I’ve always been a relationship kind of guy.

Think about it: You have someone who cares about you constantly. You have someone who actually wants to know how your day was. You have someone to share secrets with, someone to eat lunch with, and most important, someone to make out with. Relationships are the best … until they become the worst.

I began my first relationship when I was in my junior year of high school. And no, it was not with the girl who I shared my first kiss with. She never called me again. Was it because our kiss was too magical to ever re-create and the pressure scared her away from me? Probably not, but I do still tell myself that.

Anyway, growing up I always found it easy to talk to girls. Some people get terrified when they have to talk to someone of the opposite sex, but not me. It was actually a lot EASIER for me to talk to women than it was to talk to guys. With guys, I felt like I was competing. With women, I felt I was completing … them. ;) Joke too corny? Got it, okay.

I think the real reason I didn’t talk to guys was because guys just aren’t fans of talking. Women, on the other hand, seemed to love talking, and boy was I good at it.

As good as I was at talking to them, though, none of them seemed to want to date me. That was, until I met her. Her name was, well … because this story is kind of messed up, I’m going to change her name. We’ll call her “Cheaty.”

When I first saw Cheaty I was in shock. Cheaty was tall, Cheaty was beautiful, Cheaty had a lovely name that rhymed with Bamanda. So I approached her.

In all honesty, I really liked her. When we started talking, it felt natural and fun. She had a good sense of humor and we always made each other laugh. Eventually I made a move and we kissed, and it was everything I had ever hoped it would be, meaning, I used tongue this time—which is a real game changer, by the way. After that, I wanted to make her my girlfriend officially.

I held her hands, looked her in the eyes, and said, “Cheaty, would you be interested in making this official?”

She said, “Yes!”

We started going out on real dates, she met my family, I met hers, and I ditched school (the one and only time) to hang out with her while she was out sick. It was … magic.

But then I remembered that magic isn’t real. And in case you forgot, this chapter is called GETTING CHEATED ON! So about a year in, I started noticing stuff that made me suspicious. She would get texts and hide them from me, or delete them altogether, which, unless she was throwing me a surprise birthday party, was NOT a good sign.

Then I started getting paranoid, and I started sneaking looks at her phone, then she’d catch me and make me feel like I was doing something wrong. Why couldn’t I trust my own girlfriend? Why would I ever suspect such horrible things? Oh yeah, BECAUSE HER NAME WAS CHEATY!

After about a year of me being suspicious and her doing suspicious things, two of my classmates pulled me aside during lunch one day and told me that they’d definitely seen her cheating on me at a party the previous night … with someone I knew well. It felt like I was hit by a truck. The air left my body, I felt sick, then I asked for details, and painfully got them. But I still needed her to admit to it; I don’t know why that was so important, but it was. So I came up with a plan.

That day I went to her house and told her that I had stopped by a party the day before, and saw everything. With every intimate detail I gave her, that my classmates had actually given me, her mouth dropped lower and lower. I didn’t ask her if it was true, because that would’ve given her an out; instead I asked her why. And she told me. Then I didn’t ask her if this was the only time; instead I asked her how long this had been going on. And she told me. Then I thought about the other times I was suspicious and brought those up. She was like Usher’s Confessions Parts 1 and 2 at this point, revealing to me the truth about everything she ever said I was “acting crazy” about.

At the end of our talk, I had found out that she had cheated on me multiple times, with multiple people, all of whom I had suspected and asked her about at one point in the relationship. It was heartbreaking. Like I literally thought my heart had broken. I also felt like an idiot because a bunch of other people knew before I did. I didn’t have anyone to turn to because I was embarrassed that I had been cheated on in the first place. I felt like me being a bad boyfriend, for whatever reason, contributed to all of this happening to me.

I should’ve seen the signs from a million miles away, but I didn’t; my mind was preoccupied by our mouth wrestling.

First sign: My mom didn’t like her. Neither did my brother, or anyone in my life for that matter. I chalked it up to parents not understanding, but honestly, my mom knows everything past, present, and future about my life. Had I just listened to her when she said that this girl wasn’t right for me, I could have avoided an entire year of getting cheated on!

Second sign: Her need to hide everything from me. Whether it was text messages or friends that she was visiting, I was never allowed to be part of it. I thought at the time that it was just a part of her personal life, and that I should give her that space, but it ended up being much more than that. I learned that when you’re with someone in a healthy relationship, there shouldn’t need to be any secrets.

And finally, the ultimate sign that I was getting cheated on was always having the feeling I was getting cheated on. To make it worse, that paranoia destroys trust, which is (excuse the cliché) the foundation of any relationship. Without that trust, I never fully committed to that person, and in the long run, I was never truly happy.

Being cheated on is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can go through. You give your all to someone, and they take it, crumple it up, and throw it in the trash. That one act can leave a leave a ton of wounds.

If that’s ever happened to you, I’m sorry. I know how horrible this all feels and it left me with serious trust issues. I kept people at a distance, avoided any serious connection, and was just generally okay with being single. Then I met someone who changed everything, and that person is still my girlfriend today. For this story I will call her Trusty.