Once Maddie arrived home, her mom sat on the couch and focused on the television. Dad sat in his easy chair. He nodded at her when she plopped down on the other end of the couch but didn’t say anything. As though she always tore out of the house like that.
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” she asked at last, unable to bear the silence.
Mom didn’t take her gaze from the television, even though there was only a commercial on. She just twirled one red curl over and over. “There’s nothing to talk about, hon. If you lied, I have nothing to say to you. If you didn’t, well, there’s still nothing to talk about.”
Nothing changed around there. She wondered what they’d say if she told them she nearly made love to that gorgeous stranger. Bet Mom would say something then.
“I’m going to go to sleep. G’night.”
Mom had cleaned and rearranged her room again. Everything on the dresser was aligned, clean clothes put away. Maddie arranged them back into their disarray, just because. She looked at her room, at the calico curtains and matching comforter, the angels hanging from the ceiling and on every flat surface. Her room hadn’t changed since she’d lived there before marrying Wayne. Mom had left it intact for the occasional relative who stopped into town for a visit.
She picked up the stuffed angel doll sitting against her pillows and plucked at the lace. Reverend Hislope was right. God wasn’t going to send an angel to heal her heart. She opened the bottom drawer of her dresser and set the angel doll inside. Then she took each of her porcelain figurines and set them in there, too. Lastly, she climbed up on her bed, took down the mobile of floating angels, and put them away.
Something broke loose inside her, and she felt awash in a bittersweet feeling of freedom.
When she faced her reflection above the dresser, she noticed a particular gleam in her eyes. Not guilt exactly. The corner of her mouth tilted up, a mouth that was a little pinker than when she’d left. It only took that thought to ignite memories of Chase’s mouth on hers. Following that came the feel of his hands on her skin and the way his body felt plastered against hers.
“You’re a sex fiend,” she whispered, then let her forehead fall forward to hit the mirror. She’d never been kissed like that, though she hated to admit that. She’d never thought herself a sex fiend either, even though she and Wayne had had a healthy love life.
And the one man who made her feel that way was off-limits. She already knew she’d have a fight on her hands if she returned to the marina tomorrow. And no one was going to believe that she was going anywhere else.
Giving in was the sensible choice, the one she was expected to make. And that’s exactly what she was going to do.
The next morning Maddie put on the pajamas with the muffins and coffee cups print and went out to the living room. She hadn’t brushed her hair since her shower last night. The smell of strawberry muffins filled the room.
She found the pink comforter still folded at the end of the couch and pulled it around her. Then she turned on the television and stared at it without focusing.
Mom came out of the kitchen and stopped. Then smiled. “Baby.” She went back and came over with a muffin on a plate. “Strawberry this morning.” She went into the bathroom and returned with a brush. “Hope you didn’t catch a cold from your little dip last night. You remember how easily you used to catch colds.”
“Used to, Mom. Not anymore.”
Every muscle in her body twitched to jump up and scream, but she held herself still while Mom brushed her hair.
“Isn’t it nice to have everything back to the way it was?” Mom said. “Eat your muffin, hon.”
Nice to be back the way it was?
Colleen walked in, holding her mug ready to be filled with coffee. “Now, there’s a sight I expect. Feeling back to normal?” Instead of giving Maddie a hard time about moping, Colleen was smiling.
Maddie’s fingers tightened on the comforter as she made a horrible realization: her family was dysfunctional! They liked her better when she was depressed and dependent.
Mom grabbed Colleen’s mug and returned a minute later with fresh coffee. Dad walked in and said, “Morning, pumpkin. Morning, Colleen. Gotta go. Try and have a good day, hear?” He kissed her on the head, gave Colleen a squeeze on the shoulder and took the travel mug full of banana nut coffee on the way out. Even he looked happy to see her on the couch again!
She watched him pull out of the garage and dump his coffee on the flowers by the mailbox before driving off. This time Mom was watching, too.
“Doesn’t it bother you, him dumping out the coffee every day?”
“Mm?” Mom blinked and looked at her. “Does what bother me? Eat your muffin, and if you want, we can bake some cookies later.”
Colleen glanced out the window, then leaned out the door and yelled, “Bye, Quigley! Have a good day!”
