Bratislava
October 1948
Magda and Livi watch Cibi and Mischka, baby Karol in his mother’s arms, walk back to their car and drive away. Minutes before, Magda had reluctantly handed Cibi the pillowcase with the candlesticks and photos, and extracted a promise that she would soon follow them to Israel and ‘give them back to me’.
Now, two sisters wait by the side of the road for the other young Jewish men and women to arrive. Jewish men and women who, like them, have decided to join the Hachshara. They will be part of a cadre willing to risk everything to make a new life for themselves in Israel.
It had been hard to say goodbye to Cibi, of course it had. Magda views her older sister as an extension of her own body; to Livi she is a mother and her saviour. But there was also an air of celebration to the farewell. It is October 1948 and Cibi’s twenty-sixth birthday. Vows had been renewed: they are an invincible unit, and while two of the three sisters might soon be 3,000 kilometres away, this distance will not so much as scratch the exterior of their promise. But it is time for them to move on again, to make new lives for themselves and thankfully, Magda had finally agreed she was ready.
‘Strength and hope,’ she told Cibi the night before their departure. ‘That should be enough to build a new world, shouldn’t it? But we need your help to do it, so don’t waste any time.’
The men and women arrive in their hundreds and begin to board the trucks idling by the side of the road. Livi isn’t sure if she’s excited or terrified as they begin to pull away. What if this is a terrible mistake and she has dragged Magda right back into danger? The canvas flaps are drawn against the prying eyes of the Bratislavans as they move out of the city, and Livi wonders if there will ever come a time when they can freely, openly go wherever they want.
They bounce along the gravelled road, bumping over small rocks, swerving round craters while Magda’s mind drifts back to her time in captivity, when a similar truck had delivered her to a prison. She wonders what happened to Mr Klein. But the excitement in the vehicle is infectious and soon Magda finds herself relaxing into the company of cheerful and hopeful young men and women.
It is cold, with winter just round the corner, but the sisters are snug in thick scarves, hats, warm coats and sturdy footwear. They are strong and healthy again, and now three hours and 150 kilometres later, the truck stops in a plot of mud and forest vegetation. This will be their home for the next three months.
‘Breathe in the air, Magda! How wonderful it feels! It reminds me of the forest back in Vranov,’ Livi squeals.
Magda has to agree: the smell and taste of forest air is like no other. She thinks of home, of Grandfather.
They are told that they have crossed into the Czech side of Czechoslovakia; they are in the woodlands of Moravian Karst, near Blansko. But this information means nothing to Livi and Magda: their feet are cold and they are desperate to get inside.
Their accommodation consists of small huts: girls on one side, boys on the other, arranged around a large central building where they will gather for meals and lessons to prepare them for what lies ahead.
After they unpack, Magda and Livi follow everyone else into the main hall.
They are informed that their training will be intense and require courage; they will soon embark on a journey across a hostile European landscape, through countries now under communist rule, closed to the outside world.
‘You will learn to travel light, move unseen and fight when you have to,’ their instructor tells them. ‘We are not communists, we are Jews, and we have paid dearly for the freedom to choose where we want to settle and live our lives.’
While they feel daunted by the idea of ‘training’, both Magda and Livi are eager to begin the journey, desperate to believe the memories which haunt them will magically disappear once they set foot in Israel.
That first night, they fall asleep filled with a sense of purpose, of hope that they will acquire the tools to carve out a future for themselves, and eventually for Cibi, Mischka and baby Karol. They triumphed when the world was against them, and have come so far. Magda is determined that the hope which kept them alive in the camps will drive their ambition to finally determine their own fate.
They train in the Moravian forests and what many lack in fitness, they make up for with enthusiasm. Magda and Livi find themselves in caves and canyons, in dense woodland and deep snow, challenging the elements as they are tasked with surviving the night in the wild, with few provisions.
The girls’ stamina grows and they discover their appetite for the challenge is huge, and soon they are sailing through their exercises.
‘We faced much worse at Auschwitz,’ is Livi’s cheerful and constant refrain.
