Claire couldn’t believe it. Had she done something awful in another life? Was she being punished for some reason?
‘I thought it looked a bit flat when I came out this morning,’ Sophie said, following her bewildered gaze to the deflated tyre on her car, this time on the driver’s side.
‘It’s not a bit flat,’ Claire said, working to control her emotion in front of Ella. ‘It’s been slashed.’ She could see the gaping gap in the rubber above the wheel rim from three feet away.
‘Kids. The little…’ Sophie stopped herself short. ‘They tore the wing mirrors off a car just up the road a couple of weeks ago.’
Her mouth dry, Claire nodded. She guessed Sophie must be right, but why did these things keep happening? ‘Hell, I’ve let the taxi go now.’ She glanced despairingly after it as it turned the corner.
‘Come in and have some tea, and I’ll call you another one,’ Sophie offered. ‘Or you could stay. I know you’d probably rather not now, but the least I can do is look after you and Ella after all the upset I’ve caused you.’
‘Can we, Mummy?’ Ella asked, that hopeful glint in her eyes, and Claire knew that, once again, she couldn’t say no.
‘Is she all right?’ Sophie looked worriedly up from the drinks she was making, as Claire came back to the kitchen after settling Ella down.
Claire nodded and went to seat herself at the table. ‘Asleep at last,’ she assured her. She hadn’t been sure whether to take up Sophie’s offer to stay over, but Ella had been thrilled at the prospect of spending the night and the promise of a film of her choice being downloaded in the morning. The fur throw and hot-water bottle had been immensely appreciated, and the tinned tomato soup Sophie had prepared for Ella had hit the spot, as Luke would have said. Sighing wearily inside, Claire wondered what his reaction would be when she spoke to him. She couldn’t face that conversation tonight.
‘Hot chocolate,’ Sophie said, carrying two steaming mugs across to the table. ‘It’s only the instant stuff, but it will warm us up.’
‘Thanks.’ Claire wrapped her hands gratefully around her mug and took a soothing sip. Sophie was still worried to death, trying to do all she could to help.
‘Are you all right?’ Claire asked her. She certainly looked better after the hot shower she’d taken while Claire lay with Ella until she drifted off. She finally had some colour to her cheeks, and her eyes were less tormented. Sitting here in her small, sparsely furnished kitchen, dressed in teal-coloured flowery pyjamas rather than the black leggings and fitted black shirt that had showed off her sleek figure to perfection, she looked more like a vulnerable child than an adult.
‘I’m fine.’ Sophie gave her a wan smile. ‘I’m really sorry, Claire,’ she blurted, reaching to catch hold of her hand. ‘I can’t believe I took my eyes off her. I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to her. Killed myself probably. I’m so bloody stupid.’
There were fresh tears welling in her eyes, Claire saw, her initial anger giving way to compassion. She must have apologised a thousand times. ‘You’re not stupid, Sophie,’ she said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. She above all people knew the impossibility of keeping eyes on an impulsive four-year-old every minute of every day. And it had only taken a moment, she imagined, for Ella to cross the short distance from where they were to the sea. ‘Ella can be very headstrong. I need eyes in the back of my head to keep up with her sometimes.’
Sophie smiled again, tremulously. She didn’t look convinced.
‘It might have ended in disaster but for your quick reaction,’ Claire reminded her, a shudder running through her as she imagined again what might have happened. Ella could swim, but only with her armbands. The current had been strong. She would have been disorientated, flailing about, lost and terrified under the swirling water. From where Claire had been, some way up the beach, she would never have reached her in time. And then Sophie had made sure they got to the hospital. She could have been run over in the process. ‘Children are resilient,’ Claire assured her, although she hadn’t been thinking that way herself earlier. ‘She’ll be fine.’
‘I suppose,’ Sophie said with a weak smile. ‘I know I was as a child. When anything bad happened, I always came back stronger. I still do.’ She met Claire’s gaze, holding it for a second, and then looked away.
Claire couldn’t quite read what was in her eyes. It was as if they’d glazed over, as her father’s sometimes did. Her past was obviously painful. What she’d just said about killing herself had jarred her. She was still clearly wretched with guilt and utterly miserable. ‘It was my fault, Sophie, not yours,’ she told her firmly. ‘I should have been watching her. I was so busy with the problems between her father and me, I forgot about our child. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if anything had happened to her. She’s my heartbeat, everything I have in the world. If not for you, she might have…’ She trailed off, unable to speak the word.
Sophie squeezed her hand hard in return. ‘We’ll both have to be extra vigilant next time,’ she said, smiling kindly. ‘That’s assuming you ever want to see me again. I don’t think I’d blame you if you didn’t.’
