I CAN’T DO THIS
“What was that all about?” Summer asked Elsie when she hung up her cell phone.
“Oh, nothing. Jewell and her man problems.”
They were in the grocery store. The week had been a rough one for Elsie. She saw Janay twice and Summer was putting the pressure on more every day about the status of their relationship. Janay had even asked a time or two about them seeing one another exclusively. Elsie wasn’t stupid. There was no way she was going to leave Summer for Janay. If she was going to jet, it would be because she was no longer content with where they were in their relationship. She’d finally admitted to herself that she wasn’t.
As they were standing in line, Elsie felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around. Standing behind her was Janay with another woman.
“Well, isn’t this a surprise?” Janay said. She looked over at Summer who stared at her like she wanted to whoop her ass.
Elsie started to put the food on the counter.
Janay put her hand out and said, “I’m Janay. And you must be Summer.”
Summer shook her hand and nodded. Elsie glanced at her out of the corner of her eyes. She could tell that Summer didn’t trust herself to speak. Elsie looked at Janay and rolled her eyes. Janay knowing Summer’s name was a dead giveaway that they’d seen one another. Elsie hoped Janay wasn’t trying to be funny.
“Hey, Janay. What’s up?”
“Nothing. Elsie, this is Jasmine. Jasmine, Elsie and Summer.”
Elsie took her in quickly. Actually, she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Jasmine was. She looked like she was biracial, black and perhaps Chinese. She was slim but curvy, and smiled a perfect smile. “Hello.”
Elsie was jealous.
“That’ll be $79.11,” the cashier said.
Glad to be distracted, and uncomfortable with Summer’s silence, Elsie said to Janay, “It was nice seeing you.” She turned around to push the cart and leave the store as soon as possible.
Janay wasn’t letting her get away that easy. “How about we all do lunch or dinner sometimes?”
To this, Summer spoke up. “Not in this lifetime.”
Elsie shrugged her shoulders and they were out the door.
Once outside, Summer looked at Elsie with darts in her eyes. “What the hell was that all about?”
“Don’t make a scene,” Elsie said.
“Don’t make a scene? You’re actually going to stand there a tell me not to make a scene when it’s obvious something is up?”
“What’s obvious, Summer? That we know one another, that she introduced herself to you, or that you were rude?”
“I’m not stupid or blind,” Summer said.
They walked to the car and rode to Summer’s house in silence.
When they pulled up in the driveway, Summer said, “You know we have to talk.”
“You’re making something out of nothing,” Elsie said, not really ready for a confrontation. Shit, every time she turned around, Summer was saying they needed to talk.
They took the bags in the house. Summer went into the kitchen and put the food away while Elsie sat on the couch.
Summer joined Elsie on the couch and asked, “What’s going on with you, Elsie? Do you want to break up? Is that it? Are you seeing Janay or thinking about seeing her?”
Elsie huffed.
Summer threw her hands up. “I don’t know what to think. You really need to be straight with me and tell me what the hell is going on. Do you want to be with me or not? If not, let me know, so I can move on and you can move on. I haven’t been happy, and I can be depressed by myself. I don’t need this. I don’t have time for games, and I definitely don’t want to be led on. So, you need to tell me what’s up and not give me the run around.”
Elsie was tired of lying. She was tired of the whole charade. She decided at that moment to come clean and suffer the consequences. She turned to face Summer and placed Summer’s hands into her own. “I’m not ready to move in.”
Summer moved her hands and placed them into her own lap.
Elsie continued. “I think that maybe we need to separate, to take some time apart.”
Summer’s eyes teared up. “Where is this coming from?”
“I don’t know. I just know that we don’t feel right anymore. I still love you, but I’m not in love. Summer, please believe me when I tell you it’s nothing you did or didn’t do. It’s me and this emotional roller coaster I’ve been on.”
“Is it Janay?” Summer asked.
Elsie didn’t answer her soon enough.
“It’s Janay? You’re getting back with her?”
“No, no.”
Elsie could tell that Summer was trying to read her. “You went out with her?” Summer asked.
“We went on a couple of dates,” Elsie answered honestly.
Summer placed her hand over her heart. “You’re leaving me for her?”
Elsie was ready for this conversation to end. “No.”
“Did you sleep with her?” Summer needed to know.
Elsie lied and denied it.
“Not yet?” Summer asked.
Elsie didn’t answer.
Summer stood up. “I think you should leave.”
“Don’t you want to talk about it some more?”
Summer placed her hands on her hips. “What is there to talk about? You’re not in love with me. You don’t want to be with me. I’m not going to beg you to stay, Elsie. I have a child now that I need to be concerned about. If you want out, then get out.”
The second Elsie stood up, Summer smacked her. Elsie brought her hand up to her face in disbelief.
“Go to hell,” Summer said and left the room, knowing Elsie would let herself out.