Living Your Yoga
As you continue on your awakened journey and embody your soulful connection, others want to join you. Though they are inspired by your progress, their progress must be their own. It is important that at no point you impose your own personal myth onto someone else. We lead by example and offer guidance; beyond that, we act as shepherds who allow some of the sheep to wander at their own will. Just as there is no room for us to displace our power to a guru or put some supposed “master” on a pedestal, we remain wary of the same status for ourselves. If at any point we try to take this post, we risk devolving ourselves and turning the spiral downward, for this kind of hierarchy never holds in a practice where each walks his or her own path. Just as we endeavor to take the road inward, this is what we encourage in others.
It is likely that our attention and dedication to yoga prompts others to ask questions and seek us out for answers. This is a delicate matter. Of course, the world needs teachers of this enlightened work, but the world does not need self-proclaimed gurus. Our state of sustained awakening entitles us to nothing except our own bliss. It does not make us better, more advanced, or even more knowledgeable than the next person. At any moment that we choose to do this work for personal glory or to reinforce our ego, we slide backward down the spiral into our own karmic mess.
Awakening is a state of mind, a state of being; it is not a social status, an employable qualification, or a signifier of expertise on anything but your own self. Our work is to do our practice, to make our mind our own business, and to live our myth, and in the process be open and available to share what we know when it is asked of us. We share openly and honestly, but with the presence of mind to share what is appropriate—leaving out any emotional charge or desire for the listener to understand.
Just as we work so hard to let go of our past and allow it to be a story we tell others when it is asked of us, we do the same with our teachings of yoga. We follow in the footsteps of the long tradition of yoga and refrain from sharing unsolicited information for two reasons. First, someone asks a question only when they are ready for the knowledge, and second, it prevents us from offering wisdom that the person is not yet ready to digest. The last guideline here is to hold nothing back while simultaneously offering exactly what is appropriate. For example, it is not appropriate to tell someone in the throes of an emotional and traumatic situation, “Let it go. I did. Let me tell you how.” This person needs support and compassion in order to move past the emotional hurdle to eventually gain any kind of perspective.
This is hard to remember sometimes, especially when we are so close to our own myths and practices that we remain awake. Continued compassion and understanding toward those around us is what I call the art of appropriateness, and it allows us to navigate every situation in such a way that we maintain our elevated state of mind. This is how we teach. We maintain a sense of rooted equanimity with all of those around us and remember we are on equal footing with them. We offer who we are anytime we can be of service and use skillful means to share in such a way that always uplifts the other. No matter what, though, we never describe the mystery that is our bliss. This is a cardinal rule for the yogi. Not because it is a magical secret we must zealously guard, but because, for each of us, what we connect to, how we connect, our experience of it, what it feels like, is all personal. It is always unique, just like the path that has led us here.
This is the piece you cherish on your own forever. Never share it in public, reveal it to the masses, or offer this precious gem to anything but your own heart. It is yours. Your bliss guides you forevermore as long as you keep it sacred and never sully it by taking it outside of yourself for anyone to see. Your bliss is your own, you have earned it, and it is your birthright. Hold on to it for dear life and, in turn, it sustains and empowers your entire life. Continue to walk your yoga journey and consistently revel in your bliss.
PRACTICE
Learning the Art of Appropriateness in Relationships
In Patanjali’s first chapter of Yoga Sutra, he gives us some advice on how to behave and interact with others. Because the awakened state gives us such a new perspective on life, it is challenging to know at first how to react to people, because we are in such a different mind-set. Yoga Sutra 1.33 offers us great guideposts on how to interact with others while maintaining our own blissful state of mind. It helps us remain appropriate in all situations and be the kind of teachers who inspire through our examples of compassion and integrity.
What matters here is how we perceive the other. Our perception determines the course of action in the following ways:
Be happy for those you perceive as happy.
It is easy to recognize those who are happy for their jubilant expressions, but what if the source of their happiness is questionable? We are effortlessly happy for those who are happy for the same reasons that cause us happiness, but there are a multitude of reasons people are happy. Not all of them are reasons we hold dear or would agree with. Because our awakening is a constant process, being in a state of bliss does not mean we are suddenly absolved of all of our judgments toward others!
No matter why they are happy, if we want to maintain our own elevated state of consciousness, then we share in their happiness. This allows the relationship to flourish. Like a friend who introduces us to a beau that we do not approve of, if we want to maintain a relationship with our friend, then we are happy for the relationship. By questioning the relationship, the partner, the motives, or the inevitable heartbreak, we sow seeds of enmity, which de-escalates everyone’s state of mind. For now, our work is to be happy for the friend—or anyone whom we encounter as happy—and surrender the outcome.
Be compassionate toward those you perceive as sad.
Oftentimes, sad people want others to participate in their sadness. A sad person will call you and tell you the terrible thing that happened so you can be outraged and aggrieved, too. This, of course, pulls everyone’s mood down, which in turn can cause us to be judgmental of the situation and unable to maintain a sense of elevated perspective—which will be needed later when that person wants our advice! When the friend breaks up with the beau, what is not needed is an “I told you so,” but rather, compassion for the situation.
In our compassion we show the other our ability to share the person’s suffering, to understand and embrace their humanness, and accept their vulnerability. In accepting entirely their vulnerability, we provide our friend the space to both express feelings fully and to move into a place of healing.
Be delighted for those you perceive as fortunate.
Though the Sanskrit word in this part of the sutra, punya, usually translates as “virtuous,” what virtuousness once inspired was jealousy. It used to be an envious pursuit to be virtuous through the study of scripture and religion. This is now passé for the majority of present-day people in the developed world, and so the sentiment inspired by this part of the sutra is now related to fortune. Luck generates jealousy nowadays, particularly when we see someone who seemingly hasn’t worked for something suddenly get it. Whether it be a financial windfall, the perfect spouse, or a spot on a reality TV show, we witness others’ fortune and are often jealous of it.
Jealousy breeds contempt and contempt disallows compassion or connection. We are irrevocably cut off from any love we can feel for the other through jealousy and contempt. This, of course, is detrimental to us all, and certainly propels us out of our blissful state. As an antidote, cultivate delight for those you perceive as more fortunate than yourself. Rejoice in their prosperity and keep your heart open as they embrace their newfound bounty. This keeps your mind elevated in delight and the other person is free to share good fortune with you.
Behave in opposition toward those you perceive as wicked.
No matter how blissful our personal life becomes, there is always wickedness in the world. Through our yoga practices, we learn to embrace the darkness as a way to reveal our own light, but as much as we try, we are never able to extinguish darkness completely. When wickedness occurs, it is critical that it not pull us down into the darkness so that we lose our own light. When we face wickedness, the antidote is not to fight it with a vengeance or to turn to anger, but rather to focus our energies in opposition to the darkness. When we succumb to anger, rage, or righteousness in the face of evil, we are evil ourselves and add more energy to the darkness. As workers in light, we endeavor to do the opposite. In the face of even the greatest evil in order to bring more light to ourselves and to the world, we counteract it by finding its opposite and pouring our energy toward that end.
In this way, we participate in the solution rather than the problem. We are the light-bringers who start revolutions for change, acceptance, and cultural shifts. If each of us identifies what we perceive to be wicked and offers efforts in opposition, then all of us bring about radical change in the world. This is the force that this directive has, for the yogi is not a passive observer of life, but a full participator in everything life brings to bear.
All four of these guidelines serve as ways not only to preserve our outer relationships, but also to maintain our inner relationship to our bliss. With all whom we encounter, we use these guidelines to uplift the situation and retain our connection to them, and to ourselves.