Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me …
HYMN LYRICS BY JOHN NEWTON (1725–1807)
It is never too late to experience a new beginning with God. This is the first step for the rest of your life. Even if you feel that you’ve blown it in dating (either sexually, emotionally or otherwise), there still can be a profound, wonderful hope for the future.
As you have read this book, you might have wailed (to yourself), Oh no, it’s too late. I have made some major mistakes. I will never find the right spouse. I already have had sex outside of marriage. I already have lived with someone. I have abandonment issues and serious low self-esteem.
Know this: God is a God of grace. He always offers you a new chapter to write. He is the Lord of the Infinite Second Chance. Today you can write a new chapter. You can move on because of God’s forgiveness and grace. Don’t throw a pity party at 2:00 AM. You can change and move on.
The whole point of Jesus telling the parable of the wayward, prodigal son who is forgiven by his father; the accounts of an adulterous woman; of a betraying disciple, Peter; of a doubting disciple, Thomas, who questions Jesus, is that their stories show that we are all given a second chance and are forgiven. The Bible is trying to say over and over again that God’s forgiveness is abundant and His love is unconditional. If you decide not to forgive yourself, that is an option; but I personally think it’s a really bad option.
• It’s never too late to turn around.
• It’s never too late to incorporate new ideas into your life.
• It’s never too late to have a conversation to see if a relationship is really heading in the right direction.
• It’s never too late to accept God’s forgiveness and live free.
• God is the God of new beginnings. If by chance you have done some things you wish you hadn’t, or that you now realize were unhealthy, then write a new chapter.
• From here on, use the building blocks that make a better foundation.
• From here on, talk to God more about what’s on your heart for a spouse.
• From here on, be open to meeting singles in a new, healthy way.
• From here on, focus not on the physical but on getting to know the other person in ways other than sex.
• From here on, get to know yourself, including how you think and why you think as you do.
• From here on, find a community that takes you out of The No Veto Zone.
God loves you. He wants the best for you. If marriage is for you, He wants the very best spouse for you. If marriage is not for you, remember that the Bible calls singleness a gift, because it gives you tremendous freedom and liberty that married people don’t have. It saves you from what the apostle Paul calls “anxieties” and “worldly affairs” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33, RSV).
As a single, it may mean not having to worry about a spouse, and possibly kids, along with their time demands and living/educational/medical bills, and more. You may feel that singleness is “the gift that no one wants.” But it is a gift to go all out for God in ways others cannot. You have more flexibility to travel, have fun, experiment and live life to the fullest.
For those who really want to get married, remember the blessing and the process of waiting and following these principles. When I got married the first time, at age 21, I didn’t know Pam, for she is 7 years younger. That would have made her 14! Obviously, I did not date her then. God’s plan was that I wait many years for the partner He wanted me to have. When I got divorced it was 5 more years of singleness for me. I met Pam when I was 29. I married her when I was 30.
Pam and I both have an entrepreneurial spirit willing to risk for God and give a lot of our money away. We have the same kind of humor and similar interests in ministry and movies! She is a phenomenal mother who raised three wonderful kids who all love Jesus. She has high integrity and character. She is a great cook!
But I had to wait another five years after my divorce for the one God had in mind for me. In retrospect, when I was 21, I should have waited 9 years more instead of getting married to the one who wasn’t the right fit for me. So if you are single, I know it is hard to hear that you need to wait for the right person, but it is worth waiting for—no matter how long the wait!
Whatever age you are now, take the time to choose wisely.
Be patient, and remember this promise from God:
Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand (Isaiah 41:10).
God bless you.