Chapter Five

 

Jesse being a mortician was not the job I expected him to have. Not at all.

“It’s okay, I get that a lot.” An impassive expression settled over his face.

“What’s that?”

He circled my head with a long finger. “That blank stare.”

I shook away the look and tossed my gaze to the sidewalk which was decorated with a fresh covering of snow smooshed into the sidewalk. “Sorry.”

“What’s to be sorry for? Sure, it doesn’t have the glamour and prestige of a doctor or a lawyer…”

“Or an accountant.” I winked, understanding exactly what he meant. “I get it. No one grows up saying they’ll be an accountant or a mortician.”

“It’s a dead-end job, I agree.” He chuckled.

I laughed and nearly snorted from his bad joke. “That’s funny.”

“Well, if I don’t keep it light, then the dreariness will bury me.”

“Oh stop.” I grabbed his arm to balance myself.

He pulled me out of the way of a passerby. “Afternoon, Mrs. Thornsbird.” He tipped his head in the direction of the older lady. “Merry Christmas.”

I straightened myself up and inhaled a sharp sigh, collecting my wits. “My apologies.”

“Don’t please. Humour is important, and besides, you have a great laugh.”

“You think so?” Heat blossomed on my cheeks as my smile pushed the apples higher. My laugh had always grated on Charlie’s nerves.

“I do.” There was more sincerity behind his eyes than I’d seen before. And it was directed at me. A first, for sure. “Care to grab some lunch?”

I nodded and followed his lead. We walked down the main street and turned onto another which was still part of what could be considered downtown Cheshire Bay. Peter’s Pitas was on the right and a jingling of bells overhead announced our arrival.

A silver haired man with a beard that would give Santa Claus a run for his money walked up to the counter.

“Season’s Greetings. What can I getcha?” He washed his hands at the small sink.

“I’ll have a number three,” I said after studying the menu.

So many mouth-watering choices. I was going to have to come back here again before I went home.

“What about you?” I nudged Jesse.

“The number six please. No tomatoes though. I’m allergic.”

“No problem.” He got to work assembling our lunches.

Internally I smacked my forehead. Allergies. Hadn’t even given that a speck of thought while grocery shopping.

“Do you have any other food restrictions?”

He leaned against the counter. “Just tomatoes.”

A loud sigh rolled out as I shifted my bags into my other hand. “Thank goodness.”

“Why?” His brows pinched together.

“I kind of did something this morning.”

“What? What did you do?” His eyes danced as his gaze jumped around.

Not sure how he would take it, I stepped back a little, putting a smidgen of distance between us. Not that I expected him to take a swing at me or anything. “I bought some groceries for your fridge and pantry. As a thank you for putting me up last night and listening to me go on and on about things.”

“You didn’t need to do that.” But there was a gratefulness in his tone. One I remembered from my roommates when they said thanks to my dad.

The decoy Santa wiped his hands on his apron and set our food on a tray. “Sixteen-fifty, please.”

Jesse reached for his wallet, but I beat him to it and handed my card to the silver-haired man.

“I insist.”

I smiled and slid my card into the machine before I heard another peep. “I insist more.”

“Thanks again,” Jesse said as he slowly pushed the wallet back into his jeans. “But it should really be me.”

“No, it shouldn’t. I lived with a very Archie Bunker-like man for ten years, and I don’t mind picking up the tab for this.” I grabbed the tray full of food and walked over to an empty table.

Jesse sat across from me and slowly unwrapped his pita. “Although it’s not my place to ask, but I’m dying to know. Based on last night’s stairwell conversation, why doesn’t Lily know?”

I sighed. “Lily and I are complicated.”

“Aren’t all families?” He snickered.

I shrugged and unwrapped my pita, folding over the edges of the wax paper slowly and methodically. “Have you always lived in Cheshire Bay?”

“Nah. Moved here a few years back.” He took a hearty bite of his food.

“Well then, you didn’t know Lily when she was a teen?” I stared at the napkin as he dragged it across his mouth – lucky napkin.

Jesse stared deep into my eyes.

“She was always a wild child. Rebellious wouldn’t even be the right word. Lily and Mom disagreed on just about everything right from the get-go, and Dad didn’t want to ruffle the already ruffled feathers, so he stayed out of things. But oh boy, she was a bad kid. Always drinking and doing drugs, defying curfew, that kind of thing.” I shook my head from the memories, unable to stop sharing once I got going. “It was way worse when we were here for the summer as she was the most popular kid in the Bay area from the time she was eleven or so. By then, my parents had pretty much given up on her for those months and allowed her free reign, so to speak.” Until I needed to go and rescue her.

Jesse’s jaw hit the table. “You’d never know it now.”

There was something comforting about Jesse, something allowing me to talk about the past without fear of being ridiculed or highly judged.

I hadn’t had a connection like that with another adult in years, and it egged me on to spill more. “No. She’s turned her life around, and I’m very proud of her.” I fiddled with my drink and finally pulled back the tab. “But when Mom first got sick, Lily was only fourteen. And if rules were made to be broken beforehand, there was no way her sickness was going to make anything better. So… I stepped up since Dad was too busy taking care of Mom.”

“Sounds like you had to.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe she would’ve been fine. I’ll never know.” It wasn’t ideal in the least. “But I spent most of my summers trying my damnedest to keep trouble away from Lily, but it still found her. She did drugs, and smoked a lot, and had more sex before the age of sixteen than I’ve had in my married life. And she spent most of her teenage years hating me.”