Maddie shot up off the couch and got tangled in the comforter. “Q! Call him Q. And I don’t want to be called Baby anymore. I want you to call me Maddie!” Finally, she freed herself from the dratted thing and tossed it on the couch. “I’m going to work on Barnie’s boat with Chase. Instead of worrying about me or being mad that I’m still seeing him, be happy that I’m not sitting there moping on the couch. Be happy for me.” She looked at Colleen. “If you want me to watch Q this afternoon, ask the school to drop him at the marina. Otherwise, take the afternoon off and spend some time with your son. Ask him how he feels about his given name and those trolls. Then send him over here and spend some time with your husband. Ask him how he feels, period.”
“Quite a scene last night,” Barnie said. He was still wearing faded blue pajamas, and he’d parked his wheelchair at the outer edge of the warehouse to catch the slash of dawn light coming around the side of the building.
Chase had been working on the boat for a half-hour already. “Guess so.”
“You didn’t have anything to do with Maddie being wet, did you?”
The old guy knew something, what with that gleam in his eyes. But Chase wasn’t about to compromise her integrity. “I don’t go around pushing women in the water if that’s what you mean.”
Barnie harrumphed but didn’t press the subject. He wheeled closer to the hull, moving his hand back and forth to check the layup. “Nice and smooth.”
“Fair layup saves a lot of time later.”
“Seems weird, you knowing about that and not who you are.”
“Kind of frustrating, really.”
He kept working as he talked with Barnie. He was nearly done with the second layer. Today he hoped he could finish the fiberglass outside skin. He didn’t like talking about his memory loss. He felt like half a person when others knew. Except around Maddie.
“Doubt she’s going to be coming around,” Barnie said, as though reading his mind. Or face.
Chase wondered if his expression gave away the disappointment. “Me, too. Her mother made it pretty clear how she felt about Maddie hanging around me.”
“Never been much of a rebel, especially where her mom’s concerned.” Barnie rolled his chair to the stern and ran his fingers along the edge. “She’s a special gal.”
Chase couldn’t help the smile. “Yeah, that she is.” And last night in his arms, she’d proven she was a special woman, too. A passionate woman. Damn all his good intentions about treating her like a sister.
“What are you going to do after you finish this boat?” Barnie asked.
“Got to move on.” Chase kept his focus on smoothing out the area he was working on. “Now you know why.”
“To find who you are.”
“Right.”
“What about Maddie?”
That question stopped him. He hadn’t thought about his leaving being equated to leaving Maddie. He glanced out to the bay that caught the pink glow of the sky. “She’s still in love with her dead husband. But she’ll eventually get over him and move on, too. Find somebody here to fall in love with.”
Barnie nodded, though it was obvious that wasn’t the answer he’d been looking for. “If you ever come around to our town again, I’d be mighty pleased to give you a job.”
Chase felt a surge of gratitude. “Thanks.”
Barnie turned his wheelchair around. “Sail material came in late yesterday. Fortunately, that’s something I can do even in this blamed thing.” He wheeled to the back of the warehouse to a heavy-duty sewing machine and a large swath of canvas. “You can be the first to test-drive this baby when it’s ready. I sure as heck can’t do it.”
The prospect of sailing made his heart beat faster. He thought of something else that made his heart beat faster: Maddie. Every few minutes he caught himself glancing up to see if she was approaching. She’d surprised him last night. Course, he’d surprised himself. Everything had seemed so natural once she’d kissed him. They’d come together as though they’d been doing it forever. Strange considering that as far as Chase was concerned, he’d never made love to a woman before.
Physically he might have. He figured he had to be about twenty-eight or so, enough time to have had a woman or three. But mentally, emotionally…he’d never touched a woman. Naïve Maddie knew more about sex than he did.
Not that it mattered. He had no business getting involved with her on that level when he had a life waiting for him somewhere. Though he didn’t have a wedding ring, he could have a significant other.
Not only had his body been charged since kissing Maddie, his brain’s synapses had been charged, too. More memories had returned, pieces of a life he wasn’t sure he liked.
“Hi,” a familiar, heart-warming voice said beside him.
This was the kiss-off, the big goodbye. Then why was he smiling even before he looked up to see her standing there in an old T-shirt cinched at the bottom and jean shorts?
Once their gazes met, he couldn’t pull away. She swallowed and looked at the boat. “You’ve been busy.”
“Yep.” How could this waif steal away his words by just standing there? “Didn’t think I’d see you today.”
Her smile faded. “I think my family’s happier when I’m not. Does that sound crazy?”
“No. They like taking care of you.” He glanced around the corner of the boat to make sure Barnie wasn’t within earshot. “Barnie asked if you were with me last night. I told him no.”
“Good. No need to start any rumors.”
