I took a breath and explained the basics of what had been happening behind his back these last several weeks: Keisha not coming home on time, her admission that she’d used, my covering for her and then finding the receipt in her room. He listened in silence. I finished with a teary apology, and then we just stood there for several seconds, John leaning against the doorway, and me standing in the middle of the kitchen. The island served as a barrier between us, as though we needed a physical reminder of the distance that seemed to have grown between us with every word I’d said. As the seconds ticked by following my explanation, I tensed. Would he yell? Would he hold his arms out for me?
Oh, please hold your arms out. Please forgive me for all of this.
“When did you realize she stole Ruby’s laptop?”
“Two nights ago,” I said.
“And when did you find the drugs?”
I looked up at him. “I didn’t find any drugs.” He cocked his head slightly. He didn’t believe me. “Did you find drugs?”
“Yes, Shannon, I did. I found a baggie of pills in her room—the room right next to our son’s room. You’re surprised?”
I looked at the floor and wrapped my arms across my waist. “I didn’t know, John.”
“You didn’t?”
I met his eyes. “Of course I didn’t. I wouldn’t let her use drugs in our house. I had no idea she had any here.”
“But you were fine lying for her about other things and covering her tracks. Do you even understand what you did? You made that contract null and void. You hid things from me—your husband and her father. Why would you think that could possibly be a good thing? You enabled her.”
It was like being shot through the chest to hear his accusations. Did I bear responsibility for what she’d done? Why was there something satisfying about that idea? If I shared the blame, then maybe it wasn’t all her weakness. If I shared the blame, than maybe fixing my mistakes could help her. Was that possible?
“You need to tell Ruby.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I closed my eyes. “I can’t do that,” I said after a few miserable seconds. I looked up at John, then to the single receipt in his hand. “I’ll go to the pawn shop and buy it back.”
John tightened his fist on the paper and shook his head. “No, you won’t. You’ll take this to Ruby, who will give it to the police and press charges.”
“No!” I said, louder than I meant to. I glanced toward Landon’s door and lowered my voice. “Where’s Landon?”
“Oh, so now you’re going to think about your son?”
“John,” I said, a sob in my voice.
“Landon’s at Jeffrey’s house. You need to tell Ruby.”
“No, John. Not like that. Let me talk to Keisha first and then—”
“Are you listening to yourself?” John said, shaking his head and holding up the receipt again. “She broke into Ruby’s house and stole from her. Don’t you see what that means? It means she’s a criminal, Shannon, and that she’s willing to use the people who care about her the most to get whatever fix it is she needs. She’s used you, she’s used me, and she’s used Ruby. Can you not see how horrible this is?”
“It is horrible,” I said, “and I do understand. But you’re talking about possibly sending her to jail. She’s your daughter.”
“I’m talking about accountability, which is probably the only thing left that will save her.”
I shook my head, overwhelmed by the very idea. Had he no compassion for the battle she was fighting?
“And I’m changing the locks in the morning.”
“John,” I said, a sob shaking my words. This was why I had kept things from him. He was proving me right for doing what I’d done.
“She’s not welcome here anymore,” John continued, straightening in the doorway. “I won’t have her here again.”
Anger shot through me like a bullet. “She’s not Dani, John. You can’t just walk away from her.”
Fire lit up his whole face at the sound of his ex-wife’s name—his first wife, the woman he’d vowed to share a lifetime with, who had completely broken his heart. He’d always blamed Dani’s addictions for the breakdown of their marriage, always harbored anger for her lack of control, which had ruined everything they had tried to build together. But I’d never thrown that in his face before, and he was not ready to hear it.
He walked toward me but stopped a foot away, waiting until I looked up at him. “She’s not Dani,” he said, low and angry. “But because of Dani I have been down this road before, Shannon, and I will not do it again. I don’t know why you can’t see the big picture here, and I obviously can’t make you see the truth, but I can decide who comes into my house, and she is not welcome here. I’m going to pick up Landon.”
He held my eyes for another moment, then stormed into the garage, leaving me, shaking, in the middle of the kitchen, repeating his ultimatum in my head and wondering how he could be so cruel.