I look at myself in the mirror, naked. Trying to figure out something to do with my hair. I want it to look pretty for when Sean comes home. Home. The idea strikes me as odd. I haven't thought of any place while in America as home. I shake my head. I need to get these fanciful notions out of my head. This isn't home, and I shouldn't be worrying if I look pretty or not for when he gets here. I doubt he would care. I don't even know why I want him to take notice of me. What could come from it? Nothing. Soon, he'll want to use me to get to Seo-Jun and that will be that. There will be no need to have me around. Even if I do clean the place and have put effort into showing him I can cook for him, he could hire someone to do that for him. Especially if he owns a place like this.
Abandoning the mirror, I go back into my bedroom and stare at the dress on the bed. I found it in the back of one of the drawers under the bed. Maybe it belonged to one of his past girlfriends, or something? It's nothing like any of the clothes he bought me. It'll probably be longer on me than what it was intended for since I have to tailor most of my clothes to fit my short body.
He mentioned this morning that he was going to get me stuff so I could start making clothes. Not just for myself, but for fashion as a creative outlet. I made a few pieces while making clothes that Seo-Jun wanted me to wear, but I had to hide them. If he found them during one of his episodes of rage, he would rip them to shreds. Leaving me nothing but the clothes I hated wearing; clothes that I felt like I could never hide in.
I pick the dress up. It's a light blue with a deep V neck and thin straps. White swirls adorn it. It looks like clothes I've seen women wear to the beach in shows and movies. A few weeks ago, it would've been big all the way around, but I think I've put on enough weight that it should fit. I slip it on. The soft fabric feels incredible against my skin. This dress isn't one of the cheap ones. Not with the quality of the stitch work. I bet whoever left it here was rich, or Sean bought it for her.
I look at my underwear, but as I lean over to pick them up, I stop. This dress goes down to my calves, and I like the way it looks without there being a panty outline. I decide to forgo them. It's not like Sean will know, or do anything if he realizes I'm not wearing underwear. He hasn't tried to force me into sex once. I still want him to kiss me, but I don't know how to make him want to, or let him know I want him to. I've never been the one to kiss first. I've never wanted to be kissed, or have someone hold me.
Sure, some of the men I serviced weren't all monsters. Some tried to make me feel things, but all came down to one thing in the end: their needs, and if I didn't get off before them they weren't going to try after to make it happen. So, I never got off by them. Before the other day, I'd only had one orgasm in my life, and it was by my own hand. It made me sad once it happened because it meant that I could feel pleasure. I wasn't broken, but no one cared enough to get me to that point. To push the edge and make me come. Getting me wet was enough for most, and then there were others who didn't care if I was wet even a little.
The door beeps and my gaze turns to my open bedroom door as Sean steps into the living room and slips off his shoes. I secretly love that he does that. It's a good habit to be in. I run my hands over myself and my hair. I hope he doesn't mind me in this dress. Despite leaving my hair down and not having makeup, the dress still makes me feel pretty with how flowy it is. My bare feet pad on the cool tile. "Was your day nice?"
He turns to me and my eyes widen at the sight of his face. I rush over to him. His nose is swollen and a bruise forms across the bridge. Dried blood cakes the inside of his nostrils. I stand on my toes and before I think about what I'm doing, my fingertips ghost over his cheek. "What happened?"
He leans back from me. "Hassle of the job. I'm fine." His sky blue eyes look me over. "Where did you get that?"
I blink at him and then realize he's asking about the dress. I almost forgot I was wearing it after seeing him hurt. I lower myself back to the ground and look down at it. "I found it in one of the drawers under my bed. I thought it was pretty. I can change if you don't like it." I turn on my heel to head for my room.
His large hand takes mine. "No, don't. I like it. It's pretty and suits you well. It's just a dress that Cormac's girlfriend wore."
"Your older brother?" I'd heard him talk about the man, but hardly any of the pictures he put up around the place had him in them. Only if it was a large family photo was the older man in it. Sean didn't seem to like him very much. At least not as much as he liked his younger brothers; who based on what I've seen, he likes to look out for. Liam has been over a few times in the weeks since I've been here. But I don't talk when he's around, and if they're talking about something Sean doesn't want me to hear, they move out onto the balcony where I can't hear them with the glass door closed.
Liam doesn't appear to like me, but I don't expect him to. I'm the wife of their enemy, and his brother is spending a lot of time with me. He's probably worried I'll murder Sean in his sleep or something. If only he knew that is the last thing I want. Why would I want the only man who has ever shown me an ounce of kindness to die? I have no loyalty to Seo-Jun, none whatsoever. I hope in his next life he gets to live as a shit-eating fly, who gets smushed for going to the wrong place. And then I want that for his next hundred lives. He doesn't deserve to be something beautiful or a human again.
He nods. "That was his girlfriend's. Guess she missed it when they were packing their clothes. Or she didn't want it. Her style has changed a bit from the photos he's been sending me."
