Ian
I woke up feeling crappy, then I remembered last night. Was I the world’s biggest idiot? Em wanted to sleep with me. And I’d turned her down. If my cock could speak, he’d be cursing me out right now. But a cock doesn’t have a conscience.
Sure, I could have had sex with Em. She hadn’t been drunk or upset. In fact, she felt sorry for me. I wasn’t above a pity-fuck if it was someone I really wanted. And I’d wanted Em ever since I laid eyes on her. She was wearing a tight pink sweater and jeans that day, and that combination of a sweet face and a killer body had done me in.
But Em wasn’t someone I could fuck and forget. Our best friends were now married—there was no way to avoid her. Besides, I had principles about this kind of shit.
I took a quick shower, packed, and made my way downstairs. I could smell food cooking—real food—so Ronald must be manning the stove.
As I got closer to the dining room, I could hear Em’s voice. “So you think he’s cute?”
“Not cute, hot. Maybe a little dangerous. I’m surprised at you, but I’m impressed too.” That voice sounded like Em’s sister, Sky. I’d met her at Christmas dinner. She was different from Em: not so serious or driven.
“Impressed? You make it sound like I’ve achieved a major accomplishment by dating Ian,” Em replied.
“Well, that last guy you brought home had the personality of a potato. Ian’s a major upgrade.”
As interesting as this conversation was, I made my way into the kitchen. Hannah and Ronald greeted me.
“Morning.” I helped myself to coffee.
“How was the Leafs game?” asked Lionel, Sky’s husband. “I see they pulled out the W at the end.”
“Yeah, it was great. Can’t beat seeing the Leafs at home,” I replied. “Have you been to a game lately?”
He shook his head. “Sky’s at the nauseous stage of her pregnancy. So I’m not supposed to take off with the boys and leave her for a whole evening.”
Just then Sky and Em walked in. Lionel quickly reversed himself. “Not that I’d even want to go. After you pay for tickets, parking, and food, it’s ridiculous.”
One thing the sisters had in common was ball-busting their men.
I winked at Em. “Yeah, but it wasn’t my dime. It was Em’s Christmas present to me.”
He whistled. “That’s a pretty nice gift.”
Em bared her teeth in a smile. “Oh, Ian’s worth every penny.”
So, she was still pissed about last night. I slipped in beside her and put an arm around her shoulder. Her family being here would keep me from getting belted. Em stiffened under my touch.
“Come sit, everyone,” Ronald urged us. We moved into the dining room, which still had the leftover decorations from Christmas dinner, but the table was much smaller now.
Brunch was some kind of Vietnamese noodle dish made with leftover turkey. It was good.
“We didn’t get a chance to talk much at Christmas dinner,” Sky said. “How did you guys meet?”
Em’s mouth opened and closed. She was a crap liar.
I jumped in. “We met at a hockey rink a few years ago. My best friend had just started dating her best friend.”
“Oh, Abby and Mason,” Hannah said, then added, “Emerald, don’t forget to show me the wedding photos.”
I nodded. “But you know Em, she’s always got a boyfriend, so I had to wait for my big chance.”
Em made a small choking noise. She was so easy to fire up.
Hannah agreed. “Yes, I tell Emerald that she needs to slow down and smell the roses. You can’t be goal-oriented when it comes to relationships.”
Amen. But Em would never agree.
“So, Mom said you’re a plumber?” Sky asked me.
“No, I’m a carpenter.”
“Ian used to play pro hockey,” Em added. It sounded like bragging, and I had to give her points for doing what I suggested. I put my arm around her again, and this time she was more relaxed.
“Oh really? For the Leaves?” Hannah knew nothing about hockey.
“No, I played a level below that. Out on the West Coast.” Only Lionel would be interested in knowing more, so I didn’t add any details.
“Oh, in British Columbia? Such a beautiful province. The trees, the mountains, the ocean.”
Em’s shoulders tensed under my arm.
Hannah’s gaze went dreamy. “Did you ever travel out to Tofino?”
“No.” I was too busy to do any tourist stuff during the hockey season, and I came home to Ontario once hockey was over.
She reached over and took Ronald’s hand. “Remember the good old days?”
He nodded.
“We really don’t need to get into this, Mother.” Em sounded upset, and I had no clue why.
Hannah waved at Em, bracelets clanking. “You’ll thank us in the future, when a spiritual rainforest with trees over 2,000 years old remains intact for your children.” Hannah leaned towards me. “Ronald and I were part of the protests at Clayoquot Sound. Are you familiar with that?”
I shook my head.
“Well, how could you be? You were a toddler at the time, like Emerald.” She closed her eyes so she could recall things better. “So many of us were at the blockade of Kennedy Lake Road, people of all ages, races, and classes. United by the need to protect the environment—to protect that spiritual place from the clear-cut logging. Have you ever seen a photo of the land after clear-cutting, Ian? It’s a complete tra—”
“I said, that’s enough,” Em interrupted. She looked like she was ready to cry.
“What’s wrong, dear?” Hannah was as puzzled as I was.
