Numerous studies show that mental challenges keep us sharp and may stave off Alzheimer’s disease and related dementia. According to the National Institute on Aging:
Staying cognitively active throughout life—via social engagement or intellectual stimulation—is associated with a lower risk of Alzheimer’s disease. Several observational studies link continued cognitive health with social engagement through work, volunteering, or living with someone. Mentally stimulating activities such as reading books and magazines, going to lectures, and playing games are also linked to keeping the mind sharp.1
As one of my grandparents died of Alzheimer’s disease, I imagine that I am at greater than average risk of succumbing to Alzheimer’s later in life. Therefore, I strive to learn new things every day. I also play “Words with Friends,” attend many lectures, and read a good deal. I am lucky to live in a metropolitan area where so many stimulating and free events take place. With the Internet, however, we all can widen our worlds, in ways big and small.
Why not start a book club? Or join one at your local bookstore or library? I have participated in online book clubs, though my beloved neighborhood book club will be celebrating 20 years together soon. Universities provide free lectures, and adult learning classes are more popular than ever. It is not hard to find ways to stretch your mental muscles or to learn new skills. I still have on my list of future endeavors my hope to learn how to propagate succulents successfully, but here are a few learning experiences I tried.
The brain is a muscle, and I’m a kind of body-builder.
—Karl Lagerfeld
I was alarmed with the brain fog I experienced while pregnant. People assured me that my sharpness would return after the babies were born. Part of me wondered, as the years passed by, whether my mind would return to its pre-pregnancy performance level. I was especially doubtful when I looked at my children’s high school math homework and it was incomprehensible to me. At those times, my brain appeared to be just mush.
When my children questioned why I did not remember something, I would respond, “The files are full.” I think a lot of my absentmindedness came from constant multitasking and not doing things with careful intention. I used to be so proud of my ability to multitask. What I have come to realize, however, is that my multitasking prevented me from being fully present. I try very hard now to do one thing at a time, and the resulting focus has increased my productivity—counterintuitive to me, but true.
I vividly remember the time the pendulum swung from my thinking that my parents knew everything to thinking they knew nothing. I was fourteen years old at the time. I assumed my children had similar doubts about me during their teenage years.
To increase my work prospects, as well as to impress my children, I took the Maryland Bar exam. I was able to take a truncated version because I met certain provisions regarding years of practice as a member of a different state Bar. After the exam, another test-taker asked me which prep class I had taken. “I did not take one,” I answered, as nausea of self-doubt rose in my throat.
But I passed! What a confidence booster that was for me. I refused to dwell on how I would feel if I had failed. And passing a bar exam as a middle-aged person gave me extra credibility with employers. It indicated that my brain was still working well, and gave me courage to keep attempting to conquer intellectual challenges. I was able to serve many more clients with this new credential.
Through scientific studies, we know that both nature and nurture affect brain function. We can stave off declining brain function by remaining physically active, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, reducing stress, and exercising our brains.
How might you challenge yourself intellectually? I have met middle-aged women who have returned to school to get their MBAs, JDs, or other professional degrees. I have met even more who have taken real estate exams to become realtors. Just as our bodies perform better with exercise, so too do our brains. Think about it.
Education is not filling a pail but the lighting of a fire.
—William Butler Yeats
The adage that youth is wasted on the young—attributed to Irish dramatist George Bernard Shaw—really hits home with me when it comes to education. I love school. If I could do my college studies over now, I would be a much better student and would be so much more engaged in my classes.
One of the local universities offers continuing education classes. It seems that most colleges do so these days. And what a treasure it is for those of us who want to soak up new subjects. Often, classes can be taken on campuses or online.
I met bestselling author Iris Krasnow when she came to speak at my book club years ago. During that meeting, she told me about an idea for writing and other classes she would offer to women in transitional times of their lives. Years later, we fortuitously ran into each other, though I no longer believe there are any coincidences.
