Chapter Twelve

 

BELLE’S EYES FLICKERED to Natalie, then spun back toward the hallway at the peel of the doorbell and froze, stock still. She jerked her head to look at Zach with wide, terrified eyes.

“It’s okay, sweetie. Just the tree delivery,” he said calmly. “Why don’t you stay with Natalie while I pay and bring it into the living room?”

He tensed when Belle turned and launched herself at Nat, burying her sweet face in soft breasts and shivering like a leaf.

“Why, what….?” Natalie stammered.

He shook his head and mouthed later. As he strode from the room, he cursed his ex-girlfriend to the devil where she belonged.

After tipping the delivery girl and lugging the tree into the living room, he hurried back to the kitchen to find Natalie rocking Belle while singing about a teddy bear. He could tell she was having trouble balancing a shivering Belle on her lap while keeping weight off her sore leg.

An uncharacteristic burning in his eyes caught him by surprise to see her cuddling his little girl. Belle raised glassy eyes to his as he pulled a chair next to them and lay a hand on her trembling shoulder.

“Daddy, I don’t like the doorbell.”

“I know, sweetie. It hasn’t bothered you in a long time, though. Why tonight?”

“Because I like having Nat-alie here with us and I don’t want to go away again, Daddy.”

He met Natalie’s eyes over his daughter’s ebony hair. “Belle, honey. There’s no way in the world I’ll ever let her take you again. And neither will Natalie, right?” His eyes begged Natalie to agree without the need for answers.

He breathed a sigh of relief when she said firmly, “Belle, look at me, sweetie. No one is going to take you away from your daddy. Or me. I will do whatever it takes, whatever it takes, to keep you safe. Okay?”

Belle’s eyes searched her face, then his, before nodding and nestling her head back on Natalie’s breasts. She slipped her thumb into her mouth and sank into a deep sleep between one breath and the next, escaping terrible memories the only way she knew how.

When Natalie’s questioning eyes met his again, he whispered, “Let’s get her snuggled in the living room and I’ll tell you the story while she naps. The pizza should be ready soon and we’ll wake her in a bit to eat and decorate.”

“Of course.”

He was seeing a glimpse of the mother-bear she must have been with her son. Such fierceness had filled her eyes when she’d told Belle she would do anything to keep her safe, and that protective aura still hovered around both of them. He imagined she’d done absolutely everything possible to save her child, devastated when her best wasn’t good enough.

She cradled Belle in loving arms—and they were loving, at that moment—her face a Madonna mixture of pain and ecstasy. The pain no doubt of remembered loss and the ecstasy of holding a sweet-smelling little girl’s chubbiness against her heart.

Zach leaned over and slid his arms under her thighs and back. “Hold tight.”

She squeaked and tightened her hold on Belle when he lifted her into his arms. “You can’t carry both of us!” she whispered.

“Sweetheart, you can’t possibly weight a buck ten, and Belle is just a little munchkin. I packed more on my back overseas in a hundred twenty degrees. I think I can manage lil ol’ you and the kiddo.”

Her eyes snapped to his, and he stopped. Stood stock still as their gazes met and he felt the lock on his heart snick open even more. That mixture of affection in her eyes for his child seemed to bleed over for him.

Her gaze warmed and something beyond her usual blend of desire and irritation broadcast to him. Something his own eyes and heart seemed to recognize and reciprocate.

He’d never believed in love at first, or even second or third sight. But was that what he was seeing in Nat’s eyes? Maybe not full-on, full-fledged, but it sure looked like more than just affection. They’d been spending several days a week together—for several weeks, heck, almost three months—while he ferried her back and forth to PT. Shared meals, and occasionally helped her move something around in the house that was too heavy for her, lent a closeness and intimacy that had been growing as time passed.

God, he hoped she was catching up to what he felt for her. His tumultuous feelings must have shone in his gaze, her eyes widening before she glanced away.

 

❄ ❄ ❄

 

THE STORM of emotions rolling through Zach’s eyes mesmerized Nat. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear there’d been a glimpse of love. Nope, had to be imagining things. They’d been spending time together each week, and she’d suspected his feelings for her were growing, but she had no interest in love.

Loving someone resulted in a shattered heart when things went sideways. Nope, she refused to love anyone ever again. Well, except for Calum. Her cousin was really her brother of the heart, and she loved him to pieces.

