ALI COULDN’T BELIEVE how good it felt to be walking back into the cottage with Daisy in her arms. During their hospital stay she’d tried to stay strong for Daisy, but returning home brought back the awful moment when she’d woken up to find her baby was ill. Tears filled her eyes as emotion flooded in. She’d been so scared for Daisy that night but Tom had made her realize that action was needed, not fear; the action had been all down to him.
Stopping for a moment she glanced back, catching his eye. “You do know that if it hadn’t been for you then we might not be coming home today.”
“Rubbish,” he responded, putting down her bag. “You could have rung a taxi.”
“No Tom. I’m indebted to you and I want you to know how grateful I am for all your help.”
“I’ll put the kettle on,” he said, changing the subject. “You go and get the baby settled.”
It was an unfamiliar experience, Tom decided, as he brewed the tea, to feel so responsible for someone. He’d always felt a responsibility for his brothers of course, and for Lily, but this was different. Ali and Daisy had no one else to turn to and that added particular challenges for him, especially as he’d already made a firm decision not to get involved with her problems. Now here he was bringing them home from hospital like a regular family...and the fact that it made him feel good inside was too worrying to contemplate.
When he walked back into the sitting room with two china mugs of tea she looked up and smiled at him and his heart turned over. He didn’t need all this tenderness right now; the timing was way out for a start—he had a chartered fishing trip to run very soon and he didn’t have time to take on such responsibility. He’d made his decision about where he was going with his life and it didn’t include a wife and kids. As far as he was concerned the only sensible thing to do now was to stay well away from Ali. His feelings for her were beginning take a deep hold of him, and if he wasn’t careful he wouldn’t be able to let her go; he had to nip this in the bud.
“So do you have everything you need?” he asked, putting her mug down on the coffee table and drinking his as quickly as he could. The scalding liquid burned his throat and he spluttered.
“You okay?” she asked.
He nodded. “Yes...thanks. I have to get going, that’s all, because we’re not ready with the boat yet. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t want anything before I go.”
Disappointment clouded Ali’s brown eyes as she looked up at him. “Do you have to leave so soon? I can make us something to eat if you like.”
“No... I mean...thanks, but if you’re sure you’re going to be okay then I really need to get going.”
“Will you call in later?” she asked tentatively. “To bring Freckles home maybe?”
For a moment he hesitated, torn between his heart and his head. His head won. “I’ll probably be too late, but don’t worry, she’ll be fine with me until tomorrow. You could probably do with the break anyway, you have enough on your hands caring for Daisy. Ring me anytime though if you’ve got a problem.”
Ali sat up stiffly, It was clear she had read the signals he was giving out that he wanted space. “I’m sure I won’t need to,” she said determinedly. “We’ll be fine on our own, you go ahead...and thanks for looking after Freckles for me.”
He nodded, heading for the door. “No problem. I’ll bring her back tomorrow...oh and,” for a moment he hesitated. “I did read your book you know...there just doesn’t seem to have been a right time to discuss it though, with everything that’s gone on.”
“And is it the time right now, do you think,” she asked. “When you’re rushing off?”
He shrugged. “Probably not, I just wanted to tell you how much I loved it.”
Color flooded her cheeks. “Thanks,” she said slowly. “Perhaps we can talk about it properly when you have more time. I don’t want anyone else to read it yet.”
“Did your publisher friend like it?”
“He hasn’t got back to me so far... I want to ask your advice when he does, you know, about whether to publish it properly or just do some copies for your family.”
“You’d do that?”
“I wrote it for you and your family remember, in memory of Bobby. It’s up to you what happens to it.”
For a moment he just looked at her, drinking in the contours of her face and the way her steaked blond hair fell upon her shoulders, accentuating the soft honey-brown of her eyes. “Thank you,” he said.
“You need to go,” she told him. “I’ll see you soon.”
After he left she stayed motionless for a while; if only, if only, if only circled around inside her head, until Daisy wailed in her arms, bringing her back to the moment. “It’s just you and me now, Daisy,” she said determinedly. “In fact there’s no room in my life to love anyone else but you...and Freckles of course.”
As she stared at the door, though, she had to admit that her heart told a very different story.
* * *
TOM WALKED SLOWLY toward The Fisherman’s Inn; had Ali seen through his excuse about having to get the boat ready for the chartered fishing trip? The truth was, it was already done. He could have spent the rest of the day with Ali if he’d wanted...and he had wanted. But what you’d like to do and what you felt you should do were two very different things.