Iris was building a program at American University called LEAD, the Lifelong Education and Professional Development Program, designed to “provide adult learners with the impetus and writing/communication skills to help guide them through significant transitions in their personal and professional lives.”2 Her vision is that “participation in these courses help students make empowered choices as changes arise in family structures, with the growing independence of children, a return to the workplace and/or a desire to shift careers. Taught in an intimate setting, LEAD embraces students in a warm community with like-minded adult women who empower each other through personal and professional transitions.”3
My favorite classes were her “Voices of Women” class and “Transformations: The Empowered Next Step.” Some of my classmates took these classes multiple times.
The courses I took from Iris spurred me to write this book.
I felt a rush of excitement when I first stepped onto campus at American University for my first class. The classroom buzzed with the energy of middle-aged women who were hungry for learning. We bonded strongly during the course, and remain an enthusiastic support and resource group for one another. Iris generously hosts annual get-togethers at her riverside home for us to share ideas and camaraderie. And a Facebook group called the “Why Nots?” has been created by a few of my classmates to post periodic social outing opportunities that any one of us who is available can join.
I also took a digital media class at the university, led by her colleague, Kimberly Palmer. Kimberly helped me elevate my online presence and learn how to navigate new technology and platform applications.
My generation are “digital immigrants” when it comes to social media and other commonly used technology; today’s young people are “digital natives,” steeped in the techno world in which they grew up. Using technology is more intuitive for Millennials and Gen-Xers. They cannot conceive of a world that had no cell phones. My children and their friends were unfamiliar with the bulky machine called a typewriter that I took to school. They would laugh if they saw the mainframe computer we used in college. They are accustomed to carrying mini-computers, aka smartphones, in their pockets.
Even as an elementary school child, my cheeky son tried to charge me money for helping me with computer-related matters. At age ten, he was adept at fixing most of my issues with my computer and my cell phone.
We in the older generation do not need to be dinosaurs when it comes to modern technology. Resources abound, especially online. You just need to look for them. I am continually amazed with the how-to videos that populate YouTube. I had a problem with robins dirtying my car in my driveway with droppings every day, for example. A YouTube video instructed me to use towels to cover my side-view mirrors when parked. The robins moved on! Apparently, they like to preen in car mirrors. Who knew?
I also took writing classes at my local independent bookstore. It helps me hone my craft. And another set of eyes looking at anything one has written almost always can improve a piece of writing. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book studying success, he posited that “ten thousand hours is the magic number of greatness.”4 I’m working toward that.
You may not have time to take a class right now. But you certainly have time to open your mind and learn something new online. I know people who have learned how to play musical instruments via lessons they found online. I learned online how to repair my refrigerator and to get birds to stop pooping on my car. Seriously. I solved both problems by what I learned on YouTube videos. Though I would recommend TedTalks for more advanced mental floss.
The crowning fortune of a man is to be born to some pursuit which finds him employment and happiness, whether it be to make baskets, or broadswords, or canals, or statues, or songs.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
For years, friends and family have told me that I should have a talk show. I have a habit of interviewing people, even strangers, and am adept at eliciting information. A woman I met at rehab tearfully told me I had an enormous capacity to make people feel welcomed, one of the nicest compliments I have received. A therapist had told me that I like to ask people questions to deflect them from asking me any, or to keep me from being introspective about the me I abhorred for so many years. Perhaps.
One day, a friend who hosted an FM radio show called Inside Out had me on as a guest. The radio show, on WPFW in Washington, D.C., was one that looked at politics, culture, and many other things through a lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender (“LGBT”) lens. When a show was done on parents of LGBT children, she extended me an invitation.
I jumped at the chance. It was fun. It was informative. It was a boost to my ego.
A short time later, she asked if I would like to be one of the hosts and producers. I accepted and have been doing my own shows once a month ever since.
I have interviewed the D.C. attorney general, members of the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington, parents of transgender youth, and many more. The shows are available on iTunes as a podcast,5 as well as on the WPFWfm.org website.6
Live radio presents challenges. Sometimes a caller says something inappropriate or difficult to understand. There cannot be any on-air dead time, so I have to be ready with a comment or question at all times. Sometimes the studio equipment fails, or a guest is late to arrive. All of these happenings have helped me build skills and character.
