To say that things were tense backstage would be an understatement. Harper was quick to check in on me, but she had so many things to take care of, she had to hustle away pretty quick. I saw Kiefer Brash backstage too, but so much what-the-fuckery was going down, I literally didn’t have time for his bullshit. Rowan had been sending me death glares every time she ran into me, but that wasn’t out of the norm. I knew it had to be eating her up inside that Jesse had gone official with me.
It was completely petty and awful of me, but I so enjoyed every nasty look she threw my way. I’d won.
Then I got a ping on my phone alerting me of the latest article on the Babbler about the guys.
Oh god. My stomach heaved. I’d seen the aftermath of their fight all day. Between tending to the cut on Jesse’s eye and nose, the bruises all over his torso, and then seeing the swelling of Chase’s eye and the stiff way he walked, the guys were a mess.
And that didn’t even begin to cover the awkwardness of them being on stage together. Chase refused to speak directly to Jesse, and Jesse wouldn’t even look at Chase.
I had to do something to make it right, but I was still so pissed at Chase I didn’t even want to think about it.
So I did something no one should ever do.
I read the comments.
Chaser05: She’s not even that hot.
MrsRobinson24: I can’t believe the Tin Gods are breaking up over a cunt like her
TGDisciple4eva: Yoko factor
99ReasonsY: Tin Gods suck. I don’t even know why you guys are so broken up about this. Pier 99 forever!
They went on and on. But the gist was that they were going to break up, and I was the reason why.
Jesse found me backstage in a janitor closet, doom scrolling as I read every nasty comment.
“I thought we were done hiding in closets, sweetheart.” His sweet voice came over my head, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. All the words I’d read were tumbling through my head. “What the fuck, Ella. Knock that shit off.” Jesse grabbed my phone.
“I can’t believe that I did this to you guys,” I said numbly, staring at the dirty concrete under our feet. “This is all my fault.”
“Fuck that. Do not give those assholes another second of your time. They don’t know you, and they sure as hell don’t know me.”
“But don’t you see? This is all my fault. I’ve loved you for so long. I thought I could—” I gulped. “I thought if I loved you enough, I could pull us up over anything. That what we had together would be enough. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe we shouldn’t be together. I don’t want the band to break up over this. I don’t want you to lose your friendships with the guys because of me. I’m so sorry. So sorry.”
I buried my face in my hands and bawled my eyes out. It hurt so much. All the hate and anger everyone had been sending my way weighed down on me. I couldn’t do this. It was too much. And it wouldn’t get any better. I’d caused so much pain. I was a selfish, hateful bitch.
“Hey, hey.” Jesse’s arms wrapped around me as he pulled me into him. He rested his head on top of mine and breathed heavily. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. If anyone’s to blame for this, it’s me.”
I pulled back and stared up at him through bleary eyes. “How can you say that? I threw myself at you. Repeatedly. And I knew what it would probably cost you, but I didn’t care. I wanted you for myself. Because I thought I knew best.”
“And I was right there deciding shit too. I kissed you, knowing you were my best friend’s little sister. I don’t regret a single thing that’s happened since then. You shouldn’t either. Now we have each other. Let that be enough. You can’t control what everyone else thinks or does. As long as you’re happy, that’s all I give a shit about.”
I sighed and tried to believe what Jesse said was true. It just hurt so much to know that my brother and his friends were hurting so much because of our choices. “I just think this would’ve been so much easier to navigate if we didn’t have to do it in the public’s eye. Knowing that media, paps, fans are all watching us makes it so much harder.”
Jesse sat back with a frown. “How did they get those pictures of us? There wasn’t any press in the lobby or out front. I asked Wes to check before we left the bus.”
“I didn’t see anyone who looked out of the norm hanging out. But then I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“So it had to be someone we know. Someone with access to us.” A muscle flexed in his cheek and he cursed under his breath. “This—all of this—is happening because of me. The articles in the Babbler, probably whatever or whoever sent Chase to our bus this morning, that all happened because someone is trying to blackmail me.”
“What?” I stared up at Jesse incredulously. “Who? And for how long?”
Jesse shrugged. “I don’t know who. I’ve been getting these weird text messages. Someone wanted me to wire them a hundred grand or they’d make my life difficult. I thought I’d taken care of it back when I changed my phone number, but that didn’t stop them—they kept texting me. They said they had some info I didn’t want anyone to know, but I didn’t take them seriously. I mean, look at me. There’s nothing I’ve done that I’m embarrassed about. I’m an open fucking book.”
“Or you were, until me,” I whispered.
“Exactly. Someone on the tour must be feeding the media info about me. About us. I’m so sorry, Ella. I should’ve just paid them off. I’m not now or have ever been ashamed of you or of us, but I never wanted to cause you pain like this.”
