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Classes are a blur. I make sure to sign in and, after that, I pretty much nap. I don’t perk up until five minutes before the last bell goes off. Then I head to the gym, where chess club, my only mildly entertaining school activity, meets every Friday.
I enter the chatter-filled gym and scan the floor. Tables are set up in the middle, topped with chessboards and timers. The teacher, Mr. Gallager, walks around, handing out papers to the students.
Small cliques stick together. A few Asians here. Two Hispanics there. Whites elsewhere. I belong to none. I keep scanning, but I don’t see the person who makes this activity challenging enough for me to stick around. I start to turn when Mr. Gallager moves a few steps, revealing the table behind him.
“So you are here,” I mumble to myself when I spot Luke.
My shoulders square off as I take a deep breath and walk toward him, boots clicking on the polished wood.
A few heads turn my way, including Mr. Gallager. “Boots, Marci, boots. I’ve told you, they scratch the floor,” he says, pointing at my shoes with disapproval. He really doesn’t care about the floor. He’s just supposed to say that.
“There are no jocks here today, Mr. Gallager. They can’t stop me,” I say with a smirk.
He shrugs and keeps handing out sheets.
“Unless we count you. You’re a jock, right?” I say, as I sit in front of Luke, who looks up from the chessboard and lifts a perfect, blond eyebrow.
He reclines back on the chair and bends his head to one side, appraising me. “Didn’t think you were gonna show up after your sad defeat last week, and the week before and the week before that one, and the week ... should I go on?” His tall frame looks almost too big for the chair. His sandy blond hair slides to the left and brushes his temple.
Luke Smith, the conundrum. Jock by day. Lady’s man by night. Straight-A student and chess player extraordinaire. I’ve known him since kindergarten and he always manages to surprise me some way or another. Like the day he asked me out on a date. Yeah, that was different and totally unsettling for some reason. He’s good looking as all get-out, and many a girl would give a lung to go out with him. Me? I got sick to my stomach. Violently. Like never before in my life—not even after that time I ate the street tacos that nearly landed Xave in the hospital and barely made me feel queasy. But, judging by the way I reacted with Luke, you would have thought my own dad was making a move on me. He played it cool, though. Even when I made a beeline for the girls’ bathroom, ready to puke. To this day, I still don’t know what came over me and I can’t stomach the idea of being romantically involved with him. In all, it’s a surprise he still talks to me.
I narrow my eyes into small slits and give him a fake grin. I would promise him an ass-whipping, but if I knew I could beat him, I probably wouldn’t be here today. No. I’m sure I wouldn’t be. I wonder if he would? I wonder if, like me, he comes for the challenge. It’s true he has won every game we’ve ever played, but I make him sweat for it. And I know that pretty soon I’ll finally beat him.
As I lean to put my book bag down, he asks, “Had a rough night last night?”
My eyes flash back to him, suspicion rising in me. What does he know about last night? Could Luke be the IgNiTe dude? My mind examines this possibility, weighing in all the variables.
He’s certainly smart enough. The way he plays chess and beats me every time serves as proof. There’s even a small chance he’s smarter than me. Okay, not really, but still. His IQ has to be pretty up there. I wonder if he’s into computers. I know he’s into football and girls and ... parties, but what else? I frown. The truth is I have no idea. We’ve been classmates on and off all these years, but, for all I know, every night he turns into a flesh-eating transvestite. Like me, he might have this other life that no one suspects.
“Your eyes are red,” he adds when I don’t answer. He smiles, crosses freckled arms over the logo of his black Under Armour t-shirt. He sounds innocent. Clearly, I’m just being paranoid.
“No, they’re brown,” I say.
He leans into the table. “Brown and big and pretty,” he whispers, his own blue eyes sparkling. My mouth sours and my stomach flips. I swear he relishes the way his flirtatious tone twists me up into knots.
“Screw you,” I say.
Luke chuckles. “Does your bed have two bad sides?”
“What?”
“It’s just you’re always so ... ill-tempered. I figured you wake up on the wrong side of the bed every day.”
“Yeah, I’m sure your bed is perfect.” As soon as I say this, I cringe.
“Sweetheart, you have no idea. All I can say is you would always get up on the right side of my bed.” His grin is wide. He looks so pleased at his own wit I could punch him. If it wasn’t for the crippling nausea his comment unleashes in my gut, I would do it.
I regain my cool in time to say, “Your foul, slut-ready lair, you mean.” I can’t hold the acid from my words. Great, I’ve answered his wit with an insult. I guess he is smarter than me.
He puts a hand to his heart. “I refuse to pay back your insult with another. This should serve as proof that I’m a gentleman and innocent of the accusation you lay before me.”
“Oh, get over yourself, Luke,” I snap.
He laughs and laughs, pleasure brimming in his gold-flecked, blue eyes. My mind churns with nothing but more insults. I squeeze my eyes shut and let it go. The game started the moment I sat in front of him. The pieces haven’t even moved and I’ve already lost.
Checkmate.
***
AFTER LUKE OUTSMARTS me in chess as well as other areas, I ride my bike to Millennium Arcade to look for Xave. Cigarette smoke wafts past me as I open the door. Randy, the owner, ignores the public smoking ordinances. His patrons don’t complain.
I find Xave at one of the pool tables, playing with Cameron. He breaks the balls with a quick flick of his wrist and watches as four of them find homes. The way he plays pool should grant him a PhD in physics, if only this ability translated into good grades at school.
“What’s up, Xave?”
The smug smile disappears from his face when he looks up and sees me there.
“Had fun last night?” I ask, walking over to get a cue. “Hey,” I say to Cameron, who, used to the pool rivalry between Xave and me, gives me a quick nod and finds someone else to play with.
“You could say that.” Xave scans the balls, planning his next move.
A fast-paced song plays in the Dance Dance machine, trying to entice someone to bust a move. We all have two left feet here. Randy will realize that soon and get rid of the abomination. He’ll replace it with a good shoot-’em-up game, if he knows what’s good for business.
“So, are you gonna tell me how it went? Or is it some ... national secret?” I examine the balls on the table, calculating possible shots. As I glance back at Xave, I wish assessing his mood was as easy as assessing this game.
He returns his cue to the rack, wipes chalky hands on his black jeans and walks away.
“All rightie,” I say, “I guess that means you don’t wanna play ... or talk.”
Xave looks over his shoulder. “Let’s go out back.”
I don’t understand what’s up with him lately. God, I wish he’d quit acting like an idiot. It’s as if all that testosterone coursing through his veins has a negative impact on his IQ. I don’t think I can put up with his moody butt much longer. But for now, curiosity gets the best of me, so I play along.
We go into the back alley through the emergency exit. Xave leans against the wall right next to the door, pops a stick of cinnamon gum in his mouth and crosses his arms. I walk out, stand in the middle of the alley, my back turned, and wait for him to say something before making eye contact. He says nothing. I exhale and bite my tongue, trying to control the urge to scream. Maybe he’s still mad at me for crashing the motorcycle. If so, he needs to get over it.
My favorite alley cat shows up, purring at my feet. I squat and pet her, relieved for the distraction.
“Hey there.” I scratch the backs of her ears. Her round, green eyes squint, a clear sign of pleasure. I smile, almost forgetting Xave stands brooding nearby.
“Come here,” I say, picking Alley Cat up and sitting down on an upturned recycling bin. I place the cat on my lap, where she stays content.
Finally, I look up. Xave’s staring at me, frowning. I stare back, and for the first time take a good look at him. His light brown hair, usually styled to look casual/shaggy, lies limp like wet noodles. There are dark half-moons under his eyes and stubble accentuates his jaw. He looks tired, but above all, angry.
“So what, you’re still mad at me?” I ask.
His eyes are dark, hiding everything but his ill temper. He huffs, a quick exhale through his nose that makes his head go up and down.
You big bobblehead!
“What’s the deal, Xave? The cult got your tongue?” I chuckle.
Practically growling, he stomps toward the Dumpster like a lumbering bear and proceeds to kick it with the tip of his boot. Alley Cat spooks and jumps two feet in the air, but not before digging sharp claws through my jeans and peppering my face with black fur.
“Ow.” I jump up, rub my thighs and glower at Xave. He stands breathing heavily and slouching as if he just ran a race and is trying to recover.
“Look,” I say, “if you don’t want to tell me anything about your new friends, that’s okay. But you don’t have to act like a Neanderthal.”
I understand guys sometimes don’t like to talk about feelings and stuff. Hell, I don’t like it either. But if he’s still mad at me, he needs to spit it out, so we can get past this.
Do I have to be the one who brings reason into this mess? I sigh. “Okay, I apologize about Clark’s bike.” The words feel like spiked ninja Makibishi going down my throat. I swallow my pride and continue. “I promise to fix it and to never pull a stunt like that again.”
He looks at me as if I’m speaking Japanese. I guess Clark’s bike is not what’s on his mind. I put my hands up in a give-me-something gesture. He gives me nothing but a darker shade of those hazel eyes. Well, I guess we have nothing to talk about. With resolve, I walk past him and head toward the street.
“You know where to find me if you wanna talk.” I’ve taken five steps when he finally decides to speak.
“They call themselves IgNiTe,” he says.
I freeze. My eyes grow wide and my hands go as cold as dead fish. I whirl around, a tornado vibrating with the force of nature.
“What?!”
Inhale.
Keep cool.
Don’t choke him.
Xave stares at the ground. I wait for him to make eye contact, fingernails digging into my palms. His eyes flicker toward mine for a split second, then fall back down, this time to a broken crate. His anger is gone. He just looks embarrassed now.
With measured steps, I approach him until he’s at arm’s length. “You told them about me?” As I ask the question, my upper lip twitches, enough that I’m sure he can see my clenched teeth.
Xave sniffs once and flicks his nose with a quick thumb, a nonchalant gesture that he pulls off all too well.
“Did they catch you by surprise, Warrior?” he says.
What happened to being embarrassed? I never knew him to feel such ... discontent toward me, never knew him to flip emotions so quickly.
“Why the hell would you do something like that?” I ask in complete disbelief.
I don’t get it. I know lately things have been squirrely between us, but we’ve been friends for a long time, ever since he showed up in front of my house wearing red rubber boots and started splashing in a puddle, asking me to join him. We laughed and held hands while we jumped.
Since that day, we’ve done countless things together and know everything about each other. I sat with him when he got his first tattoo and the first time a girl dumped him—even if I never said a word, he still let me hold his hand. I’ve even memorized the exact shade of his hazel eyes for his every mood. I wish I knew why lately I’ve seen plenty of that dark, threatening hue when in the past, I’ve only seen it directed at others, especially those who mess with me.
“Why would you let them infect my rig like that? All my hard work’s probably messed up for good. Why?” I really want to understand.
“Oh, it was a harmless message, Marci. They said it wouldn’t hurt anything.” Uncertainty crosses his eyes for a second, then he asks, “Everything still works, right?” But it’s not a caring question. It’s a challenge. He doesn’t want to believe they would play him.
I could tell him that I don’t know, that I didn’t have a chance to check, but I choose to let doubt settle on him. I hope it’s heavy. His eyes waver. Good.
“Well Xave, I’d say we’re even now. So maybe now you can stop being so mad at me.”
If anything, my comment only makes him angrier. Ha! And they say women don’t make any sense.
“What do they want with me, anyway? I already told them. I. Do. Not. Join,” I say.
At the question, he looks as puzzled as I feel. Then it hits me: he doesn’t know what’s going on any more than I do. They didn’t tell him jack. I chuckle at the irony. The newest member of IgNiTe knows nothing. It’s probably part of their cult philosophy.
“It beats me,” Xave admits. And there’s bitterness in his tone and something else, too. Jealousy?
Oh, man. That’s it! He’s jealous. I should have seen it before. For months, all he’s talked about is discovering what his brother’s up to. Ever since they were little, Xave has looked up to Clark, emulating him in every respect. And now that he’s finally within his brother’s circle, he hates to see the attention shift to me.
The question remains. Why are they interested in me?
I know what you are.
IgNiTe’s message flashes in front of my eyes. I try to pretend the words mean nothing, that it was only a stupid prank, meant to get my attention. I hate to admit it worked.
“What do these people do, Xave? What did they tell you? Why are they interested in recruiting ... high school kids?”
“If you’re so interested in the details, I guess you’ll have to join, won’t ya?” he says, then walks away rubbing his chin, making a raspy sound.
“Cut the bull-crap. It’s obvious they didn’t tell you anything. Don’t act as if you’re with the in crowd, now. Tell James and IgNiTe or whoever that I’m not interested.”
He lays a hand on the door knob, ready to get back inside. “Whatever you say, Marci.” He speaks over his shoulder.
“Oh, and don't worry, I'll stay out of your way, so you can play Bad Boys with your brother without me cramping your style.”
Something like regret takes shape in Xave’s eyes. He looks as if he wants to say something. His lips part, but as I see he’s at the verge of letting the words out, I spin on my heels and walk away.
I’m too mad to even look at him anymore. If I stay, there’ll be no hope of ever keeping this friendship or controlling the shadows. It’s the latter that scares me the most.