She’d always heard that old chestnut about how you can’t go home again, but she had never really understood it until now. Until she saw that voice mail notification from Mauricio and realized that somehow he’d become tied to her idea of home.
The tears that she’d done a pretty good job of keeping at bay burned the back of her eyes and she blinked until they disappeared.
She ignored the voice mail, keeping her large-framed dark sunglasses on as she towed her carry-on bag through the Houston airport. Once she was outside, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t have a car with her, and an Uber to Cole’s Hill would cost the moon. Should she rent a car?
She felt like she was going to cry again but this time she kept it together. She was stronger than this. Stronger than a broken heart. She knew she needed to get past the sadness to anger if she was going to be able to get over this, but she had no fire in her. Not right now.
Never had she believed that loving someone was a negative thing, even when she and Mo had broken up the last time. She’d seen it as her chance to find herself as a woman and to move on, which she’d done. But now... Well, now she just felt wounded and vulnerable.
And stupid.
And sad.
Damn.
She had to do something.
She’d rent a car, drive home and then figure out when to see Mo. She could just ignore him for a few days if she stayed in Houston, but she wasn’t the kind of woman to run away from her problems and she knew it. She’d always been one to face them head on.
And she really wanted to hear what Mo had to say. Her phone pinged, and she glanced down, expecting to see another text from Helena or her friends, but it was from Mo.
Glad you’re safely back in Texas. Please call me.
She sat there. Call him? What was he going to say? She’d forgotten they had each turned on the friend finding app on their devices.
She’d never know if she didn’t respond to him and she knew it was past time that she did. So, she called him.
He answered on the first ring.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Sure. So, what did you want to talk about?” she asked.
“The photo. It wasn’t me,” he said.
“It looked like you,” she said.
“It was Alec.”
Alec.
“Why would Alec wear your tux and go to a gala in your honor?” she asked.
“Because I was sick with food poisoning. He’s here at the Post Oak Hotel with me. Would you at least allow me to bring you over here, so I can tell you what happened?” he asked.
Just hearing his voice sort of made her want to believe him. It was just like she’d suspected: she was never going to be able to just walk away from him. She wanted him to not be the man in that photo. And Alec and Mo had changed places before, but she’d always been able to tell the two of them apart.
“Okay,” she said at last. This wasn’t the kind of conversation she wanted to have on the phone. She needed to see his face, because for all his faults, the one thing that Mauricio always had was his honesty. He had never lied to her. Even when she caught him with Marnie.
“Thank you. I’ve texted the car service and they have someone at the airport. Where are you?” he asked.
She glanced up at the sign over her head and told him, and then felt her tears stirring again. She hated how reasonable and nice he was being. It had been like a knife to her heart when she’d seen that photo, and she didn’t know if she would recover from it. Strangely that picture of the kiss hurt worse than walking in and finding another woman in his bed.
She knew it was because this time they’d overcome so much to be together. And it was Alec kissing the woman, not Mo. But in her heart she wasn’t as ready to forgive. She realized how afraid of being hurt by him she still was.
Her hand was shaking so she ended the call, because she realized that she couldn’t talk to him. Not now and probably never again if she wanted to keep her cool. Because she loved him.
Whatever had been between them when they’d had their old relationship, it hadn’t been love. Not like this.
This was something that wasn’t going to lessen with time. This was the kind of pain that was like an open wound, and talking to him, hearing him tell her it was Alec, hadn’t fixed anything. Because she knew that she had no walls to hide behind. Not anymore. Not where he was concerned.
“Ms. Everton?”
She nodded at the driver who came over to her.
“I’ll take your bag,” he said, reaching for her suitcase. She let him take it. He opened the door to a Bentley by the curb and she slid into the back seat. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend that she was going to be okay, but she knew that was a lie.
And lying to herself wasn’t something she intended to do. She took out her makeup bag, fixed her mascara and then decided to add some eyeliner. She looked so pale that bronzer was in order too. By the time she arrived at the Post Oak, she had a full face of makeup on and felt like at least to the outside world she didn’t look like the hot mess she was inside.
