Kat saw the blood drain from Zac’s face, and automatically her eyes sought out the message which seemed to shine like a beacon on the table in front of them. Well, that was her excuse for reading it.
Sorry darling. He’s out. Please call me when you get a moment. Xx
‘Can I take it from your reaction that Helena isn’t talking about your childhood tortoise escaping?’
He gave her a dazed look. ‘I didn’t have a tortoise.’
‘I kind of guessed that.’ Bollocks to it. Swanky surroundings be damned. She wasn’t going to sit here and politely wheedle this out of him. ‘Look, if you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, fine. Just because you slept with me, doesn’t mean you owe me any insight into your deep dark secrets. But if this has anything to do with your safety, if it could explain why someone tried to shoot you.’ Fear that he might really be in danger began to gnaw at her insides. ‘If that’s the case then you flaming well owe me an explanation. I can’t protect you if you shove a blindfold on me.’
He hunched forward, burying his face in his hands for a moment, his shoulders moving as he dragged in a few breaths. Then he rose to his feet, his eyes turbulent and troubled. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now.’ Jamming the phone into his jacket pocket, he reached out a hand to help her to her feet. ‘Looks like you’ll get your wish for a takeaway, after all. I need to get back so I can phone Helena.’ He threaded a distracted hand through his hair. ‘Then I’ll answer any questions you have.’
After settling the bill, he walked stiffly beside her towards the valet, all the grace, the elegance gone from his bearing. Instead he looked not just shocked, but defeated, which sent another pulse of alarm shooting through her.
As they waited for the Jeep to arrive, he turned towards her. ‘For the record, I didn’t just sleep with you, Kat. I fell for you.’
Kat pressed a hand to the pain in her chest. Her heart was really taking a hammering tonight. And if his words weren’t enough to leave her feeling battered, drowning in emotion, there was also the message in the text. Who the hell was He and where had he just come out from?
The return journey was silent, except for the sound of Classic FM coming out of the radio. Zac’s choice. Music was obviously another thing they didn’t have in common.
As soon as she opened the front door, Zac shot up the stairs. Too pumped up to sit and do nothing, Kat marched into the study and called the one person she could always rely on to understand her. The big sister who, despite her own struggles, was always there for her, even if there was currently a rehab clinic.
‘You went and slept with him?’
Kat raised her eyes to the ceiling. Typical of Mandy that that was the piece of information she’d taken away from the ten-minute update she’d just given her. ‘Yes. And if you’re going to tell me I’m stupid, don’t bother, I know. But you try spending 24/7 with a guy who looks like sex on legs and resist him.’
‘So it’s just sex.’
She wanted to answer yes, because this moment, this brief flash of brilliance, was never going to last. Yet if she couldn’t be honest with Zac, she should at least be honest with herself, and her sister. ‘Truthfully, I think I’ve totally bollocksed this up and developed feelings for him. Maybe he has some for me, too, though equally maybe I’ve become a habit. He has been stuck with me pretty much all the time.’
Down the phone line, Mandy let out a snort of laughter. ‘You’re really trying to tell me the guy who’s just taken you to The Ivy, of all places, even though you didn’t appreciate it … the same man who doesn’t even like Formula One, but took you to Silverstone … who got you a picnic hamper from Fortnum and flaming Mason … you’re saying he’s doing all that because he’s got used to having you around? You know how totally dumb that sounds, don’t you?’
Kat sighed, leaning back against the chair and closing her eyes. ‘He’s a film star, Mandy. He does this sort of stuff all the time. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything.’ Yet even as she said it, the words sounded hollow. I wanted to take you somewhere as special as you are.
Was she putting her head in the sand about his feelings for her because she was too afraid to acknowledge they were real? She didn’t want another relationship. She didn’t want to fall in love again, only to have it leaving her emotionally eviscerated.
Yet did she really have a choice? The ache in her heart said otherwise.
‘I know you’re scared, Kitty Kat.’ Mandy’s voice was in her ear again. ‘You have every right to be. But, aside from being a mega-gorgeous rich film star, Zac sounds like a pretty okay guy. Debs raves about him.’
He’s more than okay. He’s kind and funny and, beneath his sexy surface, achingly, touchingly, vulnerable. Words that didn’t help her tortured emotions one little jot. ‘This is the same Debs who wants to spend time with a guy who’s three years older than she is and treats her like shit,’ she said instead. ‘I hardly think she’s a good judge.’
‘She promised me she isn’t hanging round with him anymore.’ Mandy paused. ‘In fact, she told me you’d had a word with her and it had made her think, so we have you to thank for that.’ Kat felt a lump rise to her throat. Had her niece really listened? ‘She also said there was a cute actor on set when her class went to watch Zac filming, and if you can bag a film star, maybe she can, too.’
