Chapter Ten

 

“I’ll break his bloody neck.” Amber paced in her living room. Her apartment was above the pub, so when I arrived at the bar with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, she escorted me up, leaving her assistant in charge. “I swear to God if he shows his face around here, I’ll kick his ass.”

“Don’t.” I loved Mitch, and as much as I wanted him to hurt, it had to come from me. By walking out and leaving him defeated, it was a start. “Don’t bother.”

“What did I tell you? All men are filthy pigs.”

I burst into tears. Maybe some guys were, but Mitch wasn’t. He’d been nothing less than perfect for me. He treated me right, he took care of me, he loved me with abandon. However, he had made a mistake and by not being honest about it, it cost him. Because he lied about it. Because he had an affair when we were together. It cost us. The worst part was hearing him breathe out how he never wanted children. What was I going to do now?

Amber fell onto the couch beside me. “Men are jerks. Every. Single. Guy.”

“Not all, I promise.”

“Yep. Think Lily caught the last good guy.”

“They really are cute together.” Even though my last visit with them was brief, it was easy to tell how well they fit together. Cliché, but true, they were like pieces of a puzzle. And now they have a baby, although the kid was Lily’s, and not biologically Eric’s. “Have you met the little one yet?”

“Nah. We’re not that close. Lily and I go way back, but I think she’d rather forget.”

“You knew Lily back then?”

I hadn’t been privy to much about her teenage years, but she had mentioned how much of a spoiled brat she was, and how reckless she’d been with her youth. It was hard picturing her that way when all I saw was the sweetness in her and the way she made Eric happy.

“We never ran in the same circles, but our paths crossed a few times. She was a trust fund brat, whereas I needed to prove I could swim in a sea of blood thirsty sharks.” There was bitterness on the tip of her tongue, but it was brief. “But whatever. I don’t hold a grudge against her, and I think she made amends to her past. At least she owned up to it.”

Amber held grudges, but they were against her family, namely the brother that committed suicide and the parents who no longer talked with her – something I completely understood after being outcasted.

“Yeah, Eric said she’s more than made amends and the town seems to have let it go. Finally. Did Eric know her before?”

Amber nodded. “They lived next door, but he was gawky and awkward, and they too ran in completely different circles. Took a while to grow into himself.”

“Sheesh. I always feel so left out. You all would’ve been fun to be around.”

“Oh, it was fun for sure. But we all did something wild in our pasts. I’m sure you weren’t all squeaky clean on the commune.”

“I was.” Sad but true.

Living in the commune was even tighter than living in a small town. I couldn’t sneeze without someone knowing. And if I was in a bad mood, there were too many people suddenly available to help me cheer up, usually with something natural but I never went for it, choosing instead to pour my thoughts into poetry and hiding my journal so the words would never be read aloud in nightly group.

When I moved away at seventeen – and shunned, never able to return – I learned my lifestyle wasn’t common and most of my friends had a different upbringing. It was a huge shock to the system when I found Cheshire Bay, a town full of people and private buildings and items that belonged to individuals and not the group as a whole, but I embraced the lifestyle. It was still laid back, but I learned new skills thanks to the patient people of the garden center and thankfully I was a quick study when it came to computers.

“You never smoked weed?” She tipped her head to the side and studied me while I shook out a no. “Want to now?” Amber rose and went to her kitchen, returning a heartbeat later with her smoke. Lighter in hand, she went to flick it on. “This’ll be fun.”

I put my hand out to stop her. “I can’t.”

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s very relaxing.”

Relaxing was an understatement. I remember how the elders would zone out. “Yeah, it’s not that.”

The lighter hung out beneath the smoke. “What’s the problem? You’ll be safe – I won’t let you jump out a window or anything.”

Even I knew weed didn’t cause that kind of a reaction. “Amber…” I held my breath because Mitch was supposed to be the one who found out first. “I’m pregnant.”

Her whole face lit up and her eyes grew wide as they scanned down my body. “You’re pregnant?”

I nodded, a slight smile building. It felt good to finally share the news with someone. “Just pregnant. I found out on Tuesday.”

“Yay!” Amber jumped up and down, and then her smile slid off as she fell back beside me. “Oh, shit. Mitch and Jasmine and Jackson.”

“Yeah.”

“That does put a damper on things, doesn’t it? He doesn’t know yet either, am I right?”

“I was going to tell him that night. It was our five-year anniversary, but she decided to show up and kibosh my plans.” I sighed and my head hit the back of the couch. “That’s not fair. She’d didn’t plan to ruin my happiness. Hell, she probably didn’t even know I existed.”

“Wow.” Amber tossed the smoke and lighter onto the coffee table. “You’re a nicer person than I am.”

“No.”

“Yeah. I’d torch the bitch, not literally of course, but I’d roast her.”

“She doesn’t know anything about me. This is all on Mitch. This is all his fault.”

“You’re damn right it is, but I’m still going to blame her, and hate on her. And kick his ass nine ways to Sunday if I ever see him again.”

I picked at a scab on my knee, picking the edges of it until it hurt and bled. “The only fault I have with Jasmine is her not telling Mitch sooner. That’s what I don’t understand.”

“You said it was because she’s moving to the US?”

“Yeah. I guess she needs his signature on the documentation stating Mitch gives approval for his kid to live there. It’s all messed up and weird.”

“Just curious, and don’t answer if you don’t want to, but…” Amber took a deep breath. “Would you have rather found out now that he fathered a child, found out years later, or would you rather you never knew?”

“Isn’t there an option of I wish he hadn’t knocked her up?”

“That’s already happened.”

I shrugged. The truth hurt.

“But since it did… which option is the best?”

“I don’t know. It’s already been four years, but… Oh, I don’t know.” There was no easy answer. All of them were bad. “I hate that it happened. I hate that he lied to me or withheld the truth. I hate that he had her over to our home, without telling me or asking for permission.” Tears burst free, and I crossed my arms over my chest to hold myself together. “This was supposed to be an amazing time for Mitch and me. We were supposed to be daydreaming about what our baby will look like and booking midwife appointments. Instead, we’re falling apart.”

“When are you going to tell Mitch?”

I looked over at my best friend, raising my shoulders in the process. “I don’t know.”

“You have to tell him. Otherwise, you’ll be just like Jasmine, and if you continue to live in Cheshire Bay, Mitch will find out.”

“I thought you hated Mitch.”

A smile sprang to the corner of her mouth. “Oh, I do, and I’ll never forgive him for upsetting you like he has. But if you don’t tell him, then you’re a Jasmine too.”

Man, I hated when she pointed out the obvious. “I promise I’ll tell him before the baby is born.”

She cocked her eyebrow and gave me her best don’t mess with me look. It was terrifying.

“Fine. Sometime within the next couple of weeks. Maybe when I go back and pack my things.”

“You’re going to move out?”

“Do I have a choice? I can’t be with a guy who doesn’t want kids.” I sat on the edge of the couch.

There was so much to think through. When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled to picture our future together and now I needed to side-step the dream and plan the future of me bringing up the baby alone. It was absolutely mind-boggling. Thank goodness I had eight months to prepare.