I have always been searching: searching for an understanding of that intangible, mysteriously compelling Essence that seems to reside at the very core of my being. I have held a profound desire to comprehend that which has no physical form, yet whose intrinsic energy is the underpinning of all that I know as substance within our physical world.
Throughout my life, I have been drawn to experiences that made me feel joyful and inspired, which compelled me to discover those things that would expand my energetic self into an even more elevated state of exuberance. As a young girl, I had a profound desire to play musical instruments, sing, compose songs, and write poetry. I discovered very early on that while engaged in these creative activities, my sense of joy and wonder would increase significantly, and the more deeply I was immersed in what I was doing, the happier I became.
I also noticed that these ebullient moments were far too often fleeting and unpredictable. When I was practicing my piano, it didn't necessarily result in my feeling excited and inspired. It wasn't always fun. I was working at it, sometimes struggling, trying to improve. But what I did discover was that after practicing a piece repeatedly, there came a point where it stopped being practice, and quite spontaneously, I was catapulted into an experience of pure joy, as I felt the music radiating out from within me. I then discovered that by composing my own music, not only did I feel this excitement while I played the songs, but that I felt this high even more intensely when the music was my own. As I became immersed in what I was doing, I would lose my sense of awareness of my surroundings, no longer feeling separate from the piano and the music I was creating. I was streaming in a blissful state, and the piano, the music, and I were inseparable.
I was streaming in a blissful state, and the piano, the music, and I were inseparable.
So, what was this feeling, this happy, buoyant energy that seemed to be a natural part of me? I had always been the kind of person who awakened in the morning with a lovely sense of well-being, eagerly anticipating the day that lay ahead of me. I loved to be with my friends, play, compose and play music, and I loved to laugh. I never was able to get enough of things that were funny; I was always looking for more. As a child, I was at ease with how my life was unfolding and always felt quite normal. However, as I was busily being a normal kid, I was experiencing something else highly unique and very difficult to describe.
Beginning at about eight years old, as I would lie in bed at night before sleep would descend upon me, a great awareness of what I can only describe as Presence would seep into me, triggering within me a feeling of deep relaxation and peace. I felt entirely suspended in a gentle solitude, with my mind cleared of any thought whatsoever. I was simply there. And then, from within that peaceful place, I would begin to experience a sense of magnification and my little self would begin to expand. Cocooned within that sublime state, I grew larger and larger until I felt myself become the size of my house, then increase to the size of my waterfront town, to the reaches of Long Island, unfold to the dimensions of the United States, and then exponentially amplify to the expanse of our Earth. The more I expanded, the more content and blissful I became. While of course I was still lying in my bed, I was completely unaware of any physical sensations and instead felt myself to have no bodily limitations whatsoever. The larger I was able to become by degrees, the more joyously blissful I became in Essence, until I was simply no longer just little Heather, but rather I was part of everything that existed within our universe. I felt a wave-like infusion of love pulsating through me as I floated in a vast and elemental energy, having no sense of time or space at all. Of course, I wanted to stay there, streaming in that feeling for as long as possible, but in truth, I had no control over any of it; I was simply along for the ride.
The more I expanded, the more content and blissful I became.
After a while, I would feel myself returning to my normal self, lying in my bed. Snuggled under my covers, I continued to sense the residual presence of that enormous, wave-like energy. No longer, though, was I only Heather, the particular, individuated self, but now I was also part of something far greater in that vast wave of energy. I was aligned with the Essence of our very existence. I would always try to hold on to that remarkable feeling for as long as possible, but the familiarity of being in bed in my room, with all my things surrounding me, invariably drew me back into my customary child awareness. During the years that I enjoyed these expansion events, I noticed that if I did not interfere with this process, instead allowing this thing to unfold on its own, that I was able to remain in that state for increasingly longer periods of time, which was pure joy for me.
It wasn't until years later that I recognized just how similar that joyful feeling of streaming expansion was to the sheer pleasure I felt while playing my music and writing poetry. As I blossomed into a teen, I also recognized another variation of this feeling, when I tumbled into those first devastating moments of falling in love. Later on, I found my way into meditation, which offered me yet another means to experience this joy of streaming energy. I recognized there was a common thread among these experiences that was essential for me to understand. I felt Called to play music and to write, to actively love other people, and to meditate, hoping to be able to reconnect and be fully present with that unidentifiable Essence I had experienced when I was young. I longed for the relationships with my creative arts, with other people, and with the world in which I lived. I yearned to be able to merge with that intangibly powerful and mysteriously wonderful Essence that I had experienced when expanding as a child in bed.
