AS SOON AS Lily saw Tom she knew. “It’s Ali, isn’t it,” she said, jumping up and down. “Has she had the baby?”
Tom nodded. “Yes, she’s at the hospital and she wondered if you’d like to visit tonight.”
“With you?”
He nodded, Ned’s words ringing inside his head. Bobby’s gone so she’s sweet-talking you now. “Yes, with me,” he said. “I just happened to call in when she was in labor and...”
“Oh my goodness!” Lily cried. “You mean you actually helped with the birth?”
“Didn’t really have a choice,” he admitted sheepishly.
“Come on then,” she said, grabbing hold of his sleeve. “Are we going now? I’ll need to stop somewhere to get her some flowers.”
“I wouldn’t bother,” Tom told her. “She and the baby might be coming home tomorrow. You can get her some then.”
Lily’s face lit up and her voice rose in excitement. “Do you think she’ll let me help her with Daisy?”
Tom smiled, infected by his little sister’s exuberance. “I’m sure she will,” he said.
* * *
WHEN THEY WALKED into the ward Ali was sitting in a chair beside the bed holding Daisy in her arms. In the moment before she looked up and saw them Tom experienced an unexpected and mind-blowing wave of tenderness, Never before had he seen such a glow on anyone’s face, a glow of such love that it made Ali’s skin appear almost translucent.
“Daisy!” cried Lily, and the moment was gone, but Tom knew that it would be etched in his mind forever.
He watched patiently while Lily cooed over the baby. It was strange now to think that he had actually helped bring the little mite into the world, actually held Daisy’s tiny naked body and gently wiped it clean before placing her in her mother’s arms. Awesome was the word that sprang to mind and even that didn’t come close to how he felt about the whole experience. For a fleeting second Ali looked up and caught his eye, smiling softly in recognition of their shared bond.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “For everything.”
Tom shrugged, embarrassed by the warm feelings that welled up inside him. “It was nothing that anyone else wouldn’t have done in the same circumstances,” he insisted.
“Can I hold her, Ali...please,” Lily begged.
He turned toward his sister, glad of the interruption.
“I think you’d better wait until she’s a bit bigger, Lily,” he suggested.
“It’s okay, Lily,” she said. “Here, you can hold her. I’ll help you.”
Lily seemed to enjoy every minute of the visit, but for Tom, it dragged on and on. He felt awkward in Ali’s company when a short time ago they’d been friends...and it had nothing to do with embarrassment about seeing her give birth. It was more that he was acutely aware of her every gesture, the way she lifted her hand to make a point and the way her face lit up when she laughed. He needed to stay away from her because he didn’t know how to cope with the feelings she brought out in him. They’d almost been way more than friends before he found out about the baby, and then he’d messed up by asking her if Daisy was Bobby’s child.
He’d believed her, too, when she’d denied it but still he kept on looking for a likeness, as if something inside him wouldn’t let it drop. Ned hadn’t helped either, with his accusations. And then there was the bottom line; even if the feelings he harbored for Ali were strong enough to get over all that, there was still the fact that she came with a ready-made family; he definitely wasn’t ready for that. Plus he’d always said that if he ever got married he would have to change his whole way of life.
As they said their goodbyes he felt sad to be leaving and guilt washed over him. He should have behaved differently, been more gracious. He could see the puzzled look in her eyes and his heart ached for her sorrow but still he couldn’t bring himself to be open with her.
Lily on the other hand wore her heart on her sleeve. “Can I come again...please?” she asked, throwing her arms about Ali’s neck.
“Well I might be coming home tomorrow,” Ali told her, kissing her softly on the cheek.
When Lily asked if they were picking her up, a flush colored her cheeks.
“I’ll probably get a hospital taxi,” she said, glancing awkwardly across at Tom. “But you can come and see us whenever you want and—”
“No—” interrupted Tom, stepping forward. “You don’t need to do that—just ring me when you know what time and I’ll be here to drive you back to Cove Cottages... I presume that’s where you’ll be going?”
“Of course,” cried Ali; a wide smile lit up her features. “Bring Lily with you if she wants...and, Tom...”
