throw an entire bucket of beer over themselves for a chance to snog you,’ I snapped.

‘Temper, temper,’ he said, getting up. ‘I was only doing you a favour to cheer you up, you silly little girl.’

He sauntered off through the crowd. Sally had reappeared, and he put his arm round her. I watched, my eyes prickling. I knew exactly what he was going to do. In less than two minutes he was kissing her, and she didn’t make any attempt to push him away.

It made me feel sick watching her. I dreaded midnight, when everybody kissed. I was starting to hate the idea of kissing anyone. Perhaps there was something the matter with me. Maybe I wasn’t gay after all, maybe I was simply a prude. The boys at school had a horrible name for girls who wouldn’t kiss. Yet they also had a horrible name for girls who did. It was all very well for women to stand up to men and refuse to be treated like objects, but it didn’t seem to work like that when you were my age.

I was relieved when, at ten to midnight, Sally’s mother came into the den, switching on all the lights. There was a lot of hasty sitting up and rearranging of clothes. I was pretty certain she was the woman I’d seen upstairs, but she seemed perfectly composed now, her hair and make-up immaculate, her tight dress unruffled.

‘Hey, everyone, upstairs! We’re going to count the New Year in together. Come, my darlings!’ Her voice still wasn’t slurred, but she said every word ultra distinctly, like a satnav voice.

There were a few groans and protests.

‘We’re fine as we are. Why can’t we see the New Year in down here, Mummy?’ said Sally. She said the last word ironically, drawling it.

‘Don’t be difficult, sweetie. I want you and Nick to usher all your guests upstairs now. Pronto!’ she said, clapping her hands. She seemed slightly uncoordinated now, so that they flapped instead of clapped.

Sally’s face was burning. ‘Right. Got the message! Everyone upstairs, quick march!’ she said. ‘Prod the lazy ones, Nick. Mummy’s given her orders.’

There were a few uneasy sniggers. Sally’s mother’s smile went tighter, her lips almost disappearing.

‘OK, Mum,’ said Nick. ‘We’re all coming.’

He cupped Sally’s elbow and steered her towards the stairs, and everyone followed.

Sam and I exchanged glances.

‘That was a bit awkward,’ he whispered, pulling a face. ‘Do you think you should try and calm Sally down a bit? You’re her friend, Frankie.’

‘I think I’d only make her worse,’ I said. ‘Besides …’ I let my voice trail away. Besides, I don’t think I’m her friend any more.

The stylish long living room looked different now, packed with all the adults in their party clothes. Some of the men were wearing smart suits, and some were deliberately casual, in open-necked shirts, even jeans. One wore a tight polo shirt like Gary’s, but he had a little paunch so it wasn’t a good look. Nearly all the women wore dresses, mostly short and low-cut. One of them rushed up to me and said, ‘Oh, darling, what a fantastic jacket! Where did you get it?’

I saw Marnie glaring at her.

‘Are you one of Marnie’s friends?’ the woman asked me.

‘Not really,’ I said uncomfortably.

There wasn’t really time for any more conversation. We were all served with glasses of champagne, and then Sally’s parents stood in the middle of the room, consulting their watches. Her father had his arm round her mother, but it seemed a stiff embrace. He started the countdown, and everyone joined in, glasses raised in anticipation.

Then he called out, ‘Midnight! Happy New Year, everyone!’ and gave his wife the briefest peck on the lips.

‘Happy New Year, Frankie,’ said Sam, and he kissed me.

I tried much harder to respond this time – and it was OK. Quite sweet really. A lovely gentle kiss with my dearest friend. But no tingling at all.

Then there were all the other kisses, a mad mass ritual. I saw two men kissing, and that looked momentarily strange but then perfectly normal, and I wondered, just wondered, if I dared go over to Sally and give her a kiss. She was surrounded by admirers, inevitably, but then she came purposefully in our direction.

She kissed Sam. She gave my hand a squeeze and said, ‘Happy New Year,’ but she didn’t give me a kiss. I didn’t try to kiss her. I was too scared she’d push me away in front of everyone. Then she wandered off, smiling, kissing, squeezing many more hands.

So that was it. I couldn’t wait for Sam’s mother to come and collect us. I finished my glass of champagne and accepted a refill just so that I had something to do. I liked champagne much more than punch. It was so easy to drink. I drained my glass again almost in one go.

‘Hey,’ said Sam. ‘You’re suddenly thirsty!’

‘I know. It’s great, isn’t it.’

‘Yes, but you shouldn’t gulp it down so quickly. You’ll get drunk.’

‘I don’t care. I think I want to get drunk.’

‘OK. But don’t throw up in my mum’s car on the way home or she’ll be furious,’ said Sam, laughing at me.

Most of Sally and Nick’s friends were going back down to the den. I had just one more refill, but when I got up and started walking I suddenly felt a bit wobbly.

‘God, you are drunk,’ said Sam.

‘No, I’m not,’ I insisted. ‘I’m fine. I just have to nip to the bathroom though.’

‘I’d better come with you,’ he said.

‘Don’t be daft. I’m not a little kid. You go down to the den and I’ll catch you up in a minute.’

I was starting to wonder if I might be sick and I didn’t want Sam standing outside, hearing me. I walked up the stairs, trying to put one foot in front of the other and to hold my head high, but I seemed to have forgotten how to walk properly. I couldn’t be drunk. I’d had the punch ages ago, and then just a couple of glasses of champagne. How pathetic of me.

I felt a little better when I was in the bathroom. I locked the door and sat on the edge of the bath, breathing deeply. No, it was all right, I wasn’t going to be sick. I simply felt giddy, as if I’d been on a roller coaster.

‘Giddy, giddy, giddy,’ said the girl in the mirror, sounding like a fool.

It wasn’t just the champagne. It was Sally making me giddy, never knowing where I was with her. She’d hated me, she’d liked me, she’d loved me, she’d singled me out, she’d ignored me. I had to stop caring about her. I couldn’t stand the constant uncertainty.

I reached out to the mirror and high-fived my own hand. Then I walked purposefully to the bathroom door and opened it. Sally was standing there, looking at me.

‘Hey there,’ she said.

‘Hey there,’ I echoed. I moved aside for her.

‘No, I don’t want to go to the bathroom. I was following you. Come with me,’ she said, taking my hand.

I let her lead me along the landing towards her bedroom. ‘What?’ I muttered.

‘You know what.’

Sally pulled me inside. There was no one else there, no sign that anyone else had been there. It was just Sally’s room, smelling faintly of her pomegranate perfume.

‘Come here, Frankie,’ she whispered. ‘Happy New Year.’

Then she slipped her hand under my hair so she was touching the back of my neck and kissed me. It was all I had ever dreamed of.