Phoenix was our last lazy stop. Then we entered the grueling part of the tour. Every day a new city. Albuquerque. Amarillo. Dallas. Houston. No down time. No hotel stays.
And zero privacy. Which meant my complicated relationship with Jesse got even more complicated.
Chase was on another bus at least, so it was easy to dodge him.
His wife, on the other hand, was everywhere.
“I can totally be like your assistant! I’ll carry your camera and help you get releases signed when you need them. Please!” Shay blinked at me with her doe eyes backstage in Houston, and I fought against melting.
“Why? You know this is a job, right? Sometimes it’s boring. Sometimes people yell at you. Sometimes you step in gum or other…less pleasant things.” I shuddered. “It’s always loud. My ears are sore from the earplugs. Just, go hang out on your bus. Read a book. Call your mom. Call my mom. Enjoy your downtime. You’ll be working at that restaurant in New York before you know it!”
“Ugh, but it’s so boring on the bus. You’re here with all these amazing people. And I want to help. I want to be useful.”
“I think there’s something pathologically wrong with you.” I shook my head. “You always have to be working.”
“Not true. I took all that time off when I married your brother.”
“Yeah, and if memory serves, you spent all your time cooking and baking. How many cookbooks did you make your way through?”
“Four,” she whispered like it was a sin.
“See? You’re wired wrong. This is supposed to be a vacation for you. Some time to relax. Enjoy it. You’re going to wish you had it when you get back into the kitchen.”
Really, I was afraid of slipping up and saying or doing something that would out my relationship with Jesse to her. I loved Shay like a sister, but I knew her first allegiance would always be to my brother. She loved him. She was here because of him. And I didn’t want to put her in the middle.
The weight of my secret was already tearing me up. I was lying to everyone in my life—my mom, my best friend, my brother, all the guys—everyone.
“Ella! Please!” She blinked at me again, and I felt myself weakening. “It’s so boring. No one wants to talk to their mother that much. Well, maybe you do, but your mom is awesome.”
“So call her! I know she’d love to hear from you. You’re her favorite now.”
“Yeah, ‘cause that’s not weird. Come on. I’ll be helpful, I promise! And it’s only until we hit Miami, and then I have to get on a plane for New York. That’s only like four days. Please!”
Out of excuses, I sighed and gave in. “Fine,” I muttered.
“Awesome!” Shay jumped toward me and enveloped me in her arms.
Despite the bulky camera hanging from my neck, I hugged her back. “For the record, I still think you’re insane.”
Shay pulled back and tilted her head. “So what’s first, boss?”
Spying Jesse walking down the hall toward us, I cast around for an excuse that would give me a minute with my boyfriend. “Um, well, can you check in with Harper, and find out if there are any shots in particular that she wants? She’s only here for another hour before she leaves for the next stop.”
“Got it.” Shay spun around then spun back. “And where would I find her?”
“Probably wherever Wes is.” Which was definitely not here. In this hallway. With Jesse hovering behind her, miming dirty things with his hands and his hips.
Shaking my head slightly, I tried to direct him with my eyes to go to the storage closet on my left.
His eyes gleamed and he ducked inside just as Shay spun around again with a hollered, “Got it! I’ll be back!”
“Oh joy,” I muttered to myself. Then I looked up and down the hall in a totally unsuspicious way before darting into the storage closet.
Jesse grinned wolfishly, standing in front of shelves of industrial cleaning products. It was the weirdest and best sight ever. Might even haunt my dreams.
“You’re not nearly as charming as you think you are.” And yet I grinned up at him as I stepped toward him and rested my hands on his very firm chest. “In fact, some would call your little display in the hallway juvenile.”
Jesse’s lips quirked as he clearly battled with his smile and the urge to kiss me, judging by the way his face hovered inches above mine. “I’ve never claimed to be a mature adult. In fact, I’ve pretty much made a career on acting like a punk ass kid.”