The driver opened her door and she climbed out.
“Please check my bag with the valet. I’ll get it after my meeting,” she said.
He nodded.
She walked into the lobby with no real plan. Maybe she’d text Mo and have him meet her in the lobby and they could talk in the restaurant. She didn’t want to go to his room. Didn’t want to be alone with him where she’d be able to say all the things that were tumbling around in her head. Things she’d regret later and would burn all her bridges with him.
He didn’t bother waiting in the room for Hadley to come to him. He knew that he was on the back foot and needed to take the initiative. He could justify in his head that he was the innocent party, but he’d hurt this woman too many times in the past to sit in his room and wait for her.
The driver texted to alert him that he was pulling up to the hotel and Mo took the elevator down to the lobby. He stood to the side of the entrance and waited.
Hadley walked in with large sunglasses on her face. She pulled them off and scanned the lobby, and when their eyes met, she started blinking.
His heart broke. Right then. There was no need to ask if she was going to forgive him.
How could she?
How could she reconcile herself to being in a relationship with a man she didn’t trust? And it was clear to him now that she still didn’t trust him. If he were honest, he’d have to say that she probably hadn’t forgiven him for hurting her all the times he had in the past.
And he knew that he didn’t have the words to convince her that he was a changed man. Hell.
Hell and damn.
He walked over to her and she blinked even more rapidly. He knew she was trying to hold back tears, but a few leaked out and started to fall down her cheeks. He didn’t care that she was mad at him or about anything but comforting her because she needed it.
He reached for her, but she stepped back, putting her hand up. “Don’t. I’ll lose it if you touch me.”
He hated that, hated that the one thing he felt like he could do had been taken from him. From them.
“Come on. Let’s go to my suite and we can talk.”
She nodded. He reached out to put his hand on the small of her back but then dropped it before he touched her. He wasn’t sure if one innocent touch was going to push past the fragile control she was using to hold herself together.
He used his card to access the concierge level where his suite was located and then led the way down the hall to his room. Alec had left earlier, and the room was empty.
“Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
“No,” she said. Her voice had the husky lower timbre it only had when she was biting back tears.
“Let me say again, it wasn’t me with that woman.”
She nodded. “I know. I believe you, Mo.”
He nodded. “So, what’s the problem?”
She shrugged, then turned her back to him and walked toward the window. She stood in front of it with her head bent, and he wished he couldn’t see her reflection in the glass. Couldn’t see that lost look on her face.
“I just realized a few things today. Well, first I thought it was you. And you know that really floored me because what does that say about us as a couple that I thought you couldn’t go to one party without hooking up?”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know. Not anything good.”
She turned around.
And he wished she hadn’t. If he thought she looked lost in the reflection from the window, seeing the expression on her face directly was a thousand times worse.
“Exactly. That photo made me face something that I wasn’t aware I was ignoring,” she admitted. “I’m not sure I ever really forgave you for anything.”
“Fair enough,” he said. “But now that we know there’s a problem, we can work it out and move past it.”
Please, God, let us be able to do that.
She chewed her lower lip and wrapped her arms around her waist, and he knew.
They were never going to be able to move past this.
Fucking hell.
A litany of curses all directed at himself rained through his mind. He’d tried so hard to fix the problems his quick temper and selfish behavior had created. He’d fooled himself into believing that he could fix everything but now he knew. He saw on her face that he was never going to be able to fix the wounds he’d carved so deeply on her soul.
“I guess that’s a no.”
She shook her head as she started to cry, and he saw her throat work as she swallowed.
“I want to say yes,” she said in that voice that made him feel like the worst sort of monster, because he was the one responsible for her hurt and her tears.
“Then say yes. I’m different, Had. You know I am,” he said, coming over to her because his arms were starting to ache from not holding her. “I’ve made huge leaps in the last few months. Losing you showed me all the things about myself that I didn’t really like, the stuff I needed to change.”
