Chapter Eight

 

 

“Hey, you want anything?” Michael loomed over her, the lights illuminating his big body. The picnic pavilion at the park was decorated with pretty streamers and twinkle lights. “I think someone brought those rice things. You know, they’re like rice, but they’re not rice.”

She glanced over to the big buffet tables that dominated one side of the pavilion. The tables were loaded with pots and pans of delicious-smelling food that didn’t seem to move her at all. Some of her friends were standing behind the buffet, reloading when needed. Stella had brought a plethora of pies, and she and her husband Sebastian were doling out pieces.

It was Bliss at its best. She was surrounded by friends and feeling incredibly lonely.

“Quinoa. It’s Teeny’s quinoa salad. But because she’s married to Marie, she puts a protein in it, and not black beans or tofu. Nope. That pretty salad hides a bunch of chicken,” she replied. It was the reality of vegan life. Most of the time she looked down at a perfectly good salad and it had a big hunk of meat in it. Or mayonnaise. “It’s okay. I’ll get some of Cassidy’s beet and carrot salad in a bit.”

She was sitting at one of the tables toward the back, kind of sticking to the shadows because she didn’t want to answer the inevitable questions.

When’s Henry coming home?

Where did he go?

Or the worst—how are you doing?

She was doing shitty, and that wasn’t a word she was used to using.

“There’s not a lot of protein in a beet and carrot salad.” Michael sat down across from her. “Caleb wants to make sure you’re getting enough protein. You’ve seemed tired lately.”

She was tired. Tired of avoiding everything. Tired of hiding from the world. Tired of not feeling like herself. “I’m fine. My blood work came back and he said everything is great.”

It had been the second appointment Henry had missed, though she couldn’t blame him.

Except that she’d read the reports of the Jalisco Cartel being brought down. The reports were that rival cartel members had taken down the shadowy head of the system, but she knew the truth. Most of the dead people hadn’t been killed with bullets. They’d had their necks broken.

Her husband had put in some work that night.

That night had been three days ago, and he still wasn’t home. He’d waved her off by saying he had some loose ends to tie up. He’d explained that he’d gotten back in contact with some old friends and needed time with them.

It was everything she’d worried about.

“Maybe we should go home and I can reheat some soup for you or something.” Michael had become as much babysitter as he was bodyguard. In the absence of a violent threat Michael had taken to combatting the dangers of low protein and potential high blood pressure. And the possibility that her walk along the river could lead to falling into the river and dying.

He was a sweet man, but he was also a lot. She was fairly certain that either Henry or Caleb had told him to watch her carefully, and he’d become a large and intimidating mother hen. Or hearing the baby’s heartbeat had a profound effect on him.

“I don’t want to leave.”

Michael sighed. “You want to be here but you’re not really here. You know that, right? Why don’t we go sit with your friends?”

Because then she would be reminded that she was the single one now. Because she would watch Laura with Cam and Rafe, and Holly with Alexei and Caleb, and she would feel her isolation. She would have to smile when she didn’t want to. So why hadn’t she stayed home? She’d told Michael she had to come because she had the recipe for the apple cider they served every year. She could have given it to Teeny. Or Callie. Or anyone.

“I just felt like getting out of the house.” It was where she was now. She didn’t truly want to be home because it reminded her of Henry. And she couldn’t quite make herself be a part of the world around her. She was stuck in this weird place she didn’t understand and couldn’t seem to break out of.

Michael sat back. “Okay. We’ll go with that.” He glanced around the picnic grounds. There was a nice-sized stage where a local band was playing cover tunes. Most of the citizens had brought out picnic blankets and were sitting on the big lawn listening to the music and enjoying the food and drinks. “What is this festival about? I mean, fall I get, but didn’t the Big Game Dinner welcome fall?”

He did not understand how much Bliss enjoyed a party.

“No. The Big Game Dinner is a way to say good-bye to summer. Also to prove we’re all carnivores at heart. It would be so much more meaningful if we let all the animals go free.” She attended the Big Game Dinner, though under protest. And it wasn’t like they could let the animals go free since they were all dead. “The Fall Festival is to say hello to fall. Though mostly it’s kind of a big get-together for Bliss in between our tourist seasons. Winter Fest is all about big tourism and pumping money into the town. I like this one better. Though this year I swear we’re going to…”

“Going to what?”