It is when the sisters are handed revolvers that they face their first real hurdle. Neither want any part in learning how to fire a gun. And they are not alone.
‘The Communists will not let us leave Europe,’ their instructor tells them. ‘And the British do not want us to travel to Israel. We are still being rounded up, whether on land or at sea. Who here wants to be sent to a detention camp, have their freedom ripped away? Haven’t we suffered enough?’
His message is clear: to move to the next level of training, they will have to learn how to use a weapon.
At the shooting range the next morning, the sisters accept the guns offered to them and Livi proves to be a skilled marksmen, to Magda’s astonishment.
‘How?’ asks Magda, staring at the scattered tin cans on the ground.
‘If you imagine they’re Nazis,’ says Livi, cheerfully, ‘it’s really very easy.’ For Livi, each tin can is the face of Isaac, with his greasy black hair and yellow teeth. Every time she hits her target.
Magda raises the weapon to the cans lined up on a tree stump in the distance, and while her aim is not as accurate as Livi’s, she hits more cans than she misses.
‘You’re right.’ Magda turns to her sister, grinning. ‘They’re all dead!’
Livi’s restlessness eases as the days became weeks, and she blossoms in the company of the other men and women in the camp. There are dances, indoor sports, games and meal times. For the first time in her life Livi feels truly independent, amongst these friends who all share the same goal.
She is surprised to learn that some of the group are Christians, joining the Hachshara to show solidarity and support for the Jewish dream of establishing a home in the promised land.
Romance also blossoms in the woods, and Livi is flattered when Zdenko begins to ask her for every dance.
*
The date of their departure draws ever closer. Soon they will begin their trek into Romania, and from there to the port of Constanta. Part of their journey will involve travelling through Ukraine or Hungary, both of which have closed and heavily patrolled borders.
Magda and Livi listen intently as the dangers of such an expedition are explained to them. Livi wonders if everyone feels the same as her, that this part of the journey is almost an extension of their captivity, and simultaneously the last hurdle in their bid for freedom. They walked away from the death march, didn’t they, and that took so much more courage; Livi feels ready to walk away again, but she can’t pretend she isn’t scared.
Travelling in small groups will provide some protection, but they will have to be very careful. If they make it to the port of Constanta in Romania, they will find a ship waiting to take them to Haifa. It will be leaving with or without them.
On the day of departure, Magda and Livi’s group of around one hundred trainees travel by truck back to Bratislava. With money in their pockets, they will take trains where they can, otherwise hitch rides or walk. Each of them has a gun and a supply of bullets. Livi and Magda put the bullets in their bags; the guns they shove deep into their coat pockets.
‘Are you upset that Zdenko isn’t in our group?’ Magda asks.
‘A bit, but not really.’
‘Do you like him, Livi?’
‘Of course I like him.’
‘No romantic feelings?’
‘No. He’s a friend, that’s all.’
‘Friendship is a good basis for something else,’ Magda teases.
‘Well, Magda, when you have found the one, you can tell me what it feels like, then I will know what to look for. Until then, sister, mind your own business.’
‘Are you scared, Livi?’ asks Magda, suddenly solemn.
Livi looks at her big sister and sees her own fear reflected in Magda’s eyes. ‘It can’t be worse than a death march, can it? Or a selection?’ she replies.
‘I guess that’s one way of looking at it,’ Magda says.
‘It’s the only way.’
*
The trainees take trains to a range of different towns, from where they will position themselves to cross into Romania. Vranov was one of the options, which Magda and Livi rejected; they choose instead to travel to Košice, and make their way through Hungary. From there, they hope the locals will direct them to Constanta.
They have been given maps and a guide: Vlad. With three other boys, the sisters listen while Vlad tells them they will have to cover another 500 kilometres once they are in Romania.
‘Do you think we will have time to visit Father’s grave in Košice?’ Livi whispers.
‘I don’t think so, Livi. We need to keep moving. We’ll come back one day,’ Magda says.
Livi leans back and shuts her eyes and lets the motion of the train lull her to sleep.