Being on live radio has forced me to moderate the speed at which I talk, to breathe evenly, and to listen closely to others while they speak so that I ask good follow-up questions. I sounded unusually breathy during my first solo hosting gig, because I was so nervous.
My work on the show has increased my creativity and resourcefulness, and helped me understand and keep current on LGBT issues. I learned how to be more sensitive. I learned, for example, how to use gender-neutral pronouns and not to make assumptions about a person’s preferred pronouns based on their appearance. My children tell me that, in some of their university classes, the professor begins each semester asking by what pronoun a student wishes to be addressed. Times are changing.
Although I already was an LGBT ally, my experience on Inside Out led me to join PFLAG7 and to attend D.C. Pride, a festival and parade of support for the LGBT community.
Attendance at D.C. Pride also was mind-expanding. I had no idea how many gay organizations existed. I got leads and ideas for future radio show topics.
The joy on display at Pride was infectious. I carried a sign saying, “I love my gay AND straight children,” which caused several groups of young gay people to hug me and thank me. Some relayed their stories of nonacceptance by their parents, which hurt my heart. I feel that I am doing my part to support the LGBT community and increase understanding.
I admit that part of my motivation for doing the LGBT radio show is to demonstrate to my gay son how much I support him and wish to be an advocate for the LGBT community. To date, he has not listened to my show. I cannot force him to do so. I must accept this thing I cannot change and remember I can only control my own actions and no one else’s.
Learning about other people and what motivates them is one of my passions. This radio show provided me a vehicle to pursue a passion. I realize that I was lucky to have this opportunity come into my orbit, and that this particular activity may not be everyone’s cup of tea. We can make certain opportunities for ourselves, however. The more doors we enter, the more doors open to us. We can do guest blogs, submit freelance articles, volunteer. What passion will you pursue next?
11. Consciousness Raising for Adults
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.
—Benjamin Franklin
My passion is writing. When things got rough in my life, I journaled. It was one way of working through my angst and worry. I also immersed myself in books as a means of escape. I was a voracious reader as a child, which certainly helped me then and in my professional life. Books provided me windows to wider worlds, fueled my imagination, and expanded my vocabulary. Like anything else, the more one writes, the better one becomes at it. Writing is an important part of my identity.
Journals are widely available today, and come in many sizes. Some people I know journal on their cell phones or computers. It is an effective vehicle for processing emotions, learning, and putting things in perspective. Journaling was mandatory when I was in rehab, and I would wager that most therapists and life coaches recommend keeping a journal. If I reread a journal of mine, it helps me see the progress I have made on a wide array of issues and goals, as well as the lessons I forgot but want to employ again.
Books help us stretch our minds and perspectives. I have wanted to contribute to society’s dialogue on matters of importance to me, like combating racism, raising children, and self-actualization.
I dabbled in freelance writing when I was an at-home mom. I had put my legal career on hold because I wanted to do the best possible job raising my children. I also had a Norman Rockwellian notion that my childhood would have been different if my mother had not been in the working world.
The first time I was published was a big rush for me. It was in Parenting magazine. I had sent in a cathartic essay entitled, “How to Maintain Your Self-Esteem as a Stay-at-Home Mom.” I did not follow the protocol, which typically involves sending a query letter to an editor first to see if the publication was interested in my idea, but got lucky that the right editor read my piece and liked it. This first article led to more assignments and submissions. At one point, I was on staff at a local magazine as a contributing writer and editor.
Then I set my sights higher. A lifelong dream of mine has been to get my own book published.
I got my first adult nonfiction book published, and learned how not to go about things in the publishing world. After my book, Not the Cleaver Family: The New Normal in Modern American Families,8 was published, the publisher promptly went out of business. Just my luck. But because the book was such a labor of love about something for which I possess a great deal of interest, I enjoyed writing it. And I learned more about book publishing and marketing.