“I was about to say that this year Henry and I will win the snowman-making contest. Jen and Stef do this super artsy thing, but we practiced all through February,” she replied.

They’d built a snow castle over the course of a week, warming each other up between sessions. She’d written and he’d researched and they’d made love and built snow castles. And vowed to avenge themselves from the last Winter Festival Great Snowman Competition.

“You’re very competitive for a granola girl,” Michael said with a chuckle. “Or is that Henry?”

Henry didn’t seem competitive at all. He was absolutely the best poker player in town and yet she’d watched him scrub hands he could have won. He’d said it was because he’d known whoever he was playing against needed the money or needed a win.

Or had he done that so no one would question him?

“I think that’s me.” Henry wanted to go under the radar, for obvious reasons. “I’ve always been a little type A when it comes to some things. Not with sports. With academic things, though, and certain artistic pursuits.”

“I can see you being incredibly studious,” Michael agreed. “You were probably in your class’s top ten.”

She sighed, the wistful memory overtaking her. “I would have been my class valedictorian.”

“Would have been?”

“We moved a lot.” When her mom got nervous, they moved. Sometimes it was because she claimed she saw someone she knew from the old country. By old country she’d meant the faery world she’d come from. Sometimes it was because people looked at her funny and she worried the authorities would show up again and take her daughter. “At the high school I graduated from you had to be at the school for at least three semesters in order to qualify. I’d only been there two, so they didn’t rank me.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

She shrugged. She’d agreed. “I protested them. They didn’t care. I was in a state that’s not a great place for protests. Colorado is better. Not that most people listen, but there are fewer guns pointed your way.”

“Cool. I’ll remember that for the future. We’ll keep the protesting schedule to Colorado for the time being. I consider any protest where you get completely ignored to be a successful one.” Michael obviously wasn’t terribly interested in social justice. He’d tried to talk her out of her protest of a neighboring school board who were trying to ban several important children’s books from not only the school’s library, but also the town library. He hadn’t seen the point, but she’d managed to gather together a group of parents who were even louder than the ones who thought books about magical creatures would send their children into satanic worship.

She’d only been ignored at that protest because she’d handed it over to the parents with more to lose. That was how most of her activism went. People didn’t see the problem coming at them because they weren’t paying attention or didn’t truly understand what was going to happen. Nell pointed it out. The people who were affected took over, and Nell helped them fight.

Henry did, too. Henry could spot a problem a mile away. He was the one who’d found the problem with a township’s water and connected it to a nearby company’s use of chemicals and utter disregard for EPA regulations. He was so sexy when he was connecting dots.

“Hey, Miss Nell, how are you doing today?” Mel Hughes walked up wearing his normal uniform of jeans, a T-shirt, and a trucker hat lined with tinfoil, his girlfriend at his side.

Cassidy Meyer had her steel gray hair in a long braid, one hand in Mel’s and the other holding a big insulated tote.

Nell could remember when the tin foil routinely stuck out of the hat. Since Mel had started dating Cassidy Meyer, she’d taken over the management of his hat shields, and most of the time no one would know Mel was protecting his brain from alien death rays.

“We missed you earlier.” Cassidy smiled so much more these days. Years ago Nell had Cassidy’s tiny cabin on what she liked to call her “rounds.” She’d identified people who lived alone and visited them. Sometimes only once because they truly wanted to be alone. But Cassidy had been isolated, and she’d welcomed Nell.

Nell had mentioned that Mel knew a lot about aliens, too, and now Cassidy was a part of the community.

Couples made each other better. The ones that truly worked did. They shored up the deficiencies in the other. Holly smoothed over Caleb’s rough edges and helped him navigate social functions. She helped Alexei with his college work. Both men lifted up her confidence and supported her in everything she wanted to do. Stef Talbot gave his wife all the help she needed, and in return she’d softened the hard lines of his life and helped him relax.

Henry had given her a place where the world had been safer than it had been before. He’d given her companionship and unquestioning support. He’d thought like she did.

Except that had been a lie.

“I’m great,” she replied with a smile she didn’t feel at all.

Mel’s expression dimmed. “I can hardly believe that. Henry’s not here. Hell, I haven’t seen you without Henry hovering somewhere close for six years or so. You said he was off on some retreat?”

