I tap the steering wheel as I navigate the dark streets. I’ve just left the home of a member of my congregation who wasn’t able to attend service this past Sunday. Mrs. Mallard, who’s an avid church goer, fell a few days ago and broke her hip. She was devastated she couldn’t attend church, so I told her I would stop by to pray with her. I’ll continue to do so until she’s on her feet again and can rejoin us on Sundays. While I was there, she was adamant I stay for the dinner her daughter cooked. Who was I to deny a home-cooked meal, something I usually only get when I visit one of my sisters?
It’s well past dark, and I need to get back to the church so Father Gabriel can go home. I have a couple of things I need to take care of before I can go home myself.
I’m passing through a part of town that’s been run down for years when something catches my attention. It’s a woman dressed in a black dress that wouldn’t be considered decent by any standards. I’m not sure what it is, but she seems familiar. I don’t come to this part of town often, so unless they’re a part of my congregation, I shouldn’t know anyone.
I slow my SUV to try and get a better look. It only takes me a second to recognize her. Even just seeing the side of her face, I know it’s the girl from the church. I pull my vehicle to the curb beside her.
Why is she here? Is she one of the prostitutes who frequents this area? How is that even possible? She’s far too young to be selling her body for sex.
My window is down, and I’m leaning over the middle console when I see her coming my way. I hope my eyes have deceived me and this girl is not the same one who keeps taking food from my church.
When she bends down to the window, I get my first real glimpse of her, and there’s no mistaking this is the same girl. She looks ready to bolt when her eyes meet mine, so I hold my hand out and plead, “Please wait.”
She hesitates, and I’m not sure if she’s going to run away or stay. I hold her eyes, hoping she sees the earnestness in my gaze. Neither of us speaks for several long seconds. I spend those seconds wondering what she’s doing here. Wondering what made her so desperate that she’s on this street, doing what she’s doing.
Slipping past the red lipstick coating her lips, she runs her tongue over the bottom one. With her hand on the window frame, her eyes take in the interior of my SUV before she brings them back to me. Her lips curve up into a seductive smile, but the look doesn’t reach her eyes. She appears nervous, in spite of the way she’s trying to come off.
“Aren’t priests supposed to be celibate, Father?”
Hearing her voice, I’m shocked when my first thought is that she sounds like an angel. An adult angel. Looking at her, from what I’ve seen of her body in her too-revealing dress, and fully seeing her face, she’s not as young as I first thought.
“We are,” I say when I find my voice.
She cocks her head to the side, regarding me with one brow lifted. “I know you’re innocent and all, but you can’t be so naïve that you don’t know what a woman like myself is doing out on the street at night, in this part of town.” She leans over more, propping her elbows on the window frame. “Why did you pull over?”
My eyes betray me by looking down at the ample cleavage she just put on display by leaning over. And what’s worse, the appendage in my slacks takes notice as well. I grit my teeth in shame when my dick starts to harden.
“You’re the girl who keeps taking food from my church,” I say in a calm voice, so I don’t scare her off.
Her shoulders stiffen for a moment, like she’s holding her breath before they relax again. I’m surprised when she openly admits her sin. “Yes, that was me. I’m not going to apologize for it. I needed the food.”
I lean over the console more. “Let me help you.”
She laughs, but there’s no humor in the sound. “There’s nothing you can do for me.”
Her eyes move from my face to my chest then down to my lap. With her gaze on me, my dick grows thicker. Before I go home for the night, it looks like I’ll be spending time in front of the cross asking the Lord for forgiveness.
“Unless,” her eyes move back up to mine, “you want to hang up your priesthood for the night and spend some time with me. Money is what I need right now.”
Shamefully, my initial thought isn’t to deny this girl. An image pops into my head of her laid out on my altar, her head thrown back in pleasure. I don’t see the person who’s giving her this pleasure, but something whispers in my mind that it’s me.
I force those thoughts from my head. I haven’t had sexual cravings in years, so why am I having them now?
Lord, please give me strength, I send up the silent prayer.
“That’s not an option,” I tell the girl. Her features drop, as if she’s disappointed. “But there are other ways I can help you. Why don’t you come back to the church with me and explain your situation?” I look around where I’m parked. “You shouldn’t be out here.”
“Thanks for the concern, Father, but I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for a while.”
“How old are you?”
She does that head cock thing again. “Nineteen.”
Still too young to be out on the streets like this.
“What’s your name?” Her expression turns doubtful, and she looks like she might run again, so I add, “I only want your first name.”
It takes her a moment, but she finally answers. “Jersey.”
“Jersey.” I say her name slowly, it somehow fitting the girl in front of me. “I noticed you took some bandages several days ago. Are you okay?”
Her lips purse. “Yes, I’m fine.”
