Chapter Nine

MARCUS DIDN’T let go of my hand until we’d managed four successful laps of the rink. When we climbed off the ice and went to sit down, he released me and plopped onto a nearby seat. I sat beside him, breathing hard. I hadn’t realized skating would be as energetic as it was. I was hot, and my legs felt wobbly.

“Would you like a drink of something?” Marcus offered. “You can get soft drinks and coffee or tea.”

“I’d love something cold,” I admitted. “Coke or lemonade is fine. Thanks.”

He rose again and walked awkwardly on his blades to the nearby cafeteria. He returned minutes later with two paper cups of 7-Up. We drank them in silence. I’d never been at a loss for words in a man’s company. I usually flirted or said something dirty, but Marcus wasn’t like the men I was used to. I was getting to know him, and I couldn’t ever have imagined him picking up a boy in a gay club for a quick bit of fun, despite what he’d said to me on Easter Sunday. Besides, if anything were to happen between us, I wanted more than that. I couldn’t see myself having a quick fumble in a toilet with him either.

“What are you thinking about?” Marcus nudged me with his elbow and took my empty cup out of my hand.

“Um... nothing exciting.” I felt my cheeks heat up and hoped it wasn’t too obvious. “We should get back out there and make the most of it. We’ve only got about twenty minutes left.”

“Okay.” Marcus got up again, and I followed. This time he didn’t hold my hand. We glided around steadily several times, while Carys and her kids continued to spin and jump in the center of the rink, and the others did more or less what we were doing. When it ended, I felt nervous and confused. Had the hand-holding thing earlier been nothing more than him helping both of us stay on our feet?

After we’d given our skates back to the attendant, we all returned to our cars and Anthony led the way to the pizza restaurant. They had a salad bar which you could help yourself from while waiting for the pizzas. Carys and Anthony’s girlfriend, Holly, filled two large bowls for us all to share, while the rest of us chose from the menus. I went for a ham and mushroom with a stuffed crust, while Marcus chose a meat feast. Anthony and Alex fetched a round of drinks from the bar, and I struggled to think of something to talk about as I sipped my lager.

“Is something wrong?” Marcus asked quietly. He was sitting to my left at the end of the long table, and with the loud chatter going on amongst the others, I doubted any of them would hear us.

“No, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You’ve barely said two words in the last hour.”

“Yes, I’m fine. That skating was more exhausting than I expected. Just goes to show how unfit I am.” I forced a laugh, and he smiled.

“You’re not unfit. Look how well you’re doing at the club.”

“I suppose.” The tension was broken, and we continued talking about Jujitsu and working out until the pizzas arrived. By the time we’d finished eating, I felt more relaxed again, but I couldn’t help analyzing everything Marcus said to me and every smile or wink he gave me. Did it mean anything, or was he just being nice while I imagined something that wasn’t there?

We spent a couple of hours in the restaurant, lingering over the last few slices of pizza and another round of drinks. When we made our way back to the group of Minis parked outside, everyone said their goodbyes, with the intention of driving back in convoy and then each car branching off toward its respective home. Eventually Marcus and I climbed into his car, and we set off, following Anthony.

“Did you have a good time?” Marcus glanced at me and then turned his attention back to the road.

“Yes, it was wicked,” I answered enthusiastically. “I can’t believe I managed to stay on my feet on the ice rink. It was a close thing a few times.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t as bad as I expected, once I got used to it.” Marcus shot me a sideways grin. “Do you want to pick another CD?”

I was a little disappointed as I looked through the discs again and chose a compilation of rock ‘n’ roll tracks. I’d rather he talked to me on the way home. I was holding onto the hope that maybe—just maybe—he might ask to see me again. Not at Jujitsu or with the Mini club, but just him and me. He spoke occasionally on the journey, but mostly it was to comment on one of the songs on the CD. This band was the first one he’d seen in concert, and he had all the albums from that one. I tried to steer the conversation back to other interests and going out, but he didn’t bite. By the time he pulled up at the side of the road in front of my house, my heart had sunk, and I knew all those little smiles and the hand-holding on the ice had been nothing more than him being friendly. He didn’t fancy me. Why would he? I didn’t think I was anything special. My brief period of confidence had only been brought about by sex, and even that hadn’t meant anything.

I said goodnight and went into the house. Shirley had gone to bed, but Sarah was watching TV with Jake and sharing a pizza they’d apparently had delivered. Sarah joined me in the kitchen as I made myself a mug of chocolate to take upstairs.

“So? How was it?”

“It was fun.”

“Did anything happen?” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows.

“Of course nothing happened. There were eight of us, plus two kids. We skated and ate pizza.”

“You spent nearly two hours alone in the car with him. Didn’t you flirt or anything?”

“Sarah, he’s not interested in me,” I said. “I don’t know where you got that idea from.”

