His words rang in my ears. I stared blankly at Jessica’s smiling face staring up at me, her eyes twinkling. My mouth was open and I just gaped. No. Why was this happening to me? I couldn’t do this to Jessica. I couldn’t. My mind was empty, numb.
When I finally looked up, Glen was observing me intently. I shook my head ever so slightly, still completely shocked.
“I know she’s your ... friend,” Glen said uneasily, his voice stern. “But this is your mission.” He paralyzed me with his gaze and I felt every muscle in my body, every thought in my mind wishing to fight him.
I could feel tears of sorrow, pity and anger pooling in the corners of my eyes. How could he ask me to do this? How?
“That’s why we’ve given you a few days to get her here. Once you think about it, you’ll know that bringing her here is the right choice.” He smiled at me, although the smile didn’t reach his eyes. It was tight and cold, and in that moment, I saw something harsh flash across his face – as if he’d asked me to bring in Jessica because she was my friend. To get rid of her. I felt myself go cold. He waved me towards the door.
I left. I thought numbly about Jessica. What could I do? I couldn’t not bring her in, because if I refused, I would get turned off. But I couldn’t let her become ... changed. The creators were getting bolder, starting to make us bring in kids who had families. Why? Why were they changing in their method?
“Drew, what’s the matter?” Jessica asked me, concerned. “You’ve been acting weird all day.” We were at our lockers, putting our books away and grabbing our bags to leave for the day. I realized I hadn’t been very happy, not engaging in conversation or laughing along with her and the others, but how else could I act?
What was I supposed to tell her? Oh yeah, by the way, I’ve been ordered to deliver you to your death. But don’t worry, you have until Thursday. “I just have a headache,” I told her with an apologetic smile. It seemed to be my excuse for everything.
“Aw, you should have told me earlier. I have aspirin in my bag.”
“Oh, it’s fine, I’ll take some when I get home. Oh, wait,” I said, smacking my forehead. “I left my book in history class,” I groaned. “I have to go get it, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I waved to Jessica and then headed off in the direction of the history classroom, glad for the momentary change of thought. I didn’t want to think about the inevitable any more than I had to. I still didn’t have a plan.
I made my way past the few students still left roaming the halls and suddenly I heard a familiar voice call my name. I sighed inwardly. Not so much at the voice, but at the butterflies that had just appeared in my stomach. Michael.
“Drew!” he called.
I kept walking until I saw the history room and hurried in. I hoped he wouldn’t follow me, but deep down I knew he would.
Mr. Jeffrey wasn’t there so I went on looking for my book. I heard Michael’s footsteps enter the room behind me as every muscle in my body stiffened. I wanted to run away as fast as I could.
“Hey,” he called.
“Hello,” I said shortly, not looking up.
I heard him let out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, what’s going on?” His voice sounded irritated. “Did I do something? ‘Cause if I did, you could at least tell me.”
I had never heard Michael get angry before, and even now, he seemed more hurt than irritated.
All of a sudden, I felt guilt gnawing at my insides, mixing with the fear about Jessica and causing me to feel slightly nauseous. For a moment, I could understand why emotions were considered imperfect. Right now, they were just getting in the way.
I looked over at Michael. Maybe I should have told him. Maybe he deserved to understand. But wait, he had been the one kissing Yvonne. My guilt quickly dissolved. “You should know,” I said quietly, suddenly spotting my book and picking it up. I turned to face him.
He looked confused and hurt. “Why have you been avoiding me?”
“Why are you even talking to me?” I asked off handedly, clutching the book to my chest. “You have a girlfriend.”
Michael looked even more confused. “What?” he asked forcefully.
“You know what I mean,” I said, walking towards him. “Does the name Yvonne ring any bells?” I couldn’t seem to stem the flow of words and only after they had been spoken did I realize how insanely jealous and childish I sounded.
Suddenly, recognition dawned in Michael’s face. My heart plummeted.
“Yeah,” I said and started to walk past him.
He reached out and gently grabbed my arm. “Drew, wait,” he pleaded.
I yanked my arm away, but stood there watching him, waiting for an explanation because no matter how mad I was at him, part of me still wanted to hear it from him and not just Jessica. “You kissed her,” I said and I couldn’t help but notice how hurt my voice sounded. I wished I was better at covering it up.
“She kissed me,” he protested.
My heart sank a little. I had been hoping that maybe this whole thing had been a misunderstanding. But he had just admitted to it. “Yeah, big difference,” I retorted, ready to walk out again. My heart was pounding, but from anger or nerves I couldn’t tell.
“She saw me walking one day and followed me. I don’t remember where I was going, the store probably. Dad had the car ...” He was talking quickly, his words tumbling together. “I didn’t like her even from the start. Her attitude and the way she talked seemed so snobbish. It was actually kind of creepy, you know. Guys don’t like girls who throw themselves at you. At least I don’t.” He wrinkled his nose, something that would have been comical in any other situation. “She said she recognized me. I didn’t want to be rude and tell her to go away so I just walked along and kind of nodded to things she said, not really listening. And then all of a sudden...” He shrugged. “She kissed me.” The look on his face was stricken with guilt. “I backed away and told her to leave. That’s all that happened. I swear, it was the weirdest thing in the world. I had no idea who she was.”
I stared at him, thinking about what he had said, longing to believe him. Yvonne had kissed him? But he hadn’t liked it? He hadn’t liked Yvonne? How was that possible? She was long-legged, thin, mysterious gorgeousness. She was the epitome of android beauty and Michael hadn’t liked her?
But it was totally like Yvonne to not tell me the whole truth. She would never admit that a guy had actually turned her down. The thought of that possibility had never even crossed her mind.
“I’m sorry, Drew,” Michael said. “Really.” His shoulders drooped. “I like you. And I’m sorry that this whole ... thing ... got in the way of everything.”
He looked completely dejected. And I felt awful. I should have let him explain it himself. I had been stupid. Why hadn’t I listened to his side instead of just taking the details from everyone else?
I guess that’s just what humans do. The thought crossed my mind and I couldn’t hide the tiny smile that appeared on my lips because of it. “I’m sorry, too,” I said quietly and for a second I wasn’t sure if he had even heard me. “I should’ve listened to you,” I admitted.
Just then I noticed Michael looking at me, directly at me, studying my face and my eyes. I looked up at him and then, just like that, he leaned over and kissed me.
I was too shocked to do anything. My arms tingled, my whole body tingled and the butterflies in my stomach went berserk.
I had never been kissed before. Ever.
It was an odd sensation, his lips against mine, but I eventually closed my eyes, leaned into it and wondered, briefly, if this was what being human was really like.
Yvonne had once told me it was fun to kiss guys, but I hadn’t really understood what she was saying. After all, I had had nothing to compare it to. I could only suppose.
But at that moment, when I asked myself if what Yvonne had said was true, I had to admit that she was right.