I felt Called to play music and to write, to actively love other people, and to meditate, hoping to be able to reconnect and be fully present with that unidentifiable Essence I had experienced when I was young.
The message was clear: When I actively engaged in my art that inspired me, when I was romantically in love, or when I was meditating, inevitably I would lose all specific sense of self, of time, and of my surroundings, instead becoming fully immersed in the pleasure of what I was doing. I realized that I was, in fact, experiencing something very similar to what I had enjoyed as a child when I was spontaneously expanding. The truth was that I was attuned to the Essence of that which I loved and felt compelled to do, and by doing so, I was streaming in sheer exuberance, and I loved it.
At about the age of eighteen, I decided that I wanted to live my life feeling inspired and excited in a very conscious way. I knew that I wanted to be vitally happy, feeling that creative energy moving through me. I began to wonder if it would be possible to feel this alluring exuberance not only when playing a Steinway concert grand piano, but equally when doing my laundry, as well. I wanted to know if there was some way I could intentionally create that joyful experience of childhood expansion, on demand, regardless of where I was or what I was doing.
And so I set out to discover how to call up this exuberance within myself and weave it into my daily life in a sustainably consistent way. I launched myself into a journey of health and diet along with a variety of spiritual practices, some of which are still with me today. I studied creative writing and literature in college, which I adored. Music was my constant companion, and I practiced yoga and developed a passion and in-depth knowledge of exotic tropical plants. I had kept a journal and written poetry from a very young age and continued to document my journey through my writing, in a variety of forms. I discovered the stimulating pleasure of drinking black tea while avoiding the pitfalls of doing drugs. And not to be forgotten, there was the intoxicating rush of young love, with each relationship teaching me something new and valuable.
And so I set out to discover how to call up this exuberance within myself and weave it into my daily life in a sustainably consistent way.
By the time I was in my early twenties, I knew that I wanted to teach, write books, and eventually speak publicly about the things that mattered most to me. But I also felt that I needed to live enough of life to warrant my doing such things, so I set out to do just that. I tried to remain vibrantly awake, consciously responding to anything that offered me glimpses into that mysteriously elusive joy I had experienced as a young girl. Most often, I would awaken to my days feeling inspired by the opportunities that stretched out before me, but even while feeling positive and enthused, there were “mistakes” that awaited me, casualties of an illness that was brewing within my body and the subsequent choices I was to make.
Actually, I became a bit lost along my way, and though I still had a general idea of what I desired to do, there were times when my actions didn't reflect this understanding at all. I found myself settling into activities that held no apparent connection to what was really meaningful to me, and stranger still, I was spending time with people who really were not all that interesting. There was the allure of immediate gratification and not having to work quite so hard, and though I knew I was off-track, I found it difficult to redirect my actions. Yes, at first it was exciting to live on a Chinese Junk and sail the northeastern seaboard of the United States, but after a short period of time, I felt misdirected and empty and knew I hadn't chosen well. I was also aware that climbing onto the back seat of that Harley Davidson was a bad idea, and when I hit the pavement at 60 miles per hour and my right leg shattered, there was no doubting that I had ignored the signs. My misguided choices held an unexplainable energetic push of their own, yet simultaneously were companioned by a contradictory sense of inertia. Mysterious, indeed.
As it turned out, I was being dragged along by an undiagnosed and incapacitating illness of hypothyroidism, which created the murky framework that defined my mid-to-later-twenties. Truly, each day felt like a terrible dream that I was wading through in slow motion, yet somehow I never lost faith that I would find my way back to me. After forfeiting six years of my life to the illness and being compromised for far too many more years, I was finally diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. It had nearly killed me.
Remarkably though, within three months from beginning medical treatment, I began to feel well again. Step by step, I worked on rebuilding my life. I started doing things that I truly loved to do. Serendipitously, I found an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream: I worked on an Arabian horse ranch, riding up into the mountain creeks on long summer nights and down onto the beach in the cool morning low tides. I was thrilled and felt as though I was doing exactly what I should be doing, and my body and being were responding beautifully. I knew the difference; I had no doubt. The medication, combined with feeling joyful and happy, helped me to find my way back to health again. My passion for living was, once again, set afire.
