“WHY DIDN’T YOU tell me you were back?” asked Lily. Her lips curved into a smile but Ali could see the hurt in her eyes. Reaching out she took hold of the girl’s slim pale hands and drew her into the cottage.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wanted to tell you but I didn’t want to cause any upset for anyone... I mean, I know how Ned feels but I’m not sure about Tom and your parents. Seeing me might bring all the pain back.”
Lily shook her head. “The pain’s still there but I think it’s only Ned who really blames you. I mean, I know it was kind of your fault but Mum says it was just fate and you didn’t mean it to happen... It was just one of those things.”
“Of course I didn’t mean it,” Ali cried. “And I feel bad about what happened. Maybe I should talk to Ned.”
Lily shrugged. “He won’t listen. Here...”
She reached down and picked up a carrier bag from the floor. “I brought cake... I made it myself this morning. It’s to say welcome.”
Reaching out her arms Ali gave her a hug. “Oh Lily,” she cried, her eyes filling with tears. “You really are the sweetest, nicest person I’ve ever met.”
* * *
AS HE APPROACHED Cove Road Tom saw that Ali’s front door was open, strengthening his hunch about Lily’s whereabouts. The sun was slipping down over the horizon, turning the sea crimson and bringing a rosy glow to the windows of the cottages as he approached Number Three. He saw Lily at once, in the doorway; her back was toward him, and her fair hair cascaded over her shoulders, gleaming with rose from the sun. Ali was in front of her, her face glowing with such a glorious light that he felt his heart quicken.
Tom stood motionless as Ali drew his sister into her arms. What to do? Should he just walk away or should he walk boldly over and tell Lily that she was in trouble. She really had to stop these disappearing acts. What to say to Ali though?
He walked determinedly toward them, stopping tongue-tied in the doorway. “Lily,” he eventually managed. “You know that you’re supposed to tell Mum where you’re going. She’s worried about you.”
Ali dropped her arms to her sides and Lily turned around to give her brother a sweet smile. “Sorry, Tom, I just forgot. I heard someone in the bar saying that Ali was back you see and I was so excited...I made her a cake. Perhaps you can come in and have some with us.”
“Oh I don’t think...” he began.
“He can...can’t he, Ali?” Lily asked with her most appealing smile.
Ali glanced at Tom, holding his eyes for a moment. “Of course,” she said. “If he wants to.”
“He does,” cried Lily. “Don’t you, Tom?”
Tom shrugged. “I guess.”
“I’ll put the kettle on then,” Ali said, heading into the kitchen.
It was strange, thought Tom, to be sitting in Ali’s kitchen, watching her scurry about the room with quick determined movements. She looked nervous, he thought, and very strained.
Lily broke the awkwardness between them, asking outright the questions that were inside his head. “Why hasn’t your husband come with you? Did you have a row or something?”
“Yes,” Ali told her, pouring boiling water into the pot. “Some things just aren’t meant to be.”
“But you are going back to him...when he says sorry?”
Ali glanced sideways at Tom and looked away again. “No,” she said slowly. “Sometimes sorry just isn’t enough.”
“My mum says you should always say sorry and then you can be forgiven.”
Seeing a flash of pain in Ali’s eyes, Tom cut in, “And doesn’t Mum also tell you that you mustn’t be too nosy?”
Lily just laughed. “Ali doesn’t mind.”
Ali giggled at that. “Oh Lily,” she cried. “Never stop being so...just never stop being you.”
“What...never stop being irritating, you mean?” Tom remarked with a smile.
“No,” Ali objected. “Not irritating...more...refreshing, I guess.”
Lily frowned, puzzled. “Ice lollies are refreshing.”
“And so is a nice cool beer,” Tom told her. “And you definitely aren’t either of those. Anyway, I need to get you home so just eat your cake and we’ll get off.”
“Better still,” suggested Ali. “Why don’t I wrap it up for you and then you can take it home with you.”
“Okay,” Lily agreed. “But will you wrap Tom’s, too?”
For a moment Ali seemed to hesitate. “He could always pick his up on the way back,” she suggested without looking at him.
Lily nodded. “Okay...but can I come back and see you tomorrow?”
“Of course... You can come and see me any time you want, you know that. Just make sure you tell your mum where you are.”
* * *
TOM WALKED BESIDE his sister, listening with only half an ear to her chattering; the other half was firmly fixed on the gentle swishing of the waves as they lapped against the shore.
“So,” she said. “Do you like her?”
He frowned. “Do I like who?”
“Ali of course... I’m sure she likes you.”
“Oh Lil...” He stopped, giving her his full concentration. “You really must curb that wild imagination of yours you know. Ali is married. No doubt she’ll make things up with her husband very soon, but even if she doesn’t, I am certainly not looking for a relationship.”