“I hate when you talk about this. You both got arrested! Dad lost his job at U of T, yet you keep bragging about it like this was the best thing that ever happened.”
Ronald spoke in a calm voice. “Sometimes, civil disobedience is our moral duty. I didn’t lose my job because I protested, but because I couldn’t fulfil my contract due to the trial and the house arrest.”
“Everything is related,” Em said. Then tears welled up in her eyes and she ran from the room.
Was I supposed to go after her? I looked from her empty chair to the doorway.
“Poor thing, that time was so hard on her.” Hannah turned to me. “We didn’t think a blockade was a good place for two-year-old, so we left Em in the care of a friend in Victoria. When we were arrested, we were separated for nearly a week. It was quite traumatic for her. But honestly, it’s almost 30 years ago. She should be over it by now.”
Ronald and Hannah seemed like nice people. But right now, I saw red. I didn’t know exactly what happened to Em, but she was really upset. Someone needed to defend her.
“Look, maybe it’s not my business, but Em spends a lot of time worrying about the two of you and what you think. You’re real important to her. So, if she asks you to drop a subject, maybe drop it.”
I got up and put my coffee cup in the sink. Once upstairs, I got my bag, and knocked on Em’s door.
“Yes?” she said.
“It’s Ian. You want to go soon?”
She opened the door. She hadn’t been crying, but her expression was miserable. Em could never win at poker. “Sure, let’s go. I’m sure you don’t want to be driving after dark.”
Well, since I wasn’t 80 years old, I didn’t really care about driving at night, but whatever. It felt like time to get out of here. I hauled our bags downstairs.
“We’re going now,” Em told her parents. Her dad helped me load up the car, including the old hedgehog.
I turned and saw Em hugging her mom, so all was forgiven. Hannah came and gave me a goodbye hug too.
“Thank you for saving Christmas dinner. I do hope you’ll visit us again,” she said. Ronald nodded. I felt guilty about conning them, but Em would be the one who’d have to explain.
Em hummed as we drove away. “My mother apologized to me about not changing the subject. Isn’t that great? I can’t remember the last time that’s happened.”
If you asked me, the whole house needed more plain-talking. They were nice folks, but they were kind of out in la-la land.
“Why don’t you just level with them? Tell them to stop dissing your boyfriends.”
Em kept smiling. “Well, that wouldn’t work now, would it? They like you.”
“You say that like it’s a miracle. People like me.” I was glad she was in a good mood now, otherwise it would be another long ride.
“Do mothers usually like you?” she asked.
“I don’t usually get to the meet-the-parents stage.” And by usually, I meant never.
“Oh right, Mr. No Commitment. Are you never going to get married?” she asked.
“Look, my work here is done. I played your boyfriend all weekend. But let’s skip the psychoanalysis crap. With the emphasis on psycho.”
To my surprise, Em’s smile widened, and she waggled a finger at me. “I’ve figured you out now, Ian Reid. You can’t goad me into getting upset anymore.”
Shit. Whatever that meant.
“Can I ask you a question?” Em said.
“No.”
Of course, she continued, “Did you realize I was propositioning you last night?”
Jesus fucking Christ. Where was a six-car highway pile-up when you really needed one? The 401 stretched empty before me.
“Duh. Yeah, I can usually tell when a chick is coming on to me.”
“But you turned me down. Yet, almost since the moment we met, you’ve been hitting on me. Are you one of those ‘all talk and no action’ guys?”
“No way,” I replied, insulted.
“Then enlighten me, please. Do you not find me attractive?”
“Of course I do. Like every straight guy with a pulse on the planet Earth.” Even if she had been wearing the world’s ugliest pajamas.
She tried to hide her smile. “I would think that a one-night stand would be right up your alley.”
I snorted. “Have you ever had a one-and-done in your life?”
Em shook her head. “I’m pretty conventional.”
No shit. I passed an Audi that was crawling along at 60 clicks.
“You still haven’t answered my question,” said Em.
If I couldn’t distract her by ticking her off, what did I have left in my anti-Em tool kit?
“Are you picking up Abby and Mase tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yes. Their flight gets in at 6:00 pm. I wonder if they had a nice honeymoon. They didn’t post on social media at all.”
“That’s the way a trip should be. You’re too busy having fun to brag about it.”
“Paris is so romantic. I spent a month in Europe after undergrad and everything was amazing. So much history and beauty.” Em gazed out into the grey weather.
“I played a year in Germany,” I said.
“Really? How amazing. Did you like Europe?”
“Good beer.” Hockey was the same everywhere. Maybe better when you couldn’t understand everything the coach was yelling at you. To be honest, I hung out with the two other Canadian guys on the team, and we didn’t venture out that much. For Em, Europe meant tours and museums, not buses, language problems, and weird arenas. I’d been homesick and glad to come home after one season.
We drove along with only my music playing, but it felt relaxed. Like a 180-degree turn from our drive down.
“So, why would you not sleep with me last night?” Em asked again.
“You never give up, do you?”
This time she kept quiet. But her eyes stayed focused on me. Fuck it. “It’s part of my code. I tell chicks up front: I’m not into commitment. But if that changes—if I can tell they want to get more serious—I can’t keep banging them. It wouldn’t be fair.”