Kat lurched upright. ‘For God’s sake, I haven’t bagged anyone. Besides, Debs doesn’t know what’s going on with Zac and me. Nothing happened while she was here.’
Mandy’s laughter exploded down the phone. ‘Sex might not have happened, but Debs kept telling me she was sure Zac fancied you. Why do you think she’s having a sleepover? She said, and I quote, “I’m gonna stay over at Anna’s so Kat can do the whole Netflix and chill thing with Zac.” In case you don’t do teen speak, that means—’
‘I know what it means,’ Kat cut in, feeling hot and cold all over. ‘Look, I’ve got to go. You take care. Remember, you’re nearly halfway through and the worst is behind you.’
Kat said her goodbyes, a sting hitting the back of her eyes. She missed her sister, though it was a relief to hear Mandy sounding stronger every week. Hard to believe she’d been away a month.
It meant she’d known Zac for that long, too.
Long enough for her defences to crumble. Long enough for her heart to ignore her brain and become entangled with a dangerously attractive man who kept secrets.
***
Zac walked slowly back down the stairs, a mixture of dread and fear settling like boulders on his shoulders.
The fear was not only for his life, but that he’d drag Kat into his mess, too.
The dread was because he’d lost his opportunity with her now. Not only would she see him differently, she’d turn back into his bodyguard. Not his lover.
Was he adding two and two and making five? After the phone call with Helena, he could no longer stick to his assertion from earlier that he didn’t know anyone who’d want him dead. He did know someone, had known him all his life.
And apparently over the weekend, that person had been released from the safety of his prison cell.
Lost in his awful thoughts, he almost collided with Kat as he reached the bottom stair. He wasn’t so deeply buried in his own quagmire that he didn’t notice the sadness in her expression. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘I think I’m supposed to ask you that, but yes, thanks, it’s all good. I’ve been on the phone to Mandy. She’s fine,’ Kat added, correctly interpreting his silent question. ‘It just makes me realise how much I miss her. We’re not just sisters, we’re best buddies.’
‘Does she know I’m inhabiting her bedroom?’
‘Of course. She’s wondering if you’ll still be there when she comes back.’ Immediately she put a hand to her face. ‘And crap, that second part was supposed to be a joke. Obviously, you won’t be here in another month, and equally obviously it’s not good taste for me to be talking about you sleeping with my sister when you and I have just, you know, had sex.’
His heart fell. ‘That’s all it was, sex?’
She breathed in deeply, as if struggling with how to answer him. When she finally whispered ‘No,’ hope wormed through him, though it was halted by her next question. ‘Are you ready to tell me what’s going on?’
‘Ready, no.’ It was his turn to take in the deep breath. ‘Willing, yes.’
‘Okay, go and sit down. I’ll be there in a minute.’
Confused – she was the one who’d wanted to talk, wasn’t she? – he went to sit back on the sofa where a few hours ago he’d been optimistically planning a relationship with her. One where he took her to restaurants, held doors open for her. Looked after her.
None of which she seemed to want from him.
He did manage to drag out a smile when he saw what she was carrying.
‘It’s single malt.’ She settled the whisky bottle on the table, along with two glasses. ‘Courtesy of an ex-client. He told me it was the best whisky money could buy.’
‘Macallan,’ he said appreciatively, eyeing the label. ‘He could be right. You’ve not drunk much of it.’
‘I save it for occasions when it’s warranted.’ She poured them both a healthy measure before sitting down next to him. ‘And this feels like one of them.’
They clinked glasses and he took a large sip, welcoming the burn as it travelled down his throat. As he wasn’t one for long-drawn-out explanations, Zac put down the glass, drew in a breath, and started to speak. ‘The he in the text refers to my father, my real father. He’s just been released from prison.’
He tried to read the expressions flitting across her face, but there were so many he couldn’t keep a handle on them.
‘Okay, I was bracing myself for something bad, and that certainly slots right in.’ She drank a mouthful of whisky, and then started to cough. ‘Shit, that stuff is lethal. I’m sure it’s stripping the skin off my throat. Right then.’ She coughed again. ‘You’d better start from the beginning. Unless you only want to tell me the bits that are relevant to why your dad might want you dead? Because I’m guessing that’s the reason you’ve decided to talk to me.’
Had she not heard what he’d been saying to her, or was she deliberately ignoring it because she didn’t want to hear? ‘I’m not telling you this as your damn client. I’m telling you it because I don’t want any more secrets between us. You’re important to me, Kat. I want today to be the start of you and me, not the end.’ He drew a hand across his face, trying to quell the churning in his gut. ‘My dad is Jimmy McCarthy. He was put away for murder when I was ten.’ Knowing he couldn’t get through this if he looked at her, he kept his focus on the glass in his hand. ‘Mum admitted later he’d been dealing drugs for many years, and by the time he was locked away he headed up a pretty large crime ring.’ He gave her a weak smile. ‘So you see, I’m not posh. Far from it. I’m the son of scum.’ He took a swig of the whisky, hoping it would settle his stomach. Discussing his murdering father was excruciating enough. He didn’t want to add throwing up over her sofa.