“You heard her,” cried Lily. “She said they’re over...and if it’s Ned you’re bothered about well I’m sure he’d soon get used to the idea.”
Tom raised his eyebrows. “And do you really believe that?”
“Well it might take him a little time I guess...but I’m sure Mum and Dad wouldn’t mind.”
“Lily Roberts,” Tom told her with an exasperated sigh. “You have to put any crazy ideas you may have about me and Ali out of your head right now. There are way too many complications for us to try to even be friends, let alone anything more...”
Tom thought about their conversation as he headed back toward Cove Cottages half an hour later. Could he and Ali ever get far enough past Bobby’s tragedy to one day become friends? he wondered. An image of her face popped unbidden into his mind; the idea appealed to him. After all, they’d got on well enough once, he remembered, his mind going back to those early days when she stayed at the pub and they talked and talked about everything from fishing to life. Besides, bearing grudges wasn’t in his nature. He increased his pace. But what would be the point? As he’d told Lily, she’d probably make it up with her husband soon and be off again. No, getting close to Ali would bring only regret. Keeping his distance was the wisest thing to do.
A warm yellow light shone from her front window and a sliver of smoke curled up from the chimney into the rapidly darkening sky. He’d just walk by, he decided; with a bit of luck she wouldn’t see him.
But as he hurried past her door she called out to him. “Tom...! Don’t forget your cake.”
“Sorry,” warmth flooded his face as he turned to face her. “I forgot all about it.”
“No matter,” she said, holding back the door. “Come on in, I’ll get it for you.”
Tom’s eyes were irresistibly drawn to her as she removed the cake from its tin and lifted it carefully onto a plate. She moved so easily, like flowing liquid, and her shoulder-length blond-streaked hair shone with the warmth of honey, matching her eyes. Looking up she met his gaze with a smile. “Would you like to eat it here?” she asked. “I can brew a pot of tea...or maybe you fishermen prefer coffee.”
“No...thanks.” He sat down awkwardly on the chair she pulled out for him. The way he reacted to her felt wrong, awkward. Bobby’s death was still too raw, and although he didn’t really blame her, as Ned did, he felt a sense of guilt at being here with the woman his brother had been in love with. “I really need to get going,” he said abruptly. “I can’t stay long.”
“I know, I’m sure you must have loads to do and I don’t want to intrude. I just need to talk to you.”
Tom stood, pushing back his chair. “I really don’t have time,” he began.
She placed her hand on his shoulder and he felt the warmth of it through his jacket. “Please,” she said. “It’ll only take a minute.”
“I’m not really much of a talker I’m afraid...”
“Then just listen,” Ali suggested. “If I don’t say this now then I may never get the chance again.”
Tom frowned, feeling awkward. “Okay then,” he said reluctantly, not wanting to get into anything heavy right now. “If you must... Don’t take too long though.”
Ali took a deep breath then hesitated, and for a moment Tom thought she’d changed her mind. When she did start talking, to his surprise it was all about Bobby and how she met him at a charity do with her husband.
“Jake was his tutor,” she said, with a tremble in her voice. “He was busy organizing things and Bobby and I sat and talked. He made me laugh so much that night but I never thought of him as anything other than just a boy, you know. He was a friend, that’s all, when I needed one. A good friend who supported me in my grief over Dad’s death. The fact that he was a fisherman brought us closer, too, I suppose—in fact he was the one who first gave me the idea of writing an article about fishing...for Dad. It was his kindness that prompted him to suggest that I stay at your parents’ pub... Bobby was warmhearted and good. He really cared about people and when he realized that things had gone wrong between me and Jake he wanted to help.”
For a moment Ali went quiet, as if trying to collect her thoughts. Tom wanted to ask her what went wrong with her marriage but he kept his question to himself. She looked so sad and vulnerable that a part of him wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay...the other part wanted to walk away.
“When Bobby suggested that I come here it seemed like a godsend,” she eventually went on. “Time to breathe and contemplate my life was just what I needed, and there was also the opportunity to research fishing and fishermen, for the article I wanted to write...”
“It wasn’t a godsend for Bobby though was it,” Tom blurted out, suddenly angry.
“Oh Tom,” Ali cried, dropping her face into her hands. Her voice came out muffled from behind her fingers. “I am so, so sorry and I wouldn’t blame you if you said you hated me. I should have listened when you warned me not to go on the fishing trip...and I should have stayed inside as you told me to and not been so foolish as to go out into the storm to spread my dad’s ashes. It was all my fault and I’ve so wanted to apologize. Please don’t hate me.”
Reaching across the short distance between them he pressed his knuckles gently against her damp cheek. “I could never hate you,” he said. “Accidents happen every day and what happened to Bob was a devastating tragedy. It can’t be undone though and all we can do now is to try and find a way to live with what’s happened and move on...and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out...he’s a fool.”
