These recommendations are valid for all personality classification systems. The human being is a divine creation and enjoys the gift of diversity. There are only coincidences, tendencies, similarities. God does not create a series of figures with eight, twelve, or nine models. The only number we’re interested in getting to know is one, which is within us. The objective of this study is unique and unrepeatable you.
IT TAKES GREAT STRENGTH TO NOT FEAR OUR WEAKNESSES.
Now, let’s get down to business. The graph below is the blueprint of relationships between the nine Enneagram types.
Each number on the graph represents an Enneagram type, which is associated with certain thinking, feeling, and behavioral traits. The lines that originate in each number show the relationship that type has with “neighboring” ones. According to this theory, people can emulate attitudes of the Enneagram types that are connected to their own. For instance, the graph shows that people belonging to Enneagram type 8 could adopt behaviors associated with types 5 or 2, which are connected to them, but we won’t dive into this level of complexity here.
Many books name each Enneagram, but I prefer to refer to them by their number. By giving them a title, we attach an adjective to them, which can create bias. Since some names may be more appealing than others (achiever, individualist, helper), you may become impressionable. Words hold an intense power.
Our goal with this tool is to efficiently understand our strengths and weaknesses in different aspects of our life. Identifying where these patterns in our behavior come from will help us understand why we repeat some mistakes.
As you discover each type, you will likely associate it with someone you know. This is a very common reaction, but it must be carefully managed. For example, South African comedian Trevor Noah revealed in one of his shows that to imitate a country’s accent, he copies the way one of his friends from that place speaks. In other words, he imitates one of his friends from Australia to represent all Australians, even if they don’t all speak like that. His strategy is to take a sample and generalize it. He knows that not everyone sounds like his friend. When an Australian hears his imitation, they say, “I don’t talk like that,” but this imitation works for everyone else. You likely feel the same way when a person imitates someone from your country. This example shows you what can happen if you view all members of an Enneagram type through a reference point you think represents them. It may be useful as you get to know the model, because it’ll help you remember each type’s traits. However, not all Australians or French people talk like Noah’s friends, and similarly, not all Enneagram type 6 individuals behave like the person you think belongs to that group. This gets even more complicated when the reference point you use belongs to someone you dislike, because negative biases may be intensified.
To determine our type, we must answer a series of questions. The most popular model has 15 questions for each type, totaling 135 questions. Make sure to set aside some time to do this. Quickly going through the questions is pointless. That will only waste your time, and you will waste even more time in your personal process of self-awareness. Do it with serenity, attention, and love.
WE NEVER EMERGE UNSCATHED FROM CONVERSATIONS WITH OURSELVES.
Be advised: I will explain each Enneagram type briefly because there are still many topics to cover in this book. I hope this information inspires you to delve deeper into the benefits of Enneagrams. This topic can be so vast that there are entire books dedicated to describing the traits of just one type.
When referring to people of different Enneagram types, I will abbreviate the name and use, for example, “E1” instead of “Enneagram Type 1.”
This profile tends to be rigid and has a strong sense of what they believe is right or wrong. They tend to be perfectionists in certain areas of their lives, which is very important to them. One could at times perceive a halo of superiority within this type.
They tend to be particularly severe with themselves and sharply critical of others. Oftentimes, this leads them to take control of situations, even when they don’t involve them. They also tend to be more concerned with what can go wrong than with what may allow them to move forward.
They’re hardworking and have issues with the middle ground. This may be one of the reasons why it’s difficult for this type to let loose and enjoy themselves, although they’re fun and eccentric when they do.
Two traits associated with this group are their tendency to experience anger episodes and their impatience. Their judgmental behavior usually isn’t a good recipe for social relationships, especially when interacting with profiles that tend to feel attacked by other people’s comments, despite the fact they are self-critical themselves. As you may have guessed, this excessive need for control can lead to a reluctance to be examined and an inability to accept other people’s truths and imperfections.
The second Enneagram type values strong social connections. They show a constant tendency to relate to others from that person’s perspective. Their vibe usually finds a welcome space in the other and in satisfying the other even if they haven’t been asked to do so.
When I was a kid, I had a classmate at school who always had extra pencils in his pencil case. Whenever one of us forgot a pencil and was about to face the teacher’s scolding, he’d show up before being asked and offer one of his extra pencils, and he did it with great pleasure. Looking back, I realize I was in front of a full-fledged E2.
This constant devotion to giving is accompanied by an unconscious expectation of reward, which may not always be fulfilled. These behaviors may be accompanied by a belief that they give too much, and those who give too much usually expect the same in return.
These people give help without being asked for it. The need to help sometimes leads them to get involved in situations where they haven’t been invited. They may put so much weight on everyone else’s needs they find it hard to identify and, consequently, fulfill their own.
They’re susceptible to being hurt because it’s difficult for them to set limits with those who might take advantage of their need to help. This causes wounds that further deepen their need for approval.
THE WORST THING ABOUT A BIG HEART IS THAT IT’S EASIER TO HIT.
I’d be pleased if there was an E3 reading this book right now, because their motivation is usually associated with actions that they feel will lead to success. Members of the other groups may read for entertainment or out of habit, but not E3s.
They display strong self-confidence and prioritize efficiency, which enables them to think and act with willpower to connect with what they want in the future. When they balance their strengths, they tend to be productive, persistent, and inspired.