I don't miss the bitterness in his voice. From what I've gathered, he feels abandoned by his older brother, who followed a woman to sail across the world. I would never ask the man I love to leave behind his family. That's just selfish.
I look at his face again. His nose is going to need set. He also needs to get the dried blood cleaned up before it causes infection to set in, and then he'll need inflammation medication and ice. Still holding his hand, I lead him over to the guest bathroom. I clean it every other day, even though neither of us uses it for more than going to the bathroom every once in a while if we're watching something together. I know there's a large first aid kit under the counter. The sink in this bathroom isn't like the floating one I have in mine. I guess they didn't want to make it as fancy.
He frowns at me. "What are you doing?"
I push him toward the toilet and have him sit down. "I'm going to fix your nose and help it heal the right way. Take off your jacket and shirt. There could be more blood after I set it."
He blinks at me. his head nearly reaches my chin even while he's sitting. "I can do it. This isn't my first broken nose."
I shake my head. "You might make a mistake when the pain hits again. I can set it right. Strip."
I'm not letting him do this on his own. I've set more noses than I can count with my fingers. Not only was I the wife of the Head, but I had become the nurse for everyone as well. I've dealt with so many broken noses, bones, black eyes, and gunshots. Sometimes I would be out of my depth, but for most of it, I went off instinct and from watching how the doctors back in Korea handled things. I learned a lot that way. We didn't have doctors once we came here. So the care fell to me. I feel kind of bad for Seo-Jun's men. They're just as much a slave as I am, but I'm not going back to him so that they can be helped. I'm sure they've found a way to make it without me there to do everything.
Taking out the first aid kit, I wait for him to take off his jacket and shirt. I haven't seen him without a shirt on since the second day I was here. My gaze goes to the white roses on his broad chest. Each pec has blooming white or pink roses and words strung over his heart that act like a banner. I still can't read them. Being able to see the letters better now, I'm certain it's not English, but I don't know what language it could be. His torso is short compared to his long legs, but he has large abs that define it, and a chiseled V that points down to the band of his jeans. Part of me wants to see what it's pointing to.
Seeing the beauty of his muscles and the art that adorns his skin makes my stomach flip and my core warm. I suddenly feel very aware of the fact I forewent underwear before he came in. I haven't felt hot like this since I started to masturbate while taking baths. Those jets have made me understand what pleasure can be like.
I turn my gaze back to the kit. Looking at him like this isn't going to fix his nose, and besides, he probably has a woman on the outside that takes care of him that way. Despite that, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to run my fingers over his skin, trace the letters on his chest, see what his moans sound like as I make him come with my mouth.
Licking my lips. I work to get an alcohol wipe and clean the blood from outside his nose. He grimaces at the smell but lets me do what I need to. I then use another wipe to clean my hands before tilting his chin up with the tips of my fingers. I use a flashlight to shine it up his nose. I don't see any clots of blood that need to come out before I set it. Looks like he's swallowed most of it.
"You have really pretty eyes, Hana."
My gaze meets his as my heart picks up a notch. It travels down to his full lips before I turn my gaze away. I shouldn't be thinking that. He doesn't want me. "They're brown. Not pretty. I rather have blue eyes, like you."
He shakes his head. "In a family of Irishmen, eyes like mine are a dime a dozen. Brown is the rare one. I like yours."
My hands start to shake. I want to be happy at his praise, but nothing can come from it. "Thank you." I close my eyes. It's time to be serious. I can't be shaky while setting his nose. I steel myself, closing my eyes for a second, before I turn to look at him again. I tilt his chin up then move his face from side to side. Looking to see where the break is. I have to be quick. "I'm sorry. This will hurt."
I pinch the area that needs adjusting and push it back into place. A crunch sounds in the bathroom as he grunts and squints his eyes shut.
I pull my hand away and look at it. It looks straight and set right.
"Fucking hell! That never gets easier." Tears run down his face as his eyes water. His hand gingerly goes up to his nose and touches it. He stands and looks in the mirror.
"It's still swollen, but once it goes down, it should look fine. You'll have that bruise for a while."
Light blood trickles out of his nose. I grab some tissue and press it to his face without a second thought. His hand comes up to cover mine before he takes the tissue and presses it to the blood himself. "Thank you." His voice comes out nasally as he glances at me.
I let my hand fall. "Of course."
He looks back to the mirror. "Where did you learn to do that?"
I shrug. "Being the wife of a crime lord, I've had to deal with a lot of men and injuries that they couldn't go to the hospital for. Broken noses are an easy fix, I'm glad I could help you. I look through the kit for the medicine he'll need. I check the dates, not expired. Opening them, I hand them to him. "To help with pain and the swelling. You should put ice on it as well. It will help with the bleeding."
Sean takes the pills and takes them with a handful of water from the sink. He pulls the tissue away and tosses it in the trash before grabbing more. "You didn't have to help me. You owe nothing to me."
