Jasper reached over and switched on the light.
“Mrglik!” he cried to the nightstand. “You’re supposed to be gone!”
“Oh, yes?” said the spy. “Oh, forgot! Forgot! I am so sorry. I am so sorry, little man. Heh. Heh. Will instantly vamoose.” He stood and began to shuffle sideways toward the door.
“Leave the lamp and the book!” Jasper ordered.
Shamefaced, Mrglik removed the lamp and the book from his head and handed them to Katie. He bowed awkwardly, straightened his black tie, and walked to the door. “Good night, peoples,” he said. He opened the door, excused himself to step by a muscley kid in a tracksuit with a gun whose hand was on the doorknob, and walked away down the hall.
Mrglik walked down the three flights of concrete stairs while, from above, came the sounds of shots, screams, and the shattering of glass.
When Mrglik got to the lobby, he bowed to the proprietor, who was sitting on the rim of the broken fountain, cracking cashews with his teeth. The proprietor said good night to him and said he’d see him in the morning, ha ha, unless Mrglik’s disguise was too devilishly clever. Mrglik always appreciated a compliment, and smiled widely, walking onward with a little spring in his step.
He left the hotel and climbed over the huge heap of rubble and the broken Sky Suite, continuing down past the public fountain and the dark, marble temple of Yyuhoo,* lit with flaring torches. Eventually he reached the Ministry of Silence’s secret underground lair. It was in an old bowling alley with a very nice painted sign that said, ministry of silence, underground lair division. They did not have enough money to actually put the division underground.
He knocked, called out, “It is Mrglik!” and his friend Lknosz opened the door.
Inside there were desks set up on the bowling lanes, lit by whatever lamps people could bring from home. Mrglik went over to his boss’s desk. His boss had brought in his daughter’s Winnie the Pooh lamp. Pooh was holding on to a bunch of balloons and his feet were in the air. In an effort to make the lamp a little more menacing, Mrglik’s boss had written a word bubble in Doverian, coming out of Pooh’s mouth, that said, “Aha, enemies of the state! From this height I have perfect view of your illegal activities!”
“Report?” said Mrglik’s boss, not looking up, turning over carbon pages in a file folder.
“They are going to Vbngoom, the Platter of Heaven.”
“Excellent,” said Mrglik’s boss. He tried saying it again, this time more evil. “Exxxcellent.”
“I should mention, Impressive Superior, that they are most likely dead. As I left the room, there appeared to be an athlete with a gun.”
“He wished to kill them?”
“So it appeared, Dazzling Mentor.”
“Hmm,” mused Mrglik’s boss, rattling his fingers on his desk. He asked sharply, “JV or varsity?”
“Sir?”
“The athlete.”
“The light was dim, sir.”
“Sit,” said Mrglik’s boss. “We shall discuss a strategy.”
They talked about how they might proceed. How they might find out from the kids where the secret monastery lay, and take it over for the good of His Most Terrifying Majesty the Autarch, so His Majesty might use its powers to crush all enemies of the state. Those three kids were the key. If, indeed, the three kids were still alive after their encounter with that armed athlete.
Having met for a while with his boss, Mrglik went home to relax. There was nothing Mrglik liked more than a quiet night in. While the bustle and excitement of spying were enjoyable, as far as they—
I’m sorry, you seem to be impatient. Is there something you want to know about?
Let me look around the room. Oh, I’m the one telling the story. So sit tight, Bucky Jones, and see what comes your way.
After meeting for a while with his boss, Mrg-lik went home to relax. He took off his black shoes and flexed his stocking feet on his glass table. He turned on the television. There was only one station, the official government station, and tonight was The Adorable Autarch’s Hit Parade. It was a popular program, but that was just because it was the only program on television. It was His Terrifying Majesty, the Awful and Adorable Autarch of Dagsboro, singing pop songs of the 1990s, live. When Mrglik turned on the set, His Majesty was finishing a high-pitched cover of “Dreamlover.” Then followed “My Heart Will Go On” and “(I’m Missing You Like) Candy.”
Mrglik eventually had to go to the toilet, but he could not get up because the Awful and Adorable Autarch was still singing, and Mrglik knew his spy friend Ttfrumpt was behind a two-way mirror, watching to see if Mrglik missed one exciting moment of the Autarch’s performance. If Mrglik left the room, Ttfrumpt would report it. So Mrglik crossed his legs, and behind the mirror, Ttfrumpt, who also had to go to the toilet but couldn’t because he had to stay and watch Mrglik, crossed his legs too, and in the security room in the basement of the building, the spy watching Ttfrumpt on the security cam, who also had to keep watching, crossed his legs, and so, with crossed pair of legs after crossed pair of legs, and pee suspended in a chain of bladders like the stained and tainted clouds that hovered above the city, another quiet night fell in imperial Dover.