CHAPTER TEN

THE SWEATSHIRT LETTER

TUESDAY, APRIL 9

Dear Dad,

It was freezing today. So Mom made me wear my sweatshirt from LAST FALL! By now it’s like ten sizes too small for me! Plus, as soon as I got on the bus, the zipper broke. So I could barely even see.

I don’t know why she doesn’t just throw my old clothes in the trash. I could have been killed!

More bad news! I found out that the band will be in the Spring Fling tomorrow! And we sound TERRIBLE! You could tell Mr. Pastrami was worried because he was sweating like crazy!

Plus, he made everyone play the same five notes of “Hot Cross Buns” more than a bazillian times! I only got to smash my cymbals once. But at least they kept me dry.

On the way out, he called me over to the side. I thought I was going to get in trouble for fooling around. But really he just wanted to fix my zipper for me.

I have to admit I never used to like Mr. Pastrami very much. But for some reason, he seems a lot cooler now. In fact, he may actually be the coolest teacher in the whole school!

I even wrote a hit single about him during silent reading. Mrs. Sikes took it away from me before I could finish it. But you can tell it’s already the best song I’ve ever written.

I sprang into action!

I have to admit, I was amazing!

Unfortunately, not everyone thought so.

Mrs. Sikes said my song was rude and disrespectful. So I asked her how many hit singles she had written in her life.

She made me finish silent reading in the hot spot. So I guess the answer is none.

On the bright side, I’ll probably ask Mr. Pastrami if I can sing my hit single during the Spring Fling. I think he’d be honored, don’t you?

During lunch, I saw Mr. Toots running around on the stage trying to catch drips in a bucket. Mr. Pastrami kept telling him where to go, but he missed them all.

It was kind of fun to watch. But you could tell Mr. Toots was getting really mad. When Mr. Pastrami tried to mop up the puddles, he ripped the mop away!

Then he turned around and slipped in one of the puddles. Suddenly, his legs started going crazy!

It was like he invented a brand-new dance! And he was awesome!

Until . . .

. . . he got stuck in his own bucket again.

 

Mr. Pastrami had to carry him offstage like that. Meanwhile, everyone in the cafeteria burst into applause! What a show! If only the Spring Fling was that funny. Seriously, Dad. I would love to get that kind of applause someday. Wouldn’t you?

After the show, I felt pretty excited about everything. Especially the mystery!

So I told Dante about all the new clues I found yesterday.

First the mac and cheese on Jack’s math test:

Then the mac and cheese outside the band room:

As you know, I usually work alone. But Dante needed to learn about bravery, and I needed someone to watch my back. So I let him follow me.

The band room was dark. No one was there. It was safe to snoop around.

First we checked out the piano for clues.

We also tested out the drums and cymbals just to be safe.

Then we went over to where Mr. Pastrami keeps the brass instruments. And guess what we found?

I tried to follow it, but the trail stopped at Mr. Pastrami’s tuba.

Then Dante found a big metal pan stuck inside one of the empty trombone cubbies.

I decided to take a look. But it wouldn’t come out! Something was sticking to the pan.

I gave it one more yank.

Then . . .

It was almost empty. There was only a tiny bit of mac and cheese left inside.

But on the corner was a big blob of bubble gum!

There was only one way to find out.

Then, thanks to my incredible eye for detail, I spotted another clue!

It was covered in mac and cheese! Dante was confused, but not me!

As you can see, I pretty much solved the whole mystery myself! All I can say is it’s a good thing we searched the band room.

Just then we heard the jingle of keys. I’d know that jingle anywhere!

Luckily, I knew exactly what to do:

Maybe it wasn’t the bravest thing I’ve ever done, but in situations like this, it’s every man for himself. I only hope Dante made it out of there alive!

When I got back to Mrs. Sikes’s room, it was silent reading time again. I sat down and pretended to read, but the whole time I was really thinking about Mr. Toots.

Now that he saw me snooping around in the band room, will he come after me like the sinister janitors in Truly Creepy Crimes? Will he want revenge?

Somehow I had to get out of school without being seen. If only I had a disguise!

My sweatshirt!

 

When the bell rang, I put my sweatshirt on backward so the hood covered my face. Then I got in the bus line and walked very slowly.

I couldn’t see a thing, but the whole time I could hear Mrs. Sikes yelling at some kid to stop fooling around and walk straight. I wish I could thank him, because he made my getaway easy.

Even though I made it home safe, I still can’t stop thinking about Mr. Toots. What am I going to do, Dad? I can’t hide forever.

Plus, the mac and cheese is still missing. The bandit is still on the loose. And I have no idea where Mr. Prince’s tiny suit is.

Maybe I’m just a terrible private eye, after all.

I think Mom figured out something was bothering me because she asked if I was feeling OK. I just told her it was a guy thing. She doesn’t understand the life of a private eye. At least not like you do.

Then, just to make things worse, Chloe started bugging me too.

Don’t ask me why, but for once, Mom didn’t take her side.

Then Chloe sneezed, and a piece of spaghetti came out of her nose.

So Mom had to pull the rest out in the bathroom.

Leave it to Chloe to ruin a tender moment.

Love,

PJ

 

PS. You’ll never believe it, but now my ninja suit is missing too! What am I going to do? I’ll never solve these crimes without it! Plus, I have to wear my old pajamas now. They’re so small that when I try to chew my sleeve, I end up chewing my hand!

This would be a good time for me to move to Wisconsin and help you with the SECRET MISSION. Don’t you think?

I promise I won’t disappoint you.