This was why she should have followed her first instinct and stayed home. “He had some business to deal with. I’m sure he’ll be home soon.”

Ah, that was why she hadn’t stayed in the cabin this evening. She’d sat there for two nights since he’d called to tell her he needed a few more days. She couldn’t simply sit there and wait for him to decide to come home.

She couldn’t be that faithful woman waiting for her man with a good meal on the table and a baby in her belly.

“It’s weird that he would leave like that.” Mel sat down across from her and leaned in. “Are we sure he left of his own accord, if you know what I mean?”

She softened. Of course Mel would be worried. She reached out and covered her hand with his. “It wasn’t aliens. Michael and I put him on a plane. He’s been in touch. He’s okay. He’s just…busy.”

“I heard that some of the men in black came to visit you.” Cassidy kept her voice low and shifted her gaze around as though those same men would show up at any moment.

Nell shook her head. She needed to make them comfortable. “No, they were definitely from the government, but they weren’t looking for aliens. They were looking for Henry, who, might I remind you, has taken the beet many times.”

Cassidy sat back. “Yes, he has. He’s a good one, your man. Even if he was with the CIA fellas.”

Nell nodded. “He faked his death to get away from them. Personally, I think he should have put in a two-week notice, but everyone tells me I’m naïve.”

“Hey, Nell, Mel, and Cassidy,” a feminine voice called out. Lucy Carson was walking by the pavilion, a big box in her hand. It was almost too big for her to carry. Yet she stopped and her voice went breathless. “Hi, Michael. How are you this evening?”

“Uh, good. Fine. Uhm, I’m working.” The words came out of his mouth with all the grace of a truly horrendous pratfall.

Lucy’s brows rose, and even in the low light she could see the young woman flush. “Oh, of course. I’m working, too. Bringing some supplies from Trio. Well, y’all have a good night.”

Nell groaned as Lucy walked away. Cautiously. Like any minute that big box was going to drag her down. “Michael, help her. Mel has staved off whole alien invasions. He can take care of me.”

“And I stabbed my ex-husband,” Cassidy added with a smile. “I have a knife on me right now.”

Michael practically leapt to his feet. “I know that shouldn’t make me feel better. I’ve been here too long. Please don’t let anyone murder her.” He ran off after the dark-haired woman. “Hey, Lucy. Let me help you.”

“I would never let anyone murder Miss Nell.” Mel was shaking his head. “Henry would have my hide. Besides, I took an oath to serve the human race and protect them all. Now you need to know that Henry couldn’t have simply walked away from those CIA fellas.”

She knew she shouldn’t argue, but she kind of wanted to. “Plenty of people retire from the CIA. They also leave and go to other jobs. They’re not immediately murdered because they took a job interview somewhere else.”

“Not at Henry’s level they don’t,” Mel replied. “I did a stint in the Marines and I worked with the Agency from time to time. I got brought in when they couldn’t explain something. Then I would get the alien and either negotiate for it to leave or sadly, put it down.”

“It’s not sad when you put down a reptilian.” Cassidy opened her bag and started pulling out her portable food containers. “I mean I’m sure it’s emotionally awful for the reptilian, but they emit this gas on death, and it’s a lot like nitrous oxide. There you are having won the fight of your life and you can’t stop laughing.”

“The point is if what Henry says is true and he was in charge of dangerous operations, then they might not let him go so easy,” Mel continued. “If he knew too much about something that could get some politician in trouble, they might not let him go at all.”

The thought sent a shiver up her spine.

“Here, honey. I brought you some dinner. I heard what they were putting out on the buffet and worried about you.” Cassidy pushed a bento box her way. It came complete with a reusable spork. “I saw that they assigned the salads to Teeny and Gemma and knew you might need something to eat. It’s some of my beet and carrot salad, some quinoa and black bean bites, and a vegan brownie made with figs. I was real careful. There’s nothing with a face in this.”

“That brownie is surprisingly good,” Mel said.

“And it’s got a lot of fiber. Once you’ve been probed, you need fiber,” Cassidy continued. “Now it’s my first time making it, so…honey, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Cassidy reminded her so much of her mom. She was a woman who viewed reality differently than the people around her and had been so often ostracized. They called her crazy and thought to put her away, but she was kind and good and didn’t hurt anyone except her abusive ex. And apparently reptilians. “It’s nice of you. I was going to ask if you brought the carrot and beet salad. It’s one of my favorites.”