“Yes...”
“Thank you. I realize that this is awkward for you but a lift home means a lot.”
He gave a brief nod, wishing it could have been more but so afraid of taking that leap. “See you tomorrow then,” he said.
“Tomorrow,” she repeated. “I’ll ring you.”
As he drove Lily home, Tom’s mind went back again and again to the moment when he and Lily had walked into the ward. Ali had thanked him, her eyes bright with emotion, and he’d been so ungracious. It was just panic, he realized. The whole situation had spiraled out of his control, and he hated not being in control. In the last twenty four hours there had been way too much raw emotion for him to handle.
“Daisy is beautiful, isn’t she, Tom,” remarked Lily in a dreamy voice, breaking his train of thought.
“Yes,” he instantly agreed. “And Ali looked lovely, too, don’t you think; motherhood must suit her.”
Lily just looked out the window, smiling a happy little smile. “Well I think so,” she said.
* * *
AFTER TOM AND Lily left, Ali sat in her chair with the baby on her breast, breathing in Daisy’s distinctive scent, unable to believe how she could have turned overnight into a different person. Just a couple of days ago she’d had very little to do with babies and even worried that her mothering instincts might be lacking. As soon as she held Daisy in her arms for the first time, a huge rush of emotion had flooded over her, a suffocating wave of love that bordered on ferocity. This baby, this precious delicate child was an extension of her own being and she would do anything to keep her safe.
Somehow she’d known just what to do, holding Daisy so naturally in her arms as she suckled, and glorying in the feel of her child drawing strength from her own body.
“You’re a natural,” the midwife told her. “Perhaps she’ll be the first of many.”
Ali shook her head firmly at that. “I don’t think there’ll be any brothers or sisters for a while I’m afraid,” she responded with a smile.
“Of course there will,” declared the midwife, Susan. “I saw the look in your partner’s eyes; not many men would have been able to do what he did either, helping you with the birth like that. You’re a very lucky young woman.”
“But he’s not...” began Ali, biting her tongue as she remembered what the doctor told her earlier, when she asked about going home. When it’s a first baby, and especially a preterm, I like to be sure new mothers have support at home before I agree to an early discharge. Although of course in your case I don’t need to ask the questions as it’s pretty obvious that you have a very capable partner.
“So when do you think we’ll be able to take Daisy home?” she asked.
“Probably tomorrow, depending on how the baby’s doing. At the moment though everything seems fine. She’s feeding well, you seem to have plenty of milk, and to be honest you seem to be taking this whole motherhood thing in your stride so...fingers crossed.”
“Fingers crossed,” repeated Ali with a beaming smile. “Hopefully I’ll be ringing Tom first thing tomorrow then.”
* * *
AT ELEVEN O’CLOCK the next morning Lily burst into the ward, her pretty face alight with excitement. “Are you ready?”
“Where’s Tom?” Ali asked, cradling Daisy in her arms.
“He’s just parking up in the short stay car park. I said I’d go on ahead to tell you that we were here. He’s bringing the baby carrier.”
A nurse Ali didn’t recognize bustled over to make sure that everything was in place for Ali and the baby’s discharge. “I’m Nurse Emma,” she said. “All ready to go home, are you?”
Ali nodded, smiling with excitement. “Yes...as ready as I’m ever going to be.”
The nurse nodded, understanding. “It’s a big step when it’s your first but you’ll be fine. Now you do have someone at home to look after you, don’t you?”
For a moment Ali hesitated, looking round to see Tom standing behind her.
“I guess that’ll be me then,” he said, looking uncomfortable.
“She can stay in for another night if you’re not sure,” said the nurse.
He shook his head. “That won’t be necessary.”
“Good...does she have everything she needs in place?”
“Yes...” cut in Ali. “We’ve left no stone unturned.”
“Glad to hear it...now, enjoy your baby and call your midwife at once if you have any problems.”
For Ali, walking out of the hospital with Daisy in her arms was the most bizarre experience she’d ever had. She wanted to go home, but she had no idea what she was doing. How dare the nurses let her loose with a newborn baby after just forty-eight hours? What if she messed up; what if she didn’t have enough milk; what about cot death and choking?
