Em
“Has this game been worth a thousand dollars?” I asked.
For me, the whole experience was way over the top. Sure, I’d been to Leafs games before, but that was years ago. Now the whole arena was more intense: everyone wore jerseys, videos flashed on the Jumbotron, and there was constant music and entertainment beyond the hockey itself. And everything was way more expensive.
Ian took a sip of his $20 beer. “Be better if they were winning. But it’s always good to visit the mothership. I try to get here for a game once a year with my buds.”
“Pretty expensive guys trip.”
He laughed. “We don’t sit in club seats.”
“You insisted on these seats.” I pointed out.
“No big deal. You can afford it.”
My mouth opened in outrage, but no words came out. I bought him these seats because he was doing me a big favour, but nothing had worked out as I’d planned. My parents liked Ian. Maybe it was the free home repairs. Now if I brought Thomas home, he’d have to be the second coming of Mike Holmes. That seemed unlikely since he’d had trouble unwrapping his chopsticks when we went for Japanese food. Besides, the only time I’d thought of Thomas was when he sent me a photo of his family beagle in a Santa hat and wished me a Merry Christmas. When I was with Ian, he took up so much physical and mental space.
“Does it bother you if the woman you’re dating makes more money than you?” It had bothered both Todd and Ben. I didn’t tell them my income, but government salaries were easy to figure out once they knew my job classification.
“Why would it bother me? I’d get to do shit like this all the time.” He swallowed the rest of his beer. I watched his Adam’s apple move. Ian could drink an incredible amount of beer. “Besides, I bring other things to the party.”
Ian’s brown eyes met mine. A strange sensation passed over me and settled between my legs. Good grief, I wasn’t getting attracted to Ian, was I? I shouldn’t get sucked in by all his ridiculous moves. He was toying with me, as usual. But that kiss last night—could someone kiss so passionately without meaning it?
Almost involuntarily, I licked my lips and asked, “What do you bring to the party?”
“I’m very good with my hands.”
I looked towards the ice because his gaze was too intense. He looked hungry. And that was impossible—he’d just eaten an expensive hamburger, fries, and ice cream. The image of a shirtless Ian seared into my brain wasn’t helping my composure.
This conversation needed to get back into G-rated territory. “Oh, you mean the way you can fix things.”
He planted his hand on my jeans-clad thigh. When he spread his fingers, my leg tingled under his warm touch. “Yeah. I like to ‘fix things.’”
I bit my lip. I wasn’t used to feeling like a flustered virgin. I was the mature, responsible one.
Luckily, the third period began, and Ian’s attention moved to the game. He was an obnoxiously vocal fan.
“Oh c’mon, ref! Where you looking?” A Leaf forward had been hauled down without penalty to groans from the crowd.
“Maybe it’s a good thing,” I said. “Last time, they gave up a bunch of odd-man rushes on the power play.”
Ian stared. “You know a lot about hockey.”
“For a girl, you mean,” I said.
“Sure. But it’s still a compliment.”
I wanted to smack the smile off his face. “Lots of women are hockey fans.”
“A lot of women think hockey players are hot.”
He turned back to watch the game and left me fuming. Why was it always like this with Ian? Just when we were getting along, he’d go full jerk. Ian was the most exasperating guy I’d ever known.
In further proof that good things happen to bad people, Ian’s favourite team came from behind and scored two goals to end up 5–4 winners.
“Fucking A. I must be good luck. Every time I come to a game here, they win,” gloated Ian as we made their way out. Everyone around us was buzzing happily too.
“You should consider moving to Toronto and getting season tickets. They’d probably go undefeated at home.” I hated when people mixed up causation and correlation.
“Yeah, but I don’t want to live here. Toronto’s too big,” replied Ian. Economic theory insults sailed over his head.
“Reeder?” a deep voice came from behind us.
Ian’s back straightened, and he turned slowly. “Oh hey, Penny. Long time no see.”
Penny was a big beefy guy with cropped dark hair. Beside him was a petite blonde with a dazzling smile. Both were wearing Leafs jerseys.
He and Ian did one of those complex dude handshakes, but it looked more competitive than friendly.
“You still playing hockey?” Penny asked.
“Just beer league,” replied Ian. His demeanour reminded me of a coiled snake, with every muscle tensed and ready to strike.
“Yeah, I play for fun too. But I’m doing some coaching now. It’s all good.”
Ian nodded but didn’t try to keep the conversation going.
