The Atua Man: A Novel

The next day Jason left again to surf the North Shore. The swell had been building overnight. He wanted David to go with him. “Be spontaneous!” But David had paid for Elizabeth’s class and wanted to be there.

The lesson that second morning was about spiritual responsibility. Are we responsible for others? What is our attitude when we witness discord and suffering? David knew the principles that Jason lived by. There were only two: Don’t accept what you see at face value and go surfing. Was Jason really that free? Or was he simply running away? David didn’t get it.

David skipped the afternoon sessions again and went to the Honolulu Academy of Art, one of the most beautiful small museums in the United States. He was to meet Lillian there after the class. He was sitting between a pair of Chinese lions when he saw her get off the bus.

“That lesson this morning exhausted me,” Lillian said as David got up to greet her.

They entered a tranquil world of courtyards and quiet galleries. Lillian loved the Hawaiian section, especially the feather capes and helmets.

“I think this is your real church,” she told David as they stood in front of a Hawaiian tapa. “From what J.J. said you kind of abandoned religion when you moved away and became an artist.”

“I don’t know if I ever accepted religion in the first place. Doesn’t man make God in his own image? Look at these gods.” He moved along to a display of carved Hawaiian figures. “Could you worship one of these with any conviction?”

“So you’ve been an atheist all along?”

“Not at all. I’ve met Dr. Green, and there’s always been something about Jason, and Elizabeth too.”

“You met Dr. Green?” Lillian said, shocked.

“I went with J.J. on his fifteenth birthday.”

“Don’t you know how special that is?”

“I’m not too big on this guru thing.”

“Are you aware that Dr. Green may have lifted you into a higher consciousness just by being in his presence?”

David was not sure what she meant by that. They walked through more courtyards and ended up at the café for tea, but it was closed.

“The waves must have been good.” David and Lillian sat on the steps in front of the academy entrance waiting for Jason to pick them up. “It’s probably the last swell of the season.”

Lillian took David’s hand in both of hers. “I hope I can see your work.”

There were sparks in that gentle gesture and for a moment David felt a love he’d never known. How could Jason be so blind? You can’t take this kind of love for granted or you lose it. You can’t put any other love before this, like surfing, and expect it will be waiting for you. David pulled his hand away, fighting the physical attraction, and reminding himself that this was the love of a friend in Spirit. Still, he was very attracted to Lillian.

The security guard locked up the academy behind them.

“Jason’s not coming. Let’s go.”

“You sure?” David said.

“I’m sure.” They got up and walked through Thomas Square toward King Street to catch a bus back to Waikiki. There was a farmer’s market at the makai end of the square.

“Are you hungry?” David asked.

“I’ll cook you dinner,” he said as he looked at the fresh tomatoes. “I learned this wonderful summer pasta recipe in Naples.”

“I love Italian,” Lillian said. They bought locally grown tomatoes, zucchini, and garlic, and there was even a stall that sold herbs and spices. In five minutes they had everything they needed for dinner except bread and pasta. They waited a while for the bus, but it was running so late that they decided to walk back to the boat. They passed a mom-and-pop store where David bought the bread and pasta. He noticed a nice bottle of Chianti that he thought about buying but he wasn’t sure if Lillian drank. When he got up to the clerk Lillian had already bought the wine—same brand and everything.

“I don’t know if you drink wine, but I can’t eat Italian food without some Chianti,” she said. David just smiled and nodded.

When they arrived at the boat, they were hot, and their feet hurt. The tide was out, and the deck was well below the pier.

“This is going to be tricky.” Lillian looked at the gap between the pier and the boat. They put their packages down and David grabbed hold of the shrouds and stepped on a mooring line to bring the boat close to the pier.

“Jump on board when you can.”

Lillian did, and as soon as she was on the yacht, she unhooked the lifeline. The problem was that David had shifted his grip from the shroud to the line and when it went slack he fell in.

“What on earth happened?”

David swam to the channel. “Over here!” He took off his tennies and threw them on the deck.

“You did that on purpose.” Lillian smiled.

“Not really.” He pulled off his jeans, rolled them in a ball, and tossed them up to the boat. They didn’t make it.

“Try again,” Lillian said. He did and she reached out to grab them. But she bent over too far, lost her balance and joined David in the water. David reached down and grabbed her, not knowing how well she could swim, and she came up laughing and hung onto David. He had to turn his gaze away for fear of getting too intimate.

“Just float,” he said.