As he rounded the corner beyond the stone jetty he stopped in awe to stare at the scene before him. It was awesome to think that people had been looking at this same scene for a couple of hundred years—fishermen like him who sailed the sea for a living and then homed in on the pub for companionship and real ale. Ahead of him the big old whitewashed building was slowly turning gold in the glow of the summer sun. Huge seagulls sat on the picnic tables outside the open door and a gray-haired woman was tending the hanging baskets that buzzed with brilliant color.
“Hello, Mum,” he called. “Busy as usual I see.”
Grace Roberts turned to look at him, her face lighting up when she saw him. “That is because there’s always something to do,” she said. “And it’s best to keep busy.”
Tom nodded, understanding that her grief over Bobby never lessened. “Do you have time for a brew at least?” he asked.
His mother beckoned him over. “Always... I made some scones this morning... You can sample one if you like.”
Sitting in the large old-fashioned kitchen with the kettle bubbling merrily took Tom instantly back to his childhood, him and Ned and Bobby growing up with the sea in their blood. Nostalgia hit home. “We were lucky kids,” he reflected.
His mother smiled softly, knowing her son. “What’s bothering you, Tom?” she asked.
For a moment he hesitated. “The baby’s been ill... Ali’s baby. I took her to the hospital the other night. They thought it was meningitis but it was a false alarm.”
“Poor girl,” Grace said. “She must have been distraught.”
“She was.”
“Are you falling for her, Tom?”
For a moment he hesitated. “No of course not. At least...”
“At least what?”
“I like her, I have to admit that, there’s just something about her... That’s all it is though. There are way too many complications for it to ever be more than just a friendship... Ned still believes the baby is Bobby’s for a start.”
Grace sighed, shaking her head slowly. “Ned took Bobby’s death hard. I think he blames himself in part for not being able to find him in time, so he tries to lay blame and of course Ali is his main target. Bobby was in love with her. I know that because he told me himself, but I believe that as far as she was concerned they were just friends. Accidents happen every day, Tom, and we can’t just blame the circumstances. Ali didn’t know that her going out on the boat that night would end up in such a tragedy. Ned just wants to make her the scapegoat. And if I am wrong and the baby really is Bobby’s, then wouldn’t she want us to know it? She has no support now and why would she want to bring it up alone?”
Tom nodded. “Yes, I see what you mean. Ali would want the child’s family around.”
“I know that she did persuade Bobby to take her out on the boat that night,” Grace went on. “And if she hadn’t then he’d be here now, so I’ve had my own issues with blame and anger over that, even though I knew it was wrong. I’ll try and talk to Ned again, I think. He’s the one who’s suffering and he has to try and get past it.”
“And have you?” Tom asked. “Really...got past it I mean?”
Grace looked at him sadly. “I’ll never get past the grief and sorrow,” she admitted. “But I am getting past the anger, I hope. Anger and bitterness only destroy the bearer and you can’t undo what’s already been done so you have to try and live with it.”
“Do you know, Mum,” Tom said thoughtfully. “You’re right about the anger and bitterness. I struggled to get past it for a while too...after Bobby... It just seemed so unfair that he was gone and I wanted to lay blame—and then I realized that our job, fishing, putting ourselves at risk night after night in dangerous conditions, was going to cause heartache eventually. I even thought about giving it up for a while until I accepted the fact that fishing and the sea are in my blood. Can’t live with it and have a normal life and can’t live without it either, I’m afraid...so I guess I’m just destined to be alone.”
“If you’re telling me that you’d give up on having a wife and family to spare them having to worry about you drowning at sea like Bobby, then you’re a fool, Tom,” said his mother. “I’ve been a fisherman’s wife for over forty years so don’t you think I haven’t stayed awake and worried on stormy nights. I’d never have expected your dad to give it up though. It’s a part of who he is and I love him for it. Fishing is my life, too, Tom, and I would never change it. When you meet the right woman she’ll feel the same way as I do...and if she doesn’t then she’s not the one for you.”
Listening to his mother’s wise words Tom felt his heart lighten. “I hope you’re right, Mum,” he said. “And don’t worry about Ned. I’ll talk to him again and try to make him see sense.”
* * *
AS HE WALKED back home later that afternoon Tom hesitated outside Ali’s cottage: his mother had really made him question himself today; she was so committed to being a fisherman’s wife, so accepting of the danger and the worry it incurred. As far as she was concerned it was a way of life she loved and that was enough to overcome any heartache it might put her through. Was she right though, he couldn’t help but wonder. Was it enough or would she have been just as happy with someone else in a less stressful life?