Unfortunately, she’d discovered just in the past twelve hours she did have an interest in Zach—had felt the affection that had been growing the past few months come roaring to the front. He was handsome and sexy as sin. Compassionate. A fabulous, devoted father. A good, faithful friend to her cousin Calum. A good friend to her, if she’d only let him.

The kind of man who fell into the too good to be true category.

No way would she act on her attraction or desire, though. She wanted nothing to do with loving a man again, even if that man made her burn for him. Besides, she wasn’t the least bit ready to open her heart to his daughter. To any child, for that matter. Anyone who loved Zach would need to love Belle, too. And really, that’s the way it should be. She wouldn’t respect him—feel any affection for him—if he wasn’t a devoted, loving father who put his daughter first.

She held Belle tight as he set them on the plush recliner. When he lifted the little girl from her arms, she fought the urge to take her back and never let go. This was not good, so not good, becoming attached to either of them.

They both had the ability to break her heart into little, tiny pieces. If that happened, she’d never find all those pieces. Would never be able to put her heart back together again.

She watched enviously as Zach snuggled Belle on the couch and tucked Mr. King under her arm, then draped a raggedy Winnie the Pooh blanket up and around her shoulders. She tensed when he pulled a footstool over and sat facing her.

He glanced back at Belle, then turned and leaned his forearms on muscular thighs, gray eyes boring into hers. She couldn’t pull her gaze away from the sexy ridges of his thick quads, clearly defined under the soft denim.

When she tore her eyes away and met his again, it was to see a flash of humor and a crooked grin. He’d caught her checking him out and was pleased, if the smug look on his face was anything to go by.

Her face heated as she prodded him for the story. “Why was Belle so upset?”

The grin faded, and the heat in his gray eyes turned stone cold. “Belle’s mother and I never married. We dated for a couple months, became intimate. She seemed perfectly normal. No red flags. The relationship wasn’t going anywhere though, and I didn’t want to lead her on. I’d thought I could fall in love with her, only to realize it was just a desire to be in love. To start a family.”

He glanced again at his sleeping daughter before continuing. “The day I’d planned to break if off with her, she told me she was pregnant. We’d been careful. No way should she have gotten pregnant. Apparently, she’d realized things weren’t heating up the way she wanted them to and, I discovered later, had put pinholes in my condoms. She got her wish and was furious when she realized I wouldn’t marry her just because she was pregnant. I told her I would be a part of the child’s life, and would pay child support—heck, even shared custody—but she wanted all or nothing. She apparently wanted a free ride; didn’t want to work, and wanted me to support her.”

Nat shook her head. “I’ll never understand why a woman would want to trap a man. You can’t build a relationship on lies and manipulation.”

“Exactly. She tried for the next six months to get me to change my mind. When she realized I was having none of it, she said if I didn’t give her ten grand, she’d disappear and I’d never see my child. Showed her true fucking colors.”

Zach stood and paced, fists clenched, and broad shoulders bunched. “In her last few months of pregnancy, her behavior became increasingly erratic. I wasn’t even sure she’d make it full term. She’d taken to partying with a rough crowd, hanging around people doing drugs. I was never sure if she was indulging, but thankfully, Belle showed no symptoms of fetal alcohol syndrome or drug withdrawal after she was born. Her mother was with men she let slap her around and rode with them when they were drunk. It terrified me she’d get herself and the baby killed before she gave birth.” He scrubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw and sat again.

Nat took his hand and squeezed gently, and she realized it was the second time she’d touched him voluntarily. The heated, affectionate look in his pale gray eyes was a stark reminder she needed to keep her distance. Emotionally and physically. But not now. Not when he needed solace from dark memories.

 

❄ ❄ ❄

 

SPARKS OF lust mixed with his growing affection for her when she brushed her thumb across the sensitive back of his hand. He turned his palm over and laced their fingers together, squeezing back to show his appreciation.

“Fast forward to the day after she gave birth. She signed over her rights and walked right out of the hospital. We didn’t hear from her or see her for almost three years. I was sure she was out of our lives completely.”

He hated remembering that dark time, but she needed to understand. She’d be with them for a few more weeks. If Belle had another scare and he wasn’t home, Natalie should know the history, so she’d know how to handle it.