I interviewed hundreds of people for my book, and did most of my own marketing. I cared deeply about the subject of how the modern American family has changed in this decade and raising consciousness about microaggressions and indignities that continue today. People who belonged to the quickly emerging demographics I covered resonated with the issues explored and experiences chronicled in the book. Those who did not, but wanted to learn more about them, expressed elevated thinking as a result of my book. I was able to parlay the book into some fantastic speaking engagements.9
I wrote about mixed-race families, families led by same-sex couples, adoptive families, couples with singletons, single parents, and people who are child-free by choice. The subject of changes in the American family seemed to strike a chord, especially with those whose parents had been marginalized by society, as mine were, to a certain extent. My book talks have elicited dialogue that has both augmented my understanding and humbled me.
Initially, I was hesitant about being self-revelatory in my published writing. I rarely dealt willingly with issues of race for the first two decades of my life. I clearly do not appear to be white, though my father is Caucasian. Although my mother is Southeast Asian, most people assume I am Latina, and people speak to me in Spanish at least once a week. I did not want to draw attention to my differences and feeling of otherness and alienation. But gathering the stories of others whose families did not fit the cookie-cutter mold of a generation ago helped put my experiences in perspective. Exploring my racial identity was a luxury I had not previously afforded myself. As a result, I missed out on so much cultural richness. Once I dropped the self-consciousness of being biracial and shared with others of similar heritage, I experienced a catharsis of sorts. Completing my book was an affirming experience.
I learned to stop worrying about what others would think. This book is evidence of that. What would you do, if you were able to let go of being concerned with what other people thought of you?
What are some issues you care deeply about? You could start small by drafting an essay or short article about the object of your passion. Getting published today is much easier than when I started. There is an abundance of online opportunities and directories that tell you which publications accept which types of articles. Self-publishing books is simpler than it ever has been. My local independent bookstore has a self-publishing service. Amazon allows writers to publish e-books directly online.
If you decide to self-publish, you likely will have to do all of the marketing of your work. There are lots of online resources to help you navigate this necessary aspect of being an author today. Traditional publishers often help authors with marketing and sales, among other things, but they also expect authors to take a certain amount of initiative.
You can be heard by calling or writing to your public officials. Consider letters to editors or op-eds. Or communicate with your feet. Being part of a women’s march was one of the most powerful experiences I have had in the last decade.
If you have something to say, say it! It is not too late. Laura Ingalls Wilder did not have her Little House books published until she was in her 60s. George Eliot’s classic novel, Middlemarch, was published when she was 55 years old. Bram Stoker wrote Dracula when he was 50. Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes came out when he was 66.
You, too, can be a literary late bloomer. As late bloomer William S. Burroughs said in his novel, Junky,10 “When you stop growing, you start dying.”
12. Consciousness Raising for Children
If a story is in you, it has got to come out.
—William Faulkner
Publishing my first children’s book allowed me to return to looking at the world with a sense of childlike wonder again. Writing books that I wish had been available to me as a child was partially a healing exercise. The children’s books I have written have dealt with issues close to my heart.
My first published children’s book, Mommy, Why’s Your Skin So Brown?, is a consciousness-raising book based on my experience of being frequently mistaken for the nanny of my lighter-skinned children. It grew out of an article I wrote for my local newspaper entitled, “Being a Parent Isn’t Always Apparent,”11 in which I implored readers not to let their curiosity overwhelm their manners. Several Washington, D.C., preschools distributed my article to their parent communities. I searched for a book to help me talk about the annoying and embarrassing situation my children and I often found ourselves in when strangers and even professionals assumed my children were not mine. I could not find one, so I wrote it myself. I did not want my children to internalize any feeling of something being wrong with our family, as I had felt as a child. This book, and open, continuing dialogue with my children, was part of my effort to prevent that sentiment from taking hold in my nuclear family.
It took me years to get it published. It actually was published during the year I turned 50. I had sent my draft to a few publishers, with no luck. A childhood friend then shared that she had gotten her children’s book published with an indie publisher of children’s books, Mirror Publishing, and suggested I give them a try, using her name as an introduction. The editor there liked my book and took it on. He said they accepted about 6 percent of the manuscripts submitted, so I felt fortunate to have made it through the door.