Cassidy beamed her way. “Well, I’m so happy you like it. You eat up, sweetie. You barely even look pregnant.”

The tears were worse now. “I know. I’m only a couple of weeks behind Rachel, and she yelled at me for being too skinny.”

She knew Rachel hadn’t meant it like that. Rachel was on baby number two and had shown quickly. She was not handling it well. Rachel kind of snarled at everyone. Nell knew Rachel viewed it as a compliment, but to Nell’s ears it was one more thing she wasn’t doing right. One more thing she couldn’t control.

Cassidy moved to her side of the table. “Honey, you’re perfect. Rachel is mean when she’s pregnant. I blame the Harper sperm. See, everyone thinks it’s just Max who’s got a bit of the devil in him, but they never got pulled over by Rye Harper when fleeing a potential alien abduction. That man can be every bit as unreasonable as his brother.”

Nell pulled a handkerchief out of her bag. She washed them a lot lately. “Thank you. Most people don’t go to this kind of trouble for me.”

Cassidy gave her a hug. “Well, then most people don’t notice all the things you do for them. It’s not trouble at all. It’s just being neighborly. Now, Melvin, I need to take the rest of this to the buffet. You watch after our sweet girl.”

Yep, she needed to get control or she was going to lose it. She forced herself to tamp the emotions down, though the tears didn’t quite stop. “Thank you.”

Cassidy gave Mel a wink and took off with the rest of her food.

Nell tried one of the quinoa bites. It tasted like love. “She’s so nice.”

“Yes, she is,” Mel agreed. “Lots of nice folk around here. Don’t take it poorly that they can’t get the vegan thing down.”

She shook her head. “I don’t expect anyone to cook for me. It’s just my mom did, and this reminded me.”

“Your momma was a real sweetheart. Had some strange ideas about faeries though. See, a lot of folk mistake aliens for faeries,” Mel began and then stopped. “That wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

She sniffled. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah. Cassidy and I have been talking about you and Henry. It’s not right that he left you. Your momma isn’t around, and you didn’t have a daddy.”

Technically speaking she had, but she understood what he was saying. She should take a stand against the patriarchy and tell him that a woman could take care of herself. But everyone needed a family. Man. Woman. She bet aliens and faeries needed families, too. “Thank you, but he didn’t leave me willingly. I told him to go. I kind of forced him to go.”

Mel frowned at that. “Huh. I didn’t think about that possibility. Well, then maybe I should have a talk with you. Henry doesn’t have a daddy either.”

“He lied to me.”

“You are a young lady of strong principles.” Mel continued on like he’d had both speeches prepared. “I understand that, but sometimes in a relationship your partner screws up, and you have to decide what’s more important.”

“It’s not that simple. I know everyone thinks I should forgive him and move on.”

“I didn’t say that,” Mel corrected. “From what I hear it wasn’t like Henry told you. He tried to keep on hiding it.”

“He claims he was going to tell me, but then I walked in when I shouldn’t have. I think I would still have felt betrayed even if he’d confessed to me.”

“And how would you have felt if he’d told you right after you met?”

She’d thought a lot about what would have happened if he’d been honest all those years ago. “I don’t know. I hope I would have given him a chance.”

“I’ve known you a real long time.” When Mel wanted, he had the dad stare down.

She sighed. “Fine. I probably would have protested him. I probably would have used his job like a wall to protect me. I don’t know. I was very attracted to him. I might have tried to sway him to my side.”

“But you did,” Mel began. “Sway him to your side. I’ve known about Henry for a long time, too. I figured it out pretty quick. I know I always talked about how I would protect the two of you if the invasion came, but the truth is, I would have had Henry watch my back.”

A little hurt went through her. “You knew but didn’t tell me?”

“In the early days I only suspected. He knew a whole lot about firearms, and he moved way too well for a professor,” Mel explained. “By the time Nate and Zane and Rafe and Cam showed up, Henry was better at hiding that side of himself. Laura was too wounded to truly look at him. And Rye was a small-town sheriff. He didn’t know what a true predator looked like. I watched him real carefully in the beginning, but there was only one thing I knew besides the fact that he’d either been military or Agency.”

“What was that?”