Em did a legit jaw drop and then pushed her chin up with her hand. “You wouldn’t sleep with me because you think I want to marry you? We hardly know each other. That’s insane.”
All she talked about was marriage and kids, and she thought I was insane. I got her better than she got herself.
“Once I sleep with you, it’ll be game over,” I joked.
“Because you’re that good in bed?” Em asked. It sounded like a real question.
“I guess you’ll never know.”
“I’m not sure what to think. On one hand, your ego is enormous, but on the other—I admire that you can stick by your principles, no matter how warped.”
Was I crazy? What if Em really just wanted to have sex? There was no way. Sex with Em meant that she’d be showing me china patterns the next day. Being casual about relationships wasn’t in her DNA.
We stopped for coffee and a snack outside Kingston. Afterwards, she fell asleep. I liked being able to look at Em’s pretty face and not worry that she was going to pounce on me with difficult questions. And I liked that she trusted me to take care of her.
I drove carefully as a light snow began to fall.
What would it be like to actually date Em? At times this weekend, she had been fun. Not the high-maintenance girlfriend I’d assumed she’d be. And Em had made the first move, so she was actually into sex. Again I cursed myself for not nailing her last night. Yeah, it was the right thing to do, but what a fucking opportunity.
When we were about a half hour out of Ottawa, she woke up and stretched.
“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” Em said. “I guess the holiday took a lot out of me.”
Not as much as it could have taken if we... I didn’t go down that road. Regrets were pointless. What mattered was what I did now. I could just ask her out. We could go on a normal date and see what panned out.
“So, Em,” I began.
She turned to me, and her expression was sweet. I’d always wondered what it would be like if Em actually liked me, and now I was finding out. It was nice.
Then her phone buzzed. “Sorry,” she muttered as she pulled it out of her purse and answered. “Oh, hey Thomas.”
Shit. I’d forgotten all about him.
“Yeah, I had a great Christmas, how about you?” Em turned towards the window so I couldn’t see her face anymore. “Well, I’d estimate we’ll be back in about twenty minutes or so.”
My hands tightened on the wheel.
“Really? I’m pretty tired. Well, okay. I’ll see you then.”
She stashed her phone back in her purse. “Um, Thomas is going to meet us at my place.”
I didn’t even reply to that. She was smacking me in the face with the fact that we’d gone through this whole trip for Thomas’s benefit. Because he was the kind of guy she could get serious about—not me.
“It’s not my idea, but he has to go away on a business trip tomorrow, so it’s the last chance I’ll have to talk to him.”
Again I didn’t answer.
“Are you upset about something?” Em asked.
I shook my head. “Why would I be upset?”
“I don’t know, you seem mad.”
We drove over a rise and the lights of Ottawa stretched out before us. “What did you tell Thomas about Christmas? Did you tell him I was coming home with you?”
“Yeah. But I didn’t tell him the real reason, of course.”
“What reason did you give?”
Her voice went soft. “I said you didn’t have a family.”
“And it didn’t bother him that we’d be together for four days?” And three nights.
“No, I don’t think so. Thomas has met you, and he knew that we’re, uh, friends.”
But we hadn’t been friends before. We barely spoke. What she was waltzing around was that Thomas—and Em—didn’t consider me to be anything. I wasn’t good enough to be a threat to their relationship. I was so below Em in status that nobody could imagine us together. I was a fool to even think about asking her out. I should have nailed her when I had my chance because I wasn’t getting another crack at her.
I sped up. The sooner she got out of my truck, the better.
“Ian, you are upset. I can tell because you’re grinding your teeth,” Em said.
“Yeah, well, we already figured out you’re not that good at reading people, princess. You can’t even read your own parents.”
“Why are you being like this?”
“I’m like I always am.” And that was true. I was acting exactly like I used to, before this holiday happened.
The last few minutes of the trip passed in silence. I pulled up in front of Em’s big condo building. Thomas appeared from the front entrance. He was carrying a little wrapped box, no doubt whatever perfect present yuppies gave each other.
“When am I going to see you again?” Em asked.
I shrugged. “Hockey, I guess. Or Mase and Abby’s New Year’s party.”
I avoided looking at her and hopped out of the truck. I unloaded her suitcase and her stupid hedgehog.
“Hey, Ian. How you doing?” Thomas was in my face, all cheery.
“Great.” We shook hands, and I passed him Em’s suitcase. Thomas was thin, with wispy hair and wire-rimmed glasses that made him look like a grandfather. If this was what Em wanted, she was welcome to him.
I handed the hedgehog to Em without meeting her eyes.
“Thank you for driving, Ian, and also for—”
I interrupted her. “You’re welcome. Sorry, but I have to go.”
I hopped into the cab and slammed the door. As I turned on the ignition, I looked out the side window.
Em was walking up the path cradling the hedgehog case. Thomas was beside her, and when he put his hand on the small of her back, something cracked inside my chest.
I eased the truck onto the road. I’d been a fool to dream about being with Em. Good things didn’t happen to guys like me.