*
Arriving in Košice, the group of six are aware of their friends also disembarking the train, but they ignore one another, as they have been instructed to do. The group is now on their own.
‘Only thirteen days to go and you’ll be on the boat,’ Vlad tells them, as they walk the city streets of Košice. ‘Let’s find somewhere warm to spend the night.’
‘A hotel?’ asks Livi, hopefully.
‘A barn,’ he replies.
‘No soft blankets and feather mattresses for you, Livi,’ one of the boys teases. ‘Will you be OK or should we shoot some ducks and pluck them for your pillow?’
‘That would be lovely, thank you,’ Livi fires back.
It’s getting dark when they reach the outer limits of the city. They are on a deserted road, woodland to the left and right of them, but no sign of any barns. The boys want to camp in the woods, so does Vlad, but Livi wants to hold out for shelter.
All six heads turn round at the sound of the clip-clopping of a horse. Vlad’s hand goes inside his jacket. Livi tenses: this is where it falls apart, where they will be taken captive once again, punished for wanting more than a life lived in the shadows. Magda takes a deep breath, trying to control the trembling in her hands. She’ll never shoot anyone, she knows that now, because how can she, when, at the first sign of danger, she falls apart?
‘Where are you off to?’ A farmer whose cart is being drawn by a fine black mare has pulled up.
Vlad withdraws his hand and waves. Both Livi and Magda exhale.
‘To Trebisov,’ he replies.
‘You’re Jews?’
‘We are.’
Livi glances at Vlad, but his eyes are fixed on the farmer. If he’s not worried, then neither is she.
‘Hop on the back and I’ll take you as far as I can.’
They climb aboard. The cart reeks of animal dung, but they’re comfortable enough in the straw.
‘Sorry,’ calls the farmer. ‘I had pigs in the back.’
They trot along in silence for about an hour. Vlad holds himself erect the entire journey. He might as well be on a train or in a car, thinks Livi, adjusting her own posture. The farmer eventually pulls up at a fork in the road. ‘Trebisov is about ten kilometres down the road. You can walk there now, or you can sleep in my barn tonight – it’s up to you.’
‘It is getting late,’ Livi says, hopefully.
‘Thank you,’ says Vlad to the farmer. ‘We would be grateful. I promise we’ll be gone before you wake up in the morning.’
‘I doubt that.’ The farmer grins. ‘You ever run a farm?’ He winks.
With a flick of the reins, the horse continues down a narrow track to a small farmhouse, beside which looms a large barn.
‘Make yourselves at home in there,’ he tells them. ‘There are still a few pigs inside, but they shouldn’t bother you. And my wife will bring you some food in a bit.’ He offers a wave and strides off to the farmhouse.
‘Thank you,’ they chorus.
While they are making beds from the abundant piles of straw, the farmer’s wife enters the barn. ‘Will someone give me a hand?’ she calls.
Vlad and Magda help her with the mugs of tea and a huge plate of steaming potatoes and roast pork. There are six forks.
‘This is so generous of you,’ Vlad says.
‘Leave the dishes by the door when you’re finished, I’ll collect them later.’ The farmer’s wife pauses in the doorway before she leaves. ‘We’ve helped other groups, you know, just like you, and we’ll do what we can for those that come after you.’ With that, she is gone.
Still unused to the random kindness of others, Livi feels a lump in her throat.
‘Livi, don’t look so surprised,’ Vlad tells her. ‘Not everyone hates Jews!’ The boys and Magda burst out laughing. ‘Let’s eat.’
They gather around the plate of food. ‘Maybe she doesn’t know that Jews don’t eat pork,’ says one of the boys.
‘He did warn us he had pigs,’ sighs Magda. ‘But, Livi, do you remember the house with the Russians?’
Livi nods. ‘When we have no other food, we eat pork.’
The boys are still laughing when they all pick up their forks and dive in.
*
The next morning, the farmer wakes them with tea and fresh bread. He offers to take them to Trebisov.
‘Day two of fourteen,’ Vlad announces.