“Maddie, about last night…”
“Let’s…not talk about it, okay? It shouldn’t have happened. Maybe it was just the allure of being in the water in the dark. Let’s just stay…friends.” She rubbed her hands together. “What can I do?”
She was staying, standing up for herself. And in a way, for him. So, they’d stay friends. It was enough. It was perfect. He started her on the last section. He had no business wanting her when he had no past, and she had too much of one.
Once they’d dispensed with the subject of last night, they fell into their easy pace. She wandered over to see what Barnie was working on for a few minutes, and Chase caught himself glancing over at her. She still looked like that innocent waif, and it clashed with the memories of the woman he’d held in his arms.
She was growing up.
Maddie noticed that they kept their conversations on safe subjects, when they did talk. Truth was, every time she opened her mouth, she wanted to talk about what had happened the night before. Especially when she heard the distant clang of the buoy’s bell. She needed to know he’d been aroused as much as she had. Not on the outside—she knew that. But on the inside. Just as she kept running the scene through her mind over and over, she wondered if he did. She wanted to know how he was feeling at every step, when she’d moved closer to him, when she kissed him, and when she’d really gone crazy and pushed up against his erection.
But then she was afraid to hear that he hadn’t felt anything, other than the physical knee-jerk reaction. Maybe he’d only felt that much because it had been a while. She couldn’t deny that she did feel something for him, though she didn’t want to explore too deeply what that was. She’d been devastated when Wayne had left. She didn’t want to go through even a fifth of that feeling when Chase left. She’d shoot back to double digits on the sad meter. She looked up and caught him watching her.
He narrowed his eyes. “You look awfully serious over there, Maddie.”
“I’m just wondering if Q is going to get dropped off here. Colleen didn’t want him around…well, around you. I told her to spend some time with him. And with her husband tonight.”
“The one who’s cheating?”
“He’d better not be still cheating.” She let out a long breath. “It’s a terrible secret to keep, you know.”
“I don’t know, but I can imagine. You’re probably not good at keeping secrets like that.”
“I’d rather just forget I ever saw his big, white butt…” She shuddered at the memory. “But I can’t make it go away. I just have to believe he’s broken things off and will work it out with Colleen.”
She could talk to him about anything. Well, almost anything. If Chase hadn’t been around, who else could she have shared this with? Not Mom. She would have pretended not to have heard it.
Chase was wearing a faded, black button-down shirt. He’d left it open, probably not to drive her crazy with glimpses of his chest. His white pants were stained on one leg and too big. Which meant they settled low on his hips, below his tan line.
When she sensed he was about to look her way, she said, “I stopped by the garage where my dad works and asked him where the Dinky is. It’s behind my house. He said he takes it out fishing once in a while, to keep the engine running. I never knew he even used it. Not that I mind. He didn’t mention it because he didn’t want me thinking about being on it with Wayne.” She lifted one shoulder. “Too many memories. But…” Push the words out, Maddie. “I’d like to take it out and watch the sunset tonight.”
“Good for you. You going to take Q?”
“Maybe. That’ll give Colleen and Bobby a chance to spend some time together.” She was rather hoping that he’d ask to go along, and then she’d feel obligated to say yes, he could come, because that was the polite thing to do.
He didn’t.
But there was a solid reason for asking him to accompany her. She wasn’t sure she could face that house alone.
“Come with us,” she heard herself say, though she wasn’t even looking at him. She blinked in surprise and met his gaze. “Please.”
He only nodded, as though he understood, though she knew he couldn’t. Her nervous little laugh sounded almost like relief. What could happen with Q there? Hopefully Q would be there.
Being alone with Chase who had no past was definitely not a good idea.
Later in the afternoon, Maddie had mixed feelings when Q arrived. That meant Colleen wasn’t spending time with him. And it meant she wasn’t spending time alone with Chase.
“Hi, Uncle Maddie,” he said. “Wow, the boat’s almost done.”
“It’s got a ways to go,” Chase said, warming her with the words.
Because he’d be around for a little while longer.
“Guess what?” she said to Q. “We’re taking the Dinky out.”
She didn’t quite share the enthusiasm her nephew displayed. She thought he was doing some kind of football victory dance.
“We’re going to go right from here to the house. We’ll get some subs from Homer’s on the way.”
“Kewl!” Q said.
Actually, Maddie didn’t want to face Mom or Colleen about asking to take Q out. They would object, even if Chase wasn’t going. So she was going to cheat and leave a message on Colleen’s machine.
At just before five, she walked to the back where Barnie had just taken up the sailing material after waking from his latest nap. “Barnie, is it okay if I steal your employee a little early?”
