This morning I was so excited to see if the Fincredible Diary Rules were right that I skipped breakfast and went to school early. I was so early I even managed to arrive before the nerds. To be honest I didn’t really fancy breakfast anyway. It’s hard to get excited about a cereal that tastes of hedges.
Besides, I had to find out if CLAUDIA’s vase was miraculously back in one piece or not. If it wasn’t she’d always think of me as a pesky pottery pulveriser – and try saying that three times fast!
When I got into the art room – guess what?!! The vase was back on the shelf looking better than ever, and so were all her friends’ vases. The diary had worked its magic again! I took CLAUDIA’s vase down to check for cracks – it was perfect! I gave it a little kiss before I put it back on the shelf.
It was only then that I noticed Mrs Skiffington watching me through her office window. Brilliant. Now she thinks I snog pottery in my spare time.
Never mind. The vases were fine and that was all that mattered! Not that CLAUDIA noticed or anything. BUT WHY WOULD SHE?
As far as she was concerned there was nothing to fix in the first place. The wedding is back on. Or at least it will be when CLAUDIA realises I exist. AGAIN.
For the first time in ages school felt normal, which was a relief. Whenever I saw JOSH he was sulking, the big baby, but luckily I now have BRAD to hang around with.
When I got home things looked bad – ELLIE was smiling at me. As we all know, this usually means only one thing, and I started to worry about what I’d done wrong. I couldn’t think of anything but that means nothing.
I needn’t have worried. For once, ELLIE wasn’t smiling because I was in trouble, she was smiling because her best friends, Chloe and Porsche, had come for a sleepover. A SLEEPOVER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK? It turns out their school’s closed tomorrow for teacher training! Not that you can call the place they go to a proper school – it’s all skipping and colouring-in as far as I can tell. And who calls their daughter Porsche, anyway? I bet her dad calls their car Rebecca or something.
I was about to go to my room to play on my Xbox when Mum stopped me. Dad had been ‘held up at work’ and she needed to pop to the shops for more ketchup, so she wanted me to look after the girls for a minute or two. I couldn’t believe Mum fell for that one! Everyone knows that ‘held up at work’ is dad-speak for ‘hanging out with my mates until the coast is clear.’
I was going to make up some excuse but Mum guessed that’s what I was going to do before I could say anything.
‘I hope you’re not going to make some excuse and then go up to your room to play on your Xbox,’ she said. ‘Because I need you to properly keep an eye on them while I’m gone. I won’t be long and I’m trusting you to look out for them.’
I was about to ignore her and go to play on my Xbox anyway when she read my mind AGAIN. She said that I could play on my Xbox if I wanted – and I did want – but if I also wanted to go to the concert on Saturday – and I did also want to – then I should help her out with the little-sister-and-her friends-sitting.
I couldn’t believe it! I WAS BEING BLACKMAILED BY MY OWN MOTHER!
I had no choice, so I went to see what the three little piggies were doing. It was worse than I’d imagined. Before I even got to ELLIE’s bedroom door I could hear them. They were singing 
into hairbrush microphones at the top of their voices. Seriously, you could hear them on the moon.
When ELLIE saw me she wanted me to join in and handed me a hairbrush. No way! Helping Mum with the girls did NOT include singing 
songs into a hairbrush. I was about to tell ELLIE that when Mum appeared at the door to say goodbye and said how nice it was that I was ‘joining in’. Which we all know is mum-speak for ‘Take the hairbrush or I’ll tear those X-WING tickets to pieces!’ I knew what I had to do …
IT WAS THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE SO FAR. SERIOUSLY. THE. WORST. MOMENT.
X-WING had better be worth it.
The song finished and I threw the microphone – I mean hairbrush – onto ELLIE’s bed. ELLIE smiled at me and told me to sing it again. NO WAY! Once was enough! I might actually start to like the song or something. But then I realised that if I didn’t do what ELLIE asked, she’d tell Mum that I hadn’t been joining in and we all know what that means. No X-WING concert. I was trapped! I picked up the hairbrush and sang for all I was worth.
Sometimes I hate my sister. NO! Scratch that. I ALWAYS hate my sister.
