By Hester Moss
Wish Finch were alive to help with this…but am determined to put on a new (ideally) one-woman show of Medea, where I play trees playing the human roles. Inspired by this crazy tree cult, will they find it blasphemous? (Must discuss with Avid. Maybe if I let her play the Tree of Heaven role…which is obviously Medea. So no. Ugh.) Casting of trees to characters still a work in progress.
- Silver Maple—Chill, laid back, the “yacht guy” of trees. The “everything’ll be okay” tree because everything has always been okay for this tree. Aloof but sturdy, confident.
- Black Locust—Gregarious and bubbly, very funny. Not interested in heart-to-hearts or debating complex topics. Blistering wit, but not above a good knock-knock joke.
- Green Ash—Lonely, needy—not its fault. Who knows what Ash was like before the trauma of the beetle? Will talk your ear off for hours if you don’t set boundaries. Genderfluid, sometimes multiple genders at the same time, always ask pronouns. Finch’s favorite tree.
- Cottonwood—Kind of boring, honestly. Very insular culture, hard to relate to unless you’re a born and bred cottonwood. Bit of a snob. Lots of baffling inside jokes. ‘‘You had to be there” a familiar refrain.
- Norway Maple—Just mean. Entitled. Lewd comments about any human who walks by, not sure where they learned to talk like that.
- White Oak—Lovey-dovey, very attentive, eager to please. Will do anything for a friend, the “Giving Tree” of trees, which is kind of stressful. Would give shirt off its back if it wore shirts.
- Crab Apple—Vain, prissy, loves to gossip, hell of a good time. Politeness demands you compliment them for at least a full day before they will talk to you about anything else.
- Tree of Heaven—Charming, like all narcissists. Will build you up one moment and cut you down (ha ha) the next. Has agenda, always. Used to getting own way, have never successfully befriended, disrespect at own peril.