Ever had one of those days where you know nothing can go wrong? I have, and it was all thanks to my Fincredible Diary!
The fun started at breakfast. As I came downstairs ELLIE was about to help herself to my Coco Snaps, the Coco Snaps Mum had bought me for doing so well at school yesterday. That wasn’t fair and for once Mum actually agreed with me. She made Ellie hand the box over and told her that she could have some after I’d eaten my fill. I like a challenge, so I ate seventeen bowls of Coco Snaps one after the other. It took half an hour and made my eyes go funny, but it was worth it.
By the time I’d finished there were no Coco Snaps left. ELLIE had to eat Keep Fit breakfast cereal instead. Mum was really cross when she saw what had happened. I shrugged and belched, ‘Sorry’, but I was laughing so much I fell off the chair.
That made Mum even crosser, but WHO CARES?
This diary is going to make sure nobody but me remembers anything about it tomorrow!
When I got to school I changed into an X-WING T-shirt and trainers I’d brought from home. As I walked down the corridor everybody stared. I was getting used to that now. They couldn’t believe what I was doing, but FINCREDIBLE FIN had decided that uniforms were for dweebs, X-WING T-shirts were for WINNERS.
When CLAUDIA saw me she turned away and whispered to her friends. I knew she’d be impressed.
BRAD met me at my locker and helped me with my books again. As he was packing my rucksack, JOSH arrived.
He seemed really worried.
he said.
JOSH is soooo boring. I did not look ridiculous – I looked fincredible. BRAD said he thought I looked amazing – that’s more like it! It’s obvious JOSH and I are drifting apart. It’s not a problem though – now BRAD’s not being mean to me I like him, and he’s got cool friends so now I don’t have to hang around with JOSH all the time.
At registration Mrs Johnson asked me what I thought I was wearing. I told her, ‘I don’t think I’m wearing anything, I KNOW I’m wearing an X-WING T-shirt.’ I’d never normally have dared to say anything like that, but knowing I could change whatever was going to happen by writing in my diary made me feel invincible.
The class started to laugh. Mrs Johnson gave me a look and asked what had happened to my uniform. I told her a badger ate it.
The class laughed even louder and Mrs Johnson started to fume. I could almost see smoke coming out of her ears. She asked if I was feeling all right. NOT AGAIN – I felt FINE! I asked her if she was feeling all right because she was the one with smoke coming out of her ears. Then I winked at CLAUDIA and she shook her head in disbelief.
When the class had stopped laughing Mrs Johnson said, ‘We can discuss your uniform choices at break time.’ Which everybody knows is teacher-speak for ‘You’re in big trouble.’ It doesn’t matter though – thanks to this diary, tomorrow she won’t remember any of it and I’ll be back in her good books.
In English Mrs Houstoun announced a surprise spelling test. One by one we had to stand up and spell a word that she chose. I’ve never seen the point of spelling. HAVE TEACHERS NOT HEARD OF AUTOCORRECT?
Anyway, when she got to me she picked a really hard one. I bet it was on purpose. She asked me to spell ‘uranium’. I stood up and began, ‘U … R … A …’ And then a fincredible idea popped into my head. I turned to JOSH and said, ‘U … R … A … Dweeb!’
Everyone started to laugh again – apart from JOSH and Mrs Houstoun. If I’m being honest, I felt a bit bad for making fun of JOSH in front of everybody. But then, he is being a bit of a dweeb at the moment. He’s always got a reason why I shouldn’t do something instead of a reason why I should. Besides, it was funny and, thanks to this diary, everyone will have forgotten about it by tomorrow so it doesn’t really matter, DOES IT?
Mrs Johnson gave me a red docket. That meant I had to go to the headmaster after school. I’ve never had a red docket before – they’re usually reserved for people like BRAD RADLEY. Then she also took back the three merits I got yesterday and made me sit outside the classroom until break. No more spelling test!
After break (which I spent in Mrs Johnson’s room “discussing my uniform choices”) it was time for music. I LOVE MUSIC. I’m really good at it, too. The only problem is that Mr Burchester has terrible taste. He makes us play really lame stuff like nursery rhymes or songs from the 1970s, which no one ever remembers. Today he wanted us to play something called ‘Stairway to Heaven’ … NEVER HEARD OF IT!
