It’s amazing how bad something can sound when it’s announced in official language. The accused, following a plan to… incited others to… thereby initiating a return of… furthermore engaging others as… in violation of The Essential and Very Good and No One Can Disagree with Rat Rule 79.
Fred found it unbearable. Fred’s Fears, though, leaned in to listen.
When the Pegasus finished reading the charge, he was silent for a moment. Then, slowly, dramatically, he spread his wings and held them out. A squawk of admiration and awe sounded in the audience. A flying horse has enormous wings. Think about how heavy a horse is, and how much power it needs to get airborne. That’s a lot of plumage.
The Know-It-Owl bravely said: “Thank you, Your Honor. Most helpful. Now: could I ask Your Honor to look at the Time Violation ticket?”
Dogma passed the ticket to the judge.
The Know-It-Owl continued, “You’ll see there is a time stamp on the ticket. That tells you precisely when the accused’s comments were made, in Rat Standard Time. What does the time-stamp say, Your Honor?”
“11:21 p.m.,” said the winged judicial horse. “That ain’t exactly surprising, Owl. It’s been 11:21 p.m. for as long I can remember. Since the Rat made Rule 79.”
“Indeed, Your Honor,” Know-It-Owl said. “When the Rat stopped the clocks, time stood still at 11:21 p.m. It was only when the Hart’s birthday party began that Rat Standard Time began ticking again. Illegally, of course.”
“Get to the point, Owl,” the Pegasus said.
The Know-It-Owl addressed the jury of Fred’s Fears. “Here’s the question: If you have a cup and then put a handle on it, is it still a cup? If you have a sock puppet with a frog face on it, then replace that frog face with a monkey face, do you still have a frog puppet?”
The Pegasus said, “Owl, you’ve plumb lost me.”
“It is not the same cup! It is not the same puppet. What was a handleless cup is now a mug! What was a sock-frog puppet is now a sock-monkey puppet.”
“Or a sock-fronkey puppet,” said Fred, but nobody paid her any attention.
Pegasus said, “Owl, I’m fixin’ to hold you in contempt of court. The folks of the jury”—he indicated Fred’s Fears—“have better things to do than listen to mumbo jumbo.”
The Know-It-Owl stood her ground. “All will become clear, Your Honor, in the fullness of time. I have a question for the accused. Miss Fred, do your fingernails grow?”
The jury leaned in closer.
“I assume they do,” Fred cautiously answered. She had never actually seen them growing.
“And have you ever cut or abridged your fingernails?”
Fred hesitated. What did “abridge” mean?
“Are you in the habit of shortening your nails with your teeth?” ventured the Know-It-Owl.
“I have, umm, been known to abridge my nails with my teeth,” she admitted.
“And did you abridge your fingernails in this courtroom today?”
Again Fred hesitated.
“Did you not just one minute ago chew on your fingernails, Fred?”
She felt embarrassed and betrayed. The Know-It-Owl was supposed to be on her side! “I did,” Fred admitted.
“Excellent.” The Know-It-Owl opened her wings to their fullest extent and then said, in a loud hooting voice that startled everybody into attention: “The girl we see here on trial today—that girl!—is not the same girl as the one who was issued a ticket. And here is the proof.” The Know-It-Owl held out Fred’s hand, chewed fingernails prominent.
There was a gasp from the audience.
Waving the violation ticket with one wing, the Know-It-Owl declared: “The person who received this ticket was a girl named Fred at 11:21 p.m. with fingernails in the 11:21 p.m. state. The girl before us here today is Fred at 11:43 p.m. with 11:43 p.m. fingernails. Those fingernails are shorter now than they were at 11.21 p.m. They’re different fingernails.”
“What in the heck are you saying, Owl?” the judge asked.
“I’m saying that the 11:21p.m. version of Fred may well be guilty of violating Rat Rule 79. But that was a different Fred. This Fred, Your Honor”—the Know-It-Owl gestured dramatically—“this Fred, the accused, is not guilty. What we have here is a case of mistaken identity.”
The Pegasus said, “Are you kidding me?”
But the crowd shouted, “Not Guilty, Your Honor! Not Guilty! Mistaken identity! Not Guilty!” And the jury nodded in agreement with the crowd. The judge nickered and said to Fred: “Looks like you did it, kid. You beat the rap.”
Gogo let out a cheering yawp, and Django and Durango and Ergo and Argo and the rest of the gang cheered as well. Downer wiped a tear from his eye. Fred was free to go!