David tossed his jeans over the stern line, took off his shirt, and then helped Lillian out of her dress. They floated out to the middle of the channel. The water was clear and an azure blue. They looked back at Mata‘i and noticed how she listed to port, the water just touching the white of her hull over the deep blue waterline stripe that divided the white of the hull from the rust-colored bottom paint. The yacht looked small from that angle. Her name was engraved in the wooden banner attached to the transom. Hanging over the transom, mounted on a pair of boomkins—short booms that protruded from each corner of the stern—was the Aries self-steering gear.

“That little piece of equipment,” David said pointing to the Aries “will be a lifesaver.”

“Then I shall bless it and remember it the whole time you’re away.”

Floating on their backs, their hands and feet touching, David thought he was in heaven. They stayed that way for what seemed like hours. David felt that Lillian was as content and fulfilled in that moment as he was. Supported by that beautiful warm water, nothing else in the world mattered. Without either of them saying anything, David felt a union and connection with her that would never leave him. He couldn’t betray his trust to Jason, or to Lillian for that matter, and he fought to hold back the natural outcome of their touch.

“How are we going to get out?” Lillian asked him.

“Well, we could swim around to the beach and walk back.”

“Not in our underwear. Besides I don’t really swim.”

“We could wait until the tide comes in and climb up on the pier.”

“So when would that be?”

“At least two hours.”

“Forget it.” Lillian began to look a little concerned. “Come on. I’m getting cold and suddenly it’s kind of creepy out here.”

David took her hand and the two of them swam back to the boat and stopped under the aft mooring line. David took hold of the line, pulled it down and stepped on it. From there he could reach the taffrail and pull himself on board.

“I can’t do that,” Lillian said.

David ignored her, opened the cover to the dinghy, and brought out the boarding ladder. “Swim to the other side of the boat,” he said as he hung the ladder over the side.

Lillian loved David’s pasta dish. They lounged in the cockpit, enjoying a second glass of Chianti as the afterglow of the sunset turned the sky a thousand shades of pale until there was only the faintest glow outlining the Waianae Mountains. Their clothes hung on the lifelines, and Lillian wore an old pareu David had found below. David was in his trunks.

Jason walked down the pier next to the boat carrying his surf-board. He stopped when he saw them in the cockpit drinking wine.

“Permission to come aboard?” he asked. David couldn’t tell if Jason was joking or mad.

“Come off it J.J. Don’t be a jerk.” Lillian picked up on J.J.’s attitude.

“I’ve always wanted to live in Camelot. The ending kind of sucked, though.”

“David cooked dinner for me. Wasn’t that nice? Get yourself a glass of wine and enjoy the last of the sunset with us,” Lillian said.

Jason jumped on deck and stowed his board against the lifelines. He gave Lillian a long passionate kiss. “Don’t mind if I do.”

“I fell in the water trying to get onboard,” David said to whomever was listening.

Jason got his wine and sat close to Lillian. “Was it fun?”

“Was what fun?” Lillian answered rather tartly.

“I loved it. Are you going to surf again tomorrow?”

“Why? You want another date with Davy?”

Lillian took her dress off the lifeline and went below to change. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Jason moved over, sat next to his friend, and put his feet up on the wheel. “I don’t know why I react like that. It was just the sunset and the wine.”

“We did have fun today.” David said, and immediately knew it was the wrong thing to say. They weren’t kids anymore, and though they had more or less the same perspective on life, they were neophytes when it came to love and jealousy.

David thought that Jason was so detached from his emotions that he didn’t really care about his relationship with Lillian – or his mother or with David for that matter. Was it Jason’s basic lack of fear? It seemed to David to be callous. David never thought of Jason as being insecure about anything, but maybe Lillian was the one to change all that.

“Lillian is perfect for you,” David told his friend.

Jason finished his wine. “Maybe too perfect. I’ve never had someone tell me what to do so much. She needs to scratch the word ‘should’ from her vocabulary.”

“What do I need to scratch from my vocabulary?” Lillian said as she came on deck. She was back to being the protégé of Elizabeth St. John with that certain proper attitude and reserve that said ‘I have many secrets and you better not get too close.’ Somehow in a pareu that attitude had disappeared, and she and David clicked. Perhaps that was what ticked off Jason.

“Should,” Jason said boldly. “Should, should, should. It’s an ugly word and doesn’t fit someone with your consciousness and beauty.” He took her in his arms and hugged her and tenderly kissed her.

“You shouldn’t be so charming,” she said playfully, kissing him back on his ear. “I forget everything when I’m in your arms.”

“Good night you two.” David left in mock disgust and went below to tackle the dishes.

“Don’t wait up,” Jason called back as he helped Lillian off the boat.

They walked back to her hotel holding hands. Neither of them said much. They felt comfortable together. When they reached the hotel, she kissed him and turned away. “Not tonight, my love.”