Chapter Thirteen

WHEN I opened my eyes, I was warm and comfortable, and I wasn’t alone. Marcus wasn’t in bed with me, but he was sitting on it with a cup of coffee in his hand. A second cup rested on the cabinet, waiting for me.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“I’m sure I look anything but.” I rubbed my hands over my face and clawed my fingers through my hair as I sat up. “‘Morning.”

“‘Morning.” Marcus leaned over and treated me to a warm, coffee-flavored kiss. When he drew back, he picked up the cup from the cabinet and passed it to me. He was still looking at me in the same way he had the night before. My morning erection twitched, and I willed it away. I was going to need another pee by the time I’d drunk my coffee, and I wasn’t sure what Marcus’ plans would be. Maybe he intended for us to share coffee and then for me to leave—or have breakfast and then leave. He might not want to get back into bed with me.

By the time I’d finished the strong brew, my cock had softened, and I was able to get up and go to the bathroom without embarrassing myself. I closed the door to give myself a few minutes of privacy and take the time for another quick wash and to brush my teeth. I returned to the bedroom and was delighted to find Marcus back in bed waiting for me. I joined him at once and found he had discarded his underwear and was stroking himself. I bent to kiss him and blood rushed to my groin.

We didn’t leave the bed for half an hour, although we did nothing other than kiss and toss each other off. When we got up, Marcus left me to have a shower and went downstairs to make some breakfast. I went back to the bedroom with a towel wrapped around my waist. I found Marcus had brought my clothes up and left them on the bed, along with a clean pair of his own boxers and some socks for me to wear. I smiled happily as I put them on. He thought of everything.

We ate breakfast at the dining table—scrambled eggs on toast with several slices of bacon and some more coffee. When we finished, I insisted on doing the washing up. I thought I should go home then, worried I might outstay my welcome. Marcus might have plans. But when I suggested getting out of his hair he told me his plans included me, if I wanted to spend the day with him.

I sent Sarah another text, and we passed the morning working on our cars. Both of us had a passion for our Minis, and we made use of Marcus’ extensive collection of cleaning products and polishes to make the little cars gleam and sparkle. When we finished, we pored over Marcus’ laptop, and I ordered a new steering wheel and foot pedals for my car. I was keen to make it worthy of joining in at the shows and could have easily spent a fortune on the Demon Tweeks website.

We went into town later, had a late lunch in Subway, and then went to the cinema. We saw Iron Man starring Robert Downey Jr. It was a new release, and the theatre was packed, but the film was great. We shared a huge bucket of popcorn and a large paper cup of Coke. Afterward we went back to Marcus’ house and snuggled on the sofa, kissing and cuddling until things grew heated. We lay together naked, and Marcus wrapped his hand around both of our cocks, rubbing them together until we came over each other. After we’d cleaned up, it was time for me to go home. We’d decided to give Jujitsu a miss for once—I didn’t have the energy to train.

I didn’t want to go home at all, but the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to say goodbye. I no longer doubted I was in love with Marcus, but I still thought it too soon to say so. Despite the length of time we’d spent together—more than twenty-four hours that weekend—it was still only our second date.

Marcus saw me to the door and drew me into his arms again before he opened it. He kissed me until we were both breathless and then let me go, apparently with as much reluctance as I felt when I stepped away. I pulled the door open and stepped out onto the narrow drive where the Minis sat, mine closest to the road.

“I’ll... um... I’ll see you on Tuesday at training,” I said.

“Yeah. It won’t be long before you’re ready for another grading. Maybe a week?”

“Great.” I took a step backward, feeling as if I was physically forcing myself to move away from him. “Thank you for yesterday and today and... uh... everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I loved every second....” He broke off and reached out to grab me. I noticed him glance at the street to see if anyone was watching. Then he pulled me back into the house and pinned me against the wall. His hands gripped my waist, fingers digging into my flesh. I rested my hands on his chest and felt his heart thumping wildly. “I know this is ridiculously fast, but what the hell. I love you, Tommy. I need you to know that. I need you to know how important you are to me.”

I gasped in surprise and gazed into his eyes. I realized he hadn’t needed to say the words. It was obvious in the way he looked at me and every little thing he’d done with me that day and the one previous.

“You don’t have to say it back. I don’t expect... hell, I just wanted you to know.” Marcus flushed and smiled.

“I love you.” The words came out in a whisper. My mouth had gone so dry I could barely get them out at all. I licked my lips and tried again. “I love you, Marcus.”

