TURING TESTS

Peter Chiykowski

The idea behind digital computers may be explained by saying that these machines are intended to carry out any operations which could be done by a human computer.

—Alan Turing

I.

Tell yourself that computers don’t know

love, indigestion, irony, Shakespeare, prejudice,

the soul in its proud motion.

These are the secret handshakes

we learn to protect the clubhouse.

Display them like bottle-caps,

like we are at war with

the injuns down the street.

II.

My spellchecker learned

I was Canadian

before my neighbour did.

III.

Carbon knows the periodic table is all

snakes and ladders. It could slide

down its column to silicon

any time it wanted

and become something

less obsessed with

distinction.

IV.

Dijkstra said that

asking if machines could think

was like asking if submarines could swim,

but it was his computer

that wrote down the idea.

V.

Today my word processor offered to help me

with a love letter I was writing—

a favour I have yet to reciprocate.

Did Turing ever wonder

why they’d want to be like us?

VI.

The soul is a stick

we rattle on the bars of these arguments,

anxious to know

what side of the cell

we’ve been living on.