SOME THOUGHTS WORTH REMEMBERING

• When you win an argument, your spouse is the loser. And we all know it’s no fun to live with a loser.
• Arguments accomplish a great deal. Unfortunately, the accomplishments are all destructive.
• As surely as you can learn to ride a bicycle, drive a car, or use a computer, you can learn how to resolve conflicts.
• The answer to conflict resolution is not in seeking to rid ourselves of our differences but in learning how to make our differences into assets rather than liabilities.
• Finding a winning solution begins by choosing to believe that such a solution is possible and that you and your spouse are smart enough to discover it.
• Arguments never resolve conflicts; they simply intensify them.
• Three winning attitudes:
  1. I choose to respect my spouse’s ideas, even when I disagree with them.
  2. I choose to love my spouse and do everything I can to help him or her today.
  3. I choose to believe that my spouse and I are teammates and that with God’s help we can find solutions to our conflicts.
• Conflicts cannot be resolved without empathetic listening. I use the word empathetic because most couples believe they are listening to each other, when in fact they are simply reloading their verbal guns.
• Empathetic listening requires that you give your spouse your undivided attention.
• The most common mistake couples make in communication is responding before they have the full picture. This inevitably leads to arguments. . . . When people respond too quickly, they often respond to the wrong issue.