‘You’re not your father, Zac.’ Kat’s expression wasn’t just full of sympathy, it was full of understanding. ‘If you were, it would mean I’m a bullying alcoholic, and I flatly refuse to be anything like mine.’
Her eyes met his and he felt the weight of her unasked questions. ‘You’re not usually so reticent. Go on, ask away.’
‘What happened to your mum? How did you end up with William and Helena? Why do you think this man, who’s not fit to be called your father, might want to kill you? Because I’m guessing you do, considering the timing of his release.’ She gave him an unapologetic smile. ‘You did say to ask.’
He had, and weirdly, now he’d got the worst part over, he wanted to talk. To get everything out there so she could see who he really was.
If she liked him anyway, maybe they did have a future.
And if she only wanted to protect him? Well, at least he’d have a future.
‘My mum … who was incredible, by the way. She thought her husband went out to work at a garage. She didn’t have any idea it was only a front. Anyway, she worked as a housekeeper for William and Helena. Had done since before I was born. When my father was put away, they urged her to come and live in a cottage on the estate.’ A lump settled in his throat. ‘We had a good two years together. Mum was happier than I’d ever seen her and the eggshells we’d always been treading on had been locked away along with my father. But then Mum got sick.’
‘Oh shit, Zac.’ Kat’s hand reached out to touch his arm, the gesture both instinctive and comforting. ‘I don’t think I’m going to like the next part.’
‘No.’ He took a swallow of the Macallan, mentally thanking her foresight. ‘She died of oesophageal cancer six months later.’
Her arms wrapped around him and she squeezed tightly. ‘Bloody hell, Edwards, if you make me cry, I swear, I’ll never talk to you again.’
Her eyes glistened and he felt both honoured and unbearably moved by her compassion. ‘Then please don’t, not on my behalf. I’ve led a pretty charmed life ever since. Helena and William were kind enough to take me in and became my legal guardians. They even arranged to have my name changed so it looked like I was part of the family.’
‘Looked like.’ Kat glanced up at his inadvertent slip and gave him a shrewd look. ‘I’m guessing it didn’t always feel that way?’
‘No.’ He’d tried to make himself belong. From the age of thirteen he’d started to change the way he spoke, how he dressed. He’d learnt to hold his tongue, to open doors for ladies, to keep his room meticulously tidy.
Her expression softened. ‘You know what, I think I understand some of your weird quirks now.’
‘Excuse me?’
Her elbow found his side in a gentle dig. ‘Come on, you know what I mean. All that obsessive neatness, the smart clothes. The careful way you speak. It was all to help you fit in, wasn’t it?’
‘Perhaps.’ It had been more to ensure they’d have no reason to chuck him out, but he preferred her version. ‘I take exception to obsessive, though. And weird.’
She grinned back at him. ‘Noted. I bet Antony and Isabelle didn’t help. I thought they were obnoxious as adults. I can’t imagine how shitty they were as kids.’
He smiled, appreciating both her phrase and the fierce look in her eyes. ‘Pretty shitty.’
‘God, I wish I’d been around then. I’d have sorted them out.’
Placing the glass back on the table, he pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘I don’t need you to fight my battles, Kat.’
‘I know.’
‘Do you?’ It was one thing being his bodyguard – at least that was her job, what she was trained for – but now he felt his masculinity draining away.
She blew out a breath. ‘I fight for the people I care about, you idiot. It’s the way I’m made. It doesn’t mean I think they aren’t strong or capable. Just that I want to help.’
‘People you care about,’ he repeated, trying to quell the hope sneaking back into his heart. ‘Does that, by any chance, include me?’
She gave him a playful shove. ‘Do you think I’d have invited you into my bed if it didn’t?’
He shifted to face her, planting a soft kiss on her lips. ‘Does the invitation still stand?’
‘I suppose it could, if I was properly persuaded.’
He smiled, angling his head so he could kiss her properly. When he drew back, he was pleased to note he wasn’t the only one breathing heavily. ‘Invite me to your bed,’ he whispered, trailing kisses across her face. ‘Let me sleep with you. Wake up with you.’
‘Ummmm.’ He eased up on the kisses, drawing back, and her eyes blinked open. Warm, brown and delightfully fuzzy. ‘Why did you stop?’
‘I wasn’t sure what ummmm meant.’
She put a hand behind his head and pulled him towards her. ‘It means, get your very fine arse upstairs.’