He pulled me tighter against his body, and I slid my hands up to his shoulders and around his neck. He kissed me warmly and then let me go. Even more reluctantly than before, I stepped out of the door.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as I drove home. Despite my efforts to suppress it and look casual as I walked into the house, I couldn’t do it. Sarah and Jake were in the kitchen making something to eat and were apparently not going to training either.

“Tommy! Look at you! You’re sparkling!” Sarah exclaimed as soon as she saw me.

“Shut up,” I muttered.

“You slept with him?”

“Oh, God, Sarah.” My face heated up, and I glanced at Jake, embarrassed. He shrugged and grinned.

“What have you been doing all weekend? What happened last night?” Sarah stared at me avidly. I wouldn’t have told her any detail even if she’d been alone, but with Jake there I kept my mouth shut altogether.

“Leave him alone, Sare. Why d’ya have to be so bloody nosy?” Jake winked at me and then rolled his eyes. “Women.”

“We went hiking yesterday,” I said. “And we polished the cars, went to see a film... nothing you’d find exciting.”

“But you stayed the night,” Sarah said smugly. She waggled her eyebrows and turned back to whatever she was concocting in a large pan. It smelt spicy. “Do you want some of this?”

“I don’t know. What is it?”

“Chicken chili.”

“Okay. Thanks. Aren’t you going to training?”

“No, I woke up with a stiff neck this morning. I thought I’d rest it, and Jake said he’d rather stay in with me.”

“Right. Where’s your mum?”

“Out. She went to that book-reading group she goes to.”

I was relieved Shirley wasn’t there to see my apparently obvious state of excitement. I doubted she’d approve of me having stayed with Marcus all night, although she’d never say anything unless she was worried about me. However, without her there, Sarah was merciless in her attempts to get more information out of me, especially when Jake left us and went to watch a football match on TV while he waited for his meal.

“I’m not giving you details,” I repeated. “We didn’t go all the way. That’s all I’m telling you.”

“Okay, I’ll mind my own business,” Sarah agreed with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m just excited for you. You came in looking all happy and excited. Like something really amazing happened.”

I beamed again. I couldn’t help myself. “He said he loves me,” I blurted. Sarah’s squeal could probably have been heard at the end of the street. She dropped her spoon and launched herself at me, stiff neck apparently forgotten. She hugged me and then grabbed my hands and jumped up and down.

“Oh, my God! I’m so happy for you! Didn’t I tell you he was nuts about you? You do feel the same, don’t you?”

“Yeah, of course I do. It’s just... it’s so fast. I know how I feel, but I didn’t expect him to....” I trailed off, and my confidence slipped a little. I felt unsure again, which was ridiculous after the weekend I’d just had with Marcus, but I couldn’t help it. “What if it was just the heat of the moment?”

“Well, when did he say it? Had you just finished getting him off? Or was he hoping you might?”

“No! I was leaving. We were saying goodbye just before I drove home.”

“Well, then. He must have been thinking about it. Did he say it first?”

“Yes.”

“Then what are you worrying about? Do you really think Marcus is the type of man to say something he doesn’t mean, even if it was in the heat of the moment? I don’t know him as well as you—obviously—but Jake’s known him a few years. He’s straight up.” She stopped and giggled, then grimaced and rubbed her neck as if she’d just remembered it was uncomfortable. “You know what I mean. Honest and up-front. He wouldn’t say something like that if he wasn’t sure it was true.”

“I know. You’re right, I know. I’m being an idiot.” I pictured the look on Marcus’ face and in his eyes when he said those words to me, and I knew it was true. Every little thing he’d done with me over the weekend had made it obvious. My phone beeped in my pocket, and when I pulled it out, I had a text from him.

“Miss you already. Love you. M. x.”

“Love you, too. Can’t wait to see you on Tuesday. T. x.” I responded, grinning again.

“Was that him?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah.” I put my phone away again. I wondered if Marcus imagined me getting home and having a stupid confidence failure. It would be just like him to know I’d feel like that and send me a message to reassure me.

I couldn’t think about anything except Marcus for the rest of the evening and the next day. I didn’t hear from him on Monday, and I assumed he was busy with work, but by the time I went to bed, I still hadn’t received so much as a text, and I’d begun to feel anxious about it. I pushed the feeling away as best I could and told myself I was being silly. I hadn’t sent him a message either, and it wasn’t as if we were each other’s keeper. Even though we’d said those three little words to each other, I couldn’t expect Marcus to check in with me every few hours. I would see him the following evening.