“Hey.” I shoved a finger in his chest. “Be nicer to my boyfriend. I happen to like him.”
His eyes heated. “Boyfriend, huh?”
I closed my eyes with a hiss. Nice one, Ella.
“I really like the sound of that,” he murmured before pressing a gentle kiss against my temple.
“Really?” I blinked up at him in surprise. I would’ve assumed he wouldn’t want to put labels on anything. Guys like him usually like to play fast and loose. See how things went. Subtext being they wanted to still be able to fuck around. And given the way we were keeping this on the down low, I’d assumed he wasn’t ready for serious talks yet.
“Yeah, really. I like you too, sweet girl. In fact, I plan on keeping you.” He tipped my chin up with a finger under my chin and pressed a quick kiss against my lips. “Girlfriend.”
I smiled, even as heat swept through my body. I really liked hearing that too.
While the chaos of setting up the concert roared outside our closet, I made out with my boyfriend. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, and I hung on as he used his lips and tongue to tell me just how much he liked me.
My boyfriend!
I was giddy just thinking about what he’d said. And then I couldn’t think about much. His lips and tongue were so fucking talented. Naughty. Sexy.
His hands skimmed over my body, plucking at my nipples, and I groaned. His hands were equally as talented.
We kissed like high schoolers who’d finally found a scrap of privacy. Until we were both swaying and lightheaded.
Although come to think of it, that might be because of the fumes from the solvents and lack of ventilation.
Pressing my hands against his chest, I pulled back. “Uh, can you smell the chemicals anymore?”
“Huh?” Jesse kissed his way down my neck then paused to suck at a spot just below my jaw.
“Jesse, I’m serious! I’m worried about our brain cells here.” And yet I closed my eyes and groaned. “I think we need some fresh air.”
“All my brain power is currently located below my belt. Give me like five minutes, then you can have all the fresh air you want.” His thumb pressed over my nipple, and I swayed into him.
God that felt so good. It was probably fine. We could stay a few more minutes…
The next thing I knew, a tiny voice called in the distance. “Ella! Has anyone seen Ella?”
I kept kissing Jesse. I knew I should be worried someone was looking for me. I just couldn’t remember why, or care. He had my shirt rucked up and was tormenting my straining nipple with his tongue.
The doorknob bounced off my spine as the edge of the door hit me right in the middle of my ass. “Oww!”
Shit!
I shoved my whole body backwards into the door and slammed it shut.
“Well damn, that’s one way to kill the mood,” Jesse muttered. He ran a hand over my back, shoved my shirt back down, and then braced against the door behind me as the knob rattled again. “You okay?” he asked softly.
“Yes. No!” I hissed, shaking my head frantically. “That’s Shay. She can’t know about this. She’ll tell Chase the first time they’re alone, and I’m not ready for that.”
The light dimmed in his eyes, and my heart thudded unevenly at his pain. Pain that I just caused.
“I’m not ashamed of you. You know that, Jesse, right? I’m just not ready to go for round two with my brother. You know how he is. And what he said about me in Phoenix. I’m not ready to deal with him just yet.”
“No, I get it.” But still Jesse hung his head, unable to meet my eyes. “For the record, neither am I.”
There it was again. His hurt echoed in my chest. Damn.
“So how do we get out of here?” He finally raised his head and met my gaze. The hurt I’d awkwardly caused still dulled his shine. “We don’t exactly have an escape hatch or anything.”
“I know.” I pressed my forehead against his and breathed his scent in for a moment. Until I realized I was also breathing in bleach and other toxic fumes. Maybe I could blame my awkwardness on lack of brain cells?
The doorknob rattled again followed by a soft, “Ella? Are you in there? Is everything okay?”
I gave Jesse a quick peck, mentally promising to make it up to him, then shuffled our positions until he’d be hidden behind the swing of the door when it opened. Turning the knob, I opened the door a small crack and shoved my head in the space. “Hey Shay. Do you mind giving me a minute? I’ll meet you in the guys’ private greenroom.”