“I’m not usually wrong about these things.” She frowned and folded her arms. “Maybe he’s just shy, although I can’t imagine that. Maybe he thinks you aren’t interested in him. You could make it a bit more obvious. Why don’t you ask him out?”

“No!” I snapped, irritated. “And don’t you dare say anything either. We’re friends, and that’s it.” I abandoned the chocolate and stomped off upstairs to my room. I was more disappointed than I cared to admit.

Sarah arrived at my door a few minutes later with my mug of chocolate in her hand. “Peace offering? I’m sorry, Tommy. I was just trying to help.”

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.” I took the drink and sat on my bed. “Just don’t interfere in my love life, or lack thereof.”

“Got it. But I still think he likes you.” She left me to it, and I got up again to make use of the bathroom before I changed into my shorts and T-shirt and settled down with my hot chocolate. I resolved not to think about Marcus anymore, but it was impossible to keep him out of my head completely. I could still feel his firm grip as he held my hand in his on the ice rink.

It was over a week before I saw him again. He missed the next three sessions of Jujitsu, although I was pleasantly surprised when he sent me a text to say he was working late to finish a building project which was behind schedule. I hadn’t realized he had my number, but I’d had to write it down, along with my address, for the Jujitsu club. He must have made a note of it. I saved his number in my contacts, delighted that I now had it. When I saw him again on Sunday, he gave me a warm smile and asked how I’d been getting on training with Andy.

“He’s okay, but I’d rather train with you,” I blurted and immediately felt my face grow warm. Marcus smiled.

“Let’s practice the throws you need to do for the next grading, and then we’ll do a session of the random attacks we did before. That worked pretty well.”

An hour passed, and I felt as if I did well. Marcus took no prisoners with his attacks, although I noticed his slight hesitation when he grabbed me in a chokehold. I got out of it with no problem and spun around, hands raised, to defend against whatever came next.

“Was that okay? I was a bit worried about getting you by the throat again.” Marcus let his arms fall to his sides, and I lowered my hands.

“I’m fine. What happened before was just a one-off freak-out.” I grinned at him. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” He didn’t smile back and his eyes fell away from mine.

“Talking about it helped,” I added, not wanting another awkward silence between us. “This time I really am moving on. I feel different.”

“That’s good. Any time you want someone to talk to, just let me know.” He looked up again and gave me a small smile. It felt as if he were inviting me to suggest something—a few drinks and a chat, or a drive maybe. But I said nothing; I only nodded. I didn’t want to feel the same disappointment I’d felt a week before when I thought his holding my hand might have meant something different than it did.

“Can we try the throws again?” I asked. “I could do with some more practice on the rolling shoulder throw.”

“Okay.”

The moment was gone, and when I drove home later, I told myself I needed to put Marcus out of my mind. There was never going to be anything between us, and I had to stop fantasizing about it and wishing my life away.

The next couple of weeks passed in much the same way. I worked, went to Jujitsu, and trained with Marcus, and we acted like friends and nothing more. I imagined I saw a wistful look in his eyes a few times when they met mine, but I pushed the idea away and concentrated on my training. It was only at the next Mini meet that finally something changed.

It had been a challenging few days at work for me, with a new computer system to learn, and I was tired by the time I arrived at the Oaklands Hotel. I would rather have given it a miss, but I didn’t want to bail on my second meeting with the group. In addition, I didn’t want to miss out on an evening with Marcus. Despite my attempts to convince myself he wasn’t for me, I still felt a flutter of excitement every time I saw him, and I continued to hope that maybe someday I might get more than a friendly smile.

He wasn’t there when I arrived. I got myself a drink and sat at the bar with Alex for a few minutes. Carys wasn’t with him, and he explained their childminder had let them down at the last minute, so she’d had to stay at home. When a couple of other club members arrived, Alex went to join them, and I stayed where I was. Marcus turned up just as I’d decided I should go and sit with the group rather than stay at the bar being unsociable.

“Hey, Tommy. Have you been here long?” Marcus leaned on the bar next to me and waved a hand at the barman to get his attention. “Half a Carling, please.”

“Not long,” I said. “I was talking to Alex before. Carys had to stay at home and look after the kids.”

Marcus nodded. “I got held up. There was an accident on Laceby Road. I went ‘round another way in the end.” He paused to pay for his drink and then looked at me properly. “Are you okay? You look tired.” Much to my surprise, he touched my face. Then he snatched his hand back and wrapped it around his glass.

“I’m fine. Work’s been pretty tiring this week.”

“I was going to ask you something....” He trailed off, and before he could continue, Anthony called out loudly from the corner of the room.

“Oi! You two! You’re holding the job up!”

Marcus turned away without a word, and I followed him to join the group, wondering what he’d been about to say to me. The fact that he’d touched my face filled me with excitement and hope, but I was going to have to wait to find out.

