I have decided to put this list of rock ’n’ roll no-nos out there as a public service. I’m not a hypocrite. I know I’ve had the odd lapse in a couple of these areas myself, but rules are made to be broken. And how are we going to grow as people if we don’t set ourselves impossibly high standards?
Things That Are Not Rock ’n’ Roll:
Baldness
Double chins
Perspex round the drum kit
Electric drums
Ear monitors/earplugs/hair-plugs
Steinberger guitars (the little black ones that have no headstock)
Publicists
LinnDrums
Click tracks
Paul Shaffer
The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame
White people with dreads
Facelifts on old dudes
Old dudes trying to look young
White people trying to be cool
White people trying to dance
Benefit shows
Meet ’n’ greets (but greeting the meat is OK)
Sandals
Selfies
Health food
Never having had VD
Being old
Dyeing your grey hair black
All Access laminates
Cunts hanging out on both sides of the stage
Cunts who say they saw you forty years ago, but secretly hated you back then
Cunts who get your signature on stuff then sell it on eBay