“But what…” Her eyes widened then she leaned closer. “Oh. Who’s in there with you?”
“Yeah, we’re not having that conversation right now. Or possibly ever. Can you just—” I tipped my head. “I’ll meet you there.”
“Oh. Yeah. Okay.” She tripped over her feet as she tried to turn to walk down the hall and yet still watch the door for whoever was going to exit.
Like I was that stupid.
I waited until she finally disappeared from view, then popped back into the closet and closed the door. “I’m going to head out. Wait like a ten count before you follow.”
“Ugh.” Jesse grabbed me and pulled me close, kissing me quickly. “Fine. You’re definitely making it up to me in your bunk later tonight.”
“I don’t know. You feel like chancing two close calls in one day?”
“Doesn’t count if it’s after midnight. Then it’s a whole ‘nother day.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for the calendar lesson, Captain Obvious.”
“Hey, I do what I can.”
Laughing, I tried to kiss him one more time before I stealthily exited the closet. A few roadies gave me side eye for darting weirdly out a closet. One straight up high fived me.
“Get it, girl!”
So I was fighting a smile as I walked into the band’s greenroom. It fell away as my eyes fell on Shay, who was practically vibrating with excitement.
She grabbed my arm and her fingernails dug into me. “Who were you with? How long has this been going on? Is it anyone I know?”
“Oh my god, Shay. You gotta calm down. And keep it down.” I shook my arm free. “I don’t—can’t—talk about this here.” My eyes ran over the room, stopping on my brother who stood on the other side talking to Rowan.
“I take it Chase doesn’t know?”
“Yeah, I don’t ever talk to Chase about the guys I’m screwing. And I’m definitely not telling him after Phoenix.”
“Ella.” Shay turned to face me. “He apologized. He was truly sorry. And I read him the riot act. He knows he can’t do that again.”
“Right.” I barely checked myself from rolling my eyes. “But he’s my brother. He’s always going to see me as his little sister. The irresponsible one. The one who still doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. He’s never going to be happy with my decisions.”
And he’s definitely not going to be happy about this one.
“Agree to disagree. He’s really trying. You know he thought of that whole toast all on his own—every word. And he’s been talking up your talents with anyone he thinks could hire you in the future.” Shay shook her head. “I wish you can see how hard he’s trying. He loves you.”
“That doesn’t mean I want him to know about who I’m seeing.”
“In that case, you might want to hide that hickey before he sees it.”
I slapped the offending spot with a wince. “Shit, I forgot about that.”
“It’s kinda hard not to see. Do you need to head back to the bus for some concealer?”
I didn’t have the time. And I didn’t want to send Shay since—at this time and with all the additional people around—it would mean involving security. No way that would slip unnoticed past my brother. “No, I’ll just steal some from Rowan.”
Shay’s eyes widened. “Good luck. That girl scares me.”
“First rule of Bad Ass Bitch 101: Don’t let them know you’re scared.” I pivoted on my heel and stomped across the room to where Rowan’s makeup kit was prominently displayed. I ran my fingers over the trays. Blush. Eyeliners. Lipsticks. Foundation.
Concealer. And in my shade too. Yes!
“Do you mind?” a familiar voice hissed from behind me.
“Just need some concealer. As you were.”
“What the hell? You can’t come over and rifle through my kit whenever you feel like it.” Rowan crossed her arms over her voluptuous chest and glared at me through the mirror in front of me.
I shrugged. “If I thought you’d help, I would’ve asked. But since you’ve made it your mission to hate everything about me, I didn’t see the point in asking. I know exactly where you stand.”
“And I know exactly who gave you that mark. You’re playing with fire, little girl.”
I slathered some concealer on my finger and bent toward the mirror. “We could’ve been at least friendly if you’d tried just a little. Had our own little girl tribe on the road.”
“Considering you’re fucking my man, that was never an option.”