“He was here at daybreak, so can’t complain if he knocks off early.” He studied her for a few seconds. “You’re looking good, Maddie.”
She was stunned by the compliment. Barnie rarely dispensed many words at all, particularly that kind. “Thanks.” She couldn’t help the involuntary glance at Chase.
“Remember, he’s going to leave soon.”
“I know,” she said in a too-high, too-bright voice.
He went back to the sewing machine, and she returned to the boat. “Ready?”
“I am, I am!” Q ran over from where he’d been examining an anthill.
Chase gathered up the tools and cleaned them while she closed the container of resin. The boat was coming along too fast. While she was helping him, she was also helping him to leave faster. But how else could she spend time with him?
They both washed up in the small locker rooms at the marina and headed to her car.
“Nice,” he said as they approached the teal Sunbird. “I haven’t driven…well, since I can remember.”
She handed him the keys.
“I don’t have a license.” He handed them back.
She didn’t take them. “So? We have two cops in Sugar Bay, and they never caught Wayne when he sped through town. You do remember how to drive, don’t you?”
Resignation laced his voice. “Everything but who I am, it seems.”
She pushed his hand back. “Drive.”
The tiny smile he tried to hide was worth it. Though once he was in the driver’s seat, she had the disconcerting thought that Wayne and perhaps her dad were the only males who had ever driven the car.
“You sure you want me to drive?” he asked, and she realized he was watching her.
“Yes. Let’s go.”
They picked up the subs, and he insisted on paying even though she knew he didn’t have much money. It was strange, going into Homer’s to get subs for a trip to watch the sunset…without Wayne. Danny had given her a strange look indeed when she’d walked in with Chase.
No doubt by the time she got home, her family would know all about it.
As they got nearer to her house, her throat tightened, and her heart slowed down. Q babbled on about the last time he’d played Merlin’s Mini-Golf. He pointed out his friends’ houses as they drove past the Gulf-side cottages. She heard her voice thicken as she directed Chase into the driveway of her dream house.
“You all right?” he asked once they’d stopped.
She couldn’t take her eyes off the front of that house, with its gingerbread accents and manicured little yard. It was a narrow house, with the garage on the right and a bay window on the other side of the foyer. “I haven’t been here since…Wayne left. It looks different, yet so familiar, too.”
“Mom and I come and swim in the pool,” Q said, pushing against the seat even though they hadn’t opened the doors yet.
“Looks like someone lives here,” Chase said.
“John comes once a week to trim and mow.” She started to look his way but couldn’t. “I’m a chicken not to have come here, I know. A baby. But this was our dream house. Wayne’s grandparents gave us the house for our wedding present when they moved into a condo. We took some of the money he inherited from his great grandfather and remodeled it.”
The houses on either side were as old as hers and just as quaint. The newer homes nearby were built higher due to new flood restrictions.
“It’s nice,” Chase said.
He waited until she opened her door first, giving her time. She loved him for that. Or rather, loved his understanding. She also knew he wouldn’t let her back down, even though she was having thoughts of doing just that. She had another mission in mind, and that meant going inside.
Q ran around the back emitting something that sounded like an Indian holler. Maddie walked up to the door. For a crazy moment, it seemed plausible that Wayne would be waiting inside, wondering where the heck she’d been for the last year.
Chase looked at the key fob that read World’s Perfect Husband! before handing it back to her. She took a deep breath and shoved the key into the lock. As soon as the familiar smells of the house engulfed her, she wrapped her arms around herself and didn’t move. The air was stale, though it was still scented with the dried eucalyptus in the flower arrangements.
“It’s too hard,” she whispered. “It’s like he’s still here.”
Chase’s voice was just as soft. “He’s not.”
“I can smell him. I can feel him.” She shivered. Everything was just the way they’d left it that terrible day. Wayne had gone to the marina earlier to oversee delivery of that damned boat. He’d called Maddie when he had it in the water.
“Baby, come down and see my new toy!” He was like a kid, so excited about everything. The way she used to be.
“I left to meet him at the marina,” she said. “That was the last time I saw this place.” She felt herself walking in, then realized Chase’s hands were on her shoulders. They’d walked through the small entry area and into the dining room/great room combination. “We made love on that couch the night before.”
He dropped his hands, and she wished she could take back the words. But they were out, and she was swept up in the memories of that last lovemaking as she touched the arm of the country charm couch. He’d pulled her down as she’d walked by. Just like every aspect of his life, Wayne was fast in that department, too. But he snuggled with her afterward to make up for it. He hated how fast he went, and that he wasn’t big…down there. Maddie had told him countless times that she wasn’t either, so they were a perfect match.