As I was getting to the end of 
for the second time, ELLIE turned off the music and announced that it was time for a dolly’s picnic in the garden. So that I didn’t feel left out ELLIE handed me her spare dolly – Penelope Fuzzyface – and, holding my hand, she led me to the garden with her friends.
Penelope Fuzzyface is TERRIFYING. When ELLIE was little she used to suck Penelope’s nose and now she looks like a hundred horror movie baddies all rolled into one!
It wasn’t all bad, though. Mum had left some cakes and stuff for the picnic and I got to eat as much cake as I wanted. Normally Mum made me stop after one slice, but it seems that when it’s a picnic for dollies you can eat as much as you like and then blame it on the dolly. Clever, huh?
As I was polishing off my eighth jam tart ELLIE and the girls decided that it would be fun if they gave me a makeover. I spat jammy crumbs all over Penelope Fuzzyface – which was actually an improvement – and shook my head. I would do a lot of things for my sister … No, hang on, I would do NOTHING for my sister, but on the other hand I would do a lot of things for X-WING tickets. So I closed my eyes, thought of X-WING, and kissed goodbye to my beautiful face. (Which is hard to do.)
When they’d finished, Ferrari, or whatever her name, is handed me a mirror. I looked like I’d been caught inside an exploding make-up shop.
ELLIE thought I looked just like 
Which was kind of true, if Charlie Dimples looked like he’d been caught inside an exploding make-up shop.
She gave me the hairbrush they’d been using to style my hair and asked me to sing 
again. By now I had no pride, so I pretended to be really enthusiastic. I was getting to the chorus when BRAD RADLEY arrived and saw me in the garden singing my heart out into a hairbrush. Not literally, of course. That would be disgusting.
Either way, it was a disaster!
I’d forgotten he was coming over to practise the talent-show stunt. He stared at me for what felt like forever and then I saw that he was holding his phone. A shiver ran down my spine. He hadn’t taken a photo, had he?
I rushed over and demanded to see his phone, but BRAD put it back in his pocket and swore that he hadn’t taken any photos of me or anyone else. I breathed a sigh of relief (and splattered runny lipstick all over Penelope Fuzzyface. Another improvement).
After I’d finished wiping off the make-up, ELLIE, Chloe and Skoda agreed to watch our stunt. BRAD got out his guitar and started to strum while I got the ramp ready. I wasn’t going to jump over anything today – I just wanted to practise my take-offs and landings.
BRAD played as I cycled towards the ramp. ELLIE, Chloe and Nissan watched and the stunt went perfectly! Even the dollies looked impressed. (Apart from Penelope Fuzzyface who looked terrifying, as usual.)
Then BRAD had a brainwave. Why didn’t we practise the stunt again but this time jump over the dollies? I thought it was a great idea but Porsche wasn’t so sure. She didn’t want her dolly to get dirty. But who listens to a girl who’s named after a car? We took the dollies and lined them up in front of the ramp.
The run up was perfect. BRAD was singing and wiggling his leg like a rock star. But when I hit the ramp there was a loud
The ramp had broken and I ended up cycling right over the dollies’ heads. Porsche started to cry, which made her sound more like a car than ever! Maybe that’s why her parents called her Porsche in the first place.
ELLIE was shouting at me that Penelope Fuzzyface was ruined forever, although I thought it was definitely an improvement.
Then ELLIE started to cry too and Chloe was definitely thinking about it. Mum arrived back just at that moment. When she saw the crying girls and the dolly carnage she dropped the ketchup bottle on the floor. She was not happy. BRAD was sent home and suddenly I was being accused of dolly murder.
Chloe and Porsche wanted to go home too, so Mum had to drive them. As she slammed the car door, sleepover ruined, she sent me to my room. The concert was off again.
It’s so unfair. Why do parents always remember the one thing you did wrong instead of all the amazing things you did right? It wasn’t my fault the ramp broke. I should never have tried to jump over the dollies in the first place. Everything was fine up until then. If I hadn’t tried to jump over the dollies then I’d still be going to see X-WING on Saturday, wouldn’t I? Luckily I know a way to fix it …
Diary, I shouldn’t have tried to jump over the dollies on my bicycle. IF YOU CAN CHANGE THAT I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER.