So today did not go exactly to plan. When I got to school this morning I saw JOSH by the lockers, obviously trying to avoid me. From the look on his face I could tell that he was upset. It’s harder to upset JOSH than you might think, by the way, as JOSH doesn’t really show his emotions. When you’ve been best buddies for as long as we have, though, you get to notice little things. His nostrils were twitching like a bunny in a carrot factory. That meant he was upset.
I soon found out why. It seemed like this diary had decided to work again! Everything I wrote down last night about what I should have told JOSH was exactly what he thought I had told him. So he remembers me telling him that I was the star, that he should do as I say and that I was keeping the phone when we won. Which is all true, of course. I suppose the diary just saved me the effort of having to tell him to his face – which I would never have done …
Apparently, JOSH thinks that I’ve turned into a real bossy boots and I’m far too demanding. Well, excuse me for wanting to get something right for once! JOSH has decided to enter the talent show on his own and win the phone by himself … and we’re not best friends any more. Which, quite frankly, is a relief. He’s been dragging me down for far too long. And as for winning the talent show? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH! What’s he going to do – a Dweeb Dance? He doesn’t stand a chance against a stuntboy like me!
As I went into registration BRAD RADLEY appeared. He’d seen everything that had just happened and thought JOSH was throwing away the opportunity of a lifetime. BRAD knew my talent-show stunt was going to be so fincredible there was no point in anyone else even entering. BRAD RADLEY was right. Then it struck me – BRAD RADLEY usually is right, it’s just that in the past I was being too much of a loser to listen. Kids like me could learn a lot from kids like BRAD. They show us our faults so we can do better next time. BRAD doesn’t deserve a detention, he deserves a medal. Besides, since I gave him that talking to, he’s been much nicer. At least some people can take criticism, unlike others I could mention – JOSH DOYLE.
BRAD offered to take JOSH’s place in my talent-show stunt. He said it would be an honour and a privilege to be a part of something so fincredible and he promised he would stand at the side and play the guitar. What’s more, he said I could keep the phone for myself when we won because he’d already got one. THINGS CAN’T GET ANY BETTER. With BRAD on my side I can’t lose! We agreed to practise after school.
All through lessons JOSH gave me the cold shoulder. So childish. I gave him the cold shoulder right back.
After lunch we had art class. We’d been making vases out of clay for the past six weeks. We’d designed them, moulded them and then put them in the kiln. Today it was finally time to decorate them. CLAUDIA RONSON’s vase was amazing. Mine was less good, but at least it was better than JOSH’s, which looked like a poo from a very ill dog.
Anyway, art is one of those really cool classes where the teacher, Mrs Skiffington, lets you talk while you’re working. My workbench was right in front of CLAUDIA’s and everybody was busy decorating their vases (or dog poos if your name is JOSH DOYLE). BRAD and I started talking about how great the talent show was going to be. BRAD asked me what JOSH was going to do now that he wasn’t in my act. I laughed and said he’d probably do a Dweeb Dance. BRAD didn’t know what a Dweeb Dance was. Nor did I really but I decided to show him anyway! I started to wiggle my bum and wave my arms about like a street-dancing scarecrow.
I was really getting into it and took a step back to make more room when I accidentally bumped into CLAUDIA’s workbench. Her vase started to wobble. Everything seemed to go into slow motion, like in one of those late-night horror movies I’m not supposed to watch.
At first I thought it was going to be all right. But it wasn’t. CLAUDIA’s vase toppled off the bench. I jumped to catch it but missed and knocked the workbench again. This sent all of CLAUDIA’s friends’ vases flying too.
Before I knew it, the floor was covered in broken pottery and CLAUDIA was staring at me like I’d just kicked a puppy. I tried to make things better by saying she could have my vase instead, but for some reason she didn’t want it.
Mrs Skiffington gave me a dustpan and brush and made me clear up the mess. As I was putting CLAUDIA’s and her friends’ broken vases in the bin, Mrs Skiffington announced that from now on there would be no talking in class so that we could concentrate and avoid any more accidents. GREAT. Now everybody else in the class was angry with me too.
One thing is for certain, CLAUDIA definitely doesn’t think I’m FINCREDIBLE FIN now.
At least things got better after school. BRAD is soooo much better than JOSH at playing the guitar. I didn’t crash into a tree once and BRAD stood exactly where I told him, playing exciting bits during the run-up and shouting ‘FIN THE FINCREDIBLE’ whenever I did something cool – which was ALL THE TIME! He even filmed it on his phone so we could see where I was going wrong – which was NOWHERE!
By the time practice was over I was clearing the jump every time. This is going to be brilliant. I don’t know why BRAD and I weren’t friends ages ago! He’s coming over to my house tomorrow night to practise some more.
The only bad thing about the day was smashing the vases. I wish I hadn’t broken them. If I knew for certain how this diary worked then I might be able to fix them, but I don’t. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I know it only changes things I’ve said or done, but then when I said I wished I hadn’t done all those things last week, nothing changed … I’m going to have another read back through what I’ve written and see if I can figure it out. My future marriage to CLAUDIA RONSON depends on it.
Well, maybe not. But it’d be nice to be able to ask her to the school disco or something.
It’s now two hours later and I think I may have worked out the diary! Every time it has changed things it’s been when I’ve written what I wished I’d said or done ON THE DAY that I’ve done it! It doesn’t seem to work when I’ve left it for a while. So it didn’t work with all the school stuff because I tried to fix it three days later.
The diary only changes the things I say and do or wished I’d said and done
It only changes things if I write about what I wish I’d done ON THE DAY they happen
Diaries are still for losers. It’s only this one that’s cool.
So if I’m right, I can still try to change what happened with the vases today. Here goes.
Diary, I shouldn’t have demonstrated the Dweeb Dance in art class. If I hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t have knocked over CLAUDIA’s vase and she might still be talking to me. Well, not talking to me exactly, but at least she wouldn’t think I was a vase murderer.
Come on, diary. I’M COUNTING ON YOU.