“Oh fuck that. You’re not giving them a fucking dime.”
Jesse raised his eyebrows. “So you want to stay with me now? I don’t know what else they have on me. They could post something tomorrow that could change how you feel about me. I’ve done a lot of shit that—I’m not ashamed of any of it, it’s all a part of me—but I know it’s nothing you’d do. I wasn’t thinking about you—about us—when I blew him off. Now I’m thinking that might’ve been a bad idea.”
“I know you, Jesse. I might not know every detail—and I’m not saying that I want to know—but it won’t change what I feel when I look at you. You are the best thing that’s happened to me, and I’m not going to let that slip through my fingers. I love you.”
“Thank fucking god.” Jesse pulled me into his arms again and squeezed me tight. “I fucking love you too.”
We just stood there for a few minutes, holding each other and with me listening to his steady, reassuring heartbeat.
Finally, I took a deep breath and looked up at him. “So what are we going to do about your blackmailer?”
“I don’t see what we can do. The media won’t give up their sources. And the guy—”
“Or girl.” I pointed out helpfully.
“Or girl has gone radio silent since we rolled into town. Their last message was last night when they said I’d be sorry if I didn’t pay up by noon today. I guess they were right.”
“Have you tried to trace their texts? Do you still have the bank account info? We could trace them through that.”
“I don’t know even where to start. Is that something you can google?”
“Blackmail is illegal. We should go to the police.”
Someone pounded on the closet door. “Yo! Olly olly oxen free!”
I’d recognize Noah’s voice anywhere.
“Hey, zip it up,” he called. “It’s time for the opening toast.”
I buried my face in Jesse’s chest and giggled.
“We’re totally clothed, asshole!” Jesse yelled back.
The door opened and bumped into my butt. “Oof.”
“Sorry, little-R.” Noah’s face appeared in the doorjamb. “But seriously. Come on, guys. It’s my shout tonight.”
“Fine,” Jesse rumbled. “We’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay. Just, please, straighten your clothes first.” Noah pressed his hands together in a praying gesture. “We don’t need Daddy Robinson throwing down again before we go onstage tonight.”
Jesse rolled his eyes and shoved his arm against the door, slamming it shut.
“Ow,” Noah whined through the door. “Love you too.”
“So we’re good?” Jesse asked, staring down at me with this painfully hopeful expression in his eyes that made him look so vulnerable. “Break up bullshit over?”
“How could I when you woo me with such sweet, sweet words?”
Jesse grinned wolfishly. “You love my dirty mouth.”
“I love your dirty everything.”
He kissed me again until I seriously forgot about everything going on aside from how his hard body felt against mine. My hands were moving down his torso when a knock came again.
“Uh, guys?” Harper’s voice came through the door all tentative and unsure. “Noah wanted me to come get you? He said something about making bad decisions and daddies? I didn’t understand any of it.”
Laughing against Jesse’s chest, I reached behind me and pulled the door open for her. “We’re coming. We’re coming.”
“And not in the fun way, either,” Jesse murmured into my ear. “Boo.”
Rolling my eyes, I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the hallway. The last thing we needed was more people showing up. Especially my brother.
Still holding hands, we entered the main greenroom where a large group stood around talking while holding drinks and snacks.
“They’re here!” Noah crowed. “Everyone, raise your glass!”
Someone pressed two pink drinks into our hands. I looked at Jesse in confusion. “I thought Noah loved that nasty Sambuca.”
Jesse bent down to say into my ear, “He usually picks something everyone hates. He loves to make people do shit they never would do.”
“All right. All right. All right!” Noah jumped onto a chair in the middle of the room. “Tonight we kick off the last week of shows before our break, and I know I don’t have to tell you that I’m excited. But we have three reasons to celebrate tonight. One, we’re almost to our three-week break, and I’m going to rock the hell out of a Mexican resort.”
A few in the crowd cheered and whistled.
Noah raised his hand. “I am taking applications for my Mexican vacation scholarship fund, so any pretty girls interested, please see me after the show.”
A ripple of laughter went through the crowd.
“And the second reason we’re celebrating is that I know for a fact that Jesse and Ella have exchanged those three little important words in a closet down the hall a few minutes ago.”
Whistles and cheers.
“Thanks for announcing the closet part to the whole tour, buddy!” Jesse hollered back.
“You guys weren’t nearly as stealthy as you thought you were. Wes and I made it a drinking game last week, actually. But anyways, I’m stoked as hell that you two found each other. You both ground each other in a weird way. And we all know she’s out of your league, so congrats on settling, Ella.”
My cheeks had to be fire engine red by now, but I still raised my glass at Noah’s weird compliment.
