By Reba Markowski
STANKTANK.BUZZ
MARCH 1, 2101
If you’re the sensitive type, stop reading NOW. What follows is the kind of over-the-top drama found in soaps and telenovelas, except this time it’s in your backyard and it is gloomy news for the future of humanity itself.
The AI known as Peregrine, who TWICE now was thought to be dead, is very much alive, and not only that—she gave birth to a human baby…who would now be 15 years old.
“It’s all true,” said a source close to the “family,” who contacted StankTank directly but would not provide any identifying information. “They’ve been in hiding, playing house this whole time.”
In an illegal procedure straight out of a horror movie, Peregrine’s humanoid body was implanted with a real human uterus and then impregnated with an embryo from the long-frozen eggs of one “Frank, M.” (no doubt acquired by nefarious means), combined with skin cells of an unknown person listed only as “F.C.” (the source knew but would not reveal their full name, leading reasonable readers to wonder…whose side are they on, exactly???) to make a technically human baby.
Whatever happened to the old-fashioned way? Has sex become UNCOOL in the 22nd century??
The anonymous source was quick to defend the daughter as “adventurous and sweet and smart, but trapped indoors like a sickly Victorian child, imprisoned by her paranoid mother.”
But…where is this child? What is her name? Is she safe or in danger or, jesus forbid, already dead at the hands of her monstrous “mother”? The source said they had escaped to an unknown location and were in hiding.
There are some who will doubt the truth of this rumor. But is it so far-fetched? At the end of the day, one thing we can all agree on is that something MUST be done. Science has finally gone too far.