I sent Marcus a text on Tuesday morning to tell him I was looking forward to seeing him at training, but I didn’t get a reply. I checked my phone constantly at work, but it received no messages or calls. A niggling fear began to creep into my heart, and I struggled to cover up the fact I was worried when I arrived home from work to find both Sarah and Jake there. I decided to drive to Jujitsu by myself rather than travel with them, so I could at least get a few minutes alone with Marcus after the session. I felt both excited and nervous about seeing him after the two long days without a word from him.

When I arrived at the club I went into the changing room and got ready with Jake and Jason and a few others. Marcus hadn’t arrived, and I checked my phone again to see if he’d sent me a message, but he hadn’t. I contemplated sending him another one, but I didn’t want to come across as needy. He was probably just running late.

I joined the others to warm up and then worked with Jake and Jason. I trained Jason the way I’d been doing under Marcus’ supervision, and then Jason observed while Jake acted as my attacker so I could practice for my next grading. An hour passed and Marcus didn’t arrive. I slipped away to the changing room to check for messages, but he still hadn’t texted me.

By the end of the session I felt sick. It didn’t cross my mind to worry that something might have happened. My stupid imagination wasn’t my best friend, and despite the text I’d received when I was talking to Sarah on Sunday, and another one the same night when I was in bed, my first thought was that he’d changed his mind. I’d heard nothing from him in almost forty-eight hours. He must have decided he’d rushed things. He’d enjoyed his weekend so much, he’d been convinced it was love, and having thought about it in the cold light of day, he’d decided he needed to put some distance between us. Now he was avoiding me while he thought about what to say to me.

“Haven’t you heard from Marcus?” Jake asked me as we changed back into our jeans and T-shirts.

“No. He doesn’t answer to me,” I snapped.

“Sorry, I just....” Jake lowered his voice and leaned closer to me. “I thought he might have let you know if he couldn’t make it.”

“Well, he didn’t.” I checked my phone again, just to be sure.

“Why don’t you call him then?”

“He’ll contact me when he’s ready.”

“Did you guys fight or something?” Jake frowned and then raised his eyebrows.

“No!” I grabbed my rucksack and headed outside. Sarah was waiting for Jake by the door, and I mumbled, “See you at home,” as I marched past her. I unlocked the Mini, jumped in, and drove off with a squeal of tires. I was tempted to go to Marcus’ house, but I didn’t have the guts. He might not be pleased to see me. Instead I drove about a mile in a random direction and then parked and took my phone out again. My stomach was a knot of anxiety, and I wanted to cry. What had happened? Why hadn’t he come to training? Why hadn’t he contacted me?

I opened the last text he’d sent me on Sunday night, when I’d been in bed. “Wish you were here with me. Loved waking up with you, babe. See you Tuesday. Love M. x.”

He hadn’t actually said he loved me in that one, but he had in the previous text. It was still sweet and loving. He’d been in bed thinking about me. So what had happened since then? I began to tap out another text to him. I made it casual and friendly.

“Are you okay? Missed you at training. T. x.”

I sat in the car for fifteen minutes waiting for an answer, and none came. I worked myself up into a state of panic as I waited. I imagined him reading my text and putting the phone away without replying. He wanted some space. He was wondering how to tell me things had gone too far too fast and he wanted to take a step back. He didn’t really love me.

After another ten minutes, I tried calling him. I listened to his phone ring several times, and then the answer service told me to leave a message after the tone. It was an electronic message provided by his phone company rather than a personalized one. I hung up and cursed myself for not speaking. I immediately called again and tried to think of something to say which wouldn’t sound desperate. When I heard the tone, I opened my mouth, and nothing came out. I sat there in silence for a few seconds and then cut the call off again. He would think I was an idiot. Now he’d have two missed calls from me and no message. No wonder he didn’t answer. He probably thought I’d become clingy.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks, and I sniffed hard. I felt pathetic. Twenty-three years old and I was sitting in my car in the dark, crying over a man I’d only had two dates with. I was no better than I’d been a year ago. I was obsessed with him, and it had made me feel desperate for him to love me. I pulled myself together as best I could and wiped my face on my sleeve. I read his two texts again in an effort to reassure myself I hadn’t imagined what had happened between us, and I looked through the photos I’d taken of him when we were hiking. The look in his eyes in the photos was almost the same as the look he’d given me when he told me he loved me. I had messages and pictures which told me it was all right and I had nothing to worry about, but it didn’t make any difference. My heart clenched painfully with the certainty that the brief period of happiness was already over. I put the phone away and drove home. There was nothing else I could do.