She nodded, and he reached for her. She let him hug her, but she was stiff and the embrace wasn’t enough. He didn’t know how to get through to her.
She had to at least meet him halfway. Or be open to meeting him.
She rested her forehead on his chest, and he felt her arms snake around his waist, holding him tightly to her. Then she let her arms drop and stepped back.
“I wish I were a different woman, but I’m not. I don’t think I can be what you need because of our past. I wish that we’d waited to get together until now, but we didn’t, and I can’t forget how you hurt me before. I thought I could. I thought I’d moved past it and forgiven you, but then I woke up to that photo and knew I hadn’t.
“This is on me, Mo. The man you are becoming is so much stronger than the guy you used to be, and I wish you nothing but happiness in your life,” she said.
Then she moved past him, heading toward the door.
Mauricio knew that if she walked out that door, she wasn’t going to come back, and he couldn’t just let her go. He thought of the ring in his pocket and the plan he’d developed last night in the bar but all of that meant nothing.
“Hadley!”
She stopped but didn’t turn around. She just stood there, shoulders bowed, and he knew that whatever he did next was going to be the difference between having her by his side for the rest of his life and living with regret and pain.
“I love you.”
The words weren’t what he had planned to say but there they were, hanging in the room between the two of them. Dammit. He’d never felt so defenseless before. He’d never felt so scared of anything as he was of that she wouldn’t respond and just keep walking away.
She turned to face him.
“What did you say?” she asked, but her voice was different now. Not that deep timbre that scraped across his soul and made him feel like he was going to break.
“I love you,” he repeated, meeting her eyes and standing up taller.
He was proud of the affection he had for her. She’d made him realize that life wasn’t just a race to have the biggest bank account or beat everyone else to the top. That life was sweeter with her in it.
Tipping her head to the side, she asked, “Why?”
“Hell, woman. I don’t know why. If I did, then I wouldn’t feel like this. I’m a mess thinking that you might leave, and I’ll never be whole again. All I know is I love you,” he said.
She nodded and then started walking toward him. “I love you too, Mo. I don’t know how to stop this. When I saw that picture, I was broken, not angry. There was no anger because you own my heart and my soul, and I didn’t want to believe that I could feel that deeply about you and it would mean nothing to you.”
“It means everything to me,” he said. “I’ll do whatever you need me to in order to make this right.”
“Loving me is all I need,” she said.
“Well, then, we’re good, woman, because I love you so damned much,” he said, closing the gap between them and lifting her into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he stared down into her eyes.
He saw the truth of her emotions and knew that they’d have to sort out the photo and how to handle it with the wider world, but the two of them—the people who really mattered—knew the truth and they were together.
He’d never felt so relieved or happy in his life. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I love you so much.”
He laughed as joy coursed through his blood. He spun them around in the middle of the suite, holding her to him.
“Me too, darling.”
He carried her into the bedroom and set her on her feet. Blood rushed through his veins, pooling in his groin and hardening him as she started unbuttoning his shirt. Her fingers were cool against his skin as she worked her way down his body. When she finished unbuttoning the shirt, she pushed it open and he shrugged out of it.
He growled deep in his throat when she leaned forward to brush kisses against his chest. Her lips were sweet and not shy as she explored his torso. Then he felt the edge of her teeth as she nibbled at his pecs.
He watched her, his eyes narrowing. His pants were feeling damned uncomfortable about now. Her tongue darted out and brushed against his nipple. He angled his hips forward and put his hand on the back of her head, urging her to stay where she was.
“I missed you,” she said.
She had one hand braced on his chest as she leaned over him. He shifted under her and lifted her in his arms so that she straddled him. He leaned up and kissed her lips. “I missed you too. I thought I lost you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and burying her face in his neck. “I can’t believe how much I love you.”
“Me too.”