“Considering he’s my man now, I figure you’re right.” I brushed the concealer over the hickey Jesse had oh so thoughtfully left me with. “It’s never going to be an option.”
Her lip curled. “Enjoy my leftovers.”
“Don’t worry about that, Rowan.” Hickey concealed, I adjusted my top in the mirror, unable to leave her with the last word. “He tastes just fine.”
“Oh, I know. I can give you some pointers if you need them? Since we’re a girl tribe and everything. Fuck knows a little girl like you could never keep him satisfied.” An ugly sneer twisted her features before she blinked, and the sneer fell away. Then she grinned smugly at something over my shoulder just out of my view in the mirror. Spinning around, Rowan asked in a baby voice, “Do you want some help with your guyliner, Chase?”
I froze.
Shit.
Just how much of that little exchange had my brother heard?
“No, I’m good. Everything okay here?”
“Yup, your little sister just wanted some concealer,” Rowan said innocently.
I straightened and turned to face my brother. “Yup. All covered up and good to go. Did your wife tell you she was going to be helping me out until Miami?”
“Yeah, it was my idea.” He hitched a shoulder. “I know how busy you are, working your tail off to get all your shots, getting releases signed, and coordinating with Harper and Wes. I thought you could use some help.”
My head reared back in amazement. Chase saw all of that? Wow. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”
“Plus this gets me super brownie points with the missus. If you keep her busy, she’ll stop bugging me about how bored she is. And I’ll get points for being an awesome brother. Win-win-win.” He grinned so hard I could spot his molars. “Once Mom hears about this, I’ll finally wrestle that damn ‘favorite son’ trophy away from Jesse. The bastard still lords it over me.”
Back in middle school, our mom had gotten Chase and Jesse trophies with favorite son etched on the bottom of each. It’d been her sweet gesture to show Jesse how much she loved him. Chase had a fit when he saw Mom had given Jesse the exact same one, and threw it across the room like a three-year-old having a tantrum. He’d tried to glue it back together, but it’d never been the same. Jesse’s was still displayed like a shrine in his house right next to his Grammys and platinum records.
The reminder of just how intertwined Jesse was in our family sobered me.
What would Mom think about me and Jesse? Would it weird her out since she’d practically raised him as a son?
Should it weird me out?
I’d never thought of Jesse like a brother. Sure, I’d known him for forever, but he’d always been Jesse, Chase’s friend. Jesse, the cute boy who lived down the hall. Jesse, the sweet boy with the shadows in his eyes who I wanted to love so much.
“You gotta mention it next time you talk to her,” Chase’s words broke my mental spiral. “Tell her what an awesome brother I’m being.”
Rowan moved around us, grinning wolfishly as her eyes darted from me to Chase and back.
I nodded at Chase and murmured something appropriate even as the hair on the back of my neck prickled.
“You’re such an awesome brother, Chase.” Rowan patted his shoulder. “I wish I had a brother to look out for me and set me up with such amazing opportunities.”
Her words sounded nice, but the tone underneath poked at my still healing wound.
Even Chase heard it.
He shook her hand off him. “I didn’t give Ella anything. She earned her spot on the tour, same as you. I’m proud as hell of her.”
Rowan took a step back, raised her hands, and smiled sweetly at Chase. “And I agree. You should be a proud, big brother. She’s been banging it out like a mofo.”
Her eyes sparkled as she smirked at me from behind Chase.
I hadn’t liked Rowan from the jump, but her current behavior had me worried. I knew I couldn’t trust her. She’d sell me out the first chance she got. We might’ve all signed non-disclosure agreements before the tour started, but there were so many ways she could screw me over. She could out my relationship to Chase. She could “anonymously” leak shit to the tabs.
She could cause a hell of a lot of trouble for me. For Jesse.
And now I had Shay shadowing my every move. Shay who loved my big brother for some unknown reason. And would also be conflicted by my secret.
Life just got so freaking complicated.