“No,” Ali said, looking up with a ghost of a smile, “...not really a fool, just a double-crossing, two-timing loser.”
“Well he’s certainly a loser,” Tom agreed.
“So do you mind if I stay around here for a while?”
“It’s hardly up to me is it?”
To his surprise she took hold of his sleeve. “Walk along the beach with me a little way...please. I love to watch the moon rise over the bay and the sky’s amazing tonight.”
He wanted to say no...it wasn’t wise...it was too soon. “Better get your coat,” he suggested. “It may be beautiful but it’s bitter out.”
They walked in silence; hands plunged deep into their pockets for warmth as they took in the awesome scene in front of them. The sky, dark navy blue shot with silver and gray...and the sea, still a warm rosy hue from the evening sun that had just slipped out of sight. They paused in unison, drawn together by the magic that surrounded them, their bodies close but not quite touching.
She glanced up at him and her eyes seemed to melt into his, honey-warm and so, so, deep. “I’m sorry, Tom—” she murmured “—about everything.”
His response was to hold out his arms, and when she stepped into them it felt so right...until the memories burst in; Bobby calling her name...giving his life to try and save hers.
“I have to go,” he said, stepping abruptly away from her. “You need to sort out your life and decide what you want and I have to get my head straight.”
“Can I talk to you at least?” Ali pleaded.
He hesitated. “About what?”
“Oh I don’t know,” she cried. “I feel like everything’s such a mess and it’s my fault...and then there’s Jake.”
“Your husband you mean?”
She nodded. “He cheated on me. Bobby never admitted it but I think he only suggested I come to Jenny Brown’s Bay because he felt sorry for me—it seems all Jake’s students knew that he and one of the other tutors were having an affair, everyone was talking about it. I felt such a fool.”
“So why did you go back to him?” Tom asked.
Ali glanced up at him in surprise. “I didn’t go back to him... I almost did, I admit that, because I still believe in the sanctity of marriage and the vows I took...in the end though I walked away.” She looked at him, her eyes sparkling in the moonlight with unshed tears. “Perhaps that makes me a coward,” she said quietly. “To walk away so easily from my responsibilities.”
“Look...” On a sudden impulse Tom reached out to grip her forearm, still keeping a distance between them. “One thing I do know is that you are no coward. Look how you came to Bobby’s funeral even though you thought that no one wanted you there.”
“I almost didn’t come,” she admitted. “I almost just got into my car and drove away.”
“But you didn’t drive away and almost doesn’t count.”
“Thanks,” she said simply.
“Just one more thing, Ali,” Tom said as they started walking toward the cottages again, the warm lights glowing out into the soft darkness of the evening. “One thing I’d just like to clarify.”
“Yes?” Ali sounded apprehensive.
“Did it ever occur to you that Bobby may have been in love with you?”
She stopped in her tracks. “Bobby! With me? But he was just a boy.”
“He was a man, Ali, very much a man.”
“That’s why Ned hates me so much,” she said as the truth began to dawn, then she stopped in her tracks, looking at Tom. “So do you hate me, too?”
The pale light of the moon revealed the uncertainty that flickered on her face. “I was angry with you,” he admitted. “But I could never hate you. You were just naïve, I suppose, and maybe a little selfish.”
“I was a fool,” she cut in, holding Tom’s gaze, almost daring him to question her admission. “A stupid, selfish fool who thought of nothing but her own problems... That’s why Bobby jumped in to try and save me, isn’t it, because of how he felt about me? That’s why he died...”
An awareness of the painful truth burned between them as he held her gaze. “It was an accident, Ali,” he said quietly. “Caused by bizarre circumstances and maybe mistakes...but isn’t that how all accidents occur?”
“We can never be friends, Tom, can we?” she asked, her voice breaking. “If you’re right and your brother died for me, I should just walk away right now and never come back?”
“No!” His objection was instant, from the heart. “Only a coward would run away from this...like I said, it was a terrible accident and we need time, time to heal and accept what’s happened. Just be honest with yourself, Ali. Be honest with everyone and one day...one day who knows what might happen.”
Reaching out she took hold of his hands. “What do you mean, Tom?” she asked hopefully. “What might happen?”
He shrugged, allowing his fingers to rest in hers. “Only time will tell us that.”
“Oh Tom, I’m so, so sorry,” she said, releasing her hold.
He allowed his hands to fall back against his sides, clenching his fingers into fists. “It was an accident,” he repeated. “A collection of circumstances that went tragically wrong, but it’s done now. Bobby’s gone and we all have to live with that, perhaps you more than anyone.”
He watched her as she headed back toward her cottage without another word, a huge weight of regret in his heart.