Mirror Publishing also accepted my second children’s book, Healing for Hallie, about the importance of expressing one’s feelings, something that took me decades to learn, at least when it came to things about which I felt guilt or shame. When I was a child in Catholic parochial school, there were some girls who were not allowed to come to my home because my parents were divorced and therefore excommunicated by the church at that time. I never told anyone then about the feelings this brought me. It would have been much healthier had I expressed how I felt, rather than carrying a yoke of shame for so many years. I suppose I wrote this book to my younger self.
I employed my friend’s daughter to create the beautiful, evocative watercolor illustrations that accompany the text. Parents and social workers have told me that they have used this book with children to facilitate communication about emotions. When I read this book to schoolchildren, I am delighted to hear their comments.
I adore children and feel so blessed when I have opportunities to read my book to children in schools and bookstores. The message in my book about sensitivity to differences and the effect careless comments may have on others was so heartfelt, that reading the story aloud and putting it into the universe brought me joy.
Children are like sponges. They absorb so much around them. I would like to be part of the goodness children absorb. My first book may save someone from unintentionally inflicting harm via their words, or making false assumptions. My second children’s book is used by parents, teachers, and therapists to help children process their feelings.
When I discuss my books with young people, more often than not, they will ask me questions about writing. So many of them like to create stories and want to know what it takes to be an author. Perhaps I will make a difference in a young person’s life in this way.
Think about creative endeavors that bring you joy. Or that could do so, if you tried them. Sometimes we, especially as women raising children or in other caretaker roles, get so caught up in meeting the needs of others that we forget what we need. Make a list of things that elevate you. Start one of them. Today.
What we think, we become.
—Buddha
Once I found my voice, I began cohosting women’s empowerment and writing retreats. My retreat partner, Dr. Nicole Cutts, and I help women to develop as writers and speak their truth.
Each woman at our retreats wants to be a writer. By the time they leave, we make them say, “I am a writer.” If we do not believe in ourselves, who will?
For the closing ceremony at our retreats, we had participants write on pieces of paper what holds them back from pursuing their writing dreams in earnest. Then we burned the papers, resolving to break through these obstacles. We set writing goals and signed up to be each other’s accountability partners. We started a closed Facebook group to encourage each other and share ideas, tips, accomplishments, and frustrations. Several attendees have gone on to publish their dream books, and more are on the way.
There were tears from most of the participants with whom I met in private sessions during the retreat. So many of our sisters are walking wounded. There is a pervasive sentiment of not feeling good enough. Wake up! We are all perfectly imperfect and we all have scars and baggage. But the past need not define us. One cannot achieve what one will not try to do. I don’t seek to survive this life; I seek to thrive.
Another way I seek to empower myself and other women is via political activism. During the last election, many of the women I knew felt fear that our commander in chief was known to have abused women, and the effect his election may have on our society. Gathering a group of women to join the Women’s March on Washington helped us all feel less helpless. We continued to meet after the march to discuss other ways of making our voices heard. Writing a letter to our congresspeople or calling their offices were ways we sought to make a difference. I participate in a weekly “Black Lives Matter” vigil in my predominantly white neighborhood when I can. Taking action is important, to effect change both in our society and within ourselves.
In our current political climate, taking action is perhaps even more important. I watched with horror when the white supremacists descended on Charlottesville, Virginia, a place for me of collegiality and learning. I attended law school there and it holds a special place in my heart. I shed tears learning of a young woman who was killed by a white supremacist angry at her opposition. I was stunned that citizens in a Jewish temple were surrounded by neo-Nazis in their place of worship. I cannot stand by and thereby be complicit in the hatred. German pastor Martin Niemöller’s admonition continues to be true:
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.12
There are many ways to combat hate and make a difference. We can take on racism and bigotry when we encounter it, one conversation at a time. We can confront hateful language when we hear it, in a respectful way. Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield provides some ideas for how we can make a difference:
For some your response may be reaching out to connect with those threatened, across lines of religion, race, class, sexual orientation. For some it may mean reaching out to the individuals and groups who are promoting hate and prejudice. For some it may mean educating others. For some it may mean political organizing, or activism, or standing up in peaceful ways in the midst of heated demonstrations.13
I hope to do my part in eradicating hate in our society, for my children’s sake. The vitriol is reaching alarming levels.