She sank down on the couch. “He used to play, ‘One little piggy went to market’ with my toes.” She hadn’t realized that, just like old times, whenever she walked into the house, she slipped out of her shoes. She pulled her legs up and touched her toes.
“He must have felt like he was seducing a child.”
She jerked her head up, angry that he’d tugged her out of the memory. “He didn’t have to seduce me.”
Bullseye. He recoiled to the French doors to watch Q.
She tried to go back into the memory, but it was gone. She grabbed her toe and wiggled it, but now the ditty was only a child’s game. She tried to imagine having breakfast in the nook that overlooked the Gulf, or making dinner with him, but they all eluded her like remnants of a dream.
Her gaze went to Chase, standing rigid at the doors in a white T-shirt and tight jeans. It was because of him that she couldn’t remember.
“Take me back to the marina and go home.,” he said, turning back to her. “You’re not ready for this.”
She pushed to her feet and walked to him. “I am.”
He slid his thumb beneath her eye, then showed her the tears. “Maybe you’ll never be ready. Maybe you should just sell this place and stay with your parents.”
Q waved at them, oblivious of the fact that her heart was crushing even more than it had before. She waved back but returned to the impassive expression on Chase’s face.
“Why are you saying this?”
“Because it’s true. Look at you. Maybe you did love him so much that you can’t move on. Maybe you’ll just grow old with your memories.”
She rubbed away the tears, but more came. Not from her memories but his harsh words. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Other than it being a waste. But if you want to waste your life and live in your parents’ shadow, there’s nothing I can do about it.” He turned away as though he couldn’t stand the sight of her. “In another week or so I’ll leave, and you can hide away from life again.” His voice softened, but his gaze stayed on Q splashing in the pool. “And I won’t be able to think about you, because I hate you living your life like this.”
“Don’t say that,” she said through a fresh wave of tears. “Don’t say you won’t think about me.” She blindly reached for his arm. “Because I won’t be able to stop thinking about you.”
His rigid stance collapsed, and he pulled her close. “Don’t cry, Maddie.” Hearing the compassion in his voice again made her cry even harder. He held her face in his hands, and when he gave up trying to wipe away her tears, he pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She gripped his arms, afraid he’d change his mind and move away. But she couldn’t talk, couldn’t force any words through a throat tight with emotion. Heat emanated from her face, though the tears had stopped flowing. She wanted him to pull her close and hold her, but she was afraid that wouldn’t be enough. She wanted to bury herself in him, in the smells of his soap and the faint scent of detergent on his clothing.
When she looked up at him, his eyes were squeezed shut. She’d admitted too much, more than she even knew. It was already too late. When he left, her heart was going to shatter.
He moved back, and she saw the pain as he took in her face, which must be a mess. “I’m sorry I made you cry, Maddie. I just don’t want you to give up. When I leave…when I think about you—and I will think about you—I want to know you’re okay.”
She nodded. He was being tough on her, just like he’d done before. But it wasn’t his words that made her feel alive. It was the way he was holding her, and talking to her now.
“Maybe Wayne did send me to you,” he said. “Maybe he wanted me to bring you back to life.”
His kiss made her feel more alive than anything. She could taste the salt of her tears as he moved his mouth against hers. His lips were soft, and she felt them part slightly before he thought better of deepening the kiss and stepped back.
“Ready to go for that boat ride?” he asked in a rough voice.
She nodded again, then remembered why she’d come inside to begin with. “Wait a minute.” She turned to the short hallway that led to the master bedroom. Then she walked in, holding her breath and waiting for more memories to assail her when she saw the black bed in the middle of the room. Nothing came. She was still too raw from Chase’s words, and still too ragged from his kiss.
She went to the closet and pulled down several shirts and a few pairs of pants. She held them out as a peace offering.
“I don’t know if the pants will fit, but maybe the shirts will. Mom got him these for Christmas, and they were too big.”
He looked inside the waistband of the pants and handed them back to her. “I’m not a twenty-eight waist but thanks.” Then he pulled his T-shirt off and slid into one of the button-down shirts. It was a little tight, but it was new and clean. “These’ll work.”
“Okay.” She went to the kitchen sink and splashed water on her face, then blew her nose with a paper towel. A crystal angel caught the late afternoon rays coming through the window. It was spinning from some unfelt breeze. “I’m ready.”
And she meant those words in a new way. She just wasn’t sure what it was yet.