“You’re panicking, aren’t you,” Tom said, noting her consternation.
She nodded, holding back tears.
“Look...” He took hold of both her shoulders and made her meet his eyes. “Women have babies every day and they cope. It’s natural to be worried but it’s also natural to care for your baby. Just follow your instincts and nature will show you the way.”
She wanted him to take her in his arms, to hold her and stroke her hair. “You’re right,” she said, drawing away from him. “Thanks, I’ll remember that.”
“And, Ali...”
“Yes...”
“I’m just two minutes away remember, so you’re not really on your own when Lily and I have gone home.”
“I’ll be staying at least until teatime today anyway,” added Lily. “And I’ll be back first thing in the morning so you don’t need to worry at all.”
“Come on then,” Ali said with a determined smile. “Thank you both so much and now let’s go home.”
* * *
TO ALI’S DISAPPOINTMENT Tom didn’t stay at the cottage for long. He brought in her bag, made a cup of tea for them and then announced that he had some jobs to do. “Mum needs you to be back at the Fisherman’s by five thirty, Lil,” he said. “I’m going over there later too so I’ll call in here at about five o clock; if you’re still around then we can keep each other company.”
After Tom left, Ali deliberately kept herself busy, feeding Daisy and then settling her down in her Moses basket.
“You look sad,” Lily remarked. “Is it because Tom’s gone?”
Ali denied it at once. “No...of course not... I’m just tired that’s all.”
“It was pretty cool though wasn’t it, him delivering the baby and everything. Was it a bit embarrassing?”
“I didn’t have time to think about it,” Ali said slowly, remembering how she’d yelled and groaned and how he’d had to deal with everything. He’d been amazing at the time but no wonder he was so distant now. It had been way too much for anyone, she could see that; from now on she’d just act normal with him and try to avoid any awkwardness between them. She may have blown any chance of a relationship with Tom but at least they might still be friends, had to be friends really after the way he’d helped her. And she had far too much going on in her life to worry about any of that anyway.
“Will you sit quietly with Daisy and maybe just hum to her while I nip to the bathroom?” she asked Lily. The pride in the girl’s face as she started to hum made Ali smile; she wasn’t alone in this so she didn’t need to worry. She had Lily right there beside her and Tom keeping watch from a distance...it was a good feeling.
For the next week Ali just got on with learning how to be a mum and tried not to bother Tom. Lily came each day and Tom popped his head around the door each morning on his way to work and then again on his way home, just to make sure she was okay. If Ali felt disappointed about the briefness of his visits or the fact that he hadn’t mentioned her book she managed to hide it, even from herself. She was just happy to have Tom keeping an eye out for her and he obviously hadn’t gotten around to reading A Fisherboy’s Tale yet.
Fortunately Daisy proved to be a happy, easy baby who cried when she was hungry and slept for the rest of the time. Lily was a godsend, helping in any way she could and getting in extra supplies Ali needed. She was grateful, but secretly disappointed that Tom didn’t take more of an interest in her and the baby. He was kind to her, and he made sure they were okay, but nothing more.
Almost three weeks after Ali and Daisy arrived home Lily announced that she was going away with her mum for a couple of days, to visit her aunt. Ali felt a rush of panic at the idea of her not being around but she didn’t show it.
“Have a lovely time,” she said when Lily came running in to say goodbye to her and Daisy.
“We will,” Lily promised, hugging Ali so tightly that she could hardy breathe and kissing Daisy on the cheek. “I have to go now because we’re running late. Mum’s waiting in the car but she told me to say hi and I’ll ring you three times a day.”
“Make sure you do,” Ali called after her as she ran down the path. “I’ll be waiting.”
* * *
AS SHE WATCHED them drive away she found herself really hoping that Grace had told Lily to say hi to her. She used to get on so well with Grace Roberts and ever since the accident she’d really hoped for an opportunity to talk to her. The timing had never been right though, she still didn’t really know how Grace felt about her, and the last thing she wanted was to cause the other woman any more pain. The whole family was still grieving and she wasn’t even sure that she deserved Grace’s forgiveness.