We are not helpless and we have the ability to stand up and be heard. If not us, then who?
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.
—Pablo Picasso
I find creating art to be meditative. For years, I had wanted to try sculpture. I finally found a class nearby that fit my schedule and my budget.
The instructor had us start by sculpting skulls. I had no idea that sculpting a human figure required awareness of bone and muscle structure. We received a mini course in anatomy during our first class. Sculpture takes much more knowledge and finesse than I had thought.
Later in the session, nude models were introduced to the class. It was startling at first, for me to see the models disrobe so nonchalantly and let a dozen people in a circle examine their bodies and try to replicate them in clay. The models’ confidence, while stunning, was inspiring. It helped me shed another layer of self-consciousness.
The other students in the class were more adept than I was at sculpting realistic looking figures. At first I felt dismay. I learned not to compare my work negatively against that of others. Every real artist was an amateur first. We are where we are. A short version of the Serenity Prayer is “Oh, well.”
I kept a couple of pieces I made during the course. They mostly elicit chuckles from visitors. The skull I made comes out at Halloween. It is slightly scary.
I had envisioned making grand sculptures for display in my home. I discovered I was not very good at it. I am glad I tried it, though. It increased my appreciation for fine sculpture—by others.
I also took the opportunity in my intentionally slower lifestyle to indulge my love of painting. I opened an Etsy online shop and even was able to sell a painting or two. At the least, I created things I considered beautiful and decorated my home with them. I am a little bit more adept at painting than sculpting.
Creating art allows us to view objects, people, landscapes, and just about everything in a different way. The number of styles and myriad of media available makes creating art an endeavor accessible to all. When traveling in third world countries, I have seen people make art out of garbage. I have seen planters made of used tires and plastic bottles. In an African art gallery, I bought an antelope head sculpture completely constructed out of aluminum soda cans.
While beautifying one’s environment with art is a commendable endeavor, the process alone of creating art is healing. It is a sensory process. Remember how good it felt to finger paint when you were a youngster?
It does not matter if what you create is “good.” We all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is the process of creating that can feed our spirits.
I’m always tinkering with something—suddenly I’ll think I can work with wood, but then I’ll realize I can’t, so I go back to sewing.
—Melissa McCarthy
There is something in making things by hand that elevates my self-esteem. I bought an inexpensive used sewing machine on a Facebook online yard sale in my area and took up sewing.
I had not sewn anything since the 1970s, when my aunt enrolled me in a Singer sewing class at a local fabric store and I produced a few groovy outfits. I began this time around by sewing pillow covers that I filled with pillows I found at thrift shops or at Goodwill. I also sewed a loose-fitting, washable slipcover for a beat-up ottoman someone had given me. The fun fabric I found on Etsy provided a shot of color to the room I put it in and gave the ottoman new life.
Partially because of my semi-wild dog, whose puppylike energy seems to have little chance of dissipating any time soon, I have nothing precious or expensive around my house. And as much as can be is of the washable variety.
My stitches are not perfect, but they are serviceable, and I now can make things I do not wish to buy, and for a fraction of the cost. Plus, I have something to show for my labor that presumably will stick around for a while.
Do you have a craft or hobby you have wanted to try? Needlepoint was something easy for me to learn. I was not able to master knitting, however. . . .
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
—Confucius
With a certain amount of luck, perseverance, and resourcefulness, I found jobs I love. It suits me right now to have a flexible schedule so that I can write and travel to see my son’s theater performances. Therefore, I currently have several part-time jobs.
I was able to marry my love of books and desire to learn new things with selling books at author events. I work part-time for the largest independent bookstore in Washington, D.C., and attend fascinating lectures for free at the events at which I work. I can choose which events interest me. This work has given me the chance to meet many of the authors, such as Malcolm Gladwell, Mark Shriver, Melanne Verveer, and former U.S. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. I have had opportunities to hear some of the greatest thinkers of our time such as, in my humble opinion, Hillary Clinton, Floyd Abrams, and Ta-Nehisi Coates. Hillary Clinton may be divisive on a political level, but she is the smartest person I have ever met. I was lucky to work with her on a legislative matter during her husband’s first presidential term and was struck by her ability to absorb and command a tremendous amount of information. She has a brilliant intellect.