“You living in Toronto these days?” Penny asked.
“Nah. Still in Ottawa.” He motioned towards me with his head. “Em’s family is here.”
Penny ran his eyes over me in an appraising way. Like Ian, his eyes lingered on my breasts. Guys often made judgements based on my body like I couldn’t have a brain and breasts at the same time.
“Well, some things haven’t changed, and that would be your taste in pretty women.” He held out his hand. “Hey, I’m Shaun Penhale. And this is my wife, Billie.”
“Hi, I’m Em Davis.” I shook Billie’s hand too, but she didn’t say a word. She gazed adoringly at her husband in the best Stepford Wives manner.
“I’m sure you know what a ladies man Reeder is. When we went out to eat, he’d always leave with the digits of the hottest waitress there. He’s proof that it’s not how good you look, but what bullshit you can spin.”
But Ian didn’t reply. Where were his insults when we really needed them? I’d had enough of this jerk. I wrapped my arm through Ian’s and leaned against him. “Well, I don’t work in a restaurant, and I’m the one who asked Ian out first.”
Penny’s eyes locked on Ian’s in some kind of macho competition. He didn’t even look my way as he asked, “What do you do, Em honey?”
“I’m an economist at the Bank of Canada,” I said. That was a teeny bit of an exaggeration, but he didn’t strike me as an expert on federal government job classifications.
Shocked, he finally looked me in the eye. “No shit. What are you doing with this guy?”
I snaked my hand around Ian’s waist. “People don’t have to be identical to be compatible. Ian’s a considerate, supportive boyfriend. As I’m sure you know.” Then I planted a kiss on Ian’s cheek. The bristles of his stubble scratched my lips.
Ian smirked. “Great to catch up, Penny. Take ’er easy.”
He put an arm around me, and we marched away.
“Thanks, Em. I was worried you were going to tell him about our whole deal.”
“He was an idiot. What’s going on between you guys?”
Ian shrugged. “We played junior hockey together. We were kinda in competition for the same things.”
The normally chatty Ian didn’t say another word as we jostled our way through the crowd. I was still holding onto his arm, and I could feel the tension in his body. A vulnerable Ian was a big shock. He seemed inviolate because he really didn’t care what other people thought.
He relaxed a bit once we left the arena. “Didja see Penny’s face when you told him what you did?”
I laughed. “He needed a lesson.”
“Surprised you kept a straight face when you were telling him how great I am.” Ian’s voice sounded casual, but again there was an undertone of vulnerability. That weakness in his armour called to me.
“Well, now that I know you better, I have to admit that I had the wrong impression of you.”
“Really? What d’ya think now?”
“You’re not completely horrible,” I said.
Many of the flaws I’d attributed to him really didn’t exist. He liked to drink, but he wasn’t an obnoxious drunk. Maybe he didn’t read, but he was interested in people and ideas. He got along with everyone at Christmas dinner, and he’d been adorable with the kids.
“You’re a hard woman to please, Em.”
We didn’t speak much on the ride back. Ian seemed to retreat back into introspection. By the time we got home, my parents were already in bed. We went up to the third floor quietly.
“So, we’re having a family brunch tomorrow. We can leave right after that,” I said.
“That’s fine. Night.” Ian disappeared into his room.
After checking my messages and starting my packing, I went to wash up. The bathroom was still steamy. Was Ian a night shower person?
As I wiped my hands on the damp towel, I realized that Ian had been naked in this room minutes before. I swallowed. How incredible that I could find Ian—someone I detested only a few days ago—attractive now.
I foamed up my facial cleanser and began scrubbing off my makeup. Then I noticed something, or rather the absence of something. The tap wasn’t dripping anymore. After years of irritating noise, all was quiet.
Obviously, Ian had fixed it. And he’d fixed it without being nagged or calling attention to how wonderful he was. There was something very admirable about a person who did what had to be done without any fuss. Someone who saw problems and solved them right away. That was the kind of person I strove to be, but he was cooler, because I needed praise for my every accomplishment.
I went back to my room and got ready for bed, putting on the flannel pajamas that were necessary for this drafty old house. But once I got into bed, I began worrying that Ian was across the hall, feeling unhappy.
Before I could second-guess myself, I got up and knocked on his door.
“Yeah?”
I opened the door and walked in. I could make out Ian lying in bed with his arms behind his head. The cords of muscle and tendon were clearly outlined in the semi-darkness. Above the sheet, the slopes of his well-defined chest were visible.