Couldn’t he see I was wearing an X-WING T-shirt? That meant I was only going to play X-WING! I snatched up a guitar, cranked up the amp and let rip.
Mr Burchester shoved his fingers in his ears and unplugged the amp. Spoilsport. He made me play the xylophone instead. No problem – I can play X-WING on anything.
Then he took the xylophone away and gave me a triangle.
Then he took that away and made me sit in the corner sorting out sheet music for the school orchestra. I even managed to make that fun as I made paper aeroplanes out of the music and aimed them at Mr Burchester’s head.
Then he gave me a red docket and I had to sit outside in the corridor until lunch. WHO CARES? Tomorrow he won’t remember a thing either!
As we were lining up at lunch, JOSH came over and asked me what I was doing.
I told him I was having the best day ever. He told me I was being a total jerk. I said he was only feeling sore because I’d called him a dweeb in the spelling test. JOSH said that it wasn’t just that, but everything I was doing was jerky.
I’d heard enough so I went and sat at the cool table where he wouldn’t be allowed. BRAD shared his crisps with me again. Now I know BRAD’s got a heart of gold if you’re on his side. He’s a loyal friend, no matter what, unlike some people I could mention – JOSH DOYLE.
BRAD dared me to start a food fight in the canteen. EASY! In five seconds flat we were in the middle of beanageddon! In the saucy carnage BRAD and I managed to escape before the dinner ladies found us.
Then he dared me to write on the wall in the boys’ toilets. At first I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t want BRAD to think I was a scaredy-cat, and besides, loads of people have written on the walls and have never been found out. I reckoned I’d have to be the unluckiest boy in the world to get caught.
It turned out I WAS THE UNLUCKIEST BOY IN THE WORLD. Mr Finch, the headmaster, came in just as I’d got my pen out. I started to make my usual excuses but Mr Finch wasn’t listening. BRAD wasn’t holding a pen, so he let him off with a warning.
I was about to say how unfair that was – I mean I hadn’t even written anything! – when I remembered that none of this mattered anyway! Tomorrow this won’t have happened.
I let Mr Finch drone on about how disappointed he was with me, how I’d already got two red dockets today and how an afternoon at home might ‘Bring back the FIN we all know and love.’ Which we all know is teacher-speak for ‘You’re usually a dweeb.’
It was only when he was marching me into his office that I realised he was going to call my parents. He asked for my mum’s or dad’s number and I gave him one of the numbers I know off by heart … It took him a few seconds to realise that Mama’s Pizza and my mum are not the same person.
He stormed off to get the secretary to call home instead. As he was leaving he told me to have a think about what I’d done. And I did. I thought it was pretty cool! I’d had the courage to do all the things I’d always wanted to do, but had always been too scared to try. I wouldn’t want to do them every day, but today, knowing that it was a one-off that everyone would forget, it was fun!
When Mum arrived at school she was embarrassed and very, very angry. She blamed my behaviour on the fact that I had eaten seventeen bowls of Coco Snaps that morning. She promised that she’d definitely never buy them again and that from now on I’d be eating Keep Fit cereal for breakfast EVERY MORNING.
When we got home Mum sent me straight up here to my room, shouting, ‘If you think we’ll be taking you to that concert after this then you’ve another think coming!’
BRILLIANT! I knew they’d got tickets! Now all I have to do is use the diary to put everything right and I’ll still be on course for X-WING next week. I LOVE THIS DIARY. I just need to write it down, so here goes …
I want Mrs Johnson to forget ALL about the spelling test and give me back my merits – and of course I want JOSH to forget that I was ever mean to him (even though it was quite a good joke).
I want Mr Burchester to forget ALL about me misbehaving in music (and to make his next lesson an X-WING special).
I want the dinner ladies to forget about the food fight.
I want Mr Finch to forget he ever found me writing on the toilet wall.
In fact, I want EVERYBODY at school to forget all the naughty, show-offy things I did.
And I want Mum and Dad to forget everything about today and take me to the concert just like they’d planned. There – that should do the trick. Tomorrow everything will be back to normal. I’ll have had a great day today and no one will be any the wiser about what I got up to. I AM A GENIUS!