In Trebisov they buy food and head for the border. They are in Hungary. That night, they sleep in the woods. Livi would rather sleep in the open now, as far away from people as possible. While she has the skills to survive in the wilds of the countryside, her nerve for any confrontation with an enemy will fail her, she is sure. She wishes Cibi were with them – the promise that they will always be together weighs heavy in her mind. Are they tempting fate by leaving her behind?
Over the next ten days they hitchhike, walk, and travel by train until they arrive in Constanta, two days ahead of schedule. They have met little resistance and both Livi and Magda are wildly grateful. They have been lucky, they acknowledge this to one another, and pray this ‘luck’ holds out for the voyage.
At the port the ship is already docked, awaiting its cargo of excited migrants. The evidence of a war recently fought surrounds them: many buildings sit in heaps of rubble still waiting to be cleared, but in town the ancient buildings still stand tall and proud, untouched by the chaos that rained down on the port.
A day later, the one hundred trainees from the Moravian Karst forest camp, the first to arrive, are joined by hundreds more from other camps across Europe.
Magda and Livi feel a thrill of exhilaration as they mill around the port, caught up in the anticipation and excitement for the journey ahead.
‘Everybody on board and be quick about it!’ Vlad is rounding up the young men and women, urging them towards the ship.
Magda takes Livi’s hand at the foot of the gangplank. ‘This is it, little sister,’ she says. Her eyes are shining. Livi knows Magda’s tears are for Mumma, for their grandfather, but they are also for herself and Livi too. They are not only about to embark on a voyage across the ocean, but they are crossing over from one life into another.
‘I’m ready,’ says Livi. ‘Let’s walk up together.’
Livi thinks of the three sisters on the platform of the train station in Bratislava, on their way back to Vranov. They had been so scared they had clung to each other the whole way. She doesn’t feel like that now, she isn’t scared, and she is glad Magda is beside her, but then Livi feels a familiar tingle up her spine, a note of dread. Again, she wishes Cibi were with them, the constant protector who kept her alive in Auschwitz through sheer will and determination. Not now, she tells herself, but how do you embrace the future with an open heart when that same heart has been broken over and over again, the shards of it hammered into dust? Maybe that’s what this is all about, Livi thinks, as the ship pulls away, putting our hearts back together. Cibi is safe with Mischka and Karol and soon they will honour the promise and follow them to the promised land.
Hundreds of young men and women line the decks, hanging over the sides to watch the waves roll away. Livi puts a hand in her pocket and feels the gun. Her fingers move past the weapon to find the tiny knife, her talisman. It is as much a part of their struggle to survive as their mother’s spiritual presence.
‘Magda,’ she says, quietly. ‘I’m going to chuck my gun into the sea.’ It doesn’t belong with the knife. While they could both kill, the knife has only ever come to her aid.
‘What? Don’t be so stupid, Livi. Someone will see.’
‘They’re not looking at me.’
‘You can’t know that for sure. Please, leave it alone.’
And before Livi can take the gun out of her pocket to launch it into the waves, they are joined by a couple of the girls they had trained with. ‘Did you hear?’ says one, breathlessly.
Magda, instantly on the alert, stares into the vast expanse of empty sea, the port in the distance growing smaller and smaller, and then into the clear skies. No Communists or British ships in sight. So far, so safe.
‘There’s not enough bunks below for all the passengers so they’re looking for girls to sleep on deck with the boys.’ Magda can tell from the glow in their eyes, the pink of their cheeks, that they’re excited, thrilled by their daring. ‘We’re going to say yes. Do you want to join us?’
Magda allows herself to feel the same thrill. ‘Sure,’ she says. ‘Why not? Livi?’
‘I signed up for adventure,’ says Livi, taking her hand out of her pocket. ‘Of course I’ll sleep on deck.’
‘We’ll be in Israel in less than a week,’ says Magda, staring at the unending sea ahead of them. ‘I think five nights under the stars is a great way to prepare ourselves.’
‘Let’s go and find the perfect spot,’ urges Livi.
