Sitara

Chapter 26

Disillusionment

There are no words to describe something that defies explanation. Since the beginning of my telling of the end, so many things defied logical explanation about us actually, a reader couldn’t be blamed for notching this up as yet another.

Only, it wasn’t about us. It wasn’t because it didn’t originate from us, not from our shamanic ancestors, like Aji, and her animal-talker husband, our late Ajoba. Not from our people, hardy, plain living, the last settlement, we had believed, this side of the Binodaris, farmers and livestock-rearers of chiefly goats and horses around these mountains.

Clearly, we weren’t the last settlement here and even more clearly, this being, in human form, badly injured, barely conscious before us – he was the Eagle we had welcomed and feared. Or I had welcomed and feared, for as I saw it, Padmini couldn’t hide it further, she had only welcomed. I didn’t realise how intensely till I saw him through her eyes, saw what she saw.

I had glimpsed some of this depth of attachment when he appeared last as the Garud, but at the time Padmini’s emotions were so layered I was confused. Now, in the first few seconds of seeing him, for a bleak instant I thought she had finally snapped. Such emotion upon encountering an injured unknown, then he opened his eyes, those unmistakable translucent eyes, and then I knew too.

He was no stranger, this creature, so elevated the rainbows did a merry dance around his head even on the grimy rock face he lay on, and like when I was a child, I was entranced for an instant. Only an instant though. Then reality took hold and without realising it, my impulsive anger broke through.

How was this possible? I shouldn’t be asking that nor be as taken by it as other people – I had, after all, been harbouring deep secrets of my own, all of us did, even against our own parents for so very long.

But there were questions – many of them. If this was the Eagle, how was he a man now? In common sense and ancient folklore already rested my answer – he was a shape shifter, he had to be. As in the self-same way of the tales my Aji used to tell us. But if that were the truth, how was it that he didn’t change form into the Eagle when he fell down the crevice, or then help himself when injured? Most importantly – what was his hold over my sister that she was so utterly not herself in his presence?

I had seen her behave this way up on the roof when he visited barely a week ago, and perhaps she had behaved so when he had first come, only I was too young to notice. It didn’t go down well with me, the Padmini, gracious, dignified, purposeful I had known all my life, simply went to pieces upon his appearance. Shy, anxious, unsure in his presence – who was this stranger who had replaced my sister?

I was angry and concerned all at once. Disillusioned too, because the sibling I idolized showed an all-too-human frailty around this Eagle-man, this Vayu. His name meant ‘wind’, now we knew why. The immense wingspan of his eagle form itself was enough to seal the connotation. Wind rider indeed, and Padmini so taken. No, I wasn’t pleased. But for the moment we both had more important things to think of. Like how to save his life.

“Padmini, we still need Leila’s help,” Aum whispered urgently. He was the clearest thinking among us, because he was as yet in the dark as to Vayu’s alter identity. He could not see Vayu’s aura as we could, purest white reflecting its vibgyor of colours, shimmering vapour-like in the drizzle despite his energy being so depleted. All Aum saw was an injured man, conscious now but barely, ebbing life force away as blood trickled from his head. “She will need to see this through, we do not have the resources…” Aum was saying.

“I’ll see to it,” I thought-told the statue-like Padmini, who had settled herself close to him, holding his gaze. Clearly they were communicating, even in this state of Vayu’s, and she had blocked her mind and his so I could not know what was being said.

I turned my attention to locating Leila. I could hear Waman in my head, begging me to keep his brother alive. Just how we were to do that I wasn’t sure, for I had seen what was worrying Aum. The blood was flowing freely from Vayu’s head injury, it had not ceased despite Leila’s healing projections over five days to keep him going. I needed Leila. But when I thought-found her, urgency in every line of in my message I was in for a terrible shock. Because Leila’s mind, when I found her was like the rock separating us 800 feet down – almost impregnable.

For the first time I could barely penetrate her thoughts, even to ask her to help. And when I finally managed, her response was unexpected. Like someone had thrown a punch enough to knock me cold. She wouldn’t budge. She wouldn’t be convinced, she would do nothing to help. Worse, she asked that she not be disturbed, she was having difficulties freeing Badal.

Those were her words, not that she’d help later, or that she would try. Just absolute obduracy, so out of character it befuddled me completely. Leila not wanting to heal, to me was inconceivable – it had never happened. Normally the hurting of someone tore her apart, she whimpered like an animal from the pain of it. I was perplexed initially, maybe she hadn’t understood my message to her. But her reply came so definite after my repeated pleas, that I knew she was in earnest.

She believed she had done all she could for Vayu, I thought. Badal, her beloved, now needed her more. Still, I did not understand this sudden change in her. I recoiled from the force of that message as if slapped. What could’ve gotten into her? Had our fragile sibling lost hope so soon? Or then, after much pondering, doubt – had we misread who she was deep down inside? Anger followed the incomprehension that welled in me. My disillusionment was complete. Both my siblings, I felt, had failed my trust in them. And I needed to not break down, for there was still a journey ahead, and a life I needed to save. For the love of my eldest sibling, despite everything.