My breath caught in my throat. The more I liked him as a person, the more I could appreciate the rest of him.
I perched on the side of the bed. “I know you were upset about running into Penny. Would it make you feel better to talk about it?”
“Why? So you can run to Abby and gossip?”
A flush of anger rose inside me but dissolved as quickly. Why had it taken so long to figure him out? Ian’s first reaction to vulnerability was to strike out.
I edged closer. Being next to Ian had become familiar and comforting—something my body now craved.
“No. I’m just trying to be a friend.”
Ian didn’t reply to that. He turned away from me. I could see the muscles of his broad shoulders and the hollow of his back. There was a cave of darkness created by the bedcovers. I remembered that he slept naked and swallowed.
Then I wriggled under the covers and lay beside him.
“Jesus, Em. What are you doing?”
“It’s freezing in here. I’m just keeping warm.”
He grunted and turned his head. From under the sheets, I inhaled the warm scent of Ian.
“You smell like wood.”
“How can that be? I haven’t been at work for days. I do shower, you know.”
I reached out and put my hand in the hollow between his shoulder blades. His skin was fiery hot. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s a part of you now. You’re like a tree.”
Ian snorted. “Big and dense?”
“No. Strong and solid. A place where people can go for shelter.”
Ian didn’t reply to that. He turned onto his back, dislodging my hand. Undaunted, I moved closer. Our bodies weren’t quite touching, but I could feel the heat he was throwing off.
He stared up at the ceiling, and we lay together in silence.
“Penny played in the NHL.”
“Really? For who?”
Ian released a long breath. “The Leafs.” The words pained him.
“I’ve never heard of him,” I said. “He can’t have been that good.”
“Naw. He only played three games. Spent most of his time in the AHL.”
“Then why does seeing him bother you so much?”
“Well, we never liked each other, even in junior. He thinks I stole his girlfriend, but that was bullshit. She came on to me. I had no clue they were together.”
I waited. This was clearly something bigger than two guys fighting over a woman.
“Thing is, I was a better hockey player than he was. Seeing him reminds me of all the shit I never did.”
“If you were better, why didn’t you get a chance to play in the NHL?” I asked.
Ian’s laugh was harsh. “If you’re on the margins, so many things have to break for you. You can get screwed over by a coach, have a bad game when the big scouts are there, blow out your knee. Everything has to go right for you to even get a chance. That’s what Penny got. He scored two on a night when the Leafs scouts were there, and they invited him to a prospects camp. He did well. Kept doing it until he finally made it.”
“But a few games in the NHL isn’t the same as a career,” I pointed out.
“You don’t get it, Em. Even one game in the show means you’ve made it. You’re in the record books, people look up to you, you can tell your grandchildren—hell, you can bullshit them and say whatever you want. You get more breaks too. Penny is coaching now? Yeah, because they can say ‘Former Maple Leaf’ when they introduce him.”
I’d never heard Ian speak so passionately about anything. “How close did you get?”
“I spent a couple of seasons in Vancouver’s system. Mostly with their AHL team, the Vice. Never with the big club.”
“Why didn’t you get a chance?”
Ian’s mouth was a straight line. “C’mon. You’re old enough to know that life is not fair. Shit happens. I don’t dwell on all the shoulda-coulda stuff.”
My overwhelming urge was to make him feel better. Ian’s vulnerability called to me in a way that his bravado never did.
I raised myself up on one elbow, hovered and then leaned down to kiss him. His lips were warm and his breath hot. I pressed myself against his firm chest. Desire rocked my entire body like a seismic shift.
With only his lips he was electrifying me. What was I doing? I never slept with guys I hadn’t dated for at least two months, and I was ready to climb this man like a tree after a few days together. I started to grind against him and felt the solidity of his cock through my pajamas. Oh boy.
Ian raised his hands and I waited in anticipation for where he would touch me first.
He gripped my shoulders and pulled me off him. My body resisted, pushing back towards the biggest source of heat in this room.
“Em. You better get back to your own bed.” The coldness of his words contrasted the gravelly heat in his voice.
I opened my mouth to ask why. A flush of embarrassment came over me. It was wrong to jump on a guy who was feeling bad. I shouldn’t have come in and tried to take advantage of him.
I slunk off to my bedroom without another word. But the more I thought about this, the angrier I got. Ian had definitely been coming on to me at the game tonight. He had kissed me yesterday. So why had he turned me down?