‘Well, that will be wherever the boys are, right?’ says the breathless girl.
‘I was thinking as far away from the engine as possible, if we’re to get any sleep,’ says Magda, sensibly.
‘Who wants to sleep?’ asks the girl. ‘I don’t think I will ever sleep again.’
Livi takes Magda’s hand as the girls lead the way to their new sleeping quarters. ‘Please tell me you’re excited, Magda,’ says Livi.
‘I am, I really am. But I’m scared too, Livi. I really hope we make it without any trouble. But, I guess’ – Magda pats her pocket – ‘we have these guns.’
The girls duck under a rope and Magda follows, unaware that Livi is hanging back. When she realises her sister is no longer by her side, she turns round to see Livi facing a man with greasy black hair. He’s older than the sisters, and there is something wrong with the expression on his face. He’s sneering not smiling. Livi and the man don’t move. They look like statues.
‘Livi!’ shouts Magda. ‘Come on. What are you waiting for?’ Magda starts forward, ducking back under the rope until she’s standing beside her sister.
‘Well, well,’ says the man to Livi. ‘Who do we have here?’
‘Stay away from me.’ Livi’s voice is trembling.
‘Livi. What’s going on? Who is this man?’ Magda takes her sister’s arm to pull her away, but Livi doesn’t move.
‘Going to the promised land, are you?’ he hisses. Magda shivers as she sees his mouth open in a leer to reveal chipped yellow teeth. He takes a step towards the sisters.
Magda’s hand goes to her pocket.
The man catches the movement and steps back. ‘I never thought you’d make it,’ Isaac says.
‘Same,’ snaps Livi, emboldened a little by Magda’s presence. ‘You should have been shot along with the Nazis for what you did.’
Magda, her hand still in her pocket, positions herself in front of Livi, blocking her view of the man. ‘Livi. Who is he?’ she says over her shoulder.
But Livi leans past her and spits into the man’s face.
‘You going to be a problem for me?’ he asks, dragging a sleeve across his cheek.
‘I might be. And what will you do about it without any of your Nazi friends to save you?’
‘I’m entitled to a fresh start. Just like you.’
‘I’m nothing like you.’ Livi grabs Magda’s hand and drags her away.
‘It’s a big ship,’ he calls, as they walk away. ‘Who would notice if a little mouse fell overboard?’
Magda turns round, drawing the butt of the gun out of her pocket. ‘And who would care if a big oaf like you got a bullet in the back of his head?’ she snarls.
The sisters walk away.
When they are at a safe distance, Magda rounds on her sister. ‘Livi, tell me who he is. What was all that about?’ Magda is scared by the look in her sister’s eyes.
‘It’s nothing, Magda. He’s someone from the past,’ says Livi, trying to smile but failing.
‘But who is he?’
‘You can guess, can’t you? A dirty kapo from the camps. A Jew, if you can believe it, but I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget he ever existed.’ Livi walks off to join the girls on deck, leaving Magda to trail behind her.
Livi feels lightheaded as the scenes of Isaac’s cruelty come back to her. Once more she is standing by the gates of Birkenau watching an SS officer hand his baton to the greasy-haired kapo, who proceeds to batter the bodies of prisoners returning to camp.
‘I’ll remember you, girlie. Isaac never forgets a face,’ he had told her, and she knows now that she will never forget his. But what really appals her, what has utterly stumped Livi, is the fact that he could have killed her just now, while she was too immobilised to move or to call for help. Is this her reality now? Must she carry this crippling fear into her new life? She may no longer be a prisoner, but will she ever be truly free?
The sisters walk past a gaggle of girls, giggling and pointing at a group of boys who are preening at their attention. Seeing it, Livi feels like she’s stepped back out of the camp and into daylight. This is normal life, she reminds herself. People flirt and gossip and do whatever the hell they feel like without being plagued by the dark shadows of Auschwitz every minute of the day. Isn’t it enough that she has to dream about Birkenau every night? During the day, she promises herself, I will look to the light.