“I knew that he loved you. That whatever had been in his heart that pushed him into that darkness had been replaced with love for you.”

She wanted to believe him. “But he’s very good at acting.”

“That’s what I’m telling you. He’s not as good as he thinks he is,” Mel replied. “Not if you know what to look for. Has he done anything besides this to make you think he doesn’t love you?”

“No, but he’s killed like a hundred people, and he knows my stance on the death penalty.”

Mel shrugged. “Which is why he didn’t tell you in the first place, honey. Do you still love him?”

That was an easy question to answer. “Yes, but I worry I don’t know him. I worry that I only think I love him because he was the first man to pay attention to me.”

“Sometimes you get lucky. I didn’t. I had to try a couple of times before I met a woman who could love me. I had a fiancée back in my military days, but that ended real poorly, if you know what I mean. And then there was the alien queen,” he said with a sigh. “Royalty is hard.”

And sometimes it was difficult to find the kernels of wisdom that lay in between Mel’s alien stories. “Most people don’t get lucky. Most people do have to kiss a couple of frogs before they find their prince. What if Henry’s a frog?”

Mel’s gaze went somber. “And what if you’re folding the first minute you run into real trouble?”

That wasn’t fair. “I’ve had trouble in my life, Mel.”

“Good. Then you know this is a dent in your bumper and not a complete loss. It feels like real trouble, but it’s not. You know a real marriage doesn’t stop because you wrote the words happily ever after. Sometimes there’s happiness and then not. Sometimes you don’t solve all your problems with a handy kidnapping. Sometimes it takes just holding on until you get through the storm.”

She felt her eyes widen. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? “What are you talking about?”

Mel stood. “Those books you write. I told you. I see more than you think I do. And don’t worry. Laura won’t figure it out. She knows something is up, but she hasn’t narrowed it down. And I will not apologize for liking romance novels. Cassidy got me into them. They’re soothing, and yes, sometimes they are arousing.”

Mel knew? “There’s nothing wrong with that.” She shook her head. “How long have you known?”

“Oh, I figured it out a while back. Got interested in how you afforded things, since Henry left all his money behind. His money, his career, his apartment. His past.” Mel tipped his hat her way. “You think about what I said. You want some big revelation to sweep you up, but sometimes real love gets fixed by giving something time, by letting the day-to-day world bind you together again. If you do the work, maybe you can find your way back. Now, I’m going to get some dinner. I think he’ll take care of you for the rest of the night.”

She glanced behind her and then she was on her feet because Henry was walking their way. He looked big and safe and alive. He had his duffel over his shoulder, so he hadn’t even gone to the cabin to drop off his bags. He’d come straight here to look for her.

He stopped and stared at her like he wasn’t sure of his welcome.

“Follow your instincts, Nell.” Mel waved Henry’s way. “You spend a lot of time in your head. Do what your heart is telling you to do. Start there and give all of this time. I have faith in the two of you.”

Her instinct told her the man she loved was alive and he was home and they could figure out the rest later.

The father of her child was standing right there looking like he would die if she rejected him.

Some stories didn’t pan out the way she thought they would. Life was like that, too. She didn’t have to say yes or no right now. She just had to say what was in her heart.

She’d been in this very pavilion the first time he’d come back to her. She’d cried then, too. No matter what happened, she would always be happy to see this man.

Through her tears, she ran to him and into his open arms.

 

* * * *

 

He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Henry closed the door to their cabin and locked it while Nell stood in the living room looking like she couldn’t quite figure out what to do.

He’d done this to her. Nell was assertive. Nell was sure of herself and her beliefs, and his lies had knocked her for a loop.

But had it only been his lies? Or had this been a perfect storm of his lies and the one thing he’d ever seen intimidate his wife—becoming a mom.

“Are you hungry? I didn’t know you were coming home tonight.” Nell turned back to the kitchen. “I still have some of what Cassidy made for me. And there’s leftover soup.”

“I ate on the plane.” Young Taggart had done well for himself. He and Tennessee had come in on a private plane, and they’d been willing to drop him off in Alamosa. He’d caught a ride from there from a friend who owed him a favor. Young Taggart? His former student was a man with a wife and three kids. He was also the one who pointed out that Nell was dealing with more than just Henry’s past.