“Which is why I picked Cosmos for our toast, tonight. In honor of Little-R who has grown into such an awesome woman. I for one am stoked as fuck to officially have her in our little family. This one is for Ella and Jesse. I hope this is the beginning of a wonderful world domination for you two. To Ella and Jesse.”
“To Ella and Jesse,” the crowd echoed before everyone else downed their drink.
I turned and whispered to Jesse, “I take it he doesn’t know I like Lemon Drops and not Cosmos?”
“Like I said, Noah doesn’t care. Pretty sure he knows you hate pink and wanted to see you drink something pink and girly.”
I turned back and sure enough Noah was grinning wolfishly at me. I lifted my drink toward him then downed the small shot in one go. He tipped his chin back at me.
“What’s the third reason?” I shouted to Noah.
“Huh?” Noah frowned.
I lifted my glass at him. “You said you had three reasons to celebrate tonight. What’s the third?”
“Oh yeah!” Noah raised his still full pink glass and hollered at the now murmuring crowd. “Shut up, all of you! I’m not done.” The murmurs eased as everyone turned back to Noah. “Ella reminded me I had one more thing to say. The third thing we have to celebrate is how much we’re going to rock Madison Square Garden for the next three nights! All hail the Tin Gods!”
“Hail!” everyone shouted back, raising their glasses before they broke out in cheers.
Noah threw back his shot then jumped off his chair and high fived anyone near him.
I turned back to Jesse. “That was really sweet of him.”
“Yeah,” Xander said behind me before slouching at Jesse’s other side. “Noah wants everyone to get along. He’s pushing pretty hard for the band to accept you two and smooth things over.”
My wide eyes flicked from Xander to Jesse then back. I didn’t know what to say to that.
“Like I told Chase, you all don’t get a vote.” Jesse wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Ella and I are together. Like it or not. I don’t give a shit. It’s what’s happening.”
Xander inclined his chin. “Did Noah tell the truth? Are you two serious?”
“I don’t see what the fuck that has to do with you.” Jesse shifted slightly, squaring up to Xander.
“It matters whether this is a casual hook up or an actual relationship because Ella is family. I was pissed before when I thought you were just screwing around—like you always do. I haven’t known you to be in a relationship in the entire time I’ve known you, Jesse. But if this is serious between you…” Xander trailed off.
“Of course it’s serious. It’s fucking Ella.”
Xander dipped his head. “Then you have my blessing. I’ll keep my mouth shut and my nose out of your business.”
“Thank you?” The words came out of Jesse like a question. Like he was surprised to get approval from Xander.
Xander reached out and patted Jesse’s shoulder. “So don’t fuck it up, Jesse.”
I giggled even as Jesse scoffed his annoyance.
“Why do you all assume I’ll be the one to fuck up this relationship?”
“Because we know you.” Xander raised his eyebrows. “I’m gonna go make the rounds before we have to be onstage. See ya, guys.”
“Bye, Xan.” I bit my cheek to keep my smile at bay as Xander walked away. “The guys are being so sweet tonight. Who would’ve thought?”
“To you maybe,” Jesse muttered.
Then my eyes fell on the spot where my brother had taken up court across the room. Judging by his scowl, he didn’t look happy. I had a feeling that Noah’s little scene pissed him off royally. Chase didn’t like being on the outs—he was used to being the center of attention and devotion. This had to be a weird feeling for him.
And yet, I didn’t feel an ounce of pity for my brother. Things would be rough for him until he finally woke up and saw the light. Jesse and I were together. And Chase needed to figure out how to be okay with it.
The rest of the night was a blur.
The guys took the stage, and there was still definite tension between Chase and Jesse. They didn’t do any of their usual banter together or sing out of the same microphone during ‘Nowhere to Hide’ like they had every other show. Chase performed as if there was a bubble around Jesse that kept Chase out.
It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so painful.
After the show, I didn’t wait for Jesse. Instead, I headed back to our room to get some work done there.
It felt like more people crowded around the exits than normal, but I chalked that up to the insanity of New York. How so many people could literally live on top of one another, I’d never understand.
But the wave of noise they made as I exited the venue and crawled into a waiting car was just incomprehensive chaos. I wasn’t the one they were waiting for anyways.
As the car crawled through the parking lot, I pulled out my phone and opened up the band’s social media page to post some videos.
1,852 notifications.
On a good day, the band would get a few hundred.
694 DMs.
My scalp prickled as a wave of doom sank my heart.
Something had happened.
Something bad.
I clicked on the notifications.
Every single one of them linked the band and Jesse’s own social media page in post after post. What the hell?
Curious, I clicked on one of the links.
And my world imploded.
Again.