‘Look at those boys,’ mutters Magda. ‘Peacocks.’
Livi looks at the boys. They are smartly dressed, wearing better than most in their refugee castoffs. The boys are eyeing the girls, grinning and waving, except for one man, who stands apart, leaning against the railings lining the deck. He’s looking straight at Livi. She averts her eyes, suddenly self-conscious, and when she glances back, he’s still watching.
‘Who are they?’ Magda asks one of the giggling girls.
‘The fly boys,’ she tells Magda.
‘The what?’
‘Pilots, technicians. Great husband material.’ The girl is still laughing at her last remark as the sisters walk away.
*
For the next couple of days Livi forces herself to join in with the others’ merriment, but Magda senses her growing discomfort.
‘I’m just feeling seasick,’ she says, or, ‘Magda, you’re smothering me. I’m not the “kitten” anymore.’
Livi takes to sitting alone in the evenings, at the front of the ship, staring into the horizon for the first signs of Israel. She hasn’t seen Isaac again and hopes that she never will. But, if she does, this time she vows she will call to the others. She will tell them what he has done and they will throw him overboard. Strangely, the thought of his body disappearing beneath the waves doesn’t make her feel better.
They pass through the Dardanelles channel and into the Aegean; Livi’s senses are overwhelmed by the colour of the sea, and overwhelmed again when they hit the Mediterranean, skirting the coastline of Turkey. Next stop, Haifa, she thinks and it will all be behind her: Auschwitz, Isaac, the death march, all of it.
As the sun dips below the horizon on the fourth day, Magda joins Livi at the bow. ‘I can see why you like to sit here,’ she muses. ‘It’s so peaceful. Maybe tomorrow you’ll be the first to spot land.’
‘I feel safe here, like nothing can harm me,’ Livi says. ‘Does that sound strange?’
‘A little. But you are safe now. We both are. Whoever that man was, Livi, you have to put him out of your mind. Once we land, you’ll never see him again. Now, let’s go and eat before it’s all gone.’ Magda stands up and holds out a hand to her sister, who takes it.
As they turn to head towards the dining room, they hear them before they see them: the Peacock Boys, as Magda has taken to calling them. They’re talking loudly amongst themselves, but it’s for the benefit of the girls who have gathered to watch this display.
‘Not this lot again,’ says Magda, loud enough to be heard by the boys and the girls. Livi’s laughter dies in her throat when she sees him again: the lone ‘fly boy’, standing to one side, looking at her. Blushing, she grabs Magda’s arm and they run to dinner.
*
In the late afternoon of the following day, the port of Haifa looms into view. The ship is instantly filled with cries of excitement and cheer. Feet pound the deck in a restless enthusiasm to set foot on dry land.
And then the world tilts. Livi’s screams pierce the air as a gun explodes. She is immediately on all fours, hunkering to the ground as the joyful cacophony continues around her. She runs her hands over her body. Has she been shot? Did he get her?
‘Livi! Livi! What’s wrong?’ Magda is kneeling beside her. ‘It’s just some idiot firing his gun into the air to celebrate. Come on.’
As Livi stumbles to her feet the captain steps onto deck, and instantly the cheering stops. His face is red, and there is fury in his eyes as he raises a bullhorn to his mouth. ‘Who just fired a gun on my ship?’ he roars.
No one speaks, although the hands of all the men and women go to their pockets, feeling for their own guns.
‘I will not ask again,’ bellows the captain. ‘I will turn this damned ship round and take everyone back if you don’t come forward right now.’
A hesitant hand is raised in the crowd. ‘I’m sorry, Captain.’ The culprit, a young man, continues: ‘I just got carried away. I won’t do it again.’
‘Come here,’ the captain orders, holding out his hand. ‘The gun, please.’
The man steps forward and places the weapon in the captain’s hand. The captain pockets the gun and slaps the man hard across the head. He takes his punishment without a word.
The crowd is more subdued after that and Magda and Livi head for the bow of the ship, from where the port of Haifa is steadily growing in size.
They are home.