Pregnancy is not this easy-breezy woman thing. I mean they make it look that way, but it’s a serious change in life, and it hits them emotionally. You’ve got a war on two fronts, brother. Don’t forget to deal with both.

She stopped and nodded. “Okay.”

“I had a sad salad,” he admitted. “It was a private plane, so I was lucky the galley had vegetables. I’m afraid that was a plane full of carnivores.” He caught the light in her eyes and put a hand up to ward off what he knew was coming. “I’ve already bought a carbon offset. I know private planes are a problem, but baby, I couldn’t wait to see you. I wanted to come home. I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

That moment when she’d run into his arms…it had felt like the world was right again. And now they were back to cautiously circling each other.

“I missed you, too,” she admitted. “So they’re all going to come here and stay at Seth’s place?”

He’d told her Taggart’s plan while they’d driven back to the cabin. He hadn’t wanted to stay at the festival. He wanted to be alone with her, wanted to be honest with her. He didn’t want to sit on this or tell her in the morning. “Yes, and I’ll let you read the file I have on them. Tag calls them the Lost Boys. They have no memory of their prior lives due to being experimented on.”

“And they’re coming here to look for a CIA black site?” There was so much judgment in that question. “On national forest land.”

“Yes. But I didn’t start it and I never worked there. It was another department,” he said quickly. “That doesn’t make it right. But baby, it’s closed down now and if you protested it, you would probably get arrested and sent to somewhere that would be hard for me to get you out of.”

“But you could…”

“I would move heaven and earth, but let’s protest after the boys get the data they need.”

“Of course. They’ve been through enough,” she replied. “They’re getting in soon?”

“A couple of days from now.” He’d told Tag that they were welcome in Bliss, but he wouldn’t lie to his wife. “Seth’s cleared it. He, Logan, and Georgia aren’t planning on coming back until the holidays. I think the op itself will be a week or two tops. And, my love, it’s classified. They have to have cover. We’re looping in law enforcement, but around town they’ll have to maintain cover.”

“I don’t like lying.” She was quiet for a moment. “I’ll avoid town for a while. I don’t feel like interpretive dance right now.”

It was how she protested lies and being asked to lie. She danced. She was such a gorgeous weirdo, and he loved her with his whole heart. “I’m sorry. I can tell them not to come.”

She shook her head. “No. I understand the need. There have to be all kinds of intelligence agencies after those poor men.”

“Yes, starting with our own.” He had to think about how to reach out. Apparently someone had come looking for him. “But the good news is I don’t think we have to worry about the cartel.”

A prim look came over her face. “Because you killed them all, Henry.”

“That was self-defense.” He wouldn’t have been able to win their hearts and minds through careful dialogue. “I need you to tell me if you want me to defend myself. If I have to choose between your love and respect and my life…”

Her eyes rolled. “Don’t be dramatic. Of course you should defend yourself. I would defend myself. It’s just—it was a lot, wasn’t it? You’re sure you didn’t accidently kill someone who was like a janitor?”

“I promise I left the janitor perfectly alive. I only killed people who tried to kill me.” And unfortunately he’d let one get away. Levi Green could still be dangerous to all of them, but he thought the threat from the cartel might be gone.

“All right.” She went quiet for a moment. “I’m going to be honest. I know you want my answer right this second.”

Not if the answer was get out of our cabin and out of my life. “No. I want your answer when you’re ready to give it to me.”

Tears filled his wife’s eyes. “I think I’m going about this wrong. Mel accused me of treating this like one of my books.”

“Mel knows about the books?” That was news to him.

“Yes. Apparently Mel knows a whole lot about everything. He says he knew about you back when we first got together.”

He doubted that. He was really good at undercover. He probably could have been an actor. But that wasn’t the important thing now. And honestly, her work might be part of the problem. Or rather her lack of work. “What does he mean you’re acting like this is a book? I know how serious this is for you.”

“He said I might be looking at this whole thing like a romance novel where one specific thing happens and there’s a resolution. He might have said that’s not how a real relationship works. I mean it does sometimes, but that’s not the end of the story. We’re not just happy forever. We have to work, and I haven’t been working lately.”

“You don’t have to work for our relationship. I do. I’ll do all the work I need to do,” he promised.

She shook her head. “We both need to work. I said I needed time to think, but that hasn’t helped. I don’t know that I can trust you again. I don’t know that I can go back to the way we were.”

