Enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m Hunter. You know how I said in the introduction of this book that I used to think yelling at girls across the playground was a good way to flirt with them? Well, in case I wasn’t clear, it is not a good way. In fact, most people don’t like that at all. It is a good way, though, to make sure people think you’re insane … so if that’s what you’re going for, awesome. Ya nailed it!

The reason I did that, though, is because I didn’t know any other way. It’s hard! And when the hundredth person in a row says they “have a boyfriend,” you start wondering if everyone magically started dating each other overnight. The problem is, there’s no rule book for flirting. And if there were, it would be LONG, because flirting changes based on who you are, who the person you’re flirting with is, the time, the place, the everything! It also depends heavily on the stage of the relationship. Flirting with someone you just met on a dating app is different from flirting with someone you’ve been dating for a few months. But honestly, if you’re at the “few months” stage, you’re just fine with whatever you’ve been doing. So I’ll just focus on the hardest part of dating: The Approach.

For me, it took years of trial and error, and error, and error just to get a few phone numbers, and honestly some of those were fake. One time, I bought a school lunch for a girl who I liked, which she rejected because, and I quote, “That looks gross.” It was the most heartbreaking one dollar I’ve ever spent. Another time I simply asked a girl if she was ready to settle down with me. She wasn’t; in fact, she never even told me her name.

Eventually, I learned some more effective flirting techniques that I’ll share with you now:

USING THE FRIEND

Asking a friend of yours, or of your crush, to play a part in the flirting process is a beginner’s favorite for a number of reasons. First, it takes a lot less confidence to tell a third party to do the dirty work of talking to your crush for you. Second, high school and middle school are PERFECT for this because odds are you have at least one mutual friend with them. And finally, if you get rejected, your friend always breaks the news to you in a nice way. Well, sometimes.

Whenever I started crushing on someone, I’d always ask classmates if they knew her. If one did, I would ask them to find out if she was single, if we had anything in common, if she had scary older brothers, etc. If the coast was clear, I’d ask a friend to go talk to the girl, and I would just so happen to join the conversation … you know, randomly.

The only problem with this is that without you talking to your crush yourself, they may not realize how great you are, or how beautiful your eyes are up close, and they may pass up the opportunity.

Personality best for this: Shy people. If approaching complete strangers is frightening, this is the way to go!

DID IT HURT? DID WHAT HURT? PICKUP LINES

As someone who loves to entertain, pickup lines were always one of my favorite ways to approach people. When I’d be out with my dad and brother, I would actually use them as a part of my pickup line. I’d approach my future girlfriend (confidence is key) and point to my dad and brother behind me, who’d usually wave, and I’d say, “I told them that I was going to approach you and they bet me twenty dollars that I would never get a phone number from someone that out of my league, and I agree it probably won’t happen, but I like beating them, so if you wouldn’t mind, can you just pretend and at least give me a fake phone number?” Then nine times out of ten, they’d write down their real phone number.

Now you may not go to that extreme, but just remember that a pickup line is supposed to be flattering and innocent. And even as a guy, I would find it flattering and unique to have a pickup line tried on me, so go for it! When done right, it’s lighthearted, fun, and gets a laugh to start the conversation. When done wrong, it’s overly aggressive, creepy, and gets a slap to end the conversation. It takes confidence to risk embarrassment like that, and a bit of comedic timing to pull off, but when done well, pickup lines can be a great icebreaker.

Personality best for this: Brave people! Think Superwoman, a fireman, or Jaden Smith. The risks involved are perfect for daredevils looking for that great story to tell their grandkids one day.

INSTAGRAM LIKE, LIKE, LIKE

This social media method is perfect for someone you don’t know and have zero mutual friends with. I know about this technique personally, not because I’ve done it, but because my younger brother is the KING of it. He’s mastered the formula, and, yes, there is a formula. Let me break it down. First, he likes two of her recent photos, because one isn’t enough to get noticed. Once she likes a photo back, he likes a photo from a few weeks before. That’s what lets her know that he’s interested. If she does the same, he comments on her picture with the sunglasses emoji to start a conversation, because he’s cool, and then he’s only a couple of steps away from setting up a date with her.

Personality best for this: Adventurous people. You’re doing this to someone you DON’T know, which is a big step out of the comfort zone, but it also opens up the dating pool. Who knows, you might end up dating my brother.

PLAY BE HARD TO GET

“Play hard to get” has been one of the most common pieces of dating advice since the dawn of time. People will tell you to wait a couple of days before texting back, then when you do, make it short, and always pretend you’re busy!

And while this might work, the problem is in the words themselves. “Playing” means games, which is NEVER the right thing. It creates confusion and distrust in any potential relationship. So to avoid that, you should instead BE hard to get. Use the time you would spend playing and instead play a sport, hang out with your friends, or study something you actually care about, and just generally be actually busy. When you do this, you’ll also notice that your standards go way up because you don’t have time for people who aren’t worth yours.

Personality best for this: Anxious people. This is the best way to not only come off appealing, but also to distract yourself during the stressful times of OMG, why haven’t they texted me?

THE BEST WAY

When I was younger, I tried every one of the flirting techniques I mentioned above … and some that were so bad they didn’t even make the list, but after all that experimenting, I managed to find the perfect one. It guarantees that your crush will not only notice you, but that they’ll talk to you. You ready? Okay, here it is. Next time you see them, walk right up to them and say … hi. That’s it. I know, it sounds awful and you want to shut this book, but I promise that you’ll want to try it!

For me it’s always easier when I change my goal. When I’m planning on talking to my crush, my goal isn’t to get a phone number or set up a date, my goal is to just say something to them. Simple as that. Just speak words. I can only control what I say to them, not what they do or say in return, so why would I worry about that? If I manage to say hello to them, regardless of what happens next, I’ve succeeded, and anything afterward is just icing on the cake.

It also helps to have a plan. The hardest part was always starting the conversation, because everything I’d want to say sounded awkward in my mind. So eventually I learned to keep it simple, and I would start with a “Hi, how are you?” or a “Are you in Ms. So-and-So’s class?” Then after I got comfortable with that, I started including compliments in my first lines, which always catches someone’s attention. “Excuse me, but I really like your jacket” almost guarantees that someone has to respond with a “Thank you.” That exchange might become a conversation, which may lead to something more.

Personality type for this: ALL OF THEM. This is the most tried-and-true way of starting a conversation with the person you like. It’s by far my favorite because I always accomplish my goal of just saying hi. By the way, hi. I like the way you read.