He tugged at the hem of her blouse, pulling it up over her head and tossing it aside. She was wearing some kind of bralette thing; when he couldn’t figure out how to get it off, she laughed, pulling it over her head but not all the way off. Her breasts fell free and he cupped them, rubbing his fingers over her nipples. His cock, which had been hard since she’d jumped in his arms, strained against his trousers.
She shivered in his arms and rocked against him. His cock responded by twitching against her core. He rubbed his hands over the length of her naked back. He enjoyed the feel of Hadley in his arms and it was especially poignant now since he’d almost lost her forever.
She put her hands on his shoulders and eased her way down his chest. She traced each of the muscles of his stomach and then slowly made her way lower. He could feel his heartbeat in his erection and he knew he was going to lose it if he didn’t take control.
When she reached the waistband of his pants, she stopped and glanced up into his eyes.
Her hand went to his erection, brushing over his straining length. He reached up and removed the bra she still wore and then lifted her slightly so that her nipples brushed his chest.
She nibbled on her lips as he rotated his shoulders so that his chest rubbed against her breasts.
Blood roared in his ear. He was so hard, so full right now, that he needed to be inside her.
Impatient with her leggings, he lifted her off his lap and tugged them down her legs. She bent over to take them off and he couldn’t resist moving around behind her. He caressed her ass and then let his hands move down her thighs. He positioned her so she could lean on the side of the bed. She moaned as he touched her center and then sighed when he brushed his fingertips across the crotch of her panties.
The lace was warm and wet. He slipped one finger under the material and hesitated for a second. She looked over her shoulder at him.
Her eyes were heavy-lidded. He felt the minute movements of her hips as she tried to move his touch where she needed it.
He pushed the fabric of her panties aside and lightly traced the opening of her body. She was warm and wet and so ready for him. It was only the fact that he wanted her to come at least once before he entered her that enabled him to keep his own needs in check.
She shifted against him and he thrust into her with just the tip of one finger. He teased them both with a few short thrusts.
“Mo...” she said, her voice breathless and airy.
“Yes, darling?” he asked, pushing his finger deep inside of her.
Her hips rocked against his finger for a few strokes before she was once again caught on the edge and needing more. He reached for a condom and put it on.
“Take me, Mo.”
He pulled his finger from her body and traced it around her clit. She rocked her hips frantically against him. Her hips pushed back toward him and he reached around her to take the tip of one breast in his hand.
He lowered his mouth to the base of her spine and then slowly licked his way up her back, kissing the nape of her neck and biting it. She shuddered in his arms, her hips pushing back against him again. He swiveled his hips and found the opening of her body. She moaned as he brushed the tip of his cock against her humid center.
He scraped his fingernail down her back as he thrust into her. He took her hard and deep, thrusting into her again and again until she called out his name. Then he felt his orgasm rock through him. He drove into her until he was empty and then wrapped his arm around her waist and fell to the bed, drawing her with him.
She curled against his side, her hand moving over his chest as their breath slowed and he looked over at her.
She was his.
Now and forever.
“I have something for you,” he said, shifting around to reach for his pants.
“You just gave me something,” she said, wriggling her eyebrows at him.
“I’m going to give it to you again after I recover,” he said, “But I have something else for you right now.”
He took the box out of his pocket and shifted to his side so he could look down into her eyes.
“You know I love you more than life itself, Hadley, and you might need more time. But I want you to be my wife. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you marry me?”
She sat up as he held out the box. He realized he might have planned this better, but if he’d learned anything in his relationship with her, it was that he couldn’t wait for perfection. He had to seize the moment when it came along.
He opened the box and took the ring out of it, while he waited for her answer.
“Had?”
“Yes, Mo. Yes, I will marry you. I love you.”
He put the ring on her finger and then made love to her again.
Having Hadley in his arms made him realize that all the posturing and fighting he’d done his entire life had been to hide the pain of not feeling complete. He’d been so afraid to let his guard down and let her in but he knew he was better for having her by his side.