I’ve been sitting in my parked car at Olive Owl for almost an hour listening to my playlist while I wallow in the mess that I’ve created. My morning gym session was a wasted trip.
The look on Kelsey’s face in the elevator yesterday made my heart absolutely sink. I didn’t manage to salvage the scene, because suddenly I became mute for the evening, while thoughts swirled in my head.
Blowing out a breath, I know that sitting here isn’t the solution for the day.
Getting out of my car, I zip up my coat and begin to walk to the barn. Maybe some manual labor will help clear my head. Not that there is much to do this time of year, but maybe I can muster up creating a baby rattle or something. Doesn’t matter, as I don’t get far before Knox is walking to meet me.
“You look like shit. Not going to lie,” he informs me of the obvious.
We stop in the middle of the salted gravel to talk.
“Kind of need to figure out some things.” I adjust my shoulders and rub my hands together to create warmth, reminding myself that spring is soon approaching thankfully.
Knox scoffs a laugh. “Kelsey?”
I nod, with the belief that as we share the same blood he will support me in my hour of need.
“You’re an idiot if you hit a snafu this late in the game.”
Okay, opposite of what I was expecting. His comment surprises me. “What is that supposed to mean?” I feel my defenses coming up.
“It is so fucking obvious that you haven’t gotten to the real conversations with her.”
My head perks up at his words. It pisses me off, and I feel aggravation brewing inside my brains. “You know what? You are the last person who would understand right now.”
“Bullshit,” Knox counters.
“Why do I bother? You don’t care. You sit on the sidelines and bask in my situation unraveling around you.” I step closer to him.
He leers at me as he stands taller. “That’s not fair. You just want me to be the bad guy.”
“Fuck that. It was you who decided to break the news to everyone before I could even process. That was a shitty thing to do, because it was still so early and she could have lost the baby.” I stalk forward and my hand pushes against his shoulder. “Then at the reveal dinner, you ruined what should have been a perfect moment for Kelsey because you have no idea what a special time this is for us.”
Pressing against his shoulder again, he reacts by pushing me back. Then it just triggers us to scuffle with one another because I need to let out my anger somehow.
“I did that because you were already happy,” Knox snarls in between our shifting positions, two grown men wrestling the way only brothers would.
The sound of people running to us in the distance fills my ears until I’m being pulled back, and my eyes full of rage see that Grayson is holding Knox back. Glancing over my shoulder and I see that Drew has me.
“What is the hell is going on?” Grayson looks between us as Knox and I shake free from the arms restraining us, but Drew brings his arms up to keep us all at a distance.
“You two are ridiculous,” Drew notes.
“I’m so sick of Knox and his BS,” I huff out with my sight directed at my younger brother.
Knox holds his hands up. “Christ, you are blind. Do I really need to spell it all out for you?”
Grayson steps back and places his hands on his hips. “Let’s take a breather. I’m assuming this is about Kelsey? Brooke is over there now.”
Drew looks at me with interest but says nothing.
“Do you want to know why I did all of those things?” Knox snarls. “It’s because you were already in love with the woman before the baby news. You had a permanent grin on your face the whole time you two were sneaking around. I thought I could mess with you, like she was already part of the family. But that isn’t even what has you pissed off. Does it have to be me who states the fucking obvious?” Knox looks to Grayson who closes his eyes then breathes out before he blinks his lids open again.
Grayson holds up his hand to Knox, stopping him from speaking further. “Big brother has got this.” He turns his attention to me. “You are terrified something is going to happen to Kelsey. Given our history, I get it. But you’ve got to be open to her about why you feel that way.”
I slant a shoulder up to my ear. “She knows about Mom.”
Knox shakes his head. “That’s not it. You have to make it clear that you don’t want to lose her.”
“Because you see a future with her,” Drew pipes up then steps back, scratching the back of his head because he’s unsure if he should get involved in this family conversation, but the guy is right.
“It’s easy, so don’t make this a big deal. Just talk to her,” Grayson reminds me.
I laugh to myself because it is the opposite of easy. “I know, I’m just not sure where to begin that conversation.”
Knox groans. “How is it me who has to highlight the easiest words to tell her?” He looks around the circle at all of us and he is spot-on; he is the last person to be the voice of reason, but here we are.
“Humor me.” I roll my eyes.
He continues. “You tell her you love her and a future without her would be misery, and you feel that she should know that’s the reason you are being an absolute ass right now.”
Grayson cuts in, “I mean, maybe add a little more backstory and grovel a little, but yeah, Knox pretty much nailed it.”
I rake my fingers through my hair as I nod in agreement. “It’s going to one of those discussions with her, isn’t it?”
“Have you never had a girlfriend?” Drew gives me a peculiar look.
It causes me to crack the faintest of smiles. “Kelsey isn’t just a girlfriend, and that’s maybe why I am out of my depth right now.”
She’s the type of woman that you want forever with, and that’s new to me.
“Will you get it together and just go to her to talk?” Knox gives me knowing eyes.
“Yeah, I will.” There isn’t any other option, I’ve got a lot on the line.
Knox steps to me and slaps a hand on my shoulder. “Good, and yeah, I forgive you for your attempt to take me down. God, I don’t get it, you can propose so easily but can’t say you love her.”
“Damn, Knox is really telling you off today.” Grayson grins at me.
I move to give Knox a side hug. “One day, when you’re in love, then I hope you know payback will be a bitch.”
“Alright, let’s get inside.” Grayson indicates with his head toward the inn. “It’s freezing out here, and you need a shower before you go to her.”
“Thanks,” I answer sarcastically.
A short while later, Grayson and I are alone next to the blazing fireplace. Brooke mentioned to Grayson that Kelsey went to bed early, and as much as I need to ensure that we have our reunion, she needs her rest too. Instead, tomorrow morning I will be there first thing.
With beer bottle in hand, I relax into the lounge chair and watch the flicker of the fire.
“You okay?” Grayson asks in that serious big-brother tone.
I turn my attention to him. “Will be, after I talk to Kelsey.”
“Just think of Lucy. We don’t look at her and think we lost mom. She’s just Lucy, and for the next few weeks, as you both prepare for a new life, Kelsey is Kelsey. Don’t overthink all of it.”
“That’s a way of putting it. Still scared shitless, but I hear you.”
We both sit there for a few beats, just taking in the crackling sounds of the fire.
“Do you think it’s some sort of sign? The timing of all of this? I mean, the baby is coming on Dad’s anniversary. Circle of life or something like that,” I lament.
Grayson grins as his mouth wraps around the bottle. “You mean, did Jack Blisswood, dear old Dad, plan all of this? Abso-fuckin-lutely. I mean, if that really is a thing that can happen then for sure he got on that bandwagon.”
Shrugging my shoulders, that’s exactly what I think sometimes too. “You came back to Bluetop and ended up with Brooke. Me with Kelsey. It’s as if he was ensuring we’re set up for life and not alone,” I remark.
Grayson tips his head and jaw to the side. “That’s one way of putting it. Heaven help whoever Knox ends up with.”
We both chuckle at the thought.
“When you talk with Kelsey tomorrow, talk to her like a man in love. Not a man about to be a father,” Grayson adds.
I smirk at him. “You became wise recently, huh?”
Grayson’s grin spreads. “I did. Must be the Bluetop water. It has holy effects on people.”
We both tip our bottles to one another for a toast.
Because now I know exactly what I need to say to make Kelsey mine forever.
She just needs to want it.