People’s surprised reactions when they see me as a bookseller at author events say more about them than about me. Some of them know I got divorced and look at me with pity on their faces. Some treat me like the lowly hired help. The first time these things happened, they bothered me. They no longer do. I have internalized the lesson that what other people think about me is not my business.
I love books and am able to buy them at a deeply discounted price where I work. I get to know others who share my love of books and take classes by other authors. It is a buzzing literary and learning hub that has begun to host teach-ins on various issues. I am glad to be associated with this fine institution.
I also work part-time as an attorney for two law firms that don’t just transfer money between corporate behemoths. They help real people with real problems. In one recent case, I represented an immigrant family–owned subcontractor against one of the biggest commercial contractors in Washington. While at the arbitration, the opposing counsel behaved in a smug manner, touting his client’s overreaching contractual language. The arbitrator ruled in my client’s favor. The amount of money my client received in the lawsuit represented a large percentage of the small company’s annual revenue. It was a drop in the bucket for the commercial contractor. The clients were so very grateful and I was proud to represent them.
My other job is writing. Prior to this book, I published two children’s books, one adult nonfiction book, and numerous articles.14 When I do book talks, I sometimes receive a cash honorarium, and I usually have the opportunity to sell my books at the events. What I love most is the exchange of ideas I get to have with my readers. Freelance writing also provides extra income. Many publications and blogs pay freelancers, and I subscribe to free services that send me writing opportunities.15
One summer during college, I moonlighted as a house cleaner on Cape Cod. I also waitressed while a college student, and would do it again. As an older person these jobs would be physically harder to do than my current jobs. But I love food, talking to just about anyone, and seeing people get pleasure from food. Some people in the circles in which I used to socialize would likely look askance were I to become a food server. But honest work is honest work, and what other people think of me no longer governs my opinion of myself. I cannot change what others think, so I am challenged, as Viktor Frankl admonishes,16 to change myself. The better I feel about myself, the less regard I have for external affirmation.
What are things you like to do? Many of my friends have started new jobs and careers after passing age 50. I know a woman who became a lawyer at age 70, and two who became nurses in their 40s. Several of my co-50-year-old friends started residential real estate and life coaching practices. I have a friend who left the law to start a music program for children, and another lawyer who left to start a cake shop. I have met executives who have left lucrative jobs to teach young students. We all have the ability to remake ourselves.
Do some research about what is available in your job market. Consider going on some informational interviews. I called a woman I know who had a cupcake food truck when I thought a mobile bakery might be something I would like to do. After meeting with her and learning about the permits required and the costs involved, I decided to pursue something else. But I would still be wondering about having a food truck if I had not at least made some inquiries.
TaskRabbit is a service that matches freelancers with local demand for help with everyday tasks and errands, including cleaning, moving, waiting in line, grocery shopping, deliveries, and handyman work.17 More than 60,000 people work via TaskRabbit to provide consumers with immediate help from vetted, background-checked people. It is based on the idea of neighbors helping neighbors. “It’s an old school concept upgraded for today,” the company says. “We call it service networking, and it’s changing everything.”18 Some who work with TaskRabbit parlay their freelance work into permanent positions; some use it between jobs and some simply like the flexibility of TaskRabbit work when it fits their schedules.
If you like to do crafts or make things, Etsy makes it easy to sell your wares. I have sold a few paintings via Etsy.com. It is a nice way to support small businesses, too, if you need a gift for someone. The price points are generally lower than in retail marketplaces.
I generally do not enjoy selling things, but I dabbled in selling skin care products from home via Rodan and Fields. Some of my friends have success selling jewelry and accessories for Stella & Dot. I tried home sales, but did not love it. In the vein of life being too short, I gave away my inventory to someone who was better at sales.