Claire studied her thoughtfully, noting the immense sadness now in her eyes, as if she fully expected Claire to return to her own life and have nothing to do with her in future. But she couldn’t just ignore Sophie’s existence. She actually liked her, despite everything that had happened. Sophie didn’t appear to have anyone else in the world either. No one she’d mentioned anyway.
‘Do you want children some day?’ Claire asked her carefully. Aware that Sophie was not long out of a bad relationship, she didn’t want to venture too clumsily onto sensitive ground. She did want to know more about who she was, though. Did she long to create a family of her own, as Claire had? To have people around her to fill the void in her heart left by the loss of her mother?
Sophie reached for her mug, swishing the contents around it as she pondered. ‘I do,’ she said, ‘very much. I’d have to find a man who’s half-decent first, though, wouldn’t I?’
Claire felt for her. ‘You will,’ she said encouragingly. She was absolutely sure Sophie would meet someone else soon. She couldn’t fail to notice heads turning in her direction while they were out. She really was extremely pretty.
‘Maybe.’ Sophie pondered. ‘I thought my ex was, you know, The One. I even came off the pill for a while. Thank God I didn’t get pregnant,’ she said with a relieved roll of her eyes. ‘I would have been left bringing a child up on my own with absolutely no support whatso— Oh God.’ She stopped, cringing at her obvious faux pas. ‘Me and my runaway mouth. I am so sorry, Claire. That was really crass.’
Claire couldn’t help but be touched by her mortified expression. ‘It’s fine. I’m getting used to the idea now.’ She forced a smile, and buried the feelings of isolation and loneliness that immediately assailed her. She wasn’t getting used to the idea. The cold reality of her complete aloneness still hit her in soul-crushing waves. ‘I think I’d rather be on my own, to be honest, than with a man who doesn’t have his child’s best interests at heart.’
‘Do you think Luke doesn’t then?’ Sophie asked, her expression troubled.
‘Honestly,’ Claire took a breath, ‘I’m not sure.’ She jumped as her phone beeped between them. Another text from him, no doubt. One of many since they’d got back, all of which she’d ignored in favour of seeing to Ella and then giving herself some breathing space. Why was he doing this? She’d already sent another text confirming that Ella was fine.
Sighing despairingly, she picked up the phone and switched it to silent. She didn’t want to speak to Luke until she could think what to do about his ongoing contact with Ella. She certainly didn’t want her anywhere near some bitter lunatic ex-girlfriend. Assuming he was telling the truth and that was what the woman was. It was him who’d sounded irrational, and given the seriousness of what he was being accused of, she wasn’t sure she was happy with him having access to Ella at all. At least not until she knew for sure.
Sophie glanced at the phone as Claire placed it back on the table. ‘He’s a bit persistent, isn’t he?’ she suggested hesitantly.
‘Very.’ Claire emitted another heavy sigh. ‘I’ll call him tomorrow,’ she said, absent-mindedly twirling her mug around on the table. ‘I just can’t face talking to him yet.’
‘I know that feeling,’ Sophie empathised. ‘My ex used to barrage me with calls,’ she explained, when Claire glanced at her curiously. ‘He did it before we broke up, always wanting to know where I was and who I was with, but after… he almost drove me insane. Texting and ringing at all hours, calling round uninvited. I swear he didn’t want me to have a life. He does the cheating and then he’s jealous? I mean, how does that work?’ She looked at Claire in bafflement.
‘I doubt Luke’s jealous, given he was so ready to throw our marriage away. He’s bound to be worried, though. He is Ella’s father, after all.’ Claire found herself defending Luke again, and had no idea why.
Sophie raised her eyebrows at that. ‘I suppose,’ she conceded, not looking very convinced. ‘I still think his text was a bit aggressive, though, demanding to know where you were and when you would be back home.’ She paused, glancing at Claire guardedly. ‘And he’s very fond of the F word, isn’t he? Did he not consider that Ella might see it?’
Claire felt it again, a tug of fear and confusion at the mention of Luke as aggressive. ‘That’s just it,’ she dropped her gaze, ‘I’m not sure he’s considering anything right now. Least of all Ella.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Sophie offered kindly. ‘It might help.’
Claire looked back at her, and was met with such sincerity in her eyes she felt like bursting into tears. Inhaling a shuddery breath, she managed not to, just. ‘Who did you confide in?’ she asked. ‘After your mum died?’
‘My gran.’ Sophie smiled, heart-wrenchingly. ‘She still had all her faculties almost right up until the end. She didn’t like my ex. Said he was bad news, warned me off him. I didn’t listen, of course. We’re our own worst enemies sometimes, aren’t we? After that, no one. Well, no one I could trust, anyway.’
Which might explain why she was suddenly so desperate to find her family, Claire realised.
‘I might not be able to do much, Claire, but I’m a good listener,’ Sophie assured her.