I managed to avoid Sarah when I got in the house, and I went straight up to my room. I went to the toilet and brushed my teeth, then got into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I opened up my phone and looked at one of the messages I’d received from Marcus yet again. I didn’t know what to think. I realized I wasn’t quite ready to believe it was over.

“Miss you already. Love you. M. x.”

He’d meant it when he said those words to me, I was sure of it. So what happened? I tried to imagine other scenarios where he would miss training and not contact me, and my lack of confidence in myself couldn’t come up with any, except the one I’d already been thinking of—he changed his mind about me. My mind was a muddle.

I lay awake fretting about it for hours. I eventually drifted off, but I slept fitfully, and when I woke to the sound of my alarm, I felt like crap. My head ached, my eyes were sore, and I had a sick filling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe something had happened to Marcus. He could be ill or hurt and I’d spent half the night thinking he was avoiding me. I was an idiot, and I didn’t know why this hadn’t occurred to me before.

I got up, had a shower, and dressed in my work clothes. My phone battery was low, and I plugged it into the charger while I made coffee. I swallowed a couple of painkillers to deal with the headache and gulped some water. Sarah and Shirley were already having breakfast and both looked at me with concern.

“Are you all right, Tommy?” Shirley asked.

“Fine, thanks. I didn’t sleep very well. I’ve got a bit of a headache.”

“Did you hear from him?” Sarah glanced at my phone, and I shook my head.

“I’m a bit worried he might be ill or that something happened.”

Shirley left us, and Sarah frowned at me. “Are you sure you’re not thinking the worst? I know you. You probably think he changed his mind.”

I shrugged, and my face heated up. Bloody women’s intuition.

“Tommy, he won’t have changed his mind. He said he loves you, didn’t he? He’s not the kind of bloke who’d mess with someone’s feelings like that.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been telling myself that. I just don’t get why he wouldn’t even text me to say something came up. Unless he can’t.” I chewed my lip and dragged a hand through my damp fringe. “Fuck. I wish I didn’t have to go to work.”

“Call in sick.”

“I can’t. I used to do that all the time when I was with Colin. Every few weeks he’d order me to take a sickie, and if I refused, he’d make it impossible for me to go to work for days.” I blurted the words out without thinking, as casually as if I’d been telling her I’d been off sick with a cold a few times. Sarah gasped and her face paled.

“That bastard.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It was a long time ago now.” I sipped my coffee and grimaced. It was too strong, and I added more milk. “I’ll go out at lunchtime and try ringing Marcus again.”

“Try now. He’s a builder. If he’s working he probably leaves the house before eight.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” I reached for my phone and selected his number. What was the worst that could happen? He wouldn’t answer again.

This time the phone didn’t even ring. It went straight to the answer service as if it had been switched off, or perhaps the battery had run out of juice, the same as mine almost had. There was nothing I could do about it right then. As tempted as I was to drive over to Marcus’ house, it was too early, and if I left it until a decent time, I’d be late for work. All I could do was go out in my lunch break and go to his place then. His house was only about a mile from my work place.

It was a very long morning. I couldn’t concentrate on my work, and I checked my phone repeatedly, hoping to find a message from Marcus. I checked in vain, and by lunch time I was fidgeting and biting my nails. It was probably fruitless going to his house. He’d be at work. I tried ringing him one more time before I set off, and I reached his answer service yet again.

I hurried to where I’d parked the Mini and quickly drove out of town. Once I turned off the main road, there was virtually no traffic, and I parked outside Marcus’ house within ten minutes of leaving my office. His Mini was on the drive, but that didn’t tell me much. He had a van he used for work, which he kept in a lock-up within walking distance of his house.

I strode up the drive and knocked on the door. I waited for what seemed an interminable length of time. My heart thumped wildly, and my stomach churned with fear that nothing was wrong and my first instinct had been correct—he’d realized he didn’t want me after all.

I’d almost given up on him answering, when the door opened slowly. Marcus was leaning against the wall, looking weak and sick and with a thick dressing over his left temple. I sucked my breath in, and my pounding heart lurched. He was hurt, and I felt like a fool.