I’m not sure I believe her, but I leave that subject alone for now.
“Okay, how about you come by the church tomorrow so I can give you more food?”
She’s already shaking her head before I get the words out. “I won’t be bothering you anymore.”
She pushes herself away from the door like she’s getting ready to leave, so I call out, “Wait!” Thankfully, she leans back down. “Can you do me a favor, at least?” She doesn’t answer. “Go home. I can’t leave you until I know you’re safe.”
“Why do you care? I’m nobody to you.”
“You’re a child of the Lord,” I say gently. “It’s my duty as a servant of the Lord to watch after all of his children.”
She snorts, her eyes rolling to the ceiling then back to me. “The Lord forgot about me a long time ago.”
“God forgets no one, Jersey. You may feel alone, but you never are.”
She taps the window frame and takes a step back, still bent over, “If you say so. Anyway, I’ve got to go, and you need to leave before you scare everyone away. I have money I need to make.”
“Jersey!” I call.
Her eyes narrow in annoyance. “What?” she asks in exasperation.
I take my wallet out of the middle console and flip it open. “How much would it take to get you to go home?”
Her eyes move from mine to my wallet then back to me. Her bottom lip gets tugged between her lips.
She’s quiet for so long that I wonder if she’s not going to answer when she finally says, “Three-hundred.”
I’m already pulling bills out of my wallet. It’s a good thing I went by the bank today. I hand them over to Jersey. She takes them and counts them.
Her eyes jump to me. “This is five hundred. It’s too much.”
She tries to hand the money back to me, but I lean away from her. “Just promise you’ll leave here and go home.”
“Father—”
“Wesley,” I say. “My name is Wesley.” I don’t know why I give her my first name.
She glances at the money in her outstretched hand. “Why are you doing this? And don’t give me the ‘you’re looking out for God’s children’ speech again.” She lifts her eyes back to me. “This is more than that.”
“Honestly?”
“It’s a sin to lie,” she reminds me, her lips twitching.
“I don’t know. It feels like this is what I’m supposed to do.”
After a quiet moment, she takes the money and stuffs it between her breasts. I try to stop my eyes from watching her do it, but they move to her chest of their own accord. She catches me, and her lips quirk up.
“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do for you… Wesley?” she purrs my name, and I feel it below my waist.
“Yes.” My voice comes out husky, so I clear my throat. “Actually, there is something you can do for me. Go home, Jersey.”
Her bottom lip sticks out into a cute pout, and the sudden urge to sink my teeth into that plump lip shocks me. Before I became a priest, I slept with my fair share of women. More than my fair share actually. Especially the last couple of years leading up to me giving my life to God. Out of everything I gave up to enter the priesthood, it was the touch of a woman’s body that was the hardest to let go. But once I committed to that decision, I never once wished I could go back. As I sit here in the darkness of my SUV with Jersey leaning against the door, giving me tantalizing glimpses of her cleavage, I can’t help but wonder what she would feel like under my hands. What she would smell like if I buried my face between her breasts. How her body would move if I trailed my fingertips along the curve of her hip. How tight she would be wrapped around my dick.
Becoming a priest doesn’t mean we no longer have sinful thoughts of the flesh. It just means we have to work harder at banishing those thoughts. And we fruitlessly pray they leave us and never return. I’ve had more desirous thoughts in the last ten minutes thinking of Jersey than I have in the last twelve years since I started studying to become a priest.
“Fine.” Jersey sighs. “But you need to leave first.”
“Not until I know you’re safe.”
“Sorry, Father, but I’m not leaving until you do. I don’t want you following me home.”
She says the last sentence with a note of vulnerability in her eyes, and the whole mystery of Jersey piques my curiosity even more. I honestly can’t say I wouldn’t follow her, so she has a right to be leery.
I grab a piece of paper from my glove box and scrawl down my number before handing it over to her.
“I’ll leave, but I want you to text me when you get home, so I’ll know you’re safe.”
She eyes the paper critically. “And then you’ll have my number.”
“Yes, but there’s nothing I can do with just your number.” I look at her earnestly. “Just please do this for me.”
She thinks for a moment then nods. “Okay.” Her eyes linger on the features of my face before a small smile lifts her lips. “See you around, Father.”
I watch as she goes back to the sidewalk. Everything in me demands I don’t leave her on this street, but the sooner I leave, the sooner she’ll be off the streets. I keep her in my rearview mirror as I pull away until I can no longer see her. I’m tense the rest of the drive back to the church and my eyes keep moving to my cell phone sitting in the cup holder.
I’m walking into the church when my phone finally chirps. I quickly glance at the screen.
Unknown: You’ll be happy to know I’ve safely arrived home. Sweet dreams, Father.
It’s not until then that the weight on my chest deflates.