Claire debated with herself, then took another deep breath. ‘He was arrested,’ she confided, ‘Luke…’
Sophie looked shocked and worried in turn. ‘What for?’ she asked.
Claire hesitated, feeling unaccountably like a traitor. But it’s Luke who’s the traitor, said an angry little voice in her head. And now he was accusing her of being a bad mother. Despite what had happened today, Claire was sure he was wrong about that. She loved her little girl so much it hurt. Starting tonight, she’d sworn off the wine. She only ever had the odd glass, he knew that. It had helped her to get to sleep, but perhaps made her sleep a little too heavily, she now realised. She would do without it in future. She wouldn’t give him ammunition against her.
Glancing back at Sophie, she spoke falteringly. ‘His girlfriend went missing… under suspicious circumstances.’
Sophie’s look turned to astonishment. ‘Bloody hell, Claire.’
‘She turned up,’ Claire added quickly. ‘That is, she texted me. That’s what I was talking to him about on the beach. The police need me to go in and make a statement, apparently.’
‘Blimey.’ Sophie ran a hand through her hair. ‘No wonder you were distracted.’
Her heart fluttering with uncertainty, Claire scanned the other woman’s eyes as she looked back at her. There was no judgement there, only sympathy.
‘So what were the suspicious circumstances?’ Sophie asked.
Again Claire hesitated. ‘Blood in the bathroom,’ she answered eventually, icy cold spreading through her as she imagined the scene. ‘Luke denied there was any violence on his part, but he did admit they’d argued.’
She wasn’t comfortable sharing things about Luke after the security of her marriage, where she’d thought he was the only one she could ever truly trust, but as Sophie continued to listen without judging, the words came tumbling out, and soon Claire had told her everything. About Luke’s ultimatum. His moodiness. How he’d stormed out and cheated on her that very night. Her heart growing heavier, she told her about the scratch on his cheek, his evasiveness when she’d asked him about it. His explanation, which she didn’t know whether to believe. She had to summon up the courage to tell her what they’d argued about earlier. ‘He made out I was a bad mother,’ she said, her guilt resurfacing. ‘That I was drinking too much, putting Ella at risk.’
‘You putting Ella at risk?’ Sophie laughed incredulously. ‘He’s got some nerve, hasn’t he, after what he’s done?’
Claire answered with an unsure nod. ‘The thing is, he’s right, isn’t he?’ She wiped an errant tear from her eye. ‘I’m scared he’s trying to take her away from me.’
‘What?’ Now Sophie looked flabbergasted. ‘Why?’
‘I don’t know…’ Claire faltered. ‘I live in fear of losing her, Sophie. I have done since social services started asking questions before she was diagnosed. If they started poking around again, I swear I would run away with her.’
Sophie nodded thoughtfully at that. ‘I see,’ she said. ‘Well, rest assured, Claire, he wouldn’t stand a snowball in hell’s chance of getting custody of her, not with this on his police record, and it will be, trust me. As for you being a bad mother, that’s bollocks, excuse my French. I haven’t known you long, admittedly, but even without what Bernard told me – which was that you’re a kind, caring person – I can see that you’re a damn good mother. If I were you, I would ignore him. He’s obviously trying to get your attention.’
‘He’s got it.’ Claire smiled shakily. ‘He said she was insane,’ she went on, after a second. ‘Anna, I mean. He said she was volatile, violent. I’m not sure whether to believe that either.’
Picking up her phone, she scrolled to her texts and selected the one the woman had sent her. ‘What do you think?’ she asked, passing the phone to Sophie.
Reading it in silence, her forehead furrowed pensively, Sophie took a moment to answer. Then, ‘Truthfully?’ she said, her eyes holding a warning as she glanced back at her. ‘It’s not my place to tell you how to bring up your daughter, Claire, but you can’t let this poison seep into Ella’s life. He’s obviously involved in a very toxic relationship. I can’t see how it can end amicably… assuming it does end.’
‘Of course it’s going to end.’ Claire laughed. ‘It’s already ended. He’s been accused of attacking her, for God’s sake.’
‘Which he says he didn’t,’ Sophie pointed out. ‘Claiming she’s volatile, violent, insane… Say he is telling the truth.’ She studied Claire carefully. ‘What do you think would have attracted him to a woman like that?’
Claire scanned her face in turn. She had no idea how to answer. The thrill of a night of illicit sex to salve his ego, she’d thought initially.
‘Precisely those qualities.’ Sophie’s next comment stunned her. ‘She would have been quirky, teasing, intriguing. Volatile. Who’s to say he’ll be able to resist if she lures him back with promises of sex – sadomasochistic sex probably; it sounds to me as if that’s the sort of thing she’s into. If it were me, Claire, I’d have nothing to do with him.’