“Belle was watching TV on the couch and I’d run upstairs to grab Mr. King for her when the doorbell rang. She knew better than to answer, but we’d been expecting Calum. She ran to the door and unlocked it just as I looked out the upper window and saw someone on the porch. This was before I installed those deadbolts higher than she can reach.” He felt his heart skitter as if reliving the terror he’d felt.

“I didn’t recognize her mother at first. She was skinny as a rail, her face pockmarked. I found out later she’d been tweaking; was hooked on meth. I looked down just in time to see her grab Belle and make a run for a van idling at the curb. I busted out the screen and went out the window, down the roof, then down the porch railing and hit the street running as they were driving away.”

When Natalie flinched, he realized he’d been squeezing the heck out of her hand. That’s all she needed, for her hand to be hurt, along with her already injured leg. He pulled her palm to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss in the middle in apology.

“I found out later she and her tweaker boyfriend, out of the blue, had decided it was a good idea to grab Belle and sell her to fund their addiction. To sell my baby! Called the cops and Calum showed up before they arrived. Your cousin knows some guys, a security team made up of buddies from our MARSOC days, and he called them for help. I’d at least gotten the license number and model of the van. We took off on our own and found them four hours later, using info from Calum’s buddies, in a shack on the eastside ready to cinch the deal.”

“Hey,” Natalie said softly, bringing him back from dark memories. “Hey, she’s right here. Safe. Take a breath, Zach. Finish the telling, then we’ll decorate the tree. Don’t go down that what if road. Believe me, it does nothing but suck you in and spit you out in pieces.”

He did as she said, knowing she was talking from painful experience, and took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. Her calm, sea-green eyes snared his gaze, and he jolted to realize it was the first time her eyes weren’t turbulent or unbearably sad. Somehow, in listening to his telling of what could have ended tragically, and her comforting him, Natalie may have recovered a piece of her soul.

“Cal entered the back while I knocked on the front door. Her boyfriend answered with a gun and I took him out right there. Cal cold-cocked her and put her down. The bastard with the money tried to make it past me. He won’t be walking again. I’ve kept in touch with the prosecutor’s office, and unfortunately she’s up for probation next year. I hope they keep her, cause if she ever shows up here again making trouble, she’ll go down.”

Nat uncurled her fingers from his and stroked a finger down his jaw. “So, the doorbell sometimes triggers memories of that day?”

He sighed and nodded. “Usually only when she’s tired. I was going to disconnect it, but the doctors said that wouldn’t help her deal with it. Or heal. They reminded me that when Belle is visiting someone else’s house, those doorbells will more than likely work just fine. Better she learn to deal with it at home.”

“She’s so fortunate to have you for her daddy, and will move on from this, you know. As young as she was, she’ll forget more and more of it as she gets older. Besides, she has your love to hold on to.”

“I’d do anything for her.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, realizing it was the first time he’d ever really shared how he’d felt, or all of the gritty details of that day. Sure, Calum knew because he’d helped save his little girl, and his sister enough of the details she’d be extra careful, and as protective as Zach needed her to be when Belle stayed with her. It was so cathartic to bare his soul, to let Natalie see how it ate at him—that he hadn’t been able to protect his little girl.

Maybe it would even help her understand that sometimes bad shit just happens. That it wasn’t her fault her maniac of an ex had kidnapped them. Or that she’d lived, when her son had not.

Zach brushed curls from her face and cupped her cheek in his hand. “I’ve never shared everything that went down that day with anyone, or how it’s affected me. Thank you for understanding and comforting her.”

He became aware of her soft hand in his, of the silky skin of her cheek against his palm, and suddenly molten awareness swarmed through his veins. Of her as a woman. He found himself wanting nothing more than to drop to his knees and take her in his arms. To meld their lips and feel her soft, bare skin against his.

That path, he knew, would meet with disaster. She wasn’t ready for affection, much less getting naked and making love. And it would be making love on his part—not just having sex. Oh, he knew it wasn’t full-blown, but he’d been on a long, slow slide the past few weeks, and he just needed to round third base before he slid into home. He needed to control his burgeoning feelings for this woman, so as not to scare her away. To keep it light until her heart caught up with his. If only she’d open herself to love again with him. He’d cherish her—heart, body, and soul.

Soon, he hoped.