“Everyone ready?” Kaye asked as she drifted toward the front door, suitcase in hand.
“Well, I have no luggage, so I’m good to go.” I stalked past her with my tail in the air.
Amy hoisted an overstuffed duffle onto her shoulder. “Now, now, Mossy. Don’t be testy. As soon as we get settled in the safe house, Kaye said she’d try to change the settings on your collar so I can talk with you, too. But if you’re not nice, she may change her mind.”
Sure, be nice. I understood that logically. But I often did weird, little cat things without trying to—heck, without even wanting to. Normal me would have been upset not to get my way immediately upon request, but I also would have gotten over it. Feline me was a long-suffering soul, and it hated to do that suffering in silence. When I was miserable, everyone needed to know it, feel it, share it.
Right now, my special agent collar was coded so that anyone could understand me. But as soon as we left home range, it would revert to only allowing my official handler to hear me. If they removed the darned thing, then not even Kaye would be able to talk with me.
She had at least agreed to try to add Amy as an unofficial handler so I could speak with her, too. But there was no guarantee trying would mean succeeding, and I hated the idea of having to rely on Kaye to accurately translate and pass on my thoughts.
The whole thing made me one grumpy cat.
“Moss, I bought you something,” Amy said as we stood in the driveway outside of Kaye’s car.
I glanced up happily. I did love presents. “Is it a fish? Oooh, or a box?” I asked.
“No. Not a treat, a present.” She pulled a thin red mesh object out of her pocket and cried, “Ta-da!”
I furrowed my brow, completely befuddled. “What’s that thing?”
“It’s a seatbelt!” Amy sang. “This will keep you safe. Isn’t it great?”
“I thought we were friends, Amy.” I twitched my tail and turned up my nose. How on earth did she think this was great? It wasn’t even okay. In fact, it was downright dreadful.
“We are friends!” she exclaimed, then pouted out her lower lip. “That’s why I special-ordered this for you. If we crashed and you died, I would be so sad. I need to make sure you’ll be okay, Mossy.”
Ugh, she looked so cute when she pouted like that. This was also the closest she’d gotten to flirting with me. She bought me a present and said she’d be sad if I died. That was practically a declaration of love. I knew I should be grateful, but…
As soon as Kaye opened the rear door to toss her suitcase in, I hopped into the seat. “Kaye, promise you won’t crash. That way I don’t have to wear the seatbelt, and Amy doesn’t have to worry. Ta-da. Problem solved.”
Kaye snorted. “I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise anything. After all, I’m a witch, not a psychic.”
I waited until she got settled in the driver’s seat to ask, “How would being a psychic make you a better driver?”
She peered at me in the rearview mirror while Amy spun around in the passenger seat and stared at me like I was an idiot. “Psychics can predict a wreck before it happens, but Kaye’s not a psychic,” Amy explained with a furrowed brow. “Please wear the harness.”
I hissed and took several turns on my seat until I settled on the perfect position and curled up with my fluffy tail covering my face. It would take me a while to forgive Amy for this. Seriously, I could only imagine the indignity of being strapped into a seatbelt harness. Like some ridiculous corgi. Humans always put corgis in stupid positions, and those derpy mouth-breathers just let it happen. Yeah, they were pretty much as opposite to a cat as you could get.
Given how much I normally yearned for Amy’s affection, I hated being cross with her. Best to sleep it off.
And I did manage to doze for most of the drive. Next thing I knew, we pulled into a giant underground garage.
“Apartment?” I asked, blinking away my sleep. “They gonna give us trouble about me being a cat?”
Kaye shook her head before opening her door. “No, but for once in your life, I need you to be quiet and actually act like a normal cat. We don’t want to attract undue attention.”
I mocked her sour expression as she stepped around to pull out the suitcases, but by the time she opened the door beside me, I’d schooled my face and hopped out with a serene, cat-like smile. I was a fine actor, and I didn’t need a coach to help me. I’d already mastered my role, thank you very much.
Trotting across the garage, I headed for the elevator then waited with my head uplifted for my friends to catch up. “We need a leash for you,” Kaye said when she joined me. “Or a carrier.”
“Fat chance,” I muttered under my breath.
Kaye shushed me before the three of us stepped onto the elevator and she pressed the button for the eleventh floor.
The ground lurched, and we rose slowly. It startled me so much, I let out a few drops of piddle. What the—? I knew how elevators worked. I shouldn’t have been surprised.
Unfortunately, once I’d started to pee, it was really hard to hold it in.
I stayed close on Kaye’s heels as we walked down a corridor then stopped in front of a door. She twisted her key in the lock, and then I was in like a shot.
Thankfully, there was a bathroom right off the living room, and its door hung wide open, beckoning me inside.
“The lid is down!” I screamed. “Help! Help! Help!”
Amy rushed into the room and raised the toilet seat. “There you go.” Even without being able to understand me, she knew what a panicked cry from the bathroom meant.
I hopped up, and Amy backed out of the room, leaving the door open a crack as she left.
Sweet relief!
Once I was done, I strolled out and took stock of the apartment. I found Kaye and Amy at the kitchen table, unpacking a variety of items from a cloth bag Kaye had brought along.
“We better settle this before we’re called away, and estate sales are closed this time of day. We should be safe to attempt the spell,” Kaye explained when she spotted me. “Come here. I need your collar.”
I trotted over, eager to be rid of the darned thing, then settled myself on the sofa so that I could watch in silence as she performed the necessary magic. Helping wasn’t an option. They wouldn’t even understand me if I tried to talk. Without the collar, I was just a cat, plain and simple.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
I didn’t have much interest in how Kaye accomplished the upgrade spell, only that she did accomplish it.
It surprised me when she took out a silver pin and pricked Amy’s finger, capturing the blood in a clean, white cloth. Blood magic was generally frowned upon in polite society. I wondered if Kaye got a pass as an agent, or if she was breaking the rules for me.
Didn’t really matter as long as I got my way, and no one got in trouble on my behalf.
The women worked for most of the evening, while I caught up on my sleep. That was the other thing about being stuck as a cat. I was always tired. Always.
I woke up when Kaye clasped the collar around my neck. She and Amy both hovered over me with expectant smiles.
“Say something,” she instructed.
“Um, meow?”
Kaye groaned. “Literally, anything but that.”
“I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” I tried again. Hey, it was hard to think on the spot right after waking up.
Amy squealed and reached down to stroke my head. “Moss! It worked!”
“Congratulations, you now have more than one person you can share your complaints with.” Kaye snapped her fingers and pointed toward the bedroom. “Well, that was exhausting, and I need to recharge. I’m going to go take a nice, long bubble bath. Get me out if we catch a lead.”
Amy and I watched as she ambled away.
“Thanks for the help,” I called after her. “It means a lot!”
She waved a peace sign before disappearing through a doorway.
“She’s really good to you. And me. We’re both lucky to have her,” Amy said, giving me one last pat. “Maybe show your appreciation a little more often?”
Even though I could talk, I said nothing. It was better than arguing, and the cat in me had a hard time showing gratitude when food wasn’t readily involved.
Amy sighed. “I’m going to go unpack.”
I stretched, then searched the coffee table until I found the remote. Using one expertly placed toe bean, I set the TV to a football game and watched for a little while before falling back into a placid slumber, secure in the fact that my biggest problem had been solved.
Well, at least for now.