Jesse cast his gaze to the basket of fries and pulled one out, popping it into his mouth.

Yeah, I’d look away too. And I did. I took a quick sip of my drink and stared at the counter where the Decoy Santa was crafting another order.

“Anyways, our relationship was very one-sided. I was always watching out for her, mothering her, if you will. Even when I stopped coming to the beach house after Mom died, I was still her mother-figure. We both knew that. I wasn’t her sister. I didn’t confide anything to her, and whatever she shared with me, I already knew thanks to social media. I was the last person she confided in. When my marriage fell apart, I couldn’t admit to anyone. You’re the…”

No one at work knew, and no one questioned anything when I needed to change my direct deposits. I didn’t even have the heart to tell Jesse he was the first to know. How sad was that?

“Sounds like you grew up before your time.”

“Maybe.” I took a small bite and chewed carefully.

“It’s not my place to ask, but since you’re sharing… While you were busy caring for your sister, and your dad was busy caring for your mom, who was busy taking care of you?”

I pushed back against the plastic backrest and stared – not a harsh stare, but one of complete astonishment. My heart squeezed a little bit as memories flipped through my mind.

“I was old enough to take care of myself.” Which was true. I pretty much had been since my middle teens.

“You’re what, two years older than Lily?”

“Eighteen months.”

He chewed a few more fries, heavily coating them in ketchup, and then took another bite of his pita.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

Finally, his gaze connected with me. “I highly doubt it but try me.”

However much I wanted to, I couldn’t give voice to the words. They were all there in my mind, but were swirling around so much, they’d never find an exit, at least not one that made any sense.

Instead of speaking, I sighed and stacked my fries, sprinkling them with a fresh dusting of seasoning salt. “Regardless of what happened back then, I simply can’t tell Lily my marriage ended months ago. Not yet. She has a sweet son and a doting husband and is getting married in two days.”

“You don’t think she’d care to know about your… situation? Maybe the tables have turned, and it’s her turn to take care of you.”

I shook my head. “Although she’s grown up, and she’s not as wild as she was, I don’t want to burden her with that kind of news.”

“How long do you think it’ll be before she puts the pieces together herself? This Charlie can’t be on vacation or business trips forever, right?”

He was right, of course. The last two times we’ve gotten together, Charlie was absent, and while Lily may have been a wild child, she was pretty smart.

“Someday I’ll tell her, just not right away. She deserves a wedding day free of drama.”

“Said like a doting big sister.” He winked and continued to devour his food. “How long were you and Charlie married?”

“Ten years.” I took another bite and swallowed, wanting to ask him the same thing. “Lily mentioned you were recently divorced as well.”

“See? Small towns talk.” He nodded, making me feel like a huge idiot. A huge gossiping idiot. However, he ignored it and carried on. “Member of the Divorce Club. After four years of unwedded bliss.”

I wanted to laugh at the tone of his voice, but it wasn’t right. Instead, I covered his hand with mine. “I’m sorry. It sucks, doesn’t it?”

“I’m used to shrugging it off because most don’t get it and have the best of intentions when they say it takes two to ruin a marriage, right?” He looked deep into my eyes. “But, yeah, it sucked.”

“Did she cheat?”

His gaze raked me over, as if studying to guess how I’d react. “That would probably make it easier, but no, she fell out of living the small-town life. She hated it, but we moved here because that’s where the job was, and as sole supporter, it’s my job to provide for her and take care of her. Besides, I figured the change would be good for us. Get away from her meddling family who were constantly asking from the moment we said ‘I do’ if we were pregnant yet.” He shook his head and let his focus fall to the salt and pepper shakers.

There was a lot of vitriol in his words, but I let him spew it out, pretty sure he wasn’t going to hold back either.

“All her parents wanted was a grandchild even though they’d never really accepted me into the family, and they were embarrassed to tell people what I did for a living. I think, at one point, they said I was in real estate.” He laughed a sad, painful laugh and pushed the tray off to the side. “Her previous boyfriends were all executives and doctors. I never knew what she found in me, but whatever it was, it wasn’t enough to keep her around. She got what she wanted and left.”

“I’m so sorry. Life’s unfair, isn’t it?” My heart ached hearing his story, and I searched his face for the answer clearly settling across it.

“Want to go for a walk? I feel I’ve brought this lunch down into misery.”

“Misery is my middle name, didn’t you know? Mona Misery Baker.” I almost tacked on my married name, but since I was at the start of all the paperwork to remove it, now was a good time to stop announcing it.

The weak joke worked. A small grin played over his lips, but it didn’t turn into anything bigger. Instead, he rose and tossed our garbage away.

“Merry Christmas, Pete.” He waved at the silver-haired man.

“Merry Christmas, Jesse.”

The bells jingled overhead, and we stepped outside, back into the fresh ocean air.

Across the road, carollers sang. Real people dressed in long robes with top hats and bonnets, holding leather-bound songbooks in their hands. I blinked several times to make sure it was real.

“Let’s go listen. It’ll be good to hear the merriment and joy.”

No way was I going to get much closer. Carolers were not my thing, just like the whole of the holiday season. However, before I could put the brakes on, Jesse was tugging me across Main Street.