Within a year, my husband and I had our first beautiful child, with two more glorious babes to follow, and over the years to come we raised our three amazing children in a very simple and natural seaside environment. We were a very close and loving family and my husband and I spent many years devoted to creating a home that supported our family's happiness, health, and well-being. As each child grew and expressed unique interests —baseball, music, ballet, dragons—I weaved my creative inclinations into their activities of choice so that we could spend time together. I often ran the music programs in my kids' classes and schools, and I wrote and recorded music for their age groups. When our kids wanted to play baseball and softball, I became the president of Malibu Little League for several years and focused on creating an emotionally healthy and positive environment where boys and girls could play ball. It was a fascinating experience to guide thirty teams of coaches and players through the playing seasons, emphasizing the philosophy of kindness and respect rather than a competition-at-all-costs ideation.
Simultaneously, I chose a career in real estate sales, in lieu of becoming a writer and musician, as it offered me the flexibility to be with our children and still provide our family with additional income. Immersed in an ultra-high-end competitive market, I developed a successful business and, most importantly to me, I maintained my philosophy of kindness, respect, and cooperation in all my transactions. Though there were many years when I could only do my writing and music sparingly, I discovered that engaging in what I loved to do for even just fifteen minutes a day made an enormous difference to my personal happiness and overall sense of well-being.
Now our children are mostly grown and I have truly lived a lot of life. There isn't a day that I don't awaken feeling inspired by the opportunities that stretch out before me, excited by how much more there is for me to do. Now, through my writing and speaking, I am able to take what I have learned and share my ideas and experiences with people from all over the world. Because of the brilliant opportunity to connect with others through social-media platforms of my choice, I now am able to reach hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people every day, from all around the globe, with my inspirational posts, interviews, online workshops, and talks. Within Facebook and Twitter, I have built communities for creatively soul-searching individuals, and now together we are engaged in a global conversation. Every day, we are discussing our collective yearnings for tapping into our creative essence and living lives we truly desire to live and how this becomes a pathway to personal and international peace. I address our creative passions and personal blocks in positive and supportive environments. I love to invite people to share their hopes and dreams, creative talents and abilities, so that they may discover the strength and inspiration within themselves to actually create a life they truly love.
Every day I receive messages from people asking me how they can change their lives and become happier, more fulfilled people. I am deeply touched to hear from those who have already begun their journey, sharing with me their joys, successes, and gratitude. But the truth is, I am truly grateful because I have found deeply rewarding and fulfilling work. I have discovered that which Calls out to me, encouraging me to help others find their way, so that they, too, can fulfill their inspired purpose for living.
Please understand, in many ways my life hasn't been easy, and yet I am thankful for every experience, both delightful and harrowing. Why would I feel gratitude for having suffered severe illness and the heartbreaking loss of loved ones? The simple truth is this: Because I have experienced extreme challenges within my life, my capacity to be a more humbled and tender human being has grown. We are often reminded that life can be complicated and messy, and our paths are not always straight and true, but we have the ability to choose kindness and compassion in our actions rather than becoming condemning, judgmental people, soured by circumstance.
How blessed are we to witness the sheer magnificence of a glorious sunrise or the sacred moments of a breathtaking sunset? Within these astounding and fluid rhythms of nature, we are reminded of the promise and possibility of the creative powers that are inherently present within our elegant world. These are simple, yet dynamic reminders, which serve to ignite the glowing embers of our own creative talents, inspiring us to get busy with creating a life that we truly desire to live. As for me, I am joyfully leaping into my next cycle of living, as I embrace what I call my “Four-H Club”: Heather, Healthy, Happy, and a Hundred. I have a lot of work yet to accomplish within these next forty years, so that by the time I have become a Centurion, I will be fully reunited with that wonderful sense of Streaming I experienced as a young girl, as I touch each moment with a sense of awe, inspired by its joyful grace.
In the weaving of my life, I have been motivated by an unwavering desire to feel creatively inspired and soulfully happy. I have always wanted to know just what it was that ignited me to become awash in a symphony of sheer inspiration while I was writing poetry. From what magical portal did my intense desire to play piano emerge when only three years old? From where did these inner urgings originate? Why have they always Called out to me? I have lived in ardent pursuit of this experiential knowledge, so that I might better understand the purpose of my life and the nature of who I am. A miraculous amalgamation of passion and biology was never answer enough. Intrinsically, I have always known it was much bigger than that.
Note to Reader: As you read Take the Leap, I would suggest you keep a notebook or journal close at hand, so that you may write down your thoughts and responses as you make your way through the three sections of this book. Additionally, I highly welcome each of you to share your ideas and inspirations with me on my Facebook pages and/or on my website, whenever you desire.
The addresses are:
https://www.facebook.com/HeatherMcCloskeyBeckAuthor