The Atua Man: A Novel

On the last day of the “Living Without Fear” seminar, David was already meditating when Lillian arrived. She didn’t sit next to him. Larry Graff escorted Elizabeth down to the platform. She sat behind a table covered with a beautiful brocade cloth and an arrangement of tropical flowers that cascaded down the front. In these last sessions, Elizabeth explained how, after a week of presenting mystical principles, she had to turn the students and their meditations toward the world to give the world peace and forgiveness. She taught that these meditations were gifts to the planet, and that serious practitioners of mysticism should do these three meditations every day.

“In the first meditation,” Elizabeth said, “just meditate until you feel the presence of God. You should have no goal, no agenda, just the desire to consciously experience a sense of oneness with all life. When you feel that stillness you will have completed your first meditation for the world. Let’s all do this now.”

David tried to follow what she said. He did feel the atmosphere become incredibly still, yet he couldn’t get the image of Lillian off his mind. He tried to do what Jason had told him when they were teenagers—find the spaces between the images and thoughts. That worked for a few moments and then Jason came to mind. What a jerk, David thought. How could someone go surfing and abandon such an important spiritual gathering? The word “judgment” came to him and he realized how judgmental he was. Why should he care what Jason was doing? Then his mind went into the serendipity of being in a spiritual retreat, and discovering a part of himself he didn’t know existed. Or perhaps it had always been there. Maybe Lillian was right and just having been in Dr. Green’s presence had done something to him. None of this had been planned, that much was for sure.

After a long pause, Elizabeth began talking again. “Now in your second meditation, after you have felt the deep stillness of the Spirit, say to yourself, ‘This realization of spiritual wholeness nullifies material cause and effect.’ You put spiritual law into play, the law of one—one power, one life, and one love—and as you let go of judgment you will see your life manifesting the fruits of the Spirit. So again, let’s all do this.”

This time David felt the peace descend upon him more quickly.

“Now in your third meditation for the world,” Elizabeth said, “attain your realization of the Divine Presence, and then recognize this: ‘This realization of spiritual consciousness is opening the human mind to the Truth.’ That is all. That is your prayer. That is your gift to the world.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and the depth of stillness in the room became such that David thought everything disappeared—the people, the room, and time. It was something he’d never experienced before. Others had mentioned it—this incredible sense of being, yet without any personal attachment. The idea of who he was began to shift. He was still David, but at the same time he was himself without any limitations – nothing to fear. When Elizabeth began to talk again David could barely hear her. Slowly he came back and focused on where he was.

“We cannot go to the world and tell it to be spiritual. Most people are not interested. We cannot tell the average person about the freedom that comes from the discipline of the soul, because they’re not willing to put in the work required to experience spiritual fruitage. But our three meditations for the world will break down the resistance to spiritual things, and perhaps in some, instill the desire to know the Truth.”

That was how the class ended. Elizabeth thanked the class organizers, her volunteers, and her audience for their attention and willingness to go with her into the consciousness of love. David just sat there, not wanting to get up. Lillian came over and sat next to him. She took his hand and squeezed it. David was quite moved by it all and tried to keep his emotions in check. He squeezed her hand back but couldn’t talk. She hugged him, got up, and left.

Elizabeth was standing at the door, still receiving the gratitude and love of her students, when David slid out of his row near the back of the auditorium. He noticed a man standing at Elizabeth’s side, drinking in the adulation that spilled off of her. He assumed that was Larry Graff. David joined the line, and when Elizabeth saw him, a big smile filled her face.

“Davy, how wonderful to see you!” She gave him a big hug. “Why didn’t you let me know you were coming to the class? I thought you’d be out surfing with Jason.”

David just smiled. He still felt like he couldn’t talk, and Elizabeth realized what had taken place. She hugged him stronger and David felt her incredible love. Finally, she let him go.

“Larry, this is one of your crew, David Walker.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Hope Jason has made you comfortable on the boat.” Larry radiated manners and breeding. “I didn’t know you were interested in spiritual things. Jason never mentioned it. I thought you and my brother were going to be the two skeptics on the voyage.”

He took hold of Elizabeth’s arm to escort her from the auditorium.

“Larry, why not include Dave and Jason in our dinner tonight?”

“Well darling, it wouldn’t be possible. We’ll have plenty of dinners together, won’t we, Dave?” Larry patted David’s head as he guided Mrs. St. John out.

That night Jason took David to a restaurant and bar that was right out of a Somerset Maugham novel. A collection of South Seas schooners and rotting live-aboard yachts were anchored off the wooden piers fronting the restaurant. The Honolulu airport runways were directly across the lagoon, and when the jets took off, they drowned out everything. The décor was Polynesian kitsch. Dried puffer fish with lights inside hung from the rafters. Posts of carved tikis held up a bamboo ceiling, and live orchid plants grew from the walls. Waitresses in their sarongs and leis moved through the rowdy clientele.

A Hawaiian girl showed the guys to a table near the musicians—a four-piece string band playing traditional Hawaiian music. The crowd was local and loud, singing along with the band. Most of the patrons were drunk. Jason ordered them poke and a couple of beers.

“I love this place,” Jason said, “And the music is great.”

“You don’t bring Lillian here, do you?”

“She loves it. At least she pretends to. She felt obligated to go to Larry’s party tonight with Mom or she’d be here instead of you.”

The band finished their song and a tough looking older man, a Caucasian with a weathered face and thinning hair got up and rang a bell next to the stage. Everybody cheered. The exotic waitresses picked up trays of beer and began giving away drinks. They served the musicians first.

“We’ll get another set. Good on Fat,” Jason said, referring to the guy who rang the bell.

The musicians started up again -- they were as drunk as the audience. It didn’t diminish their playing, though, it made them freer. They were joking, singing “naughty” lyrics—as the locals would say, and rousing the audience. Some girls got up and danced to the erotic lyrics, grinding and thrusting, causing roars of laughter.

“You know what they’re singing about?” David asked.

“Not really,” Jason said. “I think it’s about sex.”

David took a long pull on his beer.

“What’s going on, J.J.? I’m getting confused.”

“What’d you mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You? Lillian? Your mother? Me?”

Jason took a swig of his beer. “It’s complicated.”

“Lillian loves you, you know. She told me.”

“Then why are you so dismissive to her?”

Jason took a long pull on his beer and looked at his friend. There was a deep sadness in his eyes. “I’d marry her in a heartbeat; tomorrow if I could. But I have to do this first.”