Driving for Lyft or Uber is also a great way to supplement income with a flexible schedule. I met a widower who considered his Uber job a lifeline to the world. He was retired, with not much going on in his life at that point, and enjoyed meeting people via his driving job. I looked into being a driver for one of these services and another that was being launched for women only, but my car is not big enough (these services require four-door vehicles to be a driver and mine is only a two-door mini car).
Are you an amateur chef or good tour guide? Airbnb is now matching travelers up with people who provide cool experiences for travelers.19 Service givers can be creative in their offerings, like offering prepared picnics, home-cooked meals, a session teaching anything you would like (for example, the history of a neighborhood or how to cook the specialty of the city you live in) or outings to whatever you like best about where you live. Talk about getting paid to do something you love!
If finances are not an issue, think about volunteering. There are many places that would benefit from your time and skills. Make a list of what interests you. For example, do you like working with children, with animals, with senior citizens? If you play an instrument or know how to do a craft, nursing homes often welcome visitors to share with their residents. One of my friends conducts collage-making sessions at a local assisted living facility. Another has read from her book at a nursing home. I really enjoy public radio, so I applied to volunteer at National Public Radio.
Maybe there is a nonprofit institution whose work aligns with your values. Most nonprofits can use help. TaskRabbit has a service called TaskRabbit for Good that connects their “taskers” with local nonprofits to work together to drive change and make a positive impact.20
Make a call or click online today. Make some extra money. Better yet, make a difference in the world, one day at a time.
I am a story.
“What are you?” Human? Definitely not what the questioner was seeking. Because I appear ethnically ambiguous, people sometimes let their curiosity overwhelm their manners.
It was not until after I turned 50 that I got to know lots of biracial people like me.
The Mixed Remixed Festival in Los Angeles is the largest gathering of mixed-race people in the United States. I learned about it from a friend who has biracial children. I applied to present my first book there, and was selected to be on a panel of mixed-race children’s book authors. What I found was a home.
There were talking circles, workshops, films, poetry readings, topic panels, and music. The conversations were about shared experiences using language with nuances that differ for mixed-race people. We talked about how we navigate cultural identities. We discussed the double consciousness we employ outside of the festival. It was a place of deep learning for me, as well as where I finally felt understood.
I found my peeps at Mixed Remixed and plan to attend this affirming event every year. I learn more each time about navigating mixed heritage and racial terrain, and gain a stronger sense of belonging.
Where are your peeps? We all have a natural inclination to want to be with people like us, at least to a certain extent. Our melting pot country is rich with ethnic organizations and festivals, and even genetic communities.
Finding one’s genealogy and genetics via such organizations as Ancestry.com and 23andMe has become popular for those who do not know much about their ethnic mix. Most people are much more racially mixed than they know. Have you spent time investigating your cultural roots and seeing how your people celebrate?
Former secretary of state Madeleine Albright learned at age 59 of her Jewish ancestry.21 She was raised a Roman Catholic after her family fled Nazism. I suspect Jewish heritage was covered up by many who feared persecution during World War II.
Delving into the past can be a tricky thing. Maybe it should be called “Ancestry.Do-You-Really-Want-To-Know” instead of Ancestry.com. My friend who works for an adoption organization has seen DNA testing complicate many lives, for example, when affairs or other family secrets are revealed.
Are you interested in exploring your cultural heritage? Attendees at the Mixed Remixed festival who had tested their DNA for clues about their genetic backgrounds told me about finding birth parents or learning that who they thought were their parents were not. Some learned about Native American ancestry of which they were previously unaware. One learned that her grandfather, who had given her father up for adoption many years ago, lived right down the street from her.
It may not be necessary or desirable to do a DNA test, but there are many other ways to learn about your ancestry and the ways of the people from whom you came. I wish that I had taken some oral histories from my grandparents and other relatives when I had the chance. The Smithsonian Institution in Washington, D.C., is a repository of a great deal of cultural information and artifacts. There are cultural centers for many ethnicities in most urban areas and much information online. Have you ever explored the stories of your grandparents or other kin? What will you learn?