Anthony had an envelope containing tickets to the show which had been discussed at the last meeting. It was called Mini Extravaganza and was at a large showground near Coventry. Everyone went for the weekend and camped. It sounded like fun, and although I hadn’t said I’d go previously, it turned out there was a spare ticket. One of the men in the group had broken up with his girlfriend since he’d ordered two tickets, and now he only wanted one.

“I’d like to go,” I said at once. “How much is the ticket?”

“Thirty-five quid. It’s from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon and includes camping. It’s yours if you want it, mate. Everyone else has already booked theirs.” Anthony scrunched up the empty envelope and placed the ticket on the table. I pulled my wallet out.

“I think I’ve got enough money on me.”

“If not you can bring it to the show.”

I had the money and handed it over. I’d never gone to a car show or any other kind of show before, and the chance to display my beloved Mini and hang out all weekend with a bunch of enthusiasts—Marcus in particular—was very appealing.

I glanced at Marcus, and he beamed at me, eyes twinkling. “Have you got a tent?”

“Um... no.” I’d bought one when I’d been with Colin—he’d wanted to go camping—but I’d left it behind when I moved out. I could never have imagined myself wanting to do something I’d done with him, but this would be completely different. I’d be able to do as I liked.

“There’s plenty of space in mine. You just need to bring a sleeping bag.”

I felt the familiar flutter of excitement in my stomach at the idea of sharing a tent with him, and I nodded enthusiastically. I didn’t have a sleeping bag either, but I planned to make it my next purchase when I went out in my lunch break from work the next day.

When the meeting broke up, I was one of the first out of the door. I was finding it difficult to suppress my yawns, despite my excitement about the show and my curiosity about what Marcus had started to ask me before we were interrupted by Anthony. I meant to ask him about it before we went our separate ways, but outside in the car park, he called out a brief “goodnight” to me and got into his car. He was gone before I could respond, and I drove home feeling deflated once again. Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be.

The next week passed quickly with work being hectic and three training sessions, one of which Marcus didn’t attend. I did my best to stop thinking about him the way I had been, but it didn’t help. I struggled not to keep staring at him, and he invaded my fantasies more and more when I was alone. It didn’t help that when we changed before and after the training sessions, I got to see him in his underwear. Usually he wore boxer shorts—the cotton type—but occasionally they were soft, clingy, jersey fabric which didn’t do much to disguise his package. I tried not to look, I really did, but I couldn’t help noticing he was a decent size, and coupled with his firm ass and strong thighs, the sight only fueled my desire for him and the seemingly futile wish that he returned my feelings.

By the following weekend I couldn’t get him out of my head, which was nothing new. I felt almost desperate to see him, and I’d begun to ask myself if it was the fact I couldn’t have him that made me long for him so much. I even agreed to go out for a meal with Jake and Sarah in an effort to think about something else, but it didn’t help. Most of the time I listened to them talk while I brooded and wished Marcus was sitting beside me.

“You could tell him, you know,” Sarah said. Jake had gone to the toilet, and she leaned toward me across the table.

“What?”

“Marcus. Tell him you like him.”

“What’s the point? He’s not interested in me.” I didn’t bother to deny I’d been thinking about him.

“He is, I’m telling you. You men are hopeless, honestly. Jake’s as bad. You should have heard him when he asked me on our first date.” She adopted a deep, rough voice. “Uh... Sare... ya wanna go for a drink... or sommat?”

I giggled. “You sound just like him.”

“Yes, he’s such a romantic. He just about dies of embarrassment in the face of flowers and chocolates, but he buys me them anyway because he knows I like it. I thought gay men were supposed to be in touch with their feminine side and better able to communicate. But you’re as bad as Jake.”

“We’re not girls with body hair and different equipment, Sarah,” I teased. “You sound like you think we’re a different species.”

“All men are a different species.” She snickered and picked up her drink. “Maybe I should talk to him.”

“No!” I gasped in horror. “Don’t you dare.”

“Well, how else are we going to get you two together? The pair of you spend every training session mooning over each other like there’s no one else in the room. You just need a nudge in the right direction.”

“No, we really don’t. Leave it, will you?” I begged.

“Leave what?” Jake returned to the table and dropped onto the seat next to Sarah.

“You’ve been ages,” Sarah accused.

“I needed a dump, all right?”

Sarah giggled again and rolled her eyes at me. “See what I mean? Whoever said romance was dead?”

Jake elbowed her. “What were you saying? Leave what?” he repeated.

“Tommy and Marcus. They’re never going to get together if we don’t give them a push.”

“Don’t interfere. You women are all the same. Convinced we all just need a push in the right direction.” Jake winked at me and picked up his empty glass. “Want another?”

“Thanks.”

He headed for the bar, and Sarah leaned back in her seat with a sigh. “Fine, if you want to spend the rest of your life pining... I won’t say anything, I promise, but you should, Tommy. I know I tease you, but I know what I see. I see Marcus looking at you the way you look at him. His eyes light up when you walk in the room, and he stares at you when he thinks you’re not looking. You want each other, so do something about it.”