His heart constricted. He had no idea what he would do without her. “Nell…”

“So we need to find a new normal,” she continued. “I think we should keep living together and sleeping together and being together, at least until I have this baby. That should give me enough time to decide if I want to continue with the marriage. But I have some rules.”

That was months away, and he could work some magic in those months. He could convince her. “Yes.”

She stopped. “You don’t want to hear them?”

“I don’t need to. I’ll do anything to keep you. I’ll do anything for another chance.”

“You can’t lie to me again. Not about anything.” She frowned. “Well, not anything important. You should tell me I look pretty even when I’m as big as a whale.”

He moved in, closing the space between them. “You are always beautiful to me.”

The tears started to fall and he knew she was softening. That was his wife. She couldn’t hold out forever, and if he was in her bed, he would be back in her heart in no time at all. But he would pay any price she wanted. There was no question he’d done the wrong thing. He wasn’t sure he would take it back because he’d needed her to love him, to accept him.

Or maybe he should have had more faith in her.

“You have to be yourself in front of me, and not only behind my back,” she continued.

Another step and he could almost reach out and touch her. His cock tightened because he’d missed her every moment they’d been apart. “You might not like that part. I’m ridiculously territorial when it comes to you, and I hide that well. You joke about my possessiveness, but you haven’t truly seen it yet. And don’t tell me it’s about not trusting you. I trust you. I could catch you in bed naked with another man and I would ask you what happened and believe what you told me. But you are my treasure. You are the one thing in this whole world I’ve loved with my whole being. I am a dragon hoarding your every smile.” He reached out and brushed her tears away. “Your every tear.”

She sniffled. “See. I should point out that you can’t own a woman, but I just want you to kiss me now.”

He pulled her into his arms, the curve of her belly nestling against his torso and making him want to strip her down and see every change the pregnancy had wrought in the weeks they’d been apart. “Baby, I’m a caveman at heart. I love you so much and I won’t ever hold you back, but deep in every man’s heart when he truly loves a woman he’s possessive. It’s all about how we handle that instinct. So I’ll play it however you like. What are the other rules?”

He would agree to them all.

“I think we should go into counseling.”

He could do that. “Okay.”

“Alexei is working on his degree and he’s got time.”

Alexei Markov as a marriage counselor? It was going to be surreal, but a former Russian mobster was better than Crazy Irene, who would likely force them into sage rituals to cleanse their marriage. “Of course. It would help him, too.”

“Irene tells me there’s a ritual to help cleanse all bad vibes.”

He managed to not wince. When he’d married Nell, he’d accepted the different people she brought into their lives. So different. “Absolutely.”

“You have to talk to me about things. You have to trust that I’ll handle your secrets,” she continued.

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Her mouth went prim. “I think I shouldn’t be the only one who has body modifications in order to sexually please my partner.”

“It’s about more than sex,” he started and then realized what she was really saying. “You want a mark on me because they’re my marks on you. All right. I’ll talk to Austin about getting a tattoo. Anywhere you like.”

“I want you to get a Prince Albert.”

She wanted him to pierce his dick? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn’t that he was against the idea of something on his body that let Nell know he was thinking of her.

His dick was always thinking of her. Always.

“Oh, Nell, I love those nipple rings. I love how I can twist them and play with them,” she taunted. “I pierced my vagina for you.”

No, she’d pierced her hood. That had very little feeling in it. Still, he said he’d do anything. “I’ll set it up with Austin.” But as long as they were doing painful things. “I have one condition.”

A brow rose over her eyes. “What’s that?”

This was a gamble, but one he had to take. “You have to write. You haven’t written in months, and I think that’s part of the problem.”

“I haven’t felt like it,” she admitted. “You know sometimes I get blocked.”

“I don’t think you’re blocked. I think you’re avoiding it because writing is how you process the things that happen to you. I want you to write whatever comes to you. Not the next book in the series. Don’t worry about money or readers or anything. Just write and let it all out. That’s my only request.”

“Okay, but I can’t promise you it will be good.” She looked up at him. “I did miss you.”

It suddenly didn’t matter that his dick was going to go through hell. He leaned over and picked up his wife. “Let me show you how much I missed you.”

He carried her to the bed and vowed he would be right beside her no matter what.