He needed time to sort out his head. He pulled out his phone and tapped out a message, Hi Ali, hope you are okay, please give me a call if you need anything. See you tomorrow.
* * *
ALI WAS WATCHING from the window, hoping Tom would come to her door; when her phone pinged and she realized that the message he’d been writing was for her, an emptiness washed over her. It was all well and good to try and come across as strong and independent; the reality however was very different.
Tom slid his phone back into his pocket and glanced across at her cottage one more time before heading off toward home. Had he looked just a little sad and indecisive? she asked herself hopefully. No, she needed to grow up and face facts; she and Daisy were on their own and she had to get used to it.
Watching Tom deliberately walk away without calling in to see her made Ali realize that her suspicions were right and he was avoiding her. Although he’d been so fantastic, taking Daisy to the hospital and looking out for them both, she knew the whole thing had really spooked him and any lingering hopes she had about him having feelings for her were way off. As she walked back toward the kitchen her phone started to ring; she answered it with a flutter of excitement, hoping he’d had second thoughts. “Hi,” she said. “I saw you go past...”
“Ali?” Jake’s deep voice took her totally by surprise. “What are you talking about?”
She stopped short. “I...I thought you were someone else.”
“Obviously.”
“What do you want?”
“To talk to my wife,” he said. “We aren’t officially divorced yet so it is still allowed isn’t it?”
Struggling to keep her composure she hesitated for a moment before replying. “No, Jake, it’s not,” she said. “Because I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Oh Ali...” He put on his most pleading voice, turning on the charm she used to find so hard to resist. “Okay so I’ve made a few mistakes but you did ring and tell me about our child so you must still care a little.”
“A few mistakes!” she cried. “And I only told you about the baby because I thought it was the right thing to do...and it obviously wasn’t so I wish I hadn’t bothered.”
“Look...” he said. “I’m sorry about the way I reacted but it was a shock, you know, and I was going through a bad patch.”
Ali sighed. “When aren’t you going through a bad patch, Jake? As far as I’m concerned Daisy has nothing to do with you now...”
“Daisy,” he cut in. “That’s nice, so we have a daughter called Daisy.”
“I have a daughter called Daisy,” she snapped. “You lost your opportunity to have any input in her life.”
“Well to be honest it was a shock at the time and, yes, it did freak me out a bit...but...”
“But what?”
He hesitated then and she knew that he’d be smiling, that broad, disarming smile that always used to bring her round when she was annoyed with him. Now the very thought of it just made her feel even more angry.
“But I’ve had time to get my head around it now,” he said. “And I think I have a right to see my daughter.”
“You gave up your rights to Daisy when I told you I was pregnant and you said you weren’t interested,” she told him, feeling sick. “She doesn’t even have your surname.”
“But she is my daughter?”
With a heavy sigh she gave in. “Yes, she’s your daughter. I wouldn’t keep that from you...or from her for that matter. She deserves to know who her dad is.”
“So you’ll let me see her?”
“Only on my terms,” Ali reluctantly agreed. “And by prior appointment. Anyway, what about your new girlfriend? I bet she won’t be too happy to find out that you’re a dad.”
“She’s long gone,” he said. “And good riddance, to be honest. It’s you I want, Ali, you and...Daisy. I should never have let you go.”
Ali froze, her whole body trembling with anger. “We are over, Jake...for good, so don’t even think about it. You can ring me again and I’ll sort out a time for you to see Daisy, but as far as you and I are concerned...we were finished a long time ago.”
“Never say never, Ali,” he replied, totally unfazed by her outburst. “Who knows, you’re all alone with a baby, perhaps you’ll find that you do need me after all.”
Ali’s response was to cut him off. How dare he think for even a minute that she might want to get back with him, after everything he’d done? It was a joke—he was a joke. Turning the phone around in her hand she slammed it down on the table; oh how she wished she’d never made that call to tell him about the baby in the first place.
Daisy’s cry broke through the anger that festered inside her, bringing everything back into perspective; she should know by now how good he was at manipulating her and she mustn’t let him get to her. She and Jake were in the past, he couldn’t hurt her anymore and it was about time he realized it.
Reaching down into Daisy’s crib she picked her up and held her close. “Okay, sweetheart,” she murmured, touching her lips to her baby soft skin and breathing in her sweet aroma. “Mummy’s here—come on, let’s get you a bottle.”