I swallow hard and all the turmoil from before when he complimented my eyes comes rising back up. I shake my head. He would never understand. He sees me as his prisoner. His means to an end. But to me, he's a savior, a kind soul, something I haven't experienced in so long. He's like rain in a desert after a near-decade of drought. I want to soak him in, I want to feel him, know him inside and out. My gaze goes up his muscular form and then I look at him through the mirror. I want him, all of him. Was this what he was talking about? Was this the want he needed me to have?
Even if it is. Why would he want me? I'm damaged goods. He could have any woman in the world. A beautiful one that's untainted.
I feel like I owe him the world, but he would never want the world from me.
My vision blurs with tears. I blink fast to make them go away. I can't cry, I can't let him know how I'm feeling. He'll reject me and shatter this dream I've been living for two weeks. I want to keep living in the fantasy that I could have a happy life. For at least a little while longer. "I go get you ice." I brush past his warm, bareback as I step out into the hallway. "Are you hungry? I could cook dinner."
I grab a hand towel from the closet next to the washer and dryer and hurry to the fridge.
As I press the lever for the ice to dispense into the towel, long fingers lightly touch my arm. If I look at him I'm going to cry. That will only confuse him and possibly make him angry. He hasn't shown any anger toward me. But I've seen him when he gets upset with his brother or when he yells on his phone to someone.
"Hana."
I bite at my lip as I fold the towel around the ice. "I could make some Korean army stew for dinner. It's like ramen with lots of things added in. Spicy though." Don't look at him.
"Hana." His voice comes out softer. Luring me in, but I resist.
I hold out the ice to him, he takes it as I open the fridge to take out the tofu I pressed earlier in the day.
Something clunks on the counter. I glance over to see he put the ice on the island. I frown. "You should put that on your nose. It will aid in the healing."
"Look at me, Hana."
After years of being ordered around, my eyes flutter as I follow the command in his tone. I briefly look at him before picking a spot on the upper wall directly behind him.
Sean steps to the side until our eyes lock. I can't look away and the tears return with a tidal wave of force.
His warm, rough, hand comes up to cup my cheek. "Why are you upset? Talk to me."
I want to lean into his touch. It feels so good.
Pulling away from him, I bring my hands up to cover my face. What can I say? That I desire something I can't have? That I would love to stay with him forever if he would let me. Even if it were to simply stand in his shadow and watch him love another, as I cook and clean for them. Even that, cruel as it may sound, would be infinity better than what I've come from. I wipe the tears from my face and straighten my back. "I'm okay. I should start on dinner. You've had a rough night. Go relax and ice your face."
He bites at his lip as he eyes me. "I can't read minds, Hana. I want you to tell me what's wrong. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. You want to say something. Just tell me. Do you want to leave?"
I vehemently shake my head. "No." That's the last thing I want, and that's the problem.
He grips the island until his knuckles turn white. "Then what is it?"
I turn my attention to the towel of ice, a puddle forms under it. I should've put the ice in a bag first. I'm an idiot. I move to gather it and he places his hand over mine.
"Tell me."
My resolve breaks. "I don't know how!" My chest heaves as my voice echoes in the room. My eyes widen. I don't remember the last time I raised my voice, if ever. My hand comes up to cover my mouth and I stumble back from him, Preparing for the inevitable hit that will come. I cover my head. "I'm sorry! Please be kind."
Hands gently touch my arms and I flinch.
"I'm not going to hurt you."
My legs shake with the terror quaking through me and they give away. I crumple to the floor. Of course, he wouldn't hurt me. He's too kind for that. A sob erupts from me.
Strong arms encircle me and I stiffen as he presses me to his bare chest, enveloping me with his scent. The scent I've come to love. The first thing I smelled when awoke here. His hand strokes over my hair as I cry and he moves to spread his legs out on either side of me. Letting me cry it out on the kitchen floor with him.
I hold on to him for dear life. To feel his touch is amazing. I want more, and now that we're this close, I fear I might not be able to keep myself from giving in to my desires.
As my tears subside, I pull back from him. "I'm sorry."
He keeps holding me, not letting me go. His blue eyes meet mine and he shakes his head. "Don't be sorry."
My core warms again, as my gaze goes to his lips. I can't help it, I reach up and stroke my fingers over his cheek, light stubble scrapes against them.
In a blink of an eye, his lips crash against mine. My body hums as goosebumps spread over my skin. A light moan leaves me as I wrap my arm around his neck and he pulls me as flush with him as we can be.
His tongue parts my lips and delves in my mouth, swirling with mine. It's deep and primal. I kiss him back with the same amount of need. This is exactly how I've always wanted to be kissed. As if our very lives depend on it. As if our souls can become one.
After a long moment, he breaks it and pulls back. His chest heaves. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that when you've been crying."
I blink. What the hell is he talking about? I sit up more. My hand lingers on his shoulder. "That's what I wanted. I want you." I avert my gaze. "But you don't deserve someone like me. I'm not good en-"
He presses a finger to my lips.
"Don't you dare finish that sentence. You're strong, intelligent as hell, and beautiful. I've wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you and that hasn't changed. I didn't want you